She paused before answering and I braced myself for her argument. I hated to ruin such a magical moment but I couldn’t pretend anymore. I wasn’t going to wait. I didn’t have it in me to wait.
I couldn’t do that to Ma.
Not anymore.
“We’ll have to come up with a story.”
“I’ve already got one.”
“Leo,” she said, looking up at me. “Can we just wait to talk about this tomorrow? Everything’s happened so fast. We need to just slow down. Take a day or two to spend time alone.”
She reached down and grabbed my still hard cock, squeezing gently, sending all my determination to assert my wishes out the door.
“We can talk about it tomorrow, sure,” I growled, rolling her over and sinking myself back inside of her.
TWENTY-ONE
ADDY
I sat in the backyard, staring up at the stars sparkling in the night sky, a sweater pulled around my shoulders as I sipped a glass of wine. Leo was asleep in my bed, exhausted after a day of making love and soaking in the sunshine. Sleep had eluded me once again and I found solace in the moon, as I often did. Soft, grey clouds drifted in front of it, only to drift away a few moments later. I watched the dance, only half-present as I contemplated what our next steps should be.
Leo wanted to go home, but I wasn’t sure we were ready for that. We’d hardly come up for air since arriving home, his insatiable libido getting in the way of doing much talking at all. And once he’d finally mentioned it earlier, I shied away.
The truth was, I wasn’t ready to let him go just yet.
I knew his mother and his friends would envelope him and none of them would let him stray too far away again. They’d hoover. They’d consume him in love, and that was a wonderful thing, but I knew where that left me.
On the outside. At least as far as they were concerned.
I’d just arrived in his life. I wasn’t sure if there was room for me, in their eyes. And to be honest, I wasn’t up to the fight.
I’d been in a state of constant panic since he’d disappeared from the hospital and I was tired. I just wanted a brief respite from the drama before we ventured into the next chapter of our lives together.
I wanted a little peace.
I didn’t want to think about Dane. Or if we were keeping our story straight. I didn’t want to have to smile through family dinners and pretend to be someone I wasn’t.
I just didn’t have the mental or emotional energy.
I needed to recoup, recharge my batteries.
In retrospect, we should have gone somewhere else. We could have gone anywhere, even stayed in Australia and enjoyed a different part of the continent. Coming back here only made Leo want to hit the fast forward button, when all I wanted to do was pause for a good long rest.
The irony of the fact that I couldn’t sleep wasn’t lost on me.
At least Leo is sleeping, I thought. His stamina was incredible, his strength unsurpassed. I wasn’t surprised. Despite his heart problem, he was a strong man before I made him into what he is now. Now, he was something else entirely. I felt it in the power of his thrusts, felt him holding back from unleashing that power completely.
He had a beast rattling a cage inside of him now. It was my job to teach him how to keep it locked up. And yet, all I wanted was for him to let go when it came to me. I wanted him to show me everything he had inside of himself now. I wasn’t afraid, but how did I let him know that I could handle it, that he wouldn’t hurt me, or teach him how to unlatch the gates at only the right times?
I’d never done this before.
I seen it done, but I’d never been the one responsible. And I had no one I could consult. If I told another vampire what I’d done, they might turn me in. The only person who knew was Dane and it was better if I kept it that way. I certainly wasn’t going to turn to him for advice, either. He’d done enough damage.
Besides, so far so good. Leo was stable, calm, keeping the beast caged. We’d not been out in public since we’d returned home, but I had confidence he could handle it. He was growing in leaps and bounds and he seemed to be keeping his hunger at bay with the copious amounts of meat and blood I was feeding him. Coupled with the massive amounts of making love we’d been doing, he was docile as a baby tiger.
I couldn’t help but smile, my body coming alive as I remembered his touch, his kiss, the slide of his body against mine. I stood up, staring up at the moon one last time, before walking back inside to the bedroom.
The house was still and peaceful and I took a deep breath as I watched Leo and Quackers sleep, looking like a couple of angels bathing in the moonlight streaming through the window. I crawled back in bed, sliding under the covers, Leo’s warmth a welcome contrast to the cold night air. He stirred, moaned, pulled me into his arms.
“You’re cold,” he whispered.
“I was outside,” I replied, our voices breaking through the fragile quiet of the night. He pressed his body into mine, kissing me deeply, the darkness calling for us to melt into each other, our bodies lighting the flames that carried us through till dawn.
TWENTY-TWO
THE COLLECTOR
The house I rented in Manzanita was perched on the edge of a cliff, the stormy waves of the Pacific Ocean crashing violently onto the rocks below the deck. I stood out there, the wind whipping around me, the moon hanging heavy in the sky. The sound of the whistling wind and the waves crashing was anything but peaceful, but it suited me just fine.
It matched my mood.
Angsty, violent, churning…
Restless.
I clenched my fists at my side, watching the waves crash in the distance, the beach stretched out beside my house for miles, the moon lighting up the pristine sand like luminescent pearls.
It was late. Though I wasn’t really keeping track, the moon directly overhead told me it was at least midnight. The beach was empty, save for a few lone souls, a couple, strolling hand in hand down the shore. I could just make out their silhouettes as they leaned their heads close together, strolling luxuriously under the full moon.
“Disgusting,” I growled. “What the fuck is there to be so happy about?”
Rage boiled under the surface. I’d tried to shake it, I’d half hoped that leaving Portland and coming to the coast would have a soothing effect on the anger I was feeling. But I was less than a two hour’s drive from the city and I knew it wasn’t far enough away to make me forget about Addy and how angry I was at her.
The bottle of whiskey I’d consumed didn’t help, either. I was hoping to numb it all, but it just amplified everything. Hiding in this house didn’t help either. I grabbed my keys and a coat and headed down the rickety wooden stairs at the back of the house that led down to the beach.
I had a half a mind to throw myself into the waves, succumb to the mighty power of the sea, let it wash me away from all of this. But even that wouldn’t kill me. I'd wash up on another shore, still in the same body, still fighting the same demons.
I strolled down the beach, the waves lapping at my feet. The couple I’d spotted from my deck were just ahead, their backs to me as they laughed quietly, the breeze lifting their hair. I sniffed the air, the wind carrying their scent to me. They smelled young. Filled with delicious nectar, no doubt.
I contemplated feeding off of them, even though I wasn’t truly hungry. I’d been feasting all night, in addition to the whiskey I’d consumed and if I partook of them, well, it would just be gluttonous.
Like a meaningless quickie for me. But it would leave them scarred for life, if I allowed them to survive, that is.
But there was that anger, that rage, that sense of unfairness that I couldn’t shake. I’d already been banished from civilization, for a crime I’d not even committed.
What good was it to follow the rules now?
Who really cared?
I kept walking, following from a good distance. They’d not even noticed my presence. It would be so easy to just rush them f
rom behind, scare them into submission, taste them…
I’d been so looking forward to hunting at the sanctuary. The two weeks would have flown by, but it would have been amazing, it would have delightfully fulfilled all my needs and then some. I’d have indulged all my savage urges, reminded myself of what I really was, and then gone back to my life, fully recharged and replenished, ready to placate myself by stealing the good blood from the hospital for another year.
This - preying on a couple on a secluded beach was easy. The hunt at the sanctuary was easy, too, but the Council paid close attention to aesthetics. They put on a show, a spectacle, gave you all the embellishments and props to fulfill your fantasy completely. They even did their best to challenge you, in a way. I hated that I missed it.
Oh, what was I doing? Already feeling nostalgic about something that I used to resent? What good would that do me? It was over.
What I needed to do now was count my blessings.
I had this beach, this moon, this strength, this life.
Just because I called myself by a different name now didn’t mean I was any different.
I was still the same monster I was yesterday.
I just had to keep reminding myself that now I was free.
Fuck the man. Fuck society. Fuck the Vampire Police.
Fuck the Council.
Let them come for me. I’d take any vampire in a fight any time.
A surge of confidence ran through me as I turned my face to the moon. I wasn’t a man. I was an animal.
Savage. Raw. Primitive and barbaric.
The blood in my veins was fierce and full of life and death and immortality, and I was finished denying its power. I thought about Leo, what he was now, what Addy had done to him, the life she had destined him to with just a drop of her fierce blood.
She’d healed him.
She’d given him forever.
She’d birthed him and bonded him to her forever.
The couple ahead paused and turned to the water, gazing out at the moon’s reflection sparkling on the dancing waves. I wondered if they wanted forever.
If I offered them forever, would they accept it?
Would you?
It’s a heavy question, I know. Most of us don’t have the opportunity to consent. Usually, vampires are made in the heat of the moment, a crime of passion of the highest degree.
But if it was proposed, would you take the bait?
I neared the couple and they turned to smile at me, the innocuous stranger on the beach. I smiled back, tipped my head.
“Beautiful evening,” I said, pausing next to them and admiring the view myself.
“You kids on vacation?” I asked.
They turned and nodded.
“It’s our honeymoon,” the girl said.
“Is it?” I asked. “That’s fantastic!”
“Thank you,” the man said.
They were indeed young. Early twenties, not more than twenty-five each, they stood huddled together like mated swans.
“Are you married?” The girl asked.
“Me?” I replied, shaking my head. “I’m afraid not.”
“Oh, well maybe someday,” the girl said, her voice as soft and gentle as the breeze, but her words cut through me like a dagger to the heart.
“I don’t think so,” I replied, the urge to rip her throat out even stronger now that she’d reminded me of my sad fate.
“Have a good night,” the man said, as they continued walking down the beach. I stayed put, listening to the waves, listening to their voices as they faded away.
I’d had many loves, but few relationships, even after all these centuries. Life had come easy for me before I’d become a vampire. It was so very long ago, there were times I couldn’t even remember the faces of my family. But since then, I’d wandered the Earth a solitary being, for the most part. I had a lot of acquaintances, vampires I’d met over the years, even a few friends that I tried to keep in touch with. But, I hadn’t had anything resembling a family for as long as I could remember. The closest thing I had to that were my coworkers at the hospital, including Addy.
And now, I was on my own once more.
I stood alone on that beach, hating every second of it. As much as I wanted to run wild, loose control, go on a killing spree, my heart wasn’t in it.
I wanted my old easy life back. I’d fallen into a routine, maybe it was even a rut, but it was at least predictable. I didn’t have to worry about running out of money, or where I was going to snag my next bottle of A from. And dammit, I’d grown so fond of that blood I’d been lifting from the maternity ward.
Sure, I was constantly counting down the days till I could get to the sanctuary, but at least I knew it was coming.
Now, everything was a risk.
I had to calculate that risk with every move I made. No doubt there was a bounty on my head and VPs looking for me this very second. Wistfully, I watched the young honeymooners walk away and I wished I had it in me to attack them.
I’d grown soft, that’s the problem, I thought to myself. The old me wouldn’t have let them get away. Before the sanctuary, before the Council, before all these fucking rules, I’d have done it just because I could.
Slowly, I walked back up the stairs and jumped in my car, leaving the innocent couple alone and alive on the beach, completely oblivious to the danger they’d just been spared.
A goddamned soft, weak, merciful monster, I thought as I drove down the dark winding road that led away from the coast, that’s what I am.
How pathetic.
I WAS HALFWAY BACK to Portland before I realized it. I’d just been following the moon, letting the curves hypnotize me, pulling me around a new bend without any thought of where I was headed.
I longed for home, for my bed, for my familiar surroundings, for my fridge full of my favorite snacks. For my library, my ample stash of rare and expensive liquor, my three headed shower…
I longed for the quiet halls of the hospital in the middle of the night. The incessant beeping of heart machines and blood pressure monitors. I longed for the blindingly bright lights of the operating room, to feel the rush of power when I held a beating heart in my palms.
I’d fought for centuries.
I’d enjoyed my twilight years and now it was as if I had to start all over again, give it all up, and way before I was ready to.
I sound like a whiny bitch, complaining all the time, but I couldn’t escape the feeling of unfairness. And I couldn’t help but point the finger at Addy.
If Addy hadn’t fallen in love with Leo, we’d never be here.
But the series of events it set off ruined my life and now I was paying for it. And where was she? Enjoying her boy toy, safe and happy at home in her own bed, while I was the one that was banished forever?
Fuck that.
I’d walked away, but it was a mistake.
She deserved to pay for what she’d done to me. I deserved justice. I’d fucked up by not coming clean in the beginning. I shouldn’t have pinned it on the singer, that was so stupid, I don’t know what I was thinking. And now, now that I’d left the island, coming clean wasn’t an option.
I looked as guilty as if I’d been covered in Stefan’s blood myself.
If there was going to be any justice for what Addy had done, it was now in my hands.
I followed the moon down the winding roads until I was hurtling down the freeway, the Portland skyline coming into view. Heading into the hills, I slowed down, turning my lights off as I turned down the street of my house. I parked in front and looked through the darkness.
From my seat in the car, I could see that the front door was flung open. Just beyond the open door, I spotted my adored eighteenth century Spanish colonial chair that I kept near the door, tipped over on its side, a leg broken in two.
I sighed and put the car in gear, pulling away, my heart sinking.
They’d been here.
Maybe I needed closure. I don’t know why I went back, but I
just wasn’t ready to give it all up. Seeing the state of my beloved home, I knew now that the truth was that it didn’t matter if I was ready or not.
The slow boiling rage began rushing through me again as I drove over the West Hills and back into downtown. I passed through Northwest, looking through the windows of the posh shops of the shopping district. Turning east on Burnside, I trailed through the heart of the city, slowing down in Old Town as I gazed at the throngs of homeless people outside their makeshift camps that lined the sidewalks.
Even homeless vampires knew to follow the rules, I thought, as I watched one of them light up a cigarette for his human friend.
It was a clear night, the stars reflecting off the river as I passed over the Broadway bridge, and I headed through the east side of town towards Mt. Tabor. By the time I reached the entrance gates of the park, the road was already closed off to cars. I left the Mercedes at the gate and walked into the park, slowly walking up the low grade hill of the paved road before turning off into the thick trees, following the well-worn trail that led into the lush forest.
The sounds of the nocturnal animals filled my ears…the owls hooting softly, the opossums scurrying around, the raccoons cracking open acorns high up in the huge oak trees…
Finally, I’d found a slice of peace.
The silence was like a song, delicate and fragile, like a thin pane of glass that I dare not break. I walked and walked and walked, relishing in the solitude, finding solace in the trees and the park’s inhabitants.
They were the lucky ones.
Wild and happy, expected to be nothing but the savage little beasts that they were. Nobody questions why the cat hunted the rat. Hell, the cat even offered it to its owner like a prized trophy sometimes. Nobody questioned the others, either…the bears eating fish, the lion eating the lamb, the coyotes eating the rabbits…
It was natural, they said. Inevitable. Population control. Food chain.
So what made humans so special that they shouldn’t be fed off of, also?
The Sanctuary 2: The Vampire's Passion Page 7
