More Than Lies

by N. E. Henderson

  “You’re dating this nobody? Seriously?” Oh he did not.

  “You’re the nobody, asshole, now leave.” Preston glances between Shawn and me a couple of times before turning and going straight to his car. He leaves without any other incidences and I’m glad.

  After he leaves I start looking around, everyone is standing out either on the porch or in the yard and all eyes are on us. It’s then that I realize what Shawn told Preston. He said I was his. Not only that but that I’m his girlfriend and he said it in front of everyone. My stomach is nothing but butterflies right now. I cannot believe what I heard with my own ears.

  “Now that I’ve made that little scene out here in front of everybody, you are my girlfriend, right?”

  “Maybe if you ask me.” I so totally am.

  “Tara, will you be my girlfriend?”

  “Sure. Why not.” I shrug my shoulders.

  “Oh, I’m going to make your ass so red tonight for that.”

  “Promise?” He leans down, I turn my face toward him and when I do, he kisses my dirty disgusting mouth. His is equally as dirty, but I don’t care that he tastes like dirt. It tastes pretty darn good right now.

  My phone buzzes from inside my pocket for about the tenth time. I’m exaggerating, but she’s called me a lot today. Taking it out to look at the screen, I confirm I was right. I might as well get this over with, any longer and she’ll suspect something is wrong. It’s gotta beat staring at myself in this mirror while talking to myself any longer.

  “Hey, mom.” I turn around, propping my ass against the bathroom sink to lean my weight against it.

  “Hey, baby, happy birthday.” Her voice has a calming effect on me. It always has, but then again she’s my mom so that’s probably why. I’m sure other kid’s moms have the same affect on them. “Why haven’t you answered your phone today? I’ve been calling since before noon.”

  It’s now a little after eight at night on a Friday.

  “Sorry. Been busy with back-to-back clients.” It’s not a lie, but I feel like it is. I’ve had time to call her a few times in-between.

  “Shawn Douglas.” That’s all she has to say to tell me she doesn’t believe my bullshit. “Tell me what’s really bothering you. And do not say, nothing. I can hear it in your voice.”

  Ah hell.

  “I’m fine, mom, just tired. It’s been a long day and Tara wants to go out to celebrate my damn birthday tonight.” I run my free hand through my hair. I’m not only going to break one girl’s heart tonight, I’m going to break two. When my mother learned Tara and I started seeing each other a little over two months ago, she was thrilled; beyond thrilled even. She loves Tara and I know she’s going to murder me after tonight. And I won’t blame her. Twenty-two years of life and death by one’s mother is what I have to look forward to.

  “That’s what you’re going with? Okay, fine, Shawn. I’ll let this go since it’s my baby’s birthday. Just remember, Sunday at our house is mandatory. I’m baking you a cake, so I know I can expect you, right?”

  “Yes, mom, I’ll be there.” If I’m still breathing and if I’m still welcome there.

  “Love you. See you, then.” Damn that sweet motherly voice. It makes me want to crack and tell her everything. A smart man probably would have asked his mother for advice. I’m not and I can’t. There is no way in hell she would understand or be supportive in what I’m about to do.

  “Love you too, mom. Bye.”

  I end the call and slip the phone back into my pocket. Turning around, I look at myself again.

  You’re a stupid motherfucker. I hope you know that.

  I probably am, but it’s end my relationship now, or do something really stupid and she gets hurt even worse. As much as I dislike the asshole, Jared is right, I won’t last through the long haul. I’m not relationship material. I’ll fuck up and then possibly lose Tara forever. I’ll figure out a way to deal with not waking up next to her every morning as long as she’s still in my life.

  My mind flips to last week, when I overheard him and Tara speaking.

  “Here you go, Shawn. Sorry for the wait, it’s busier tonight than usual.” Melanie hands me a beer from behind the bar.

  “Thanks, Mel. It’s all right.” Mac’s pub has been getting more and more foot traffic here lately. I guess that’s good for Mac, but I prefer the place when you can relax with friends and enjoy a couple of beers after work. That’s not tonight.

  Taking a swig, I push off the bar and turn looking for Tara. When I don’t see my girlfriend I figure she must be in the bathroom so I head in that direction. I’d soon just rather leave and go home. I can think of other ways to relax and they all involve me between Tara’s legs.

  Before I reach the back, voices catch my attention. I notice the door to the storage room is ajar when I’m about to pass it. That’s when I realize one of the voices belong to Tara’s. I stop, and then step closer. Peering in the dark room, I see Jared with his arm braced above her.

  “What do I have to do to get through to you?” His voice is raised. He sounds somewhat angry. “This is Shawn Braden we’re talking about.” When I hear my name, my jaw locks. What the fuck is he doing talking to her at all, let alone about me?

  “Stay out of it, Jared.”

  “No, baby, I won’t.” He really should not call my girlfriend, baby. He already pissed me off just from standing that close to her. Now he goes and does that. I haven’t fought in years, tonight might end that streak. “Shawn doesn’t love you. I love you. He’ll never love you like I do, Taralynn. You deserve more than he’ll ever give you.”

  I’m pretty certain getting stabbed with a knife would have been less painful that hearing another man tells Tara he loves her. Sure, I saw it written a while back in a text message, but it’s much different than hearing it said. It makes it real. Too real.

  “You don’t know that.” Her voice cracks. “Stop doing this.”

  “No. You belong with me. I need you to see that.” Tara looks down, but Jared pulls her chin up so she faces him again. “He’s going to tire of the relationship, Taralynn. I’m surprised he’s lasted this long without different pussy, but who knows, maybe he’s fucking on the side, ever think of that?”

  That son-of-a-bitch.

  “He’s not. He’s with me every night, asshole.”

  “I’m not the asshole, here. He is for stringing you along. He. Doesn’t. Love. You.”

  “I LOVE HIM.” Her declaration is a yell. It hits me like a ton a bricks causing me to stumble backwards a couple of steps as all the air leaves my lungs.

  Seeing the back door, the exit that takes you to the back parking lot, I leap in that direction and fall outside. My ass hits gravel and I sit there. I don’t know how long, but I sit there and all I hear playing on repeat is Tara telling him she loves me.

  Closing my eyes and shaking my head, I try to get the memory to leave me. It’s no use. The more I try to forget what I heard, the more I dwell on it.

  She just thinks she loves me. She doesn’t really. We haven’t been dating but a couple of months. Love should be nowhere in the equation of us at this point.

  I can’t hide in here any longer. My last client should be here by now.

  I open the door, exit and head back toward the front. When I round the corner into the open space that is the tattooing area, I see Tara standing against the front desk. She’s talking to Natalie and her friend, Samantha. Sam is on the other side of the counter. The three of them look to be in a conversation together.

  Sam’s been hanging around a little more lately. Her and Tara have been really good friends and I’m pretty certain my best friend is banging her.

  I stop at my station. Once I have everything gathered that I’ll need for the next client, I place it on the tray next to my chair. When I turn back around, Tara’s standing in front of me.

  “Hey, babe.” Why does that voice have to be so damn enticing?

  “You about to head out?”

  “Yeah
, I’m going to run home to shower and change. Do you want me to come back here and pick you up? I’ll be your designated driver tonight.” She smiles, but I can tell it’s forced. She knows something’s up. Either she can see it written on my face or she can feel it.

  “No, its fine. I’ll meet you at Level when I’m done here. We can cab it home if need be.”

  “Okay, well see you in a bit then.” She’s reluctant for a second, but when I don’t say anything, she turns and leaves.

  Something’s up with Shawn, I just don’t know what it is. He’s been acting different for over a week now. It’s like he’s drawing away from me and I don’t like it. With the exception of last night, we’ve slept in the same bed every night for the past few months, but we haven’t had sex in going on five days. Maybe that doesn’t seem like a lot, but for us it is. Last night, he never crawled in my bed with me. The night before that, I fell asleep in his bed trying to wait up for him.

  He’s been drinking more, too. Before we started dating, I would never have thought anything of it, but after he made us official, going out clubbing was something we’ve done maybe twice in the last two months. We’ll still hang out at Mac’s a few nights a week after he gets off work, but even that’s increased this week. He’s been there every night and hasn’t gotten home until early in the morning.

  Samantha and I arrived at Level close to an hour ago. I spent extra time getting dressed tonight, perfecting my makeup, and making sure my hair looked good. Its Shawn’s birthday and I want him to remember tonight. I want him to remember me so I made more effort than I usually do, for him.

  A few days ago I came across the hottest dress I’ve ever placed on my body. It’s not a dress that I’d normally wear, but I’m not wearing it for me. I’m wearing it for Shawn. It’s all white, clings to my body like a second skin, the scooped neck line comes far down, so far that there is way too much of my cleavage on display for my liking, and it’s short, really short. So short that I have to keep pulling down on the hem to make sure it’s not riding up my butt.

  I can do a little uncomfortable for a few hours. I got this. I hope.

  This dress is so not me, but even I have to admit I look hot in it. It didn’t help that Samantha took one look at me in it and screamed. She said if I didn’t buy it, she would buy it for me and dress me herself if she had to.

  So here I am, in a dress I hate-love, while my boyfriend is walking away from me. Something is definitely wrong with him and I don’t understand why he is shutting me out. Why doesn’t he just talk to me?

  When he saw me, his eyes practically bugged out of the sockets. I instantly knew the dress had the affect I was looking for. Then when I sat in his lap, I could feel the proof pressing into my butt. What I don’t get is why he got up and left. Not just left, but walked off and left me sitting in the seat he vacated.

  There’s this uneasy feeling in the back of my head. I don’t like it, but what can I do about it if he refuses to let me in?

  “Taralynn, what’s with the look?”

  I glance in Matt’s direction. He’s sitting to my left inside a booth drinking a beer. The guys were already here when Samantha and I arrived. She and Mason are inside the booth too, on the opposite side of him with heads bowed in each other’s direction and talking quietly to each other.

  “It’s not me.” I turn my attention back to my bestie. We’ve been getting closer again. He’s been distancing himself from Mandy. I’ve noticed it, but he hasn’t said why. I think that may have something to do with our friendship improving. “Something’s going on with Shawn, has been for about a week now, but I don’t know what. Have you noticed anything?”

  “Not really.” He looks at me confused. I know it’s not all inside my head. I know I’m not reading too much into this. Something is way off. I’m not imagining this. “Maybe the guy is just having a bad week.”

  “No, Taralynn’s right. I have notice his moods this week.” Mason chimes in, turning to face us both.

  “See.” I tell Matt then turn toward Mase. “What do you think is up with him?”

  “No clue. Have you asked?”

  “No, not outright.” Okay, not at all, but I was hoping he’d want to tell me. I’m his girlfriend. He’s supposed to tell me if something is bothering him so I can help him work through it. Isn’t that what people in a committed relationship do?

  “So, maybe you should.”

  He makes it sound so simple. Is it that simple? Maybe it is, but I’m being a wuss, afraid it’s something to do with me.

  I grab one of the shots of tequila from the table and shoot it into the back of my mouth before swallowing it down. I’m going to go talk to him. I’m going to act like that woman I know I am deep down and I’m going to find out what’s wrong with my boyfriend. Then I’m going to fix it.

  “There you are.” Locating him doesn’t bring the relief I was praying for. Shawn is standing against the wall next to the men’s bathroom with his head bowed. I have to get him to talk to me. I know we can fix whatever is wrong, together, if he’ll simply open up to me and tell what’s wrong. Keeping me in the dark is freaking me out. Can he not see that?

  His head snaps up and his eyes bug for a split second before he masks his expression. He looked guilty for a moment. Okay, Taralynn, stop this. Now you are overreacting.

  His eyes grow cold. I don’t like it, but I don’t know what to do. Before I realize what’s happening, Shawn grabs on to me and pushes me through the door leading into women’s bathroom that’s directly behind me. When I enter, he swings me around until my back meets an icy cold title wall.

  “What are you doing?” For the first time ever, I’m worried while I’m in Shawn’s grasp. His leg goes between mine where he pushes my thighs apart. His hands go to my waist and he moves in closer. “Shawn.”

  “I’m doing exactly what I’m known for doing. I’m going to fuck you in this bathroom.” The way his eyes scan my body is disgusting. This isn’t my Shawn. This isn’t the way Shawn looks at me and it certainly isn’t the way he treats me. I don’t know who this man is, but I want him gone. I want my boyfriend back. Why is he doing this? Treating me like…

  “No, you’re not.” I squirm, but he has a firm grip on my waist keeping me in place. “What’s really going on? Why have you been acting off lately? Talk to me.”

  “I don’t want to talk, Taralynn.” I hate the way my full name sounds rolling off his lips. I’m not Taralynn to him. I’m Tara, damn it. “I want to fuck.”

  “Not in here we’re not. I’m not some whore, Shawn. I’m not having sex with you in a bathroom at a night club.” I push harder this time and he releases me, but he doesn’t back up. Instead he places his arm above me, bracing it on the wall. His body is crowding mine.

  “You’re right, Tara. You’re not a whore and I want a whore.” My chest heaves as I try to suck in oxygen. He doesn’t mean that. “This was never going to work.” He points between the both of us. “All I’ll ever offer a woman is a quick fuck.”

  “You don’t mean that.” He can’t mean that. We’re great together. He’s said it over and over to me. I’ve seen the way he looks at me in and out of bed. It couldn’t have been a lie, could it?

  Was everything he’s told me these last few months, been all lies?

  “Oh, he means it.” That voice. I hate that voice. I look over to see Holly sauntering out of one of the stalls. She walks toward us. Shawn takes one step away from me. When she gets close enough, she wraps not only her arms around Shawn’s free arm, but practically her whole body, I want to come unglued. There is something inside of me that wants to be freed and wants to hurt her. “You didn’t really think you’d be able to sustain this one did you?” She squeezes on him and he does nothing to stop her. I look up at him silently telling him to push her away. He doesn’t seem to like her being here, but again he isn’t doing shit to make her leave.

  I want her to stop touching him.

  “Leave us, alone.” I bark the word at her
ugly face. She laughs.

  “Oh, honey, he wasn’t asking me to leave him alone a little while ago when he was fucking me against the very same space you’re standing against now.” My heart shatters. That’s what her words do to me when they fully penetrate. I look to Shawn. I’m begging him with my eyes to tell me she is lying.

  He’s silent.

  His eyes are void of any emotions. They’re blank.

  Is that why I thought he looked guilty? He cheated on me? He didn’t even have the decency to break up with me before screwing her?

  This isn’t happening. I trusted him. I loved him. I do love him.

  I’m about to break. I can feel it crawling up inside me. I won’t give either of them the satisfaction of seeing me fall. I duck under Shawn’s arm and leave the bathroom as quickly as my heels will move.

  When I’m out of the door, I run. I don’t know where I’m running to, but I run through the club. I need to get out of here, now. I can’t be here.

  How could he do this?

  Somehow, I end up back at our booth. My friends are sitting around laughing and drinking. I just need my purse. When I see it, I snatch it up. That catches everyone attention causing them to look up at me.

  “Taralynn, what’s wrong. You look—” He doesn’t finish his sentence before he’s out of the booth and standing up. He scans my face. I shake my head. I can’t speak. If I talk, I’ll cry. I can’t cry until I’m alone.

  “Did you find Shawn?” Mason questions me as he scans my eyes. I nod.

  “He’s in the bathroom, probably screwing Holly as we speak.” I turn to leave and run into a body. When I look up I see Jared standing there. It’s evident by the look on his face that he heard me. “Please get me out here.”

  “Come on.” He reaches for my hand.

  “Taralynn, what the fuck? He wouldn’t.” Mason defends his best friend.