“Toni, maybe you should try and get some rest,” Mrs. Fielding, her mom’s best friend, suggested, her soft voice interrupting Toni’s thoughts. “You need rest if you’re going to make it to the funeral on Saturday.”
Mrs. Fielding had gotten older and grayer since Toni’s high school years, but she was the best friend her mother had.
She’d been a good friend to Toni as well. “Thank you, Mrs. Fielding.”
Someone knocked at the front door, and when Toni answered it, she smiled when she saw Sterling.
He grinned. He had not changed in the two years since she’d met him.
“Hey, Stranger.” He walked up the rusty front steps and entered her house. He seemed so big, massive, even bigger than Jason. Since the trailer was so small, Sterling’s presence filled the tiny kitchen when he stepped into the house.
“Hi, Sterling.” She hugged him, finding comfort in his warm embrace.
When they ended their hug, he took her hands, peered into her eyes. “I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.” He seemed at a loss for words, and Toni didn’t blame him. What could you say to make someone feel better after they’d lost a loved one? “I know you don’t care much for prayer, but I need you to know that I’ve been praying for you.”
She gave him a quick nod. After introducing him to the church sisters and to her mom, she gestured toward the table, sighing. They sat in the old, wooden chairs. Sterling’s chair creaked when he eased into it. She took a deep breath, feeling a little bit better. She recalled how comfortable she’d been when she’d spent three days with Sterling and Rhea two years ago.
“I didn’t tell you this in my texts and emails, but I’ve been going to church, trying to figure out about faith and stuff.” She shrugged, not sure what else to say about her faith finding journey.
“Toni, that’s great. I know you’ve been going through a lot, and it’s hard to trust in God.”
She shook her head, making sure he understood. “I can’t say I completely trust in God, but I’m trying to understand Him.”
“Don’t try too hard. Nobody understands God.”
Mrs. Fielding came into the kitchen. “Would your friend like something to eat or drink?”
Sterling shook his head. “No, thanks, I’m good.”
Toni had been cooped up in this trailer for three days. She needed to get out or she’d go stir crazy. She needed to focus on something else for a while. She got up from her chair, gestured toward the door. “Mind if we go for a walk?”
Sterling quickly obliged and minutes later, they strolled around the small trailer park. It was early evening, just starting to get dark. Toni cringed seeing some of the rusted and battered trailers in the lots. The homes reminded her of helpless orphans in the middle of the woods. A pregnant lady relaxed in her yard, nursing an infant, not bothering to cover herself up. Two more children romped around her, screaming and arguing. Toni studied the woman, realizing she did not recognize her. She seemed battered and tired, her frizzy hair swaying in the hot evening breeze.
He cleared his throat, glancing at the morbid-looking surroundings. “So, you grew up here?”
She nodded, sighing. “Yes.” She had to wonder what Sterling thought. Did he feel sorry for her growing up in this filthy place? How had his life been while he’d been growing up? She didn’t want to dwell on her life, her shortcomings, her father’s death. She’d been thinking about those subjects constantly for the last three days. While they strolled, the streetlights came on, and some dirty kids whizzed by on old bicycles.
She tried to recall what Sterling had mentioned about his family at the food convention two years ago. He ran a bakery with his father, and she recalled that he had two siblings who were twins. “How are things going with your bakery? From your emails and texts, I know you’re still running it with your dad.”
He blew air through his lips. “It’s going okay.” He paused and Toni felt he had more to say. “But…”
“Is everything okay?”
He slowly shook his head, glanced toward a bed of marigolds blooming in one of the yards. “My dad hasn’t been feeling well, and, I’ve been worried about him.”
“What did the doctor say?”
“He hasn’t been to the doctor in a few years. He’s so stubborn. It’s hard to make him do anything. When it comes to his body, he feels that he knows best.”
Toni paused, thinking. From their conversations, Sterling had mentioned his dad and his brothers, but never said a thing about his mom. She’d just assumed his parents were divorced, or possibly never married. “What about your mom? Is she able to speak to him?”
He shook his head. “My mom’s dead.”
Her heart jumped. “I’m sorry—”
He touched her shoulder. “No, don’t be sorry. You didn’t know. She died a long time ago.” He paused, staring at the trees in the distance. “I don’t think my dad ever got over her death.”
So many deaths just didn’t make a whole lot of sense. Jason’s mom had recently died, her father was now dead, and Sterling had lost his mom a long time ago. It was just so depressing, to be emotionally connected to a person, and then they died. She sighed, remembering the argument she’d had with Sheila awhile back regarding her question about Jason’s mom’s death. Both of Sheila’s parents were still living, and she had to wonder if Sheila had ever gotten around to meeting her father. She recalled the letter she’d received, and Sheila and her dad were supposed to meet, their first meeting since Sheila was seven. Sheila had not mentioned her dad in a while and with all that had been going on with the prank phone calls and the vandalism in her bakery, she had not thought to ask her friend about him.
“You seem upset. What’s wrong?” Sterling’s deep, soothing voice broke into her thoughts. They’d rounded a corner and her home came into view again. They’d circled around the small trailer park.
“Nothing’s wrong. Just thinking about a problem one of my friends was having.”
When they’d reached her trailer, he stopped at his rental car parked on the street. It’d grown even darker, and the lights shined on his vehicle. “Well, unless you want me to stay, I’ll be heading back to my hotel.” He hugged her. “Let me know if you need anything. I’ll come to the funeral tomorrow.”
Jason’s BMW pulled in back of Sterling’s car, the headlights shining on Sterling and Toni while they’d hugged. Sterling got into his car and drove away just when Jason opened his car door. Sheila got out of the car, too. Toni had never been so glad to see the two of them.
She burst into tears, running toward Jason.
Chapter 31
Jason cradled Toni in his arms, kissed her salty tears away. “I’m here, Baby.”
Sniffing, she then hugged Sheila.
“I’m so glad to see the two of you.”
Jason took a deep breath, pulling Toni close again. “I’m glad to see you, too. I’ve been worried about you.” When he’d pulled up to her house and saw her hugging that tall, big boned dude, he’d had to push his jealousy aside. He’d wondered who that guy was, and when he’d asked Sheila, she claimed she didn’t know. The stranger seemed young, and Jason wondered if the guy was one of Toni’s old boyfriends.
Sheila touched Toni’s shoulder. “We came as soon as you called. I took a few days off from work, and I knew you wouldn’t mind if Jason closed the bakery.”
“I’m glad you came. Come on in,” she said, taking a deep breath. “Let me introduce you to my mom’s church friends.”
*
Sheila stayed for a short while before Jason gave her a ride to her parents’ house. She promised Toni that she’d be back the following day for the funeral. Jason returned to Toni’s a short while later. By nine o’clock, her mom’s church friends had left. Toni’s mother had taken a sleeping pill and was headed to her bedroom. Toni followed to make sure she was comfortable.
“You know, Toni,” her mother confided as she slipped under the covers of the double bed, “I d
on’t know how I’m going to get used to not having your daddy here next to me.”
Toni lowered the lights and bent over to kiss her mother’s cheek. “I know how much you loved him,” she whispered, “and I know that even with all his troubles, he loved us as much as he could.” She pulled a small chair next to the bed and sat holding her mother’s hand until deep, regular breathing signaled that her mother was finally asleep.
Sighing, Toni stood and slipped out of the room. She softly walked down the hallway and entered the kitchen, where Jason was sitting at the table.
He got up and gave Toni a hug. “You must be exhausted. Are you going to bed soon?”
She shook her head. “My mind keeps on racing. I can’t seem to shut it off.”
Taking her hand, he led her to the kitchen table. “Why don’t you sit with me?”
She plopped into the chair next to him. It was nice just to sit, but having Jason next to her, slowly stroking her hand, was even better. “I’d wanted to ask you something.”
“Yes?”
“When I first arrived with Sheila, I saw you hugging somebody. Who was that? I asked Sheila, and she said she didn’t know.”
“Oh, that was just Sterling.”
“Sterling?” This was a surprise. “The guy you met at the food convention?”
“Yeah.”
Maybe Toni was closer to Sterling than she was willing to admit. When he’d had lunch at Chan’s Chinese restaurant with Sheila awhile back, Sheila had mentioned Sterling and Rhea. When he’d speculated about Sterling having feelings for Toni, Sheila had balked at that. She’d claimed that Sterling lived in Florida. She didn’t think they’d seen one another since the food convention. Why would Sterling fly all the way from Florida to Maryland just to attend Toni’s dad’s funeral? Seems like, he’d just send a card or flowers. Perhaps he had a crush on Toni, and she simply did not realize it.
Toni squeezed his hand, her eyes ringed with fatigue. “You’re quiet all of a sudden. What’s wrong?”
Did he really want to ask her about another man now? It’d be best not to bring that subject up. He’d ask her later when she was in a better frame of mind. “Nothing, just tired, I guess.”
It’d been exhausting running the bakery without her there. He’d missed her, missed her so much that there was a physical ache right in his chest because of her absence. When he’d been rolling dough for pastries in the hot kitchen, he missed being by her side. Whenever he’d worked the register, he’d found himself stealing a glimpse of her hurrying around the bakery filling coffee cups, chatting to customers. But then he’d recall that she’d had to make the trip home. Whenever he found himself searching for her, only to realize she was temporarily gone, he almost felt like a splash of cold water had been thrown into his face.
He missed her like crazy, and he couldn’t wait until she returned to the bakery, working with him, side by side. He blinked, glancing at her beautiful profile. A wisp of her hair fell into her face, and he gently swiped the hair away. She stared at him, her tired eyes full of longing. He stood, realizing he could hold her and kiss her until tomorrow morning, not letting go. He took a deep breath, desire coursing through him like a cannon shot. She stood beside him, and he cupped her face with one of his hands. Goodness, her skin was soft, so soft and smooth. “I’m going to leave and let you get some sleep.”
“Go?” She scrunched her brow. “Where are you staying?”
He told her the name of the hotel where he’d made reservations.
“But you could’ve stayed here—”
He shook his head. No way could he stay in these cramped quarters. Even though her mom was here, he could not trust himself to be alone with Toni right now. He mentally sighed. His feelings for her were growing too fast, too deeply. What would happen when it was time for him to return to Chicago? It’d be tough to leave her. Did she have deep feelings for him, too? It was hard to say. He’d need to talk with her about it, but now wasn’t the right time.
These thoughts rushed through his mind with the speed of a freight train while he kissed her cheek, about to make a hasty exit.
“Please don’t go, Jason.” She grabbed his hand, refusing to release him.
“I’ll stay for a while. Why don’t you try and go to sleep?” He’d stay for as long as she needed. His heart swelled with love. He cupped her cheek in his hand.
She nodded and he followed her to her bedroom, leaving the door open. The room was so tiny that there was barely enough room for him to sit. He pulled a chair from the kitchen into the hallway, watching Toni while she closed her eyes.
He studied her while she slept in the faint light from the kitchen. He’d learned a lot about her over the past few months, but here he’d finally discovered the core of her being. He studied the tarnished brown walls of the trailer. She had told him what it was like to grow up in poverty, but hearing words was different from seeing things firsthand. The closed-in, cramped feeling of the small trailer made him feel like the walls were closing in on him. There was barely enough room to move around. By far, this was the smallest home he’d ever seen.
The only time he’d been in a smaller place was when he’d gone camping with one of his school friends when he was a child. They’d had a small camping trailer, but he and his school friend had slept in a tent. He wasn’t used to being in such a closed-in space. Her bedroom was also quite small, with barely enough space for a twin bed, small dresser, and a single chair.
Toni’s deep, even breathing filled the room. The urge to lift her load, lift her heartache and burden just a little bit of it, make it go away, consumed him. If he could, he’d take some of her pain and suffering upon himself. If he had the power to do so he’d wipe away her pain and anguish forever. But only God could do that, and he hoped that she was willing to accept the Lord into her life. Things would still be tough for her, but God could bring strength and comfort when nobody else could. How he wished that she shared his commitment to Jesus. He had talked with Toni’s mother earlier that evening and witnessed the closeness she shared with her Christian sisters. The women had gathered around her, praying for the ease of her sorrow. Toni had joined the group, but she had been silent.
He blinked several times, trying to stay awake. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he checked the time. It was past two o’clock. If he didn’t get some sleep, he’d never make it through the next day.
He yawned and stood up. He walked softly across the living room, grimacing when the floor creaked beneath his weight. Worried, he wondered if the floor would collapse beneath him. This home didn’t seem very sturdy.
He checked the front door and noticed he would need to lock it with a key. Not wanting to wake Toni up, he glanced around the living room and kitchen. On the counter sat her purse. Her key ring was beside it. He scribbled a note, explaining what had happened to her keys and promising to return them the next day before the funeral. Then he moved her purse and the note to the center of the kitchen table where they couldn’t be missed.
Once he’d stepped outside and locked the door, he tried to be quiet as he walked down the steps and took another glimpse of the place. He couldn’t help comparing it to the house where he had been raised. They always had an abundance of material possessions, and his dad had purchased a new car for him the day after he had gotten his driver’s license. He’d never fully appreciated the differences between his and Toni’s childhoods. His faith had never really been tested until his mother had developed cancer, and when Tangie had openly declared that she’d been faking her faith in God. Until then he’d never needed anything that he couldn’t buy.
Sure, his life had been full of disappointments and a few heartaches, but until his mom passed, he’d never lost someone so close to him.
Then there was Tangie. He’d never fallen so much in love in his entire life. Before he’d left to drive to Toni’s home, he’d called his sister. He’d mistakenly confided how he felt about Toni and she’d gently reminded him about how much in love he�
�d been with Tangie, and, was it possible that he was just on the rebound? Trina implied that it was too soon for him to have another relationship. She’d also questioned Toni’s lack of faith. After all, he’d broken up with Tangie because she’d faked her faith in God.
But Toni was not like Tangie, not at all. She didn’t put on airs, desperate to prove herself. She was raised poor, and she didn’t try to hide that fact. No, she wasn’t a professing Christian, but she was honest about how she felt about God. He admired her honesty. She was also sweet, kind and loving. She fed stray cats and gave free donuts to people like Martha, people who could not pay for their food. If she was not able to sell her day-old pastry, she donated the food to the Blue Spring homeless shelter. He’d accompanied her there, glad to help her serve those in need.
Her questions and confusion about faith were open and honest, and that’s what he liked about her. Maybe the next time she harped on about how upsetting it was being poor, he’d remind her that not all rich people led wonderful lives. Each person on this God-given earth had a set of problems, some had more or less than others, but everyone would have to deal with some sort of crisis. But Christians relied on God, as well as their Christian brothers and sisters, during difficult times. No, the pain didn’t always go away as we’d like, but being within a body of believers, as well as calling upon the Lord, could make grief more tolerable. Toni really needed to understand that.
He walked to his car and stood on the lighted street, staring at her house in the darkness. Now he understood what true neediness must feel like. And in spite of her background, Toni had survived and grown and was now clearly beginning to believe in God. At least, that was what he’d sensed from the conversations they’d been having.
He got into his car and started the engine. He drove to his hotel, thinking about the questions he had thrown at God over the past months and years. Watching Toni face her father’s death had brought back memories of the death of his mom. Tears rushed down his cheeks. He parked his car at the hotel and swiped at his face. Oh, how he still missed his mom. Spending time with Toni over the last three months had softened his grief somehow, but he still thought about his mother every day.
Shades Of Chocolate (The Bakery Romance Series Book 2) Page 16
