Click

by Anne Conley

  “Wait, Jake—” He stood up and reached for Jake.

  Sidestepping his brother, Jake continued, “No, you wait. I’m tired of you fucking up everybody’s life but your own. It’s time you paid some consequences.” Taking a step to leave, he delivered his parting shot that he was sure would go over Joe’s appreciation level. “I won’t tell Mom and Dad the whole sordid story. I’m pretty sure it would break their fucking hearts to know what an asshole you turned out to be.”

  Sitting in his office after Jake left, Joe’s eyes flitted from one grimy surface to another while he wondered when he’d started down this path that ended with him so thoroughly fucked.

  Was it borrowing the money so he could deal with Tres Lobos, or had it started way before that? Was it in his nature to be a fuck up? Because it seemed like he’d always managed to piss off somebody, especially the people who loved him.

  He really did feel bad. Honestly. But he had no idea what to do to make anything right at this point. He couldn’t pay back his parents. The guns he’d managed to get were impounded, no doubt. The money was long gone, mostly spent on cheap hookers and drugs, never to be seen again.

  He thought of the leather case in the drawer, the one holding his personal stash. He could make a run for it. But where would he go? There wasn’t anywhere he could afford at this point where Tres Lobos didn’t have arms to find him. If Javier was dead, el Depredador would have a hit on Joe. There was no doubt about it.

  And if the law knew about him, he was a wanted man and prison wouldn’t protect him. Not unless he joined a rival gang for protection.

  He really needed to fuck, but he couldn’t do that to the girls working for him because he was about to lose the bar and they’d be out of a job. One last hurrah suddenly seemed distasteful to Joe.

  He dropped his head into his hands and stared at the scratched up desktop. At this point, he had to ask himself one question.

  What would hurt his parents the least? He was tired of seeing the pain his mom’s eyes, the anger in his dad’s. He was just plain tired. Tired of robbing Peter to pay Paul.

  He scoffed at his Biblical reference. Yeah, right. His life was so far off the Biblical path he was surprised he even knew the expression.

  He didn’t know how not to hurt people, and that gave him pause. He felt genuine remorse for what he’d done, but he knew he had to man up to it. Fuck. For once in his life, he was going to own up to his actions.

  Opening his drawer with a heavy sigh, he told himself he would turn himself in. After he got totally blitzed.

  Miriam wasn’t going to lie to herself and say she wasn’t nervous, but it was the best sort of nervous to be. She now knew Jake wasn’t an asshole, there was no ‘job’ anymore, and she could just relax and have fun, getting to know Jake for Jake’s sake. Figure out what was real and what wasn’t in her head.

  Having absolutely no expectations, she’d paid special attention to her appearance. She was still nervous about the whole boob thing, but hoped she might relax enough that she could bring her elective surgery into conversation. Or not. There was no pressure.

  Still, she dressed in her bra and inserts, carefully arranging them to go with the green wrap dress that accentuated her figure and brought out her eyes. Pleased with the way she looked, there was nothing left to do besides wait for Jake and relish the nerves.

  She was going on a date. A date with a man who found her attractive. And kissed like a god. Miriam hoped they’d kiss again. And again. She didn’t dare hope for more, although she couldn’t pretend the thought never crossed her mind. She had prepared for that possibility, as well.

  A shiver of anticipation rolled over her when the knock sounded at her apartment door. Jake was here.

  When she answered it, she tamped down the urge to throw herself at him. He looked delicious in khaki slacks and a pullover sweater which stretched over his broad shoulders and hugged his muscles just so. He held out a bouquet of mixed flowers for her and had a nervous smile on his face that melted into something a little bit carnal after he swept his eyes over her body.

  “Good God,” he breathed. “You look amazing.”

  Her cheeks felt hot at the compliment, and she looked down at herself, trying to see what he saw. It was hard after years of hearing Vince say she needed to put on some weight, or dress up more, wear higher heels, or fix her hair differently. But she tried to take the compliment for what it was, as Jake’s reaction to her seemed genuine. A hot desire rolled off him in waves, igniting a flame in Miriam’s belly.

  “Thank you. So do you.” She wasn’t lying, either. When she took the flowers from him, she got close enough to smell him—clean, soapy smells and his distinctive aftershave. Mixed with his outfit, carefully styled hair, and eager smile, he was completely irresistible. “Come in. I just need to get my coat and purse. And put these in water.” She smelled the flowers. “Thank you, they’re beautiful.”

  “Pale in comparison,” Jake muttered, still staring at her. It made her feel unbelievably pretty, and she felt another blush rise to her cheeks. “You’re not used to compliments, are you?”

  “Not really.” She avoided looking at him by spinning on her heel and finding a vase in her small kitchen for the flowers.

  “Huh.” It was more of a grunt than anything else, but Miriam wanted to know what he meant by it.

  “What?” She slipped on her coat and grabbed her purse and joined him at the door.

  “It’s just obvious to me that nobody’s really looked at you, is all. You’re a stunning creature.” His eyes softened on her face, and Miriam noticed that since the first crawl over her body when she’d opened the door, he’d been very careful to not stare at various inappropriate places on her body. For that, she was grateful.

  Flashing him a genuine smile, she said, “Thank you.”

  “Do you mind going on a picnic? I know it’s a little chilly, but the sky’s clear and I thought we might could do some stargazing.”

  A fire in Miriam’s belly raged at the thought of stars with Jake. The kiss with Jake. Jake. All she could do was nod.

  “Was it you that I kissed? At our date?” She had to know, she couldn’t be positive, but it all added up. She felt stupid asking the question, and the accompanying blush told her he saw it, too.

  “Yeah.” His voice came out sounding choked, and Miriam wondered if he was as effected as she was. “That was me.”

  The short drive to the park was made in comfortable silence with the radio on a local artist radio station. Miriam was content to sit next to Jake and absorb his presence. She liked men’s trucks. They usually said a lot about the man who owned them. Jake’s truck was older, probably paid for, and immaculately maintained. It had a healthy rumble that spoke of regular oil changes and tune-ups. Smelling like his aftershave and something slightly minty, it evoked feelings of safety in Miriam. She could snuggle down in the seats and go to sleep.

  When they’d gotten to a spot where they could see stars, Jake laid out the food, poured wine, and pretty much doted on Miriam, not letting her do anything. When he wrapped the blanket around him and pulled her into his lap on the bench, she squealed in surprise but settled against his warm frame gratefully.

  “I’m going to feed you if that’s okay?”

  She could feel him talk, as much as hear him, through the rumbling in his chest. He could have said he was going to pull her toenails off and as long as he said it like that, she was game.

  “As long as you talk about yourself.” She needed to know about Jake, what made him so different from his brother. “I need to know who you are, Jake.”

  He inhaled deeply and reached for a piece of cheese, sliding it onto a cracker before letting her bite into it.

  “Well, my birthday is January twenty-third, and I’m a Libra. I’m thirty-four years old, will be thirty-five next year. I’m a photographer. Photography is my passion, but it hasn’t always been lucrative. I used to sell home-owner’s insurance, but it ate my soul, so I quit to pur
sue my dreams.” He topped another cracker with a different sort of cheese and popped it into his mouth before feeding Miriam a slice of pear.

  “Who’s older? You or Joe?”

  “Me, by six minutes.” She reached over and took a sip of wine, and he watched her carefully. “Do you want to hear about Joe?”

  Twisting around so she could see his eyes, Miriam assured him. “I want to get to know you. I think he’s a part of that. No sense in avoiding the topic.”

  “I guess not.” He continued feeding her little pieces of food while she stayed snuggled into his lap, listening to his voice rumble through his chest. It was lulling, relaxing her. “Joe and I were never very much alike, except physically. At some point in Junior High, he rebelled against anything that could associate the two of us as twins. He dyed his hair and started dressing differently. In high school, he tried to prove to both of my girlfriends he was better at sex than I was. I thought after high school he was done with that. I went off to college, and he worked at that bar. Eventually, he bought it. That was the only bit of ambition he ever showed. I got a useless degree in Communications right before the Enron bubble burst and nobody was hiring anywhere in Texas. That was his boon, my bust. I found a decent job selling the insurance and met Abby. We got married and then pregnant soon after.”

  She stiffened at the mention of pregnancy, and Jake noticed, probably assuming she didn’t want to hear about Abby.

  “Should I stop?” he asked.

  “No, go on. I want to know.” And she did want to know. Every little nugget of information about Jake and Joe gave her a new perspective on their relationship and how it had gotten to this point, where one twin was so eager to take the other down.

  He did. “Abby and I were so in love, but after Drew came, Abby had this bout with post-partum depression, and I didn’t know how to help her. When she came around, she was just so tired all the time, and our sex life suffered.” He paused and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, this is just really hard to talk about.”

  “It’s okay, Jake. Take your time,” she reassured him, not sure if she wanted to hear about his ex-wife and his sexual relationship. But she’d asked, might as well get it all.

  “Years went by, and I got complacent. She wanted more but didn’t come to me to talk about it.” He swallowed so hard, his Adam’s apple bumped the top of her head and she heard the clicking in his throat. “She went to Joe.” Jake drew in a ragged breath, and Miriam felt the tension radiating off him. “She told me she went to Joe to get some pointers on how to make me more adventurous in bed, when all she had to do was ask.” He swiped a hand across his face. “I would have done it if she’d asked. I wanted that, too, I just didn’t know how to be with her anymore. Instead, Joe showed her how it was done.”

  He was silent, and the ramifications of his words struck Miriam. Joe had had an affair with Jake’s wife. She had a brother, Nick, and she couldn’t imagine the betrayal Jake must have felt, not only from his wife, but from his brother, too.

  “That’s really shitty.”

  He nodded. “Yeah. So I left her. I tried not to. We’d made vows and I still loved her and wanted to be with her. But I couldn’t. Every time I looked at her, I imagined him touching her, making her come. He’d bragged about how much she’d enjoyed him, and she’d confirmed it. Together, Miriam. They told me together. It was like a sexual intervention, a ‘You’re needing some lessons on how to please your wife, let your little brother give you some,’ type thing.”

  Miriam felt something strange stir in her. It was a weird possessiveness and she suddenly wished she could meet this Abby chick in a dark alley with a baseball bat. She had no idea what a kind, sweet, sensitive soul she’d messed with.

  She did the only thing she could do to give Jake back his masculinity.

  “I think you’re one of the sexiest men I’ve met, Jake.” She wasn’t facing him. While he told his story, she’d turned in his lap and leaned her head on his shoulder, so she couldn’t see him or kiss him. But she held his hand and turned it over in hers, kissing the palm. “You are worthy of someone who can be honest with you, someone who cares for you.” She kissed each of his fingertips. “I don’t think you need any sort of intervention at all…” She took a deep breath and went for it. “You just need to find the right woman.” On his last finger, she swirled her tongue around the tip and sucked it inside her mouth.

  His head dropped to her shoulder with a groan, and he bit into the soft flesh at the crook of her neck. Heat suffused Miriam as desire bubbled through her insides, and she pressed back against Jake as he wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed.

  A bundle of need ignited deep in Miriam, and she wanted to touch him everywhere. Rubbing his thighs, she whispered, “Make love to me, Jake.” She didn’t know what had come over her, except that she needed him to feel worthy, because he was. He was very worthy.

  “Here?”

  “Yes,” she hissed as his fingers dragged her skirt up to her hips and then dived into her panties.

  “Sweet Jesus,” he whispered when he felt how wet she was. Grinding against his hand, Miriam felt herself unravel. He tried to raise one hand to her bra, but she stopped him, lowering it back to her panties to join the other hand. She wasn’t ready to go there yet. Tonight wasn’t about her story; it was all Jake.

  He peppered her neck with kisses and nibbles, accompanied by the occasional suck, while his fingers went to work in her panties.

  She’d started out hot, but as he worked on her, she squirmed her way out of the blanket as she writhed with pure unadulterated pleasure. The heat turned to an ache, which grew in intensity until it exploded with Jake’s fingers inside her.

  “Oh my God, woman.” Jake was kissing her neck. “That was the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever done.”

  “Make love to me, Jake,” Miriam insisted again, boneless and jittery but still wanting more. In a flash, his pants were undone and she helped pull them down his thighs as she lowered herself onto his thick shaft with a moan.

  “I want to see you,” Jake’s guttural voice gritted out to her.

  “Later,” she said. She didn’t want to have the boob conversation right now. Not the right time. She was too busy feeling.

  She’d never had sex in this position before, and Jake’s cock was rubbing all sorts of great spots inside her. Miriam let out a loud moan of pleasure as she raised and lowered herself on him. He murmured soft hisses of encouragement as she moved, gripping her hips. When one of his hands went around to her clit and gave it a little tug, pleasure arced through her.

  “More!” she demanded of his skilled fingers, so he obliged. As he flicked and tugged at her clit, she rode him for all she was worth, chasing another release that was doomed to completely undo her. She was on fire and didn’t care. Pressing her hands on Jake’s thighs, she felt them bunch as he tried to thrust up into her. The ache she’d had before was bigger, threatening to consume her body in a fiery flame.

  When she exploded, Jake grabbed both her hips and held her still while he pumped into her. With a loud hiss of his own, he came, slamming into her again and again and then stilling, his cock twitching while the convulsion of her waning orgasm milked him dry.

  She collapsed back against his chest, and his long arms gripped her tightly, turning her to face him. Without a word, he kissed her and took what little breath she had away.

  If their kiss before had rocked her world, this one changed it. With his tongue swooping through her mouth, he owned her. She knew at this moment he would never let her go, never belittle her, never make her feel like less of a human. His tongue worshiped her mouth, adored it, and deified it. She sucked his bottom lip into her mouth, clutching handfuls of his sweater while he wrapped his arms and legs around her in a cocoon of warmth and security. When they broke apart from the kiss in a breathless, entangled mess, he leaned his forehead on hers and stared.

  As she felt his flaccid member slip out of her, his face paled. As a trickle of his
seed dripped down the inside of her thigh, Jake’s face went ashy.

  “Christ, I’m so sorry, Miriam.” He kissed her again furiously, and she felt the stirrings of unease in her gut, stomping all over the prior euphoria.

  “For what?”

  “I didn’t use a condom.” His head fell back on the grass and he cursed again.

  “It’s okay. I can’t get pregnant. Are you clean? I am.” She rushed to reassure him, to recapture some of the moment they had just shared.

  “What? Yeah, I am.” He took a deep breath and exhaled, sitting up and dislodging her gently. He was careful to rearrange her dress first before taking care of his pants. “You can’t get pregnant?”

  And here was the rub. “No, Jake. I can’t get pregnant.” She should have told him that before all this. Before they went out. Before they made love.

  He looked at the ground in front of him, stunned with the information, and guilt swept through her. Of course, he was in his thirties, he would want more children. He couldn’t have them with her.

  “I’m sorry, I should have said something.” She stroked his hand, trying to be reassuring.

  He flashed her a smile, but it wasn’t one of the toe-curling smiles she’d learned to associate with him. It was plastered on, wan, fake.

  “It’s alright. No big deal.” He stood and straightened the blanket. “You want some more wine?”

  Close to tears, she shook her head. “No. You can take me home.” She’d managed to mess up the best night of her life, right here, right now, by not telling him the truth. It wasn’t like she’d lied, but he’d spoken first, telling his story, and one thing had led to another, and…

  She’d fucked up.

  She stood, and he took a step toward her, cupping her face in his hands. His eyes searched hers, but she looked down, unable to meet them. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “There is nothing to apologize for. It just caught me off-guard, you know?”

  “Yeah,” she croaked. “Just take me home.”