More Than Lies

by N. E. Henderson

  “I keep telling her she needs a little ink. Her vanilla skin is bad for my business.” Adam walks over, throwing his own ink covered left arm around my shoulders and pulling me into his side.

  “No, sir.” I answer Cosmo’s question as I push away from Adam. The word marked has my face heating from another way I’d much rather be marked by Shawn Braden.

  “You want any?” He doesn’t wait for my reply. He continues on. “You know, he told me,” Cosmo lifts his arm, the one that isn’t being worked on, and points a finger in Shawn’s direction, “These things were addicting. I have to say he was right.”

  “I don’t know.” I do want a tattoo and I want one bad, but I haven’t the slightest idea what I’d want placed on my body forever. “Maybe.” I’m not sure I wouldn’t wake up one day and no longer like it. That’s what’s stopping me, I guess.

  “What?” Shawn lifts his head and cocks it to the side. “You want a tattoo?”

  I shrug my shoulders. I mean what else am I to do? I don’t know what I’d want and I’d probably pick something stupid anyway.

  “That’s a no.” He says flatly.

  “It’s not a no, Shawn. I want one; I’ve wanted one for a long time. All of yours are amazing, but I don’t know what I’d want permanently branded on me for…forever.” I’m a book nerd that loves to read and write the stories that play out in my head. I don’t have a favorite flower or bird. “There isn’t anything I can think of that would look pretty on me.”

  “If that’s the case and you like all of his shit,” Adam gestures in Shawn’s direction. Shawn glances up, but goes back to wiping the water he sprayed over the tattoo off when he finished on Cosmo to clear any remaining ink off his skin. “Then you need to let me tattoo you seeing how I put damn near all the tattoos he’s toting around on him.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “And why not?” Adam is clearly offended. That wasn’t my intention and I’m not sure how to smooth this over.

  “Adam, you are really good artist, but what I mean by Shawn’s tattoos are amazing has to do with the design. Everything inked on his skin was something he thought up in his head and drew out. It’s his work, just placed on him by someone else. If I ever decide to get a tattoo, there is no one I’d let do it, other than Shawn.”

  I glance over in Shawn’s direction again. He’s staring at me, but not saying anything. The expression on his face is strange, like that was the last thing he expected to come out of my mouth, but every word I said was true.

  “Really?” It’s a whisper out of Shawn’s mouth.

  “Yes, really. If I ever come across something I want, I’d want you to do it.” I laugh at a thought. “I’ll probably be like Cosmo, but only when I’m middle aged, my skin will be too and mine won’t look as good.”

  “I’m done old man.” Shawn speaks to Cosmo as he tosses the used alcohol pad into the trash. He then removes his latex gloves and tosses them next. “You’re my last appointment for the day. We’re about to head to Jackson so I’ll see you out.” He turns to me, taking his keys out of his pocket and holding them out for me to take. “I’ll meet you in the truck in a few minutes.

  I take them and make my way outside.

  I’m ready to get on the road. The sooner we get out of Oxford, the sooner we will make it to Jackson; to my brother’s. It’s been over a month since I’ve seen Trent.

  I’m sitting in the backseat of Shawn’s pickup truck with my shoes off and my legs crisscrossed in the seat. We’ve been on the road for nearly an hour and a half. We are almost there.

  The closer we get to Jackson, the more excited I become.

  I’ve managed to get one chapter written, but that’s all. I have my ear buds tucked into my ears, but I’m not listening to music. I’m one of those people that need complete silence to write. I need alone time inside my own head, so to speak, without any white noise. The ear buds are solely to cut down on Shawn and Mason’s conversation, as well as the music that’s coming through the speakers in the truck.

  It’s worked okay, but to be honest, Shawn’s voice is distracting. It’s pure southern sexiness with a deep drawl and a rasp. What I wouldn’t give to hear that sound whispering dirty thoughts into my ear. A girl could get wet just imagining that. And trust me, I have.

  Too bad that little fantasy will never be my reality.

  “What’s with you and brunettes here lately?” Mason chimes in. I don’t look up; I know that question is directed at Shawn. I can feel Shawn’s eyes on me, so I’m sure he’s glanced up in the mirror to see if I’m listening. I don’t want them to think I give a damn about his response and really I don’t. I don’t want to hear the topic of Shawn and other women. I am slightly jealous when it comes to him. And yes, I’m perfectly aware that I shouldn’t feel that way, but it’s not like I can control my feelings. I’m not robotic.

  One thing I’ll give Shawn credit for, and I’m grateful for, is that as much as I know he sleeps around, he doesn’t typically bring it around me. I don’t know if that’s for my benefit or not, but I’m still glad he doesn’t. I don’t think I could remain living in the house with him if he had one woman in and out, let alone multiple. It’s going to suck when he finds the one.

  “I didn’t realize I had to fuck a certain breed.” Did he just call women breeds? What the flyin’ eff? Mason snickers, and I continue looking down at my laptop as though I’m lost in my own fictional world. I wish I were.

  “Dude, you’ve always been picky as hell.” Umm, no he’s not. Picky doesn’t have sex with tramps like Holly Torres.

  Shut it off, Taralynn. Don’t go there. You’ll only ruin your day by thinking about her. She isn’t worth it. Never was and never will be.

  So why the hell did he sleep with her, but won’t so much as consider me?

  “What planet are you on, motherfucker?” Shawn snaps back. “Every bitch’s legs spread the same way. The only thing I’m after is the end result. As long as the package is decently wrapped, why should I care what color her hair is?” I can hear it in Shawn’s voice; Mason is grinding on his nerves. Mase has a knack for doing that.

  “Yeah, okay, tell that to someone that hasn’t watched and even taken part, in that same action. Because you try to fuck every little blonde, but you can only see one.”

  What does that mean? Okay, I need to stop listening. It’s only causing my chest discomfort. Discomfort, I do not need or want.

  “I don’t know what your fucking angle is, but drop it.” Shawn bites out the last two words as if trying to get a point across to Mason.

  Mason loves dishing out advice, mainly to his roommates, but he is the last person to ever take it from others.

  “She can’t hear us and I’m simply carrying on a conversation here.”

  “Did you put liquor into the Styrofoam cup you’re drinking Coke out of? Shut the fuck up, Mason.” Shawn’s voice is rising, as it does when he becomes pissed off.

  “Probably not going to happen. Know what I mean?” Mason doesn’t wait for Shawn’s response, and I don’t think it was meant as a rhetorical question. “You could have her, instead of letting him hit it anytime he wants.”

  Her?

  I’m lost. I thought they were talking about me not being able to hear, but I don’t even know why that would matter except for the fact that Shawn, unfortunately, knows exactly how much I’m attracted to him and has mercy on me by not subjecting me to all his whorish ways.

  “Last time I’m going to say this, so let me be perfectly clear…” Shawn breathes in deeply. I can see his shoulders rise and fall dramatically. My head is still lowered, but I can’t help glancing up, every now and again. “I don’t give a rat’s ass who Tara bangs or who she doesn’t. Jared can have her because I don’t fucking want her.”

  My head snaps up, looking at Shawn’s face in the mirror. It’s unreadable with the black sun glasses he’s wearing and I can’t tell if he sees me, but when his palm connects down on his steering wheel, that tells me he
knows I was listening and heard him loud and clear.

  “Good, then you won’t care if I hit it either.”

  What?

  Oh, I pretty sure Mason’s going to be the one to get hit, right in his penis.

  My eyes lower to see Mason reaching for his cup that is sitting in the cup holder, between him and Shawn. Shawn grasps onto his wrist before he is able to retrieve the cup. My eyes go back up to the mirror. Shawn’s jaw is locked tight.

  “Touch her and I’ll break your dick, rendering it inoperable.” Shawn releases Mason’s wrist, but Mason doesn’t respond to his threat. When I look in Mason’s direction, he’s bringing the cup to his lips to hide curve of a smirk on this face.

  Men are complicated, so much more than women.

  Mason isn’t interested in me; at least I don’t think he is. I mean, I haven’t thought of him that way, really, and I don’t want to.

  I’m not even sleeping with Jared, anymore. Not that I’ve told Jared that, and frankly I’m avoiding that conversation. I wish I liked him the way I like Shawn, but I don’t. Jared knows what to say to make me feel wanted, and even beautiful. He’s nice to look at, and he’s good in bed, but that’s where it ends. I don’t feel anything more when I’m with him, and I want more. I just wish I didn’t want more with the person who doesn’t want anything from me. That was said loud and clear a few moments ago, not that I didn’t already know it because I did, but it still hurts to hear it said from his mouth.

  Maybe I should forgo men altogether and jump on the chick bandwagon. They have to be easier.

  In one sentence Shawn declares I’m nothing to him. In the next, he has an issue with Mason wanting me. Now that’s something entirely different; what’s up with Mason?

  The truck comes to a stop. I look up to see that Shawn has parked in my brother’s driveway.

  Thank heavens! After this drive I need a drink! Then again, maybe that’s not why I need a shot of tequila. You should shoot to feel, to experience, and to remember not to forget. I needed this dose of reality. Shawn and I will never be. When am I going to get that through my head?

  I pack my laptop away, storing it into my over-sized Coach purse. There is one plus side to my mother, she buys me designer things. I know it’s for her benefit really, but they work in my favor so why should I complain. At least it’s in purple. Nothing makes me happier than the color purple.

  Shawn and Mason both open their doors at the same time. I pull my purse onto my shoulder and slide into my boots. I open my door and slide out landing down onto the pavement and into my Tony Lama’s more snuggly.

  I shut the door and look up to see Shawn standing in front of me with his tattooed arm rose above his head and the palm of hand clamped onto his neck. He’s looking down at me as if remorseful. His shades are sitting on top of his head so his golden brown eyes are peering into my dark ones. I look away first and go to step around him, but Shawn reaches out with his other hand, placing it on my side to stop me from leaving.

  I want to close my eyes so that I can fully take in the feeling of his touch. I don’t. I have to stop this one way or another. I can’t continue having these feeling for him.

  “Tara.” The sound of his voice makes this situation worse. I pray Kylie bought enough tequila for the weekend.

  “I want to go see my brother, now.” I push his hand away from my body and walk off. Shawn doesn’t stop me again. See what I mean by confusing? Why does he care? If what he said was the way he feels, it shouldn’t matter.

  I walk in the front door, not bothering to knock. To some that may seem rude, but to us, it’s not and it’s certainly not expected. This is our family. The door is always open. Too bad that doesn’t apply to the home I grew up in.

  Walking through the living room area and into the kitchen I set my purse down on the counter. Looks like Kylie just got back from the store. I look through the kitchen window that is directly above the sink. I see my brother and his friends outside by the pool. I smile for the first time, taking a breath in through my nose to allow the last few minutes of the drive to dissolve.

  I’m done wanting something I can’t have. One way or another, I’m going to stick to that and get myself over Shawn this weekend one way or another.

  I walk out into the back yard. Trent and Kylie are standing off to the side of the pool. Kylie has her hands planted onto her hips, looking up at Trent. Compared to me, Kylie is little. She is tiny in every way. Shane is nowhere in sight, but there are a couple of my brothers friends milling about. I notice Shawn and Mase enter through the side gate the same time I step off the concrete steps leading into the backyard. Well, the pool that is, because it takes up the entire small yard.

  Trent’s back is to me, so I step lightly trying to make the least amount of sound as possible so I can surprise him before anyone notices the three of us. Kylie sees me coming, but I don’t think she has said anything to Trent. I increase my speed to a jog afraid he’ll turn around. As I near my brother I leap, jumping onto his back.

  “Surprise!” I yell as I wrap my arms around his front. Trent steps forward which forces Kylie to take a few steps backwards. Trent turns his head to look back at me from over his shoulder.

  “It’s not a surprise when I knew you were coming, brat.” Trent’s called me, ‘brat’, for as long as I can remember. He means it as a joke and always says it in an affectionate way.

  “Shut your face and tell me that you missed me.” I cross my arms around the front of his neck and squeeze.

  “Oh, I missed you, all right.” My brother lets out a quick chuckle before his lips spread into a grin. When his eyes widen, I know I’m in trouble. His hands latch onto the skin behind my knees, digging in so that I can’t get away.

  Oh crap!

  “Trent!” I warn, but knowing what’s coming and there isn’t a chance in hell I’ll be able to stop him. Doesn’t mean I won’t try. “My boots can’t go in water!” He doesn’t listen and probably doesn’t care either because our mother still buys him everything he’s ever wanted. The cost of clothes, shoes, and the like doesn’t faze him one bit.

  “Too late for that,” Trent laughs.

  I don’t have a chance to protest further because he takes a few steps toward the water and then launches us into the deep end of the pool. The warm water envelops my body within seconds. Normally, this is a wonderful feeling, but not when I know my favorite cowboy boots are in the process of being ruined.

  You don’t ruin a girl’s shoes.

  No way is this funny.

  Trent’s hands release me and I push away from him as my head comes back to the surface. “Trent!” I scream, as I push my hair out of my face to glare in his direction. He’s laughing, of course he is. “You’re a butthole.”

  I turn away from him and swim to the ladder. Everyone is laughing. Just freakin’ great. Thank goodness I did not put on makeup today.

  “You love me.”

  “You ruined my boots.” Yes I’m sulking, wouldn’t you?

  “Oh what’s the big deal, sis? Just get mom to buy you another pair.” As if it’s that easy. For him, yes it is. I’m not jealous of my brother. I’m glad he doesn’t have to deal with the bitch side of the queen.

  “She didn’t buy them, I did. And they aren’t Katherine Evans approved.” I pull myself out of the pool and onto the pavement. Water pours off of me, running down my legs and into my boots. Walking over to a chair in the shade I plop down and start to remove them.

  “What’s the big deal, they’re just shoes?”

  Just shoes? Oh, he didn’t say that.

  Effin’ men.

  “A fine ass bitch in short shorts and cowboy boots,” Shawn coons. “There is nothing sexier.” His voice goes flat. “They were a waste on your sister.” Shawn grabs a beer from one of the larger coolers as Kylie walks in his direction.

  I guess he wasn’t sorry after all.

  What a jerk.

  “Hey jerk, turn your dick-o-meter off. I’m not having your shi
t this weekend.” Kylie looks like a midget compared to Shawn. He doesn’t say anything back to her, just continues looking down at her as he takes a sip from the bottle. Kylie turns to look at me. “Come on, let’s get you into a bathing suit and us a drink.” I second that, at least on the drink end. I needed one when I walked in, and I need it even more now.

  I follow, leaving my boots outside.

  Spotting my weekend bag by the backdoor, I scoop it up. Mason or Shawn must have brought our bags from the truck, since I left mine.

  “I’m going to go change, can I use your bedroom?” I ask Kylie as we enter the kitchen.

  “Of course you can. I’ll make us margaritas. Sound good?”

  “Yes, please and with a double side shot of tequila.” My brother’s girlfriend laughs. There is nothing better than a frozen strawberry margarita and a pool. They go together like brownies and ice cream. You can have one without the other, but it’s not near as good.

  “Coming right up, sweets.” Kylie’s voice fades out when I reach the hallway that goes down to their bedroom, Shane’s bedroom, the computer room, and the bathroom. It’s a small house, but it’s perfect for the three of them and I know they don’t plan on staying here forever. It’s a rental that they’ve lived in for over three years.

  I quickly change into my black halter-top one-piece swimsuit and then pull on another pair of shorts to cover my chunky legs. Without alcohol, I’m overly self-conscious of my appearance around others. Especially when perfection clad in ink, jeans, and a loose t-shirt is around.

  Why do I like him? It’s an endless question I ask myself too often. I don’t get it. Why can’t I turn it off?

  I finish and head back out to find Kylie only to run straight into Shane when I exit my brother’s bedroom.

  “Easy, killer.” His voice sounds tired.

  “Sorry, Shane.” When I pull back, I see he’s only wearing a pair of boxer briefs that probably means he just woke up. I’ve grown up with him darn near my whole life, so seeing him almost naked does not faze me in the slightest.

  “It’s fine, precious.” He shakes his head as if telling me it isn’t a big deal. “I’m heading back to bed. See you in a few hours.”