Girls on the Line

by Jennie Liu

  “I’ll drop this off and leave now.” Ming’s cousin puts the bag down just inside the door.

  “Come in. Drink some tea.” Ma glances up and waves him toward the table near the stove.

  “Don’t bother. Now that I see the girls are safely delivered, I should get going. Traffic’s terrible, so I want to get started right away.”

  We thank him and he leaves. Ma holds the baby on her shoulder while she puts on the tea for us.

  “Come on! Come on! Don’t just stand there!” Ma barks at us until we start to take off our shoes. The room is cold enough to leave on our coats. We move to the stools at the table.

  “What happened at the police station?” Ma demands. “That was very irresponsible! Running away like that! So much trouble for me, between Yong and you!” She shakes her head while she claps mugs onto the table in front of us.

  “But you came back to me.” She gives me a one-sided smile. I can tell she isn’t mad. “And at just the right time!” She grins, showing all her brown teeth. “Wei’s bringing Yong home soon!”

  Luli draws in her breath sharply. Her happy smile is swept away, as if she’s been dashed with cold dishwater.

  “Wei thinks he has enough money for Yong’s fine!” Ma takes no notice of our reaction as she juggles the baby and drops tea leaves in the cups. “Just in time for Spring Festival! Couldn’t be more lucky, even though it’s a terrible thing having to borrow money just before the holiday. But that’s old-fashioned thinking, eh? Everyone will be home together!”

  Luli’s eyes are boring into me. I’m sure she wants to know what we’re going to do when Yong shows up. I shrug to show her it doesn’t matter, but my own mind races. I didn’t think I would see Yong so soon. Not until I was sure what to do about the baby. Now, I’ll have to decide before he gets back. Otherwise he might decide for me.

  “If the police will just accept the money, they’ll ride Yong’s motorbike here. They could be back here tonight!” Ma says.

  Luli begins to tremble.

  “The roads are so busy. It took us six hours to get here,” I say to Ma, but I’m speaking for Luli’s benefit. “They probably won’t make it tonight.”

  “A few hours won’t matter so much,” Ma says. “I hope Yong will forgive us for taking so long to get the money. Poor boy. He’s had such a hard time.”

  The kettle is boiling, and she pours the water into the cups, still holding tightly to the baby with one arm. “If only I had been able to raise the money for the fines so I could get his hukou. But when my husband got sick, there was so much debt from his medicine and then his funeral.” I’ve heard this story already, but Ma seems eager to repeat it for Luli’s benefit. “Yong became a non-person. He couldn’t go to school or get a decent position without his hukou. Always having to scramble for the worst kind of labor.” She sniffs, tears coming to her eyes. “Wei and I always felt so terrible about it. It’s not his fault he got mixed up with some bad people.”

  She sits at the table with the baby, hugging her to her chest and rocking her like Luli did in the car, as if soothing herself. “Don’t worry, little one. You’ll have your hukou.”

  My stomach twists. Ma still doesn’t know, or won’t let herself believe, that Yong and I aren’t married. I can’t bring myself to tell her that there are thousands of yuan in fines standing between this baby and a hukou.

  Ma waves us to drink. Luli does as she’s told, but I stand up and go to my things. I pull out some of my own clothes.

  “You left without your bags! I kept everything for you. I knew you would be back.” Ma is gleeful that she was right.

  I can’t wait to put on clean clothes. I’ve been wearing the same ones for so long. Luli wanted me to put some of hers on, but they wouldn’t fit because my middle is still thick.

  I pull the curtain across the bed to give myself some privacy, change my clothes, and chuck the dirty ones on the floor.

  I come out from behind the curtain, but Ma flaps me back toward the bed.

  “You have to drink some hot water. It’s terrible you exposed yourself to the cold! But I am glad you came. Now you can have a proper sitting-in-the-month time. No more cold things, no bathing, no hair washing. Stay in bed. You have to rest at least the month to recover properly. I’ll take care of you. I’ll make you soup as soon as I can get some pigs’ feet.”

  I climb into the bed, and she puts a steaming cup into my hands. I’m bone-tired, but I manage to give her a tiny smile. It’s good to see Ma.

  I decide I’m looking forward to seeing Yong too. Not because I want to be with him. That’s all over now. But because I know he’ll want to sell the baby. And I need him to let me in on the sale.

  Through the gap in the curtains, I glance at Ma and Luli at the table. They’re ogling the baby, so happy. I’ll be sorry to take her away from them. I think of how Luli was when she first came to the orphanage—her sad, sad expression. The same look when she watched me leave the Institute. And Ma will surely have a fit of crying and screaming.

  But I don’t know how to be a mother. And even if Ma agrees to raise the baby, the fines we would have to pay for her to have a normal life would trap us for years, decades. None of us would have any sort of life outside of working, saving, worrying.

  I know Ma and Luli want to help, but all of this is really my problem.

  I’ll tell them that the baby will have an easier life. Though I wonder if that’s true, because Yong isn’t trustworthy. He does whatever’s best for himself, no matter what it means for other people. I know, because I’m like that too.

  Chapter 27

  Luli

  All morning I’m nervous as a cat, dreading Yong’s arrival. My ears are tuned to the alley, listening for his motorbike, and I jump at every sound. When I drop my mug at the table, Ma throws me an irritated look and tells me to get Yun’s dirty clothes ready to wash. I’m grateful for something to distract me.

  I go over to the bed, where Yun sits sipping the tea Ma brought her, and pick her clothes up from the floor.

  “There are more dirty ones in that blue bag,” Yun says.

  “Check through all the pockets,” Ma adds. “Then get that basin by the door and soak the clothes. When I get back from the market, I’ll teach you how to do the wash. You girls who’ve grown up in the city! Now you’ll have to learn to work!”

  I glance back at Yun, and she makes a face. I smother a laugh.

  “Ma, we know how to do laundry and all that sort of work from the Institute,” Yun says. “And the factory.”

  Ma hoots. “I guess that’s true. You probably even know how to take care of babies, maybe better than me. So take care of this one while I run to the market.” She picks up Chun and nuzzles her before setting her back into the basket she found for her to sleep in. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. No more than thirty minutes.”

  She leaves, and I start digging through the pockets of Yun’s clothes. From a pair of jeans, I pull out a crinkled piece of paper. It’s a business card. Xiang Jian, Private Detection Services.

  “What’s this?” I ask Yun, holding up the card.

  Yun takes it from me and examines it. “Oh. The private detective. He came looking for Yong months ago. About some girl.”

  I suck in my breath. Every fear I have about Yong, about what he does for a living, about what kind of person he is, spikes to a new level. “Did he find her? Is that how Yong got caught and sent to jail?”

  “I don’t know.” Yun crumples the card and tosses it beside her on the blankets. A moment later she gets up, puts her mug on the table, and snaps on the TV.

  I snatch up the card and smooth it out. I look at Yun, wanting to know more, but she sinks into a chair in front of the TV and turns the volume up. Chun begins to fuss at the noise. I fold the card into my pocket and go to the baby.

  ***

  Late in the afternoon, I’m taking down the dry laundry from the line strung across the room when I hear a motorbike outside. My throat tightens. I listen as i
t comes closer in the alley and sputters to a stop. Clutching the shirt I’ve been folding against my chest, I turn to watch the door.

  It flies open and Yong bursts in. “Ma! I’m—” He sees us, and his words fall off. His hair is matted and greasy, his upper lip and jawline marked with stubble. His eyes fly from me, to Yun stretched out on the bed with a magazine, to Ma at the stove with Chun.

  “Yong! My boy! My boy! You’re home now!” Ma flaps her arm at him. Another guy—Wei, I suppose—comes up behind him in the doorway, carrying a bag. His head is wrapped in a scarf. He sees us over Yong’s shoulder and hesitates before he nudges Yong to move in. He shuts the door behind them, cutting off the flow of cold air.

  “Look here! Look who’s here!” Ma holds up Chun and skirts around the table and stools to get to Yong.

  Yong looks from Chun to Yun, who sits up and swings her legs onto the floor. “Is it . . . ?”

  “Yes! Yes! You’re a father now!” Ma thrusts the baby up toward his face. She twists around and gestures to Yun with her elbow. “She did a good job. This little one is perfect.”

  “Girl or boy?” Yong asks Yun over Ma’s head.

  Yun gives no hint of how she feels. Her mouth twitches slightly, but before she says anything, Ma answers. “Girl. But don’t worry. That just means you can try again. You’ll have to wait a few years, but you’ll be older then. And this one will help us take care of the other.”

  I’m holding my breath, not sure what kind of reaction to expect.

  Yong’s expression is as blank as Yun’s. Stepping around Ma and Chun, he drops into the vinyl armchair in front of the television, his back to us. He rifles through the scattered mess of newspapers and magazines on the TV stand, probably searching for the remote. Without turning around, he says, “There are a lot of people who want to adopt a baby girl if it’s healthy. I know I can find her a nice family that will pay. So many people don’t want to have to go through all the hassle of the Children’s Social Welfare Institute.”

  A small cry escapes me. This is exactly what I was afraid he’d say. I look desperately at Yun, Wei, and Ma. Yun doesn’t say anything. Wei, who has taken off his scarf and gloves, stands near the door rubbing his hands together, looking miserable and cold.

  But Ma flies across the room to plant herself in front of Yong. “Shut your mouth! Why are you talking like that?” She glowers at him. “You aren’t taking this baby anywhere! I’m keeping her right here, and when she gets older she’ll take care of me, and probably you too!”

  “Ma! Forget about it!” Yong sits upright, raising his voice. “I don’t want a child yet! And she”—he ticks his head toward Yun without turning around—“can’t afford to keep it. The fines she’ll have to pay!”

  Ma frowns. “What are you talking about? What fines? What do you mean, she’ll have to pay?”

  “Ma.” He tosses his head back dismissively. “Yun and I aren’t married. I’m not responsible for that baby. And she’ll be fined for having a baby without a permit.”

  Ma gasps and moves one hand around Chun as if to shelter the baby from such awful words.

  “The fines will be at least five times her annual salary. Maybe more!” Yong twists around and throws an arm on the back of his chair, turning toward Yun. “I’m surprised they even allowed her to give birth!”

  Ma’s face seems to crumble like a building being demolished. “The child won’t be able to get her hukou until the fines are paid!”

  The baby begins to squall. I rush over and try to take her from Ma, but she clutches her harder.

  “All the trouble of this life when a child has no hukou!” Ma moans. “That’s what got you into all your trouble!”

  Yong ignores her. He finds the remote and snaps on the television. The blare of it fills the room.

  My heart is twisting. I want to get Yun alone so I can talk to her about what Yong said. I have to make sure she doesn’t listen to him. I try to catch her eye, but she steadily watches Ma. I feel like she’s avoiding me.

  Ma steps in front of the TV, blocking Yong’s view. “This is your child! You have to help her. Now look, with you and Wei—and Yun too in a few months—with everybody working, we can save all the money to cover the fines in just a few years!”

  “We also have to pay back all the money we borrowed to get Yong out of jail,” mumbles Wei.

  “Yes, yes,” says Ma impatiently, “but with the three of you working, by the time this one is ready for school, the fines will be paid.”

  Hope swells in my chest. If Ma believes we can make this work, there’s still a chance.

  “Four of us!” I say. I go to the bed and kneel next to Yun. “I can help too. And Ma can take care of the baby here, so the rest of us can work full time.” I nod vigorously at Yun, urging her to agree.

  She looks at me, at Yong, her face smooth as concrete, still not saying a word.

  Chapter 28

  Yun

  Four of us, Luli says. Yong and Wei and I have no choice in it. I know Luli and Ma think they’re solving our problems, but all they’ve done is commit us all to years of debt. I picture myself holed up in a factory dorm room, sending home all my money like Dali, eating tasteless canteen food every day, my life as gray and empty as it was at the Institute. I picture five, ten years of that. And I want to scream.

  ***

  For the next couple of days, Luli doesn’t leave Yong and me alone for a moment—which isn’t difficult in Ma’s small house. Since she’s volunteered to help with the baby, Ma’s happy to let her stay here through the holiday. The three of us cram together in Ma’s bed at night, and during the day Luli pitches in with the housework and the baby’s care.

  She never talks when Yong is around, but she’s watchful of him. Her eyes constantly flick to him watching television, cracking melon seeds between his teeth, texting on his mobile. Her expression is dead solemn. Only when he goes out to make a phone call or to visit his old friends does she become cheerful, chattering to the baby. I know she doesn’t want Yong and me left alone. And she never leaves the baby except when she goes to the toilet.

  Wei is in and out of the house, usually wearing an expression that makes it clear how much he regrets coming home in the first place. On our third morning here, Wei goes out to buy firecrackers. Ten minutes later Ma exclaims, “Oil! I’m almost out and I need to start making our Spring Festival dumplings! I forgot to tell Wei.”

  I don’t react to this. I know Ma won’t expect me to do anything. I’m wrapped in the comforter from the bed, sitting sideways in the vinyl chair near the TV, rotating through shows with the remote. Aside from the TV, the room is dim, with only a feeble light from the window beside the door.

  Yong, sitting at the table eating a late breakfast amid everyone else’s empty plates, keeps shoveling food in his mouth. Ma never asks him to help her out either.

  “Luli,” Ma says as she drops another scoop of food onto Yong’s plate, “run and get it for me, before the stores get too crowded.”

  Luli is holding the baby, bouncing her lightly. She hesitates. Glances at Yong, who pushes away his plate and lights a cigarette.

  “Okay,” Luli agrees after a moment. She sets the baby down just long enough to shrug on her coat. Then she takes the baby over to the bed, gets her bag, and pulls out the baby’s own tiny purple coat. The baby kicks and makes her burble noises as Luli puts the coat on her, expertly directing her arms through the sleeves before pinching together the snaps. I know those moves myself. We dressed so many babies at the orphanage. But Luli smiles so sweetly at the baby, her eyes shine with such tenderness, that I only feel the hole in my heart more strongly.

  “What are you doing?” Ma says to Luli as she waves away smoke coming from Yong’s cigarette.

  “Just getting her ready.”

  Ma leaves the mess at the table and goes to pick up the baby. Luli is quick to reach over and take her out of Ma’s hands.

  “I’m taking Chun with me.” Luli pivots and swiftly crosses the
room.

  “No! You’re not thinking!” Ma sounds shocked. “It’s cold enough to snow today. The wind is too harsh. No baby should be outside. Especially one who’s only a few days old!”

  Luli glances out the window but doesn’t say anything. She slips her feet into her shoes and bends awkwardly to put a finger in the heel while still holding the baby.

  Ma shuffles over in her slippers, flapping her hands at the baby. “Give her to me. You can’t take her out there.”

  Luli turns her back to Ma and throws the door open. Cold air scours in as she rushes out. Her coat is gapped open. She didn’t even have time to snap the buttons.

  “Stop!” Ma cries. “The baby! The baby! It’s too cold!” She steps out into the street, but a moment later she runs back in and grabs her coat. “Stupid girl! She doesn’t know anything. The cold! The germs!” In a fluster, she works on her coat and rushes back out, still in her slippers. She fights against the wind to get the door closed behind her. Even with it shut, I can hear her shouting after Luli as she chases her down the lane.

  Ma and Luli truly love that baby. I feel a pang in my chest. I try to sigh it away.

  Yong, still at the table, snickers. His cigarette is a stub, and he grinds it out in a dirty dish, then comes over and perches on the metal armrest of my chair.

  He gives me his lazy smile. “Alone, finally!” He puts his arm around me and leans down.

  I let him kiss me, even opening my mouth a little and tasting his ashiness, but after a moment I pull back. The light from the television flashes off his face. He looked as bad as a vagrant when he first arrived, but having shaved and washed, he looks like his old self, despite the morning stubble and his hair poking in all directions from sleep. He’s still good-looking. But I feel nothing for him. “Forget it,” I say. “We’re all done with that.”

  He gives me a disgusted scowl, like he doesn’t believe it.