by LuAnn McLane
“I don’t care what Ashley wants. This is about what I want.”
“So then what do you want from me?”
“To be sure.”
“I am sure.” And he was sure but he didn’t know how to convince Sophia. “God, I don’t want to go . . . to leave things like this. I should have told you how I feel about you sooner.”
“Avery, there had to be a reason for you to hold back,” she said quietly, sadly. “Let’s just give this some time.”
Avery nodded because he didn’t know what else to do. He was losing his composure. His heart raced. His chest felt heavy and bruised. He wondered if this was what a panic attack felt like. But he didn’t want to lose it in front of Sophia. After all he’d put her through tonight, he didn’t want her to see him break down. “Okay,” he finally said. “I don’t want to leave but if you want me to, I guess I will.” He looked at her, hoping she would let him stay. He just wanted to go to bed and hold her. Surely if he held her in his arms she would feel his love for her seep into her body.
Sophia’s lips trembled. She inhaled a shaky breath. “I don’t want you to go, Avery, but I need you to. I have to sort all of this out and so do you.”
Avery held her gaze for a moment longer, giving her time to change her mind but she remained silent. She looked ready to crumble as well so how could this be the right thing to do? “Okay,” he finally managed. “But if you want me . . . need me to come back I’m just a phone call away. I will come over no matter what time it is. Please promise me.”
“I promise.” She gave him a slow, sad nod. When she swallowed hard he knew she was on the verge of tears. How could he leave her? He saw a flash of indecision but she quickly hid it by taking a sip of water.
“Sophia . . .”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Call Grace, your mom, or Carrie Ann.” Or let me stay.
“Avery, really. I’ll be okay. I’m a big girl, remember?” she asked and the tremble in her voice clawed at his heart.
Avery shoved his fingers through his hair but reluctantly nodded. He wanted so much to tell her that he loved her and almost did but felt like it would be another mistake.
And so he pushed up to his feet and walked out the door.
20
Hope Floats
“Sophia, sweet pea, if your face gets any longer your chin is gonna drag along the floor.” Carrie Ann shot a concerned look Sophia’s way while hanging bridal veils on a vintage hat rack.
White Lace and Promises looked absolutely stunning and she wished that Sophia could enjoy the fruits of her labor. With open house only two days away, her young friend should be over the moon instead of walking around with a glum face and a heavy heart.
Sophia glanced up from her laptop. “I’m okay, Carrie Ann.”
“Then you don’t know the definition of okay.”
“I’m as okay as I can be.”
“Which isn’t okay at all, I’m afraid. Why don’t you do yourself a favor and answer one of Avery’s calls or at least send the boy a text message. Just give him a little crumb of hope. And don’t you dare tell me there isn’t hope for you two.”
Sophia shook her head. “Avery needs to address his feelings for Ashley.”
“Oh, sweetheart, the boy adores you. Easton said that Avery’s been a hot mess ever since you two split up.”
“We haven’t exactly split up. We just need some time apart.” She looked back down at whatever she’d been working on for the past hour.
“And just what will time away from each other accomplish except for both of you two being miserable?”
Sophia looked up from her laptop once more. “Please don’t make me feel guilty.”
Carrie Ann fluffed up the veil, and then fisted her hands on her hips. “I’m not laying a guilt trip on you, girlie. I just want you to face the truth.” Carrie Ann walked over and squeezed Sophia’s shoulder. “I know that love is as scary as walking into a spiderweb. You feel all trapped and try to escape and fly into a complete panic when there’s really not any danger. Sophia, I have to say that you’re overreacting.”
“I can’t help it.”
“Oh, honey, you’re speaking to the poster child for being scared of being in love. But you’re so much better for Avery than Ashley ever could be. You’ve met her so you must know that he’s so much better off with you.”
“But it isn’t just about that, don’t you see? In a lot of ways my grounded, business-minded father was better for my mom than rocker Rick Ruleman, but they lacked . . . passion. I think she loved both of them in different ways but it wasn’t until Jimmy that she found the right combination of love, commitment, and that certain special something. You have to have the whole package. Like you found with Easton.”
“And you don’t think that you and Avery have chemistry? I sure see it with you two. You were friends first just like Easton and me. Love that blossoms from friendship is something special. I just think you let that piece of work get under your skin just like she wanted to do.”
“I know what you’re saying.” Sophia shrugged. “But Avery obviously fell for her. I mean he asked her to marry him for pity’s sake. Some guys go for prissy women.”
“I agree and I just don’t get it. Just like some women continually fall for bad boys.”
“Maybe it’s the challenge or something but I’ve seen it before. My mother says I can be too nice, sometimes. Maybe nice is just simply boring.”
“Oh, would you just stop that! You are anything but boring. Being nice is a good thing. You know some women think they’re all that and a bag of chips and are somehow able to convince others the same thing. But friendship is a solid basis for a lasting relationship, not being uppity and prissy and just plain vain.”
Sophia nodded but didn’t appear convinced.
“You know, Ashley was Avery’s high school sweetheart and boys at that age don’t go beneath the surface. Physical attraction can be mistaken for love.”
“They’ve been together that long? I didn’t realize . . .”
“Yeah well, I bet if he’d met Ashley Montgomery now he wouldn’t have gone past one date.”
Sophia tilted her head. “Really? That’s an interesting thought, but I don’t know. She still can get to him. It makes me wonder if he will ever completely get over her.”
“What makes you think Avery’s not over her? Sophia, they broke up for a reason. A solid reason.”
“Yeah . . .”
Carrie Ann peered at her closely. “Wait, do you know why? Because the rest of us sure as heck don’t. Avery’s always been closemouthed about it and I respected his privacy but I’ve always felt that there had to be something serious happen for them to suddenly break up so close to the wedding.”
Sophia went very still, and then nodded. “I know why.”
“Well, hell’s bells, are you going to enlighten me?” Carrie Ann could tell that Sophia wanted to confide in her and so she pressed the issue. “You know without a doubt that whatever you say to me will go nowhere. I won’t even tell Easton.”
“Oh, I don’t know . . . It was Ashley who told me and—”
“What? Are you kiddin’ me?”
“I wish.”
“Did you promise not to say anything?”
“No, but she said that if anyone finds out her little secret that Avery will know it came from me and he will be really pissed.”
“Oh, issuing threats, is she?” Carrie Ann felt a hot flash of anger.
“Yeah, and she’s really good at it.”
“Sophia, you trust me, right?”
“Absolutely,” Sophia replied, but just as she started to say something Carrie Ann’s phone pinged. “Go ahead and get that.”
“Saved by the bell?” Carrie Ann was about to ignore the text message but when she looked down her blood ran cold. “Oh . . . oh
my God!” She put a hand to her chest and thought she might pass out.
“Carrie Ann, what is it?”
“It’s Easton. He’s in the ER with chest pains! Oh, Sophia, what if he’s having a heart attack?” Her own heart danced around in her chest and she felt as if she was hyperventilating. “Oh, God, I can’t breathe!”
“Try to stay calm.” Sophia jumped up from her desk and grabbed her purse. “Let’s get over there right now.”
“Can . . . can you drive? My hands are shaking like a leaf.”
“Sure, come on!”
Less than fifteen minutes later they were standing in the brightly lit emergency room. They quickly learned that Easton had been taken back for tests and it was driving Carrie Ann crazy not knowing what was going on.
“Why aren’t they telling us anything?” she asked. “Do you think that’s a bad sign?” She was seriously considering busting through the double doors and going looking for him, hospital rules be damned.
“They must not know anything yet. Go and sit down. I’ll get you something cold to drink. Preference?”
“A Coke, I guess.” And a double shot of bourbon would be nice right about now.
“Coming right up.”
“Thank you, sweetie.” A couple of minutes later Carrie Ann accepted the cold Coke that Sophia pressed into her hand. She popped the tab and absently took a small swig. Icy fingers of fear slid down her spine and made her insides tremble. She should have probably opted for coffee but the machine was one of those where the paper cup filled with steaming coffee that tasted like pine tar.
“I’m sure it won’t be long now. I’m going to make a quick run to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
“Okay, sweetie.” Carrie Ann nodded and tried to calm down but fear felt like a living, breathing thing inside her body. The antiseptic smell of the hospital made her stomach churn. She pictured Easton in a small white bed with tubes everywhere and machines blinking and beeping just like when she had to go in and see her father for the very last time. Her sisters had been too young to go and her mother had said that she didn’t have to go but Carrie Ann had done it in spite of her fear, thinking that if she could just talk to him that she could give her father the strength to wake up. She felt certain that she could will him back to life.
But fifteen-year-old Carrie Ann hadn’t been prepared for the sight of her father in the hospital bed. He’d been deathly pale and bloated and didn’t resemble anything like her robust, smiling dad who never failed to crack a joke. God, he’d been so small, so frail, and so utterly helpless.
Oh, how she wished she’d had the chance to hear his voice just one last time and above all else to tell him that she loved him. “I love you, Daddy. Please don’t leave us.” She’d whispered it to him, but was too afraid to touch him. Her mama had leaned over and had given him a kiss and brushed his hair back from his forehead but Carrie Ann had been too scared and had later felt guilty that she hadn’t kissed her father good-bye.
What if Easton died too? The thought paralyzed her with mind-numbing fear.
Waiting was driving her insane with worry but if the doctor came out and said she could go back and see Easton, she wondered if her feet would obey. What if Easton looked small and helpless? Carrie Ann suddenly had the almost uncontrollable urge to flee right out the revolving door. She didn’t know where she’d even run to . . . She just would keep running and running until her legs gave out.
Feeling nauseous, Carrie Ann swallowed hard. She looked at the red EXIT sign and gripped the metal arms of the stiff orange vinyl chair. Why in the world were hospitals always decorated dull orange and muddy brown? And what was with the speckled floor?
A moment later Sophia walked her way and after taking a look at what had to be her stricken face said, “Carrie Ann, are you okay?” She rushed over and sat in the chair next to her. “Stupid question. Is there something I can get you? Crackers?”
Carrie Ann patted Sophia’s hand. “No, honey, I don’t think I could choke them down. But thanks.” In an effort to curb her panic she picked up a magazine from a scattered, ratty pile. “This People magazine is from last summer. Can you believe that?” She tossed it down. “Oh, Sophia, this is driving me out of my mind.”
“I know,” Sophia said in a small voice. She reached over and took Carrie Ann’s hand. “Easton is a big, strong man. He’ll be fine.”
Carrie Ann tried to smile but couldn’t muster one up. Instead, she grimaced and nearly broke down. “That’s what I thought about my father,” she said gruffly. Now she remembered why she steered away from puppies and relationships. Getting attached meant getting hurt. She wondered who just groaned and realized that it was her.
“Oh, Carrie Ann, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But there is so much they can do these days. I’m sure Easton is in good hands. And I know everything I’m saying sounds so trite and lame so I’ll shut up now.”
“Oh, sweetie, no, I’m so glad you’re here with me. You’ve become so special to me.” She patted Sophia’s hand that felt warm beneath her ice-cold fingers.
“I feel the same way,” Sophia said with a smile that trembled slightly.
Carrie Ann took another sip of the Coke hoping it might settle her stomach. Fizz tickled her nose and she coughed when the swallow she took went down wrong way.
“Are you okay?”
Carrie Ann held up her hand and nodded. “Went down the wrong pipe.” She cleared her throat and then waved a hand through the air. “Although I could never understand that saying since there really is only one pipe.” She reached up and touched her neck. “When I was a kid I thought there were two.” And when she was a kid she thought her dad would live to be old and gray.
“And I believed in unicorns,” Sophia said.
“What, you mean there really aren’t unicorns?” Carrie Ann asked with widened eyes making Sophia chuckle. She inhaled a deep breath trying to get a grip and to not let her imagination conjure up the worst but she failed miserably. She handed Sophia a copy of Good Housekeeping. “Only four months old.”
“What, no Cosmopolitan?”
“If there was it would probably go back to the Burt Reynolds centerfold. And you probably have no idea what I’m talking about.”
“Burt Reynolds naked?” Sophia shuddered. “Ew.”
“Oh, forty years ago he was what we used to call a hunk. Three pages of chest hair on a bear rug. If I remember, and I do, he was smoking.”
“The full monty?”
“His arm was strategically placed over his package, but for the time, it caused quite a stir.”
“Yeah, my mother’s one-piece swimsuit pose was considered super sexy.”
“My, how times have changed.”
“Yeah, now we have Magic Mike on the big screen.” Sophia chuckled but accepted the old magazine and started to thumb through it.
Carrie Ann leaned back in the chair and looked up at the clock. They’d been there for only about an hour but it felt like a damned lifetime. Oh boy . . . how much longer?
Carrie Ann closed her eyes and tried to slow down her racing pulse. She hated this feeling of helplessness. A cold ball of fear settled in her stomach and refused to budge.
What in the hell was she doing getting married? She’d avoided this kind of mind-numbing fear all of her life and now here she was sitting in a hospital waiting room feeling like she needed to pass out or throw up or maybe both. In that moment, she made the decision that she was going to call the engagement off. She reached over and squeezed Sophia’s hand suddenly knowing now why her young friend was afraid to continue her relationship with Avery. “Love is just so damn scary,” she whispered.
“Tell me about it,” Sophia answered and squeezed back.
“So now what are we gonna do?”
“I dunno.” Sophia shrugged. “Run off somewhere where no one will ever find us?
”
“Sounds like a good plan to me,” Carrie Ann said with a mirthless chuckle. “Think we can find a deserted island somewhere?”
“We can look on Craigslist. Find one cheap.”
Carrie Ann managed a halfhearted chuckle. “And hang out with Captain Jack Sparrow and drink lots of rum?”
“The plan keeps getting better.”
“It does,” Carrie Ann agreed but couldn’t imagine life without Easton. In that moment she realized that running wasn’t an option no matter what happened.
“Have you called Carla or Avery?” Sophia asked softly.
“No, but I suppose I should. Easton must not have or they would have been here by now. I was hoping to get some information first, but—” She stopped in midsentence when a nurse came through the door pushing Easton in a wheelchair. He appeared pale and somewhat irritated.
Carrie Ann jumped up and rushed over ignoring the rubbery feeling in her noodlelike legs. “Easton, are you okay?” she asked, relieved that there weren’t any tubes or a beeping machine in sight.
“Yes, I’m gonna be fine.” Easton nodded and gave her and Sophia a sheepish look. “I wanted to walk but I was told this is hospital policy or somethin’.” He sent the nurse an annoyed glance over his shoulder but she didn’t seem to care. “Foolish if you ask me.”
“Oh, Mr. Fisher, I have to follow the rules,” the young nurse responded in a cheerful voice. “Just sit back and enjoy the ride.”
Carrie Ann looked at the nurse. “What was wrong with him?” Her heart refused to stop beating as fast as a hummingbird’s wings. “His heart? Is he being admitted?”
“No, I’m sending him home. He’s all yours.”
“Easton?” Carrie Ann asked. “Is anyone going to tell me what in the world happened to you?”
“I . . . I was having chest pains and broke out into a cold sweat. Sorry to cause you such worry, sweetheart. I feel like such a fool. I simply panicked.”
“No, Mr. Fisher, don’t be so hard on yourself. Chest pains aren’t anything to mess around with. Believe me—you did the right thing by coming here,” the nurse said firmly. “It’s much better to be safe than sorry.”
