Bonds of Courage

by Lynda Aicher

  “Five in a row then?” Jimmy waved the baseball in his hand and gave another ticket to Cali, who joined with the crowd cheering the kid on.

  Holden had been introduced to all of the partners of The Den, as well as their girlfriends and boyfriends, when they’d arrived that morning to help with the setup. He remembered their faces from the rooftop proposal months ago, but he didn’t tell them that.

  “Bring it on,” Holden yelled. God, this was great. He scanned the field from his perch, in awe of everything he saw. He was used to large crowds and the fanfare that came with playing professional hockey, but this was different. It was intimate and personal in a way most of the publicity events were not.

  The carnival booths were set up on the grass and all of them were surrounded with kids stacked up to play. Colorful balloons added to the festivities that included music and the comforting scents of food. Among them all, Glaciers’s players mingled, signed autographs and joined in the games with kids, their own and the ones who had come to meet them.

  The solid clank of the baseball hitting its mark registered just before his seat fell away and he plunged into the cold water of the tank. He happily made that same drop another twenty times, most of them courtesy of Jimmy, before Scott Walters came to relieve him.

  “How cold is the water?” Walters asked as he peered into the tank.

  Holden splashed the man as his answer.

  “Da...ng.” Walters jumped back and glanced around, wincing. “Gotta watch my mouth around here.”

  Holden climbed out and grabbed the towel he’d left on a chair. “I’m certain a lot of these kids have heard worse.”

  “That’s a shame.” Walters pulled his T-shirt over his head and tossed it on the chair. “But it doesn’t mean I have to add to it. We’re supposed to be a good influence.” He set his sunglasses on top of his shirt and kicked off his sandals. “So how’d you get involved here anyway?” He squinted through the sun to eye Holden. “You never really said.”

  Holden found himself searching through the crowd for his answer. Vanessa was talking with Liv, their heads bent together in a conspiratorial way. When they were side by side, it was easy to see the facial similarities, but the likeness ended there. From Vanessa’s tailored capris, wedged heels and silk tank to Liv’s baggy cargo shorts and T-shirt, they were dynamic opposites in both presentation and personality.

  He tipped his head toward the two. “You know Liv is Vanessa’s little sister, right?”

  “What?” Walters’s open mouth confirmed his shock. His gaze darted to the women. “Those two are sisters?”

  “Yeah,” Holden answered, smiling. “They’re close, too.”

  Walters shook his head. “That still doesn’t explain how you got involved here.”

  Holden tugged his shirt on, stalling while he formed his words. It surprised him how much he wanted to confide in his friend. God, he wanted the whole world to know that Vanessa was his, or vice versa. It didn’t really matter to him how it was worded, only that they were a couple. Lovers. Committed.

  Yet her original terms were still in play. No one was supposed to know about them, especially the people they worked with.

  “Grenick bailed on a scheduled commitment to talk with the kids here in June.” He slid his sunglasses on and shrugged. “She found out I was in town and asked me to fill in.” That was basically the truth. “It turned out to be fun.”

  Walters stared at the women. He narrowed his eyes, a smirk forming. “Are you hitting that?”

  “What?” Holden’s shock was genuine. How in the hell had the man figured that out?

  “Liv’s a cutie.” Walters angled his head, scanning Holden with a knowing look. “You’re doing that, aren’t you? That’s why your game’s on fire. You’ve been getting it all summer.”

  “Fuck, no.” That was the last rumor Holden wanted to get around. He made a quick scan to ensure his curse hadn’t been heard before he glared at Walters. “Don’t you dare spread that around, either. I don’t need Vanessa on my case about something that isn’t true.”

  “Wow, man.” Walters took a step back, hands raised. “Got it.”

  “You ready, Scott?” They both turned as Cali approached. She smiled at them, tucking her hair behind her ear. The chin-length straight bob was sleek on the slim woman and showed off the bright green of her eyes. “The line’s getting a bit long.” She gestured to the table where the kids waited for their turn to “Dunk the Puck,” and Walters started to climb into the tank.

  “I’m on it,” he said. “Let’s see what you kids can do.” He raised his voice so his taunt reached to the line. “I’ll give a signed jersey to the first one who dunks me.” He rubbed his hands, grinning as cheers went up.

  Holden moved to the side, intent on clearing the splash zone. He paused for a moment when he was a few feet away, absorbing it all. The sun glinted off the silver chain circling Cali’s neck as she spun around to watch a ball narrowly miss the target. A round of groans filled the air, but he didn’t really hear them. He studied Cali’s simple piece of jewelry until he understood the emotion that dried his throat and turned his stomach.

  Envy. Fucking A, he was jealous of her. Of the collar she proudly wore and of the relationship she had with her Dom and lover, Jake. It was discreet. A symbol missed by everyone except those in the BDSM community, and it was beautiful.

  He wanted that—the meaning, not the object itself.

  The understanding ripped him open until it felt like his desires were bared to everyone there. He wanted to be completely owned by Vanessa. He wanted it all. The commitment, the bond, the security...the love.

  He turned his back to the crowd to keep his realization to himself. Now was not the time for deep thoughts and personal revelations. What the hell? His season was starting in two weeks. He’d be on the road, busy with practices, games and all the events that went with being in a professional sport. He should be backing away from whatever they had, not wanting more.

  Yet the thought of not having Vanessa in his life left a jagged hole in his chest.

  “Hey, Hauke.”

  He swung around, a grin in place.

  “You’re up at the autograph table.” Rylie pointed behind him. “It’s your turn to collect numbers.”

  Holden gave the obligatory laugh in reference to the women who shoved their phone numbers in their hands in the hopes that they’d get called. Phone numbers from nameless women was the last thing he wanted. Yet the one woman—the only woman—he did want might not have it in her to really be his.

  * * *

  Vanessa’s lung space was smaller than a pea now. Probably a pinhead, if she was guessing. Standing in the middle of the organized chaos of the carnival, she was positive this would be her death. If she was lucky, the weight on her chest would crush her lungs and take her out of her misery.

  The sun blasted its full strength on them, turning unprotected shoulders pink and noses red. Sweat collected on her nape and dampened her back. That didn’t seem to matter though, because the heat failed to reach within her. She still found herself shivering whenever she caught someone from The Den talking to someone from her family or a Glaciers’s player or any combination of that.

  She was the only thing connecting everyone there and she prayed like she hadn’t since she was seventeen that nobody put the links together and figured that out.

  Her smile was firmly in place though. She talked and laughed when she was supposed to, nodded, shook hands, offered thanks, pitched in to help—whatever it took to meet the expectations of everyone there.

  This is for Liv. And Holden. The constant reminder was the only thing keeping her there when she really wanted to sprint far, far away.

  “You okay?”

  She turned to her sister, who was looking a bit frazzled, with bits of hair escaping from her ponytai
l but still glowing with pride. “I should be asking you that. Anything I can do?” Deflection was second nature.

  Liv looked around at the activity, head shaking. “I honestly don’t know. I can’t believe all the people who stepped up to help. I’ll say it again, your connections are amazing.”

  The guys from The Den were all there with their partners, busy manning carnival booths or serving food. The scent of grilling burgers and hot dogs rolled over the entire field to draw hungry attendees in.

  “They are, aren’t they?” God, she really was lucky to have friends like that. They weren’t going to out her. She trusted that. Maybe it wasn’t so bad to let them into more of her life. Isolating her worlds was safe...and lonely. Something she was realizing now that Holden was in her life.

  Her gaze traveled to where their dad stood wowing kids with card tricks, over to her mom at the popcorn machine, and then on to every relative helping with the games.

  Liv leaned in. “I told him he couldn’t come.”

  Vanessa inhaled, her stomach clenching around the love that simple statement showed. Her cousin wouldn’t be there. It was one less thing she had to stress about.

  “Thank you.” She pulled Liv in for a needed hug and planted a kiss on her cheek. “Now go mingle and play with your kids. We’ve got the rest covered. I’ll check in with Heidi to see if she needs anything.”

  “Have I told you how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me?” Liv blinked a few times, her smile wavering.

  “Stop that.” Vanessa’s admonishment was said with warmth. The last thing they both needed was to cry right then. “Find me if you need anything. And don’t let any of the hockey players fool you with their charm.”

  Liv tipped her head back, laughing. “I don’t know. Some of them are hot.”

  “And—” Vanessa glanced around and lowered her voice “—most of them put their dicks everywhere they can.”

  “Oh.” Liv cringed. “That’s an image I don’t need here.”

  Vanessa stared pointedly at the table where the Glaciers’s players were signing autographs, including Holden. Over half the line was filled with women dressed in clinging tops and short-shorts. “I’m just saying.”

  “Well, stop saying.” Liv glanced toward the food table where Rock, Tyler and Noah were manning the grills. “Besides, there are some really nice men here who have nothing to do with sports.”

  Oh, good lord, no. Her sister getting involved with someone from The Den would be even worse than a hockey player.

  “I think Shelly needs you.” Vanessa pointed to the woman motioning to them from behind the tub of water serving as a duck pond. “You’d better go see what she wants.”

  Liv took off, and Vanessa heaved another sigh, this one of relief. She wiped at the moisture on her brow and headed toward the silent auction table to check in with Heidi. She made it halfway there before Vincent Segar flagged her down, forcing her to stop.

  “This is quite the event Hauke thought up,” he said, his gaze wandering over the area.

  She sought out Holden where he sat, flirting with a bleach-blond bunny in skimpy attire completely inappropriate for a kids carnival. “It is, isn’t it?” She smiled up at the Glaciers’s owner, her face reflected back at her from his sunglasses. “This is really good for both the youth center and the team.”

  “I guess I need to thank you now.” Segar’s gruff voice had an edge of southern drawl that he dipped into whenever he was feeling magnanimous. Even wearing a polo sporting the team logo and khakis, a sense of power radiated from the tall man.

  She frowned. “What for?”

  “For talking me into acquiring Hauke when I did.” He glanced at the man under discussion. “I hear he’s killing it in practices, too.”

  The pride that swelled so quick and powerful caught her breath at the sharpness. “No need for that,” she managed to say with a smile around the lump in her throat. “A gamble paid off, that’s all.”

  “The higher the risk, the better the payoff,” he said. “Let me know if you have any more gambles for me.”

  The higher the risk, the greater the fall too. “Will do,” she answered before ducking away with an excuse to help Heidi.

  She purposely kept her focus away from the autograph table. It didn’t stop her from hearing the high laughs of the female fans or catching the jokes he tossed at the kids. She didn’t need to see the water glistening on his wet hair, but she remembered it just the same. He was... Damn.

  He was her submissive.

  And he’d become more than that without her permission.

  “Hey, V.” She swung around at the call from her mother. “I need you over here.”

  “What, Mom?” she asked as she rounded the side of the popcorn stand.

  “I need a bathroom break.” Her mom wiped her hands on her apron and waved at the stand. “Take over for me for a bit.”

  It wasn’t high on her list of things to do, with the grease and heat. She wrinkled her nose and peered at the popper. It’s for Liv. “Sure thing.”

  “Oh, don’t be like that,” her mother whispered before she leaned over to hand a bag of popcorn to a waiting kid. “You’re not above manual labor, even if your shirt is some designer label.”

  Vanessa stepped closer, her voice lowered. “Can we not do this today? I said I’d do it.” She tried not to glare, but it was hard. Her mother simply didn’t know how to be affectionate and nurturing.

  “Then smile and support your sister,” her mother snapped under her breath. “She does good work for people who really need it.” The implied “unlike you” was left for Vanessa to infer. Her mom flashed a smile and handed over more popcorn bags before turning her back to Vanessa to fill the kettle. The hiss of the oil was followed by the scent of fresh popcorn.

  Vanessa waited for her mother to turn back around, her anger shoved behind the wall of indifference that had been built when she was still a teenager. Despite the woman’s flaws, she was her mother. The one who’d worked multiple jobs to raise two kids on her own. She’d done the best that she could, just like everyone did.

  Vanessa heaved a sigh and let the understanding settle the hurt that managed to pick at her heart. “Go, Mom.” She motioned toward the building that was open for the restrooms. “I’ve got this covered.”

  The grim frown on her mother’s face said it all. Vanessa was still a disappointment. “Don’t let the popcorn burn.”

  She turned to the three kids who’d walked up and focused on them. Popcorn was handed out, the kettle was flipped and refilled, bags were stuffed with the fresh popcorn and dutifully given away with a smile in place.

  The noise of the event became muffled behind the attention she gave her task. But her mind wandered anyway, picking out snippets of what Liv had said over the past few months, requests from Holden that had pushed Vanessa’s boundaries then expanded to encompass her interactions with Angie, the partners at The Den and more.

  Had she become her mother?

  Her hand stilled over the kettle handle where heat simmered in silent warning before she jerked it back. That was what she did to keep from getting hurt. She put out signals to push people away. In her quest to protect herself, she’d become a dressed-up version of her mother—prickly, defensive and cold.

  The instant curl of rejection sucked the breath from her chest and only confirmed it more. She gripped the edge of the cart, arms braced to support her weight.

  “Hey, doll.” Her dad stepped around the popcorn machine, arms spread. “Where’s my hug?”

  The shock of her second revelation of the day left her floundering, but the burly man was impossible to resist. She wiped her hands off, stiffened her spine and embraced him. “Hey, Dad.”

  “You did good here.” He nodded toward the carnival. His praise took away the sting of her mo
ther’s words. They’d always worked like that. Mom cut and Dad soothed.

  “It was Liv, really,” she said, meaning it.

  Her dad shrugged, one beefy shoulder lifting in dismissal. “You’re still there for her, just like you’ve always been.”

  Her half-hearted smile tugged at the sadness and exhaustion that drained her further. “Yeah.” She turned away, grateful for the chattering group of excited kids and parents waiting for popcorn. “So who’s your favorite player?” she asked the kids, who were all wearing Glaciers’s shirts.

  “Conners.”

  “Martini.”

  “Hauke.”

  “Walters.”

  The names bombarded her, riding over one another in their rush to declare their favorites. Her laughter was real and refreshing. The group moved away with their popcorn, the player debate in full swing. From the sounds of the discussion, it wasn’t the first time the four kids had engaged in that conversation.

  “Hey, Vanessa.”

  She looked over to see Quinn and Marcus approaching. Their baby was snuggled into a front carrier, protected from the sun by a long sleeves and a floppy hat. It was an odd look for the Dom, yet it fit him too. He had one arm wrapped around Quinn’s shoulders, the other hand rubbing the back of the baby carrier.

  She was around the side of the cart in a second. “It’s so good to see you both. All three,” she corrected. “How is everything?”

  “Good,” Quinn said. Her long, white-blond hair was tucked under her own wide-brimmed hat. Big sunglasses hid her recognizable face, and paired with the loose sundress and flip-flops, she was just another person attending the event. The Hollywood actress was out in plain sight with her newborn baby, and the attending news reporters were clueless.

  “Exhausted,” Marcus added, but his smile went straight to Quinn.

  “Can I peek?” Vanessa leaned in, and Marcus lifted the hat so she could check on the sleeping baby. Soft and adorable, he was still untouched by the harshness of the world. “Perfect,” she whispered. “How old is he again?”