Seeing Your Face Again

by Jerry S. Eicher

  The memory of last night faded as Debbie rubbed her throbbing head with both hands. A soft knock sounded on the door, and she got up and opened the door.

  Ida greeted her with a too cheery, “Just thought I’d check to see how you are this morning.”

  “I have a splitting headache!” Debbie said as she sat on the bed again.

  Concern flashed on Ida’s face. “I’ll get aspirin for you. Do you take two or three?”

  “A dozen,” Debbie mumbled.

  “Just give me a minute.” Ida disappeared and the squeaking stairs seemed to pierce Debbie’s skull. A few moments later Ida came up again with two aspirins and a glass of water.

  Debbie washed the pills down quickly.

  Ida sat on the bed and placed a hand on Debbie’s shoulder. “Is last night bothering you?”

  “Ida, why don’t you take Paul, and put me out of my misery?” Debbie groaned. “You like him. I don’t.”

  Ida gave a little laugh. “That’s over, Debbie. Surely you know that. Paul has no interest in me, and I think Da Hah is opening other doors for me. Even with the awful things Lois has done, I think I’ll be offered a chance at love. So you mustn’t turn down Paul out of respect for me.”

  As always Ida expected the best motives in others, Debbie thought. “Ida, please believe me when I say I have no feelings for Paul. Actually that’s not true. I don’t like him. Why can’t anyone understand that? My answer to Paul will always be no—even if you no longer want him.”

  “You don’t think that’s a mistake?” Ida asked, her tone insistent.

  Debbie met her gaze. “Ida, dear, please. Paul is not the kind of man I want. That’s not to say he wouldn’t be great for someone else…for you. I’m just not interested. I hope that doesn’t hurt your feelings.”

  “I suppose we all do have our own taste.” Ida shifted on the bed. “I wish you the best then, especially with what the community will say about this.”

  Debbie winced. “That’s what Paul said. And he didn’t take no for my answer either. He’s planning to ask again ‘after some time,’ he said.”

  “Then there’s yet hope?” Ida’s face lit up. “You must have given him some reason to wait.”

  “I don’t know what runs through Paul’s feverish brain,” Debbie muttered. “I seem to have that effect on men. It’s happened before, believe me, and no matter how hard they’ve tried, I haven’t changed my mind. It’s never worked with Englisha men, and it’s no use for Paul to persist either.”

  “But Paul is a gut man,” Ida said. “He might be different from the Englisha men you knew before. Have you considered that?”

  Debbie held her aching head for a moment. “I don’t think so, Ida. And no offense to your high regard for the man. I’m sure he’ll make some Amish woman a decent husband someday. As for me…”

  Alarm was back in Ida’s face again. “Debbie, you wouldn’t let this mess cause you to leave us? You wouldn’t give up? Surely there’s some way out of this!”

  “I don’t want to leave. But the question is whether I’ll be asked to leave.” Debbie glanced at Ida’s troubled face.

  Ida turned a shade whiter, and the words came out in a rush. “Perhaps I spoke out of turn. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “Will your dad ask me to leave?” Debbie persisted.

  Ida shook her head, saying without hesitation, “Daett would never do something like that.”

  “Then how will I be in danger? I was thinking your father would be forced to evict me. Isn’t that what all of you keep referring to?”

  Ida glanced out the window. “It’s more complicated than that, I’m afraid. I heard Mamm and Daett talking the other evening while I was in the kitchen. Daett won’t ask you to leave, no matter what Minister Kanagy and the others say on the matter. On this he plans to hold his ground.”

  Debbie gripped Ida’s arm. “But they could try, and the pressure I’m sure will be severe.”

  Ida shrugged. “Daett’s the bishop. He doesn’t have to change his mind.”

  Debbie squeezed harder. “But he’ll suffer a lot of damage to his reputation. Is that what you’re saying?”

  Ida thought for a moment. “You could put it that way. He will suffer, yah.”

  “Dear God, what am I going to do?” Debbie whispered.

  “I will pray for you,” Ida offered.

  “Thank you.” Debbie held Ida’s hand, as a thought ran through her mind. Something about the look on Ida’s face brought the question out with force. “Is there something you’re not telling me, Ida?”

  Ida looked down.

  Debbie reached over and pushed up Ida’s chin. A tear trickled down her friend’s cheek.

  “It’s nothing,” Ida whispered.

  “You must tell me,” Debbie ordered.

  “This is all about me, Debbie, so it really doesn’t matter. Melvin Kanagy has been giving me attention for some time, and I’ve been returning it. Melvin is Minister Kanagy’s brother, and Minister Kanagy will be the hardest set against you, Debbie. He was the one who made all that trouble for Verna and Joe, remember? Now I’m afraid he’ll seek to break up any potential relationship between Melvin and me before it even takes root.”

  Debbie groaned out loud and pressed her hands to her head again. “I think I’d better move out tonight.”

  “Nee, you will do no such thing.” Ida clung to Debbie with both hands. “We’ll speak with Mamm after breakfast and the chores. If we talk to her now, we won’t have her full attention. Besides, it’s already late, and I have to get to the barn.”

  “I’m not sure your mamm can change what has to happen.” Debbie tried to appear upbeat. “It won’t be so bad. Besides, if I leave, maybe I can have an influence on Lois—to help bring her back.

  “Nee, you are not moving out,” Ida said. “We will talk to Mamm as soon as we can get some time with her.

  Debbie offered a weak smile but remained unconvinced.

  Fourteen

  After breakfast that morning and after the bishop had said the prayers in the living room, Ida and Debbie were doing dishes. Suddenly Ida pulled on Debbie’s elbow. “Come! We must speak with Mamm now. Daett has just left for the barn.”

  Debbie kept her groan silent. She really shouldn’t sink this deep into despair. It wasn’t like her at all, but that was the effect Paul had, she figured. At least on her. He was a reminder of her old life that she didn’t want to return to.

  Ida entered the living room first with Debbie close behind her. Saloma was sitting in her rocker, staring out the window at the snow-covered fields. Ida took a seat on the couch closest to Saloma.

  “Mamm?” Ida said quietly.

  Saloma turned her head. Tears were streaming down her face.

  “What is it?” Ida asked. “What’s wrong?”

  Saloma just shook her head.

  “Mamm?” Ida repeated, alarm in her voice. “What is it? Has Daett said something?”

  Saloma shook her head. “It’s been two weeks now, and Lois hasn’t stopped by. Do you think she’s okay?”

  “I’m sure she is.” Ida moved closer. “Do you wish to visit her this morning?”

  “You know I can’t do that.” Saloma’s voice caught in a sob. “As much as my heart would rush down there if it could. Oh, my baby daughter. What could she be in to?”

  Ida clung to Saloma’s arm for a moment, and Debbie walked around to the other side of the rocker. She placed her hand on Saloma’s shoulder. “I’ll go down and check on her if you wish.”

  Instant relief flooded Saloma’s face. “Would you, Debbie? Is that asking too much of you?”

  “I’m glad to help out.”

  “But, Debbie…” Ida protested.

  Debbie cut Ida off with a shake of her head. Now wasn’t the time to think of her own problems. That could come later. And it felt good to function in her role as helper around the house. This was what she knew—both the world out there, and the world in here. Why not continue to serve as a bri
dge between the two even though her time of welcome in the Beiler home might be short-lived?

  Ida seemed to understand and rose. “I’ll get your coat.”

  Debbie followed her into the washroom.

  Ida took Debbie’s coat from the wall hook and handed it to her. “You’ll tell Lois how much we miss her, and that she’s welcome back anytime, right?”

  Debbie nodded. “Of course.”

  “And one more thing,” Ida added, “tell her about Melvin’s interest in me. I want her to know.”

  “Okay,” Debbie agreed. “But maybe Lois will come home to visit soon, and you can tell her more about Melvin yourself.”

  “Yah, perhaps.” Ida’s eyes filled with hope. “She might even visit today, if you ask really nicely.”

  Debbie smiled. “I’ll do what I can. I’m sure your mother also wishes to see Lois.”

  “She does.” Ida’s face had fallen again. “Lois knows we can’t visit your parents’ place. It wouldn’t be proper.”

  Debbie nodded and then headed outside. Ida was conniving more than she thought she would. Her friend clearly hoped to draw Lois home with news of what she was missing out on. The tactic wouldn’t work. If Debbie didn’t miss her guess, Lois was quite full of her new life right now. This was something she wouldn’t mention around the Beiler household. Their hearts were already torn apart enough.

  Debbie headed down the driveway and walked down the road. The snow banks still stood high along each side, but they would be gone soon. A warming trend had begun this week and would likely increase. She couldn’t be happier that this winter would be over soon. Debbie made her way to the front door of her old home and knocked. She would normally have walked on in, but this morning she felt like a visitor. Was it because Lois was staying here or because her heart had grown separated from her childhood home? She knew one thing for sure. If she did have to leave the Beiler household, she wouldn’t move back here. She simply couldn’t. The pain would be more severe than she wished to admit. She couldn’t watch her mother’s joy each day while Lois became increasingly the daughter her mother had always wanted.

  The door opened. Her mother said, “You knocked? You didn’t need to.”

  “I know. Coming home just felt different this time.” She hoped her mother would understand, but it was unlikely. Debbie stepped inside. “Is Lois home?”

  “Of course.” Callie raised her eyebrows. “We haven’t sold her into slavery, you know. It’s good to finally see that someone’s concerned. The poor girl. I don’t understand how she’s not a bundle of tears every day with the way her family is treating her.”

  Debbie gave her mother a sharp look. “Has Lois been complaining?”

  Callie half smiled. “No, but I have eyes.”

  “And did you come visiting when I moved in with the Beilers?” Debbie tried to choke back the bitterness in the barb but failed.

  Her mother winced. “Well, that was different.”

  The words rushed out of Debbie’s mouth. “No, it wasn’t. But who would have guessed the tables would get turned on all of us?”

  “Justice is blind they say,” Callie quipped. “If one can believe that, anyway. Your father and I have been enjoying Lois to the fullest. Here she is now!”

  Lois rushed down the hall to wrap Debbie in a tight hug. “I’m so glad to see you. Did Mamm and Ida also come along?”

  “You know they couldn’t.” Debbie said. “But I have come on their behalf.”

  Debbie was glad neither Saloma nor Ida had come. Lois had on one of her old dresses. The hemline barely came halfway to the knees. She wasn’t wearing a covering on her head, either. Her hair had obviously been done up by her mother’s hairstylist. Debbie had always resisted doing that. Lois clearly had no such qualms, and the price couldn’t have been cheap—well above anything Lois could afford. Her mother must have footed the bill. That was no surprise.

  Lois noticed her interest. “Do you like it?” She flicked her short hair with one hand, her smile a bit crooked.

  “It’s nice,” Debbie allowed. There was no sense in being rude about this, and it was true. In fact, Lois looked stunning. But Debbie wasn’t about to admit that.

  “I’m so happy here, Debbie!” Lois gushed.

  Debbie glanced at her mother, who was clearly pleased with Lois’s enthusiasm. Lois was indeed becoming the daughter her mother had always wanted. A sharp pain ran through Debbie’s heart, one she was familiar with. She mustn’t hold this against her mother. Things were simply what they were. And she’d left home last year for a world her mother didn’t approve. Apparently this had hurt her mother more than Debbie had realized.

  “Are you working yet?” Debbie asked Lois.

  Lois’s face glowed. “Yah…I mean, yes. I work at the McDonald’s in Mifflinburg. It’s such fun. I get to meet all these people, and even some Amish.” Lois rushed on as if she hadn’t heard Debbie’s groan. “Most of them don’t know me. Especially looking like this.” Lois motioned toward her short hair and dress. “But Minister Kanagy’s eldest daughter, Wilma, stopped in the other day with some of her friends.” Lois smiled at the memory. “They must have been shopping. Anyway, I’m sure she recognized me, and I gave her a wink so she’d know for sure. I guess the uniform does change a person quite a bit.”

  There were a thousand things Debbie wanted to say about that. Like what in the world did Lois think she accomplished when she flaunted herself like that? Did the girl have no idea the damage this was doing to her father’s reputation? Didn’t Lois care or think about such things? Debbie turned and directed a question toward her mother. “Why do you have her working at McDonald’s?”

  Callie shrugged and said, “She has to begin somewhere, and the girl has no education.”

  She’s not stupid, Debbie wanted to snap. But Lois could defend herself if she were offended.

  Lois’s glow never dimmed. “I’m studying for my GED. Your mamm’s helping me. It’s harder than I imagined, but I’m not giving up. Not in a thousand years.”

  “She has quite the spirit,” Callie said, speaking as if Lois weren’t in the room.

  “Unlike me, I suppose.”

  Callie didn’t appear ruffled. “You had spirit too, Debbie. Your problem was you didn’t know in what direction to profitably invest it.”

  Debbie glanced away. There was no way to come out ahead in this discussion. She knew her mother considered her life in the Amish community a waste. But for some reason working at McDonald’s was great—as long as a person was going in the right direction. Debbie pushed the bitter thoughts away. She’d come to speak with Lois and convince her to visit at the house, not fight with her mother.

  “Shall we go in and sit down? No sense in chattering in the hall like magpies.”

  Her mom apparently was ready to make peace. “I came over partly to see if Lois wished to visit at home.” She turned to Lois. “Perhaps today?” She might as well come right out and state the purpose of her visit. Otherwise they’d maunder around for twenty minutes of conversation none of them would enjoy.

  A look of alarm flashed across Lois’s face. “Go home? Visit today? I couldn’t go looking like this!”

  At least Lois hadn’t taken total leave of her senses, Debbie thought.

  Even Callie joined in. “I agree, Lois. You should visit, but in one of your old dresses. And with something on your head.”

  Lois’s hands fluttered about for a moment. “I’ll be right back then. I guess it would be gut to visit.”

  Lois turned and dashed down the hall toward Debbie’s old bedroom.

  Debbie turned towards her mother. “Did you have to allow her to change so fast? You know Saloma will see what’s happened. The poor woman is suffering enough already.”

  Callie sighed. “Do you think you could have held back that girl under these circumstances? Well, you couldn’t. She’s like one of Bishop Beiler’s calves they let loose after a long winter.”

  Debbie felt a smile creep across her face de
spite the seriousness of the situation. Her mother’s description fit perfectly. Calves turned loose in the spring nearly turned the barnyard upside down as they dashed about with hooves kicking every which way. It did put Lois’s actions in a different light. Not that it was any easier to bear or would cause Saloma less tears.

  Silence fell between them. Debbie shifted on her seat. Her mother wasn’t trying to make trouble, she told herself. Mom has her own ideas about life, and they don’t mesh well with the Amish way of thinking. But who could blame her mother for that? She’d never been Amish and never planned to be.

  Lois interrupted Debbie’s thoughts when she rushed back down the hall. How the girl had changed so quickly with all the pins involved, Debbie couldn’t imagine. After all her months with the Beilers, she still stuck herself while she dressed. I guess that’s one advantage of growing up in the Amish faith, she supposed.

  “Ready to go!” Lois’s face was glowing.

  “Take care then.” Callie opened the front door for them. “Will you be back for lunch, Lois?”

  Lois didn’t think long. “I doubt it. Maybe I’ll just make it a day at the house. Cheer Mamm up a bit.”

  Callie nodded. “You do that. I’ll see you when you get back.” Her mother clearly had no fear that Lois would decide to stay at home. She probably believed Lois would never go back to the Amish way of life.

  “Life is so gut to me right now,” Lois chattered. “And your mamm. She’s Da Hah’s gift from heaven for me. The things she does for me! I couldn’t begin to mention all of them. She drives me to work each day and picks me up. I plan to get my driver’s license.” Lois talked away as they walked out the driveway and down the road. Finally she said, “But enough about me. Now fill me in on all the news from home.”

  “There are mostly troubled hearts right now,” Debbie admitted. “I’ll let the others fill you in on what’s going on.”

  Fifteen