by Jennie Liu
Before he can get angry or even say anything, I ask, “What about the baby, then?”
I’m not stupid enough to think he’s going to pitch in to pay my fines. Ma might have convinced herself that we’ll be one big family working together to give this baby a good life, but I know better.
He glares at me for a moment longer before he shifts off my chair and flops into the other one. “I think my boss has found someone to take her.”
Anger flares through me, even though this is exactly what I expected. He’s gone ahead and started making arrangements before we’ve even talked about it. I set my mouth hard. “How much will they give us?”
He raises his eyebrows. I know it’s the us he’s questioning.
“I want half of the money,” I say. “I need it until I get a new position.”
“I’ll have to split it with the boss,” he says, “and I have to give Wei and Ma the money to pay back what they borrowed.”
I tug at my hair. I doubt he’ll do it. He’s more likely to take the money and go back to the city, leaving me stranded here. It flashes through my mind: Ma kicking me out of the house once the baby’s gone, me with no job and nowhere to live.
I have to make sure I get my share. Without it, I have no hope of getting back on my feet.
“If you don’t give me my half of the money, I’ll tell Ma what you’re going to do.”
He snorts out a laugh and shrugs. I know that was a stupid thing to say. Ma can scream and cry, but she can’t stop him. Yong is her boy, and she’ll forgive him whatever he does.
“The police then!” I thrust my chin out. “You want to go back to jail? I’ll report you to the Public Security Bureau for kidnapping and human trafficking!”
His mouth turns small. He gives me a murderous look. I stare right back at him. I’m not going to give in.
“You said it could be a lot of money. There’ll be enough for both of us. After it’s done, we don’t have to have anything else to do with each other.”
He draws out another cigarette from the pack in his shirt pocket. “If it’s money you want—real money, I mean—brides bring five times as much as babies.” Rather than lighting the cigarette, he toys with it, first holding it at the ends with the tips of his fingers, then wobbling it between his thumb and forefinger.
My skin prickles and turns hot. He’s talking about selling me. I shouldn’t be surprised—I shouldn’t even be outraged—but I can’t help it. Maybe some part of me has refused to believe that Yong would see me like this. As a business opportunity, as something he can turn into money. But of course, if I’m smart, I’ll start thinking the same way.
I force myself to think about this calmly. “Are you offering me a deal?” I ask. “You’d split the profits?”
He shrugs. “Sure.”
I play this out in my head—not for the first time, but more seriously than I ever have before. He’d deliver me to some farmer, and then I could run away. But he would be leaving me behind, taking the money with him. There’s no way I could trust him to give me my share once I got away. I scoff out loud and shake my head.
“What?” he says. “I’m not kidding. Eight thousand yuan is nothing to laugh about. And a home for a girl with no family, someone too shy to find her own husband.” His brows go up, and he rolls his eyes and head toward the door in a pointed gesture.
For a long minute, I’m aware only of the pulsing roar in my ears as his meaning sinks in. No family. Shy. He’s not planning to sell me after all. He’s talking about Luli.
Luli is shy, timid really. And much too trusting. She wouldn’t know how to fight or lie or escape from her buyer.
Yong must’ve been sizing her up ever since he came home. All this time she’s been watching him, worried about the baby, worried about me, while he’s been thinking about kidnapping her.
I’m tempted to let loose a string of curses and fly at Yong, but for once I hold back. My mind scrambles to figure out how to get him to leave her out of this, how to turn this mess around.
“I can be shy,” I say. I’m aware my voice sounds gruff and pushy.
“Ha!” He laughs and lights his cigarette.
“I can! For that kind of money, I can.” I muster up a demure smile. It feels unconvincing. Yong makes a face at my bad acting, but he’s amused. Quickly, I go back to talking about the baby to make him forget about Luli. “If you have it arranged for the baby, let’s go ahead with it. You’ll give me half, and you can tell your boss that I’ll marry one of his country bumpkins. When he gets that set up, we’ll figure out how you’ll get my share of the money to me.”
He studies me for a long time, his mouth pursed. I look right back at him, my heart thumping in my chest. He finally takes a long drag on his cigarette, and shifts his eyes to the television.
I figure that means he’s agreed. I know I’ll still have to make sure he gives me my half of the baby money before I disappear. I have no intention of going along with his bride scheme. As soon as the baby’s taken care of and I have what he owes me, Luli and I are getting out of here.
The door opens. Ma, holding the baby, charges in with another gust of icy wind. “Who takes a baby out in cold like this! The wind is driving the dust like a sandstorm. And some boys down the next lane are ready to set off fireworks too!”
Luli comes in a few seconds later. Her eyes dart to Ma, to Yong, to me. I quickly turn away so she won’t see the guilt pinching in my chest. I remind myself that Yong would’ve taken the baby anyway; none of us could’ve stopped him. I’m only trying to make the best of this hopeless situation.
“What are you doing back already?” Ma asks Luli. She takes the baby with her to a stool and plops down. “Where’s the oil?”
Luli doesn’t answer. She’s rooted in place, blinking at us like a turtle. I can feel her gaze going back and forth between Yong and me even as I stare at the TV, watching two young women teeter on high heels as they try to stomp balloons on a game show.
“So stupid to come back without the oil!” Ma snaps. “I won’t be able to cook without it. Go on!” Luli’s shoulders stiffen and she goes back out the door.
My whole body aches with exhaustion. I wish none of this had happened, but it has, and now I just want it to be done.
Chapter 29
Luli
I march to the public toilets at the end of the lane. The wind is harsh and gritty, so I go around to the west side of the structure and hunker against it. Despite the faint scent of coal smoke coming from the stovepipes on the roofs and the snuffling of some pigs penned nearby, I’m struck by the cleanness of the air and the quiet of the lane. The memory of Granddad rushes back, and for a moment I feel like I’m back in my old home. I blink back tears, thinking how different my life was then, before Granddad got sick.
I pull out my phone and nervously punch out the number I memorized days ago.
The voice that answers is deep-toned and curt. “Xiang Investigations.”
Never having spoken to a private investigator, I’m not sure what to say. I hesitate.
“Hello?”
“Yes. My name is Cao Luli. I’m . . . I’m calling about someone you were looking for. Liang Yong.”
“What is it?”
“He’s here. Yong’s here in Yellow Grain Village with his ma and . . . us.”
“Liang Yong was caught with his associate and turned over to police last week.”
“Yes, yes, but he’s out now! He bribed his way out and came home to his ma. We had come too, just before he arrived, Yun and I with the baby, not knowing he was coming. You spoke with her—Yun—once. You tried to warn her but she didn’t listen! She had a baby, his baby. And now he wants to sell her!”
The line is quiet on the other end, although I feel as if I can hear Mr. Xiang sizing up the situation. He’s silent for so long that I start to wonder if I’ve made a mistake. Maybe he’s not going to help me. A panicky feeling overtakes me, as bad as the day Granddad’s neighbor left me at the orphanage. I feel
hot tears filming my eyes. Words gush out of me.
“I’m calling for Yun. She begged me to. She just had the baby and it was bloody and difficult. She’s too sick to call you herself. Not just sick, but crazy with worry that Yong is going to take the baby and sell her any day now!”
The lies and half-truths tumble from my mouth. It’s as if I’m the Yun I’m speaking of. I’m blubbering now, snot dripping from my noise, my tears freezing on my face in the cold. I know I’m hardly making sense, but I grasp for anything to say, anything that will make him help me. I tell him Yun named the baby Chun. That Yong didn’t want to get married. And that Yong started looking for a buyer right away, has probably already located one. “He’ll tear Chun away from her mother who loves her. For money! It would kill Yun!”
I sob. Deep-gutted sobs that shake my body. “I have money. We have money to pay you. Please, can’t you do something?”
Detective Xiang’s voice crackles over the line. He says he’ll drive to Yellow Grain Village. He’ll have to wait until something actually happens before he can intervene, but at least he is coming.
Chapter 30
Yun
Four days later, Spring Festival has come and gone. Wei pieces together some rides and heads back to work in Gujiao to make up for the time he lost getting Yong out of jail.
A couple hours after Wei leaves, I notice Yong furtively gathering up his stuff—his phone charger, a jacket he always leaves draped over a kitchen chair. While Ma’s busy cooking and Luli is out using the toilet, I whisper, “So you found a buyer?”
Irritation flashes across his face. “Keep your voice down.”
“I am. When are you going to take her?”
“Tonight.”
I nod. “Okay. I’ll take my share of the money now.”
His frown deepens. “I don’t have it yet. I won’t get paid till I’ve made the delivery.”
“Fine. Then I’ll go with you tonight.”
“What? No.”
“Either you front me the cash now, or I go along and get paid when you do.”
He narrows his eyes at me, trying to scare me into backing down, but I only say, “Unless you want me to report you?”
That settles it.
***
In the dead of that night, I hear the creak of Yong’s bedroom door. The nightlight by the bed throws shadows as Yong comes through and puts a finger to his lips.
I slip noiselessly out of bed and pause to make sure I haven’t disturbed Ma and Luli. Luli’s smooth face has a faint line at her forehead, as if she’s having a bad dream. Ma snores softly. A twinge catches in my throat, but I swallow it down.
Yong clicks on a flashlight and sweeps it low across the room. He picks up the baby in her basket while I put on my coat and shoes and grab my purse. We’re at the door when we hear a distant crack of fireworks. The baby shifts in her basket. I glance back at the bed, but Ma and Luli don’t move. Spring Festival is over, but people are still setting off their leftover bangers. I’m used to the noise.
We steal outside. I wind my arms around myself and shiver in the wind that whips along the alley. Overhead, only a tiny slash of moon is visible in the black sky. I hold the flashlight for Yong as he straps the baby’s basket to the motorbike in front of the seat. After he straddles the bike and jounces it off its kickstand, I edge sideways onto the seat behind him, wincing with soreness. He starts up the engine. The baby starts to whimper.
The door to Ma’s house swings wide, and Luli is there in her T-shirt and long underwear. Her clothes are too thin, rippling in the cold wind, but she stands there, with her bare arms at her sides, as if she doesn’t feel the cold. I have the strange thought that even though I’m yards away, I can feel heat coming off her body.
Someone sets off more firecrackers on another lane, the pops echoing off the brick of the buildings. Yong guns the throttle and we take off, but I peer back at Luli, her face pale and white. The light comes on in the house, framing her and Ma, who crowds into the doorway with a blanket over her shoulders. Right away, she’s yanking on Luli’s arm, nearly pulling her over.
I want to shout to them that it’s better this way. That the baby will have a better home. That we won’t have to worry about money. That now we can go back to how things were before.
But we round the corner, and they’re out of sight before any words came out.
Chapter 31
Luli
Once they’ve turned out of the lane and I know which way they’ve gone, I bolt back into the house. Ma trails me, screaming, “What’s happened? Where are they going? Where are they taking the baby?”
I don’t answer. Instead, I fling the blankets off the bed, searching for my mobile.
“Luli, tell me what’s happening!”
I find my phone and punch out Mr. Xiang’s number. I turn away from Ma, covering my ear to block out her voice.
He answers on the second ring.
“He’s taken the baby!” I shout into the phone so he can hear me over Ma’s wailing.
“How long ago? Which way?”
“Just now. He turned left, away from the village center!”
Mr. Xiang clicks off, but I keep listening to the dial tone for several moments. Ma collapses onto the bed, moaning, begging me to tell her what’s going on.
I barely hear her. When I was outside watching Yun and Yong drive off, I didn’t notice the frigid wind, but now, as I stand in the middle of Ma’s house, my blood suddenly feels like ice.
I know that Yun’s time in the Institute has damaged some part of her, for babies, for feeling. I feared she would give up Chun, but I never imagined that she would go with Yong herself. I hoped to save Chun by calling Mr. Xiang, but what will happen to Yun when Mr. Xiang catches up with them?
Chapter 32
Yun
We speed along the hills with only the single headlight to show the way. Every bounce on the rutted dirt roads hurts me between my legs, my back in its twisted position, my tailbone. I can feel the blood draining from me. I know it’s stupid to go with Yong, but I know he won’t give me the money otherwise.
The wind stings my face. I feel as if I’ll die with cold. Ma would scold terribly that I’m making myself sick and ruining my health forever. Well, she probably won’t care about me anymore. She’ll think only of the baby. I glance over Yong’s shoulder, trying to see the baby in her basket, but the white slice of moon doesn’t give enough light. Ma would be so wrecked to hear how she cries out in the cold, her short, ragged bleats. She would say I’m going to get her killed this way. My chest aches. People have often let me know I’m a worthless person, but now I feel I’m a terrible one.
I keep seeing Ma and Luli in my head, the way they looked as we drove away. I’ve never seen Luli with that expression on her face, so still, so hard. I have no idea what she was thinking. I wonder if she hates me now. If she’ll forgive me when I go back. And Ma. She’ll be so mad. Without the baby, there’s nothing to hold her to me. I didn’t think that would bother me so much.
It doesn’t matter anyway, because I’ll be going back to the city, and I’ll throw myself back into working.
We hit smoother roads, and the baby slowly quiets until she finally falls asleep. I would go to sleep myself, but I’m afraid of falling off the bike.
When the sky begins to lighten, I hear the baby start to bawl again. At first, Yong just drives faster as if to drown her out with the sound of the engine, but she doesn’t let up. I glimpse her red, squalling face poking out of the thick swaddling. One of her hands has fought past all the layers, and her tiny fingers move as if she’s trying to claw her way out. She must be hungry. My breasts hurt, though I thought my milk had dried up.
I tap Yong on the shoulder. “We have to stop somewhere and get her some formula.” I didn’t think to bring any.
Yong half turns his head and shouts back to me, “Nothing will be open this early.”
The baby continues screaming, grating my nerves. Luli or Ma would h
ave picked her up, rocked her, rubbed her back, chanted her name—Chun, Chun, Chun. I would do it myself if we were stopped. I sigh. I’m tired and aching so deeply, inside and out, all over.
The sun creeps up over the hills. At last her cries weaken to the faintest whimper. “You’d better find a store!” I shout to Yong. “Or the baby will get sick and nobody will want her!”
He turns onto the potholed, winding streets of a little town. Soon we find a stall shop with its metal door rolled up, revealing towering piles of household goods. Yong stops the bike. I glance at Chun. Her eyes are slightly open, but she isn’t making any noise. Her face and lips look bloodless. I flinch. The rows of sick babies at the Institute flit into my mind. I’m glad I made Yong stop.
He hands me four yuan. I stiffly slide off the bike and hobble over to the stall as quickly as I can. All sorts of products are stacked against the walls and piled on the long table in the center—black plastic men’s slippers, towels, colored basins, brooms. I edge toward the back, scanning for foodstuffs or baby things.
And that’s when I hear the motorbike start up and speed away.
Chapter 33
Luli
“Luli, tell me! Tell me! Where are they going? Who were you talking to?” Ma demands.
I don’t want to talk to her. I just want to think.
But Ma won’t let up. She pleads and yanks on my clothes until I finally burst out, “They’ve taken the baby to sell.”
“Not true! Not true!” Ma screams and slaps at my arms. “You’re lying!”
I move away from her, shaking my head. “Why would I lie? Yun is my closest friend. She’s all I have in the world. Do you think I want to believe she would do this?”
Ma stares at me. For a moment I’m afraid she’s going to come at me again, but she just drops into a chair and wails.
I feel sorry for her now. Her son has done something unforgivable. And I know just how she feels, because my friend has done the same thing.
