Dead Giveaway

by Brett, Simon

  But at last all was set for the restart. A Make-up girl flashed in with a final puff of powder for the face of Tim Dyer, on whom the pressure was showing in the form of sweat. The designer, Sylvian de Beaune, leapt on to the set for one last check of the position of the blue lectern. A Floor Manager escorted Barrett Doran back from his dressing room or wherever he had been. Charlie Hook gave the audience one last reminder that they were lovely, the clock was again started and the jingle and caption for PART TWO appeared.

  Round Three was a simple General Knowledge round, though it was dressed up in a way that conformed with the hat theme of the rest of the show. The lovely Nikki and the lovely Linzi, still in their inevitable bikinis, entered carrying a large red-and-blue-striped box with a small opening at the top. Each of the surviving contestants had to reach into this box and pull out a hat. The hat dictated the subject on which they would be questioned. Once they knew the subject they were entitled to choose the celebrity guest who they thought best qualified to help them answer questions on that subject. They had five questions each. An incorrect answer gave the other player a chance at the question. Each question was worth £40, offering £200 for five correct answers (or, in the unlikely event of one contestant getting all five wrong and the other getting them all right, £400 for ten correct answers).

  Trish Osborne pulled out a nurse’s hat. This meant her questions would be on Medicine. Which of the celebrities, Barrett Doran asked, did she think would be best qualified to help her on that subject? Nick Jeffries volunteered his services, saying that he had always fancied nurses. Bob Garston said he’d got a badge for First Aid when he’d been in the Boy Scouts. It was all very riotous. Trish Osborne shrewdly chose to be helped by Joanie Bruton.

  Tim Dyer’s lengthy scrabbling in the box produced an opera hat. Nobody knew instinctively what subject this suggested, and Barrett Doran had to explain that it was the sort of hat worn by a first-nighter, so it meant Tim would be answering questions on the Theatre. So who was he going to have helping him? Well, it didn’t seem too difficult to come up with an answer to that, did it . . . when they actually had an actress on the panel? Tim Dyer chose to be helped by Bob Garston.

  ‘Right, so, Trish and Joanie, we start with you. And here’s your first question: Which part of your body would be affected if you were suffering from galucoma? Glaucoma.’

  Joanie whispered to Trish.

  ‘Your eye.’

  ‘Yes, that’s right. Glaucoma is a disease of the eye. Well done. Forty pounds to add to your growing total, Trish. Over to Tim and Bob, and your questions, remember, are on the Theatre. Here’s your first one: Who was the first actor ever to be knighted? The first actor ever to be knighted?’

  A hurried consultation was followed by the answer, ‘Henry Irving’.

  ‘Henry Irving, good. Yes, that is the correct answer. Henry Irving became Sir Henry Irving in 1895. Well done. Back to the lovely ladies . . .’

  It was nip and tuck all the way. Joanie and Trish missed out on their third question: How do you spell psittacosis?, but Bob and Tim couldn’t do it either, so the scores remained level. The men couldn’t get the answer to their third either. They didn’t know which actress once played Hamlet with a wooden leg. Trish, prompted by Joanie, identified Sarah Bernhardt. One ahead.

  The ‘lovely ladies’ couldn’t answer their fourth; nor could the men. But the men got their own fourth answer right, so, with one question each to go, the scores were once again level.

  ‘Right, ladies. Your last question,’ said Barrett portentously, ‘who was the Roman God of Healing and Medicine?’

  Trish Osborne looked totally blank. Joanie Bruton’s pretty little brow wrinkled as she tried to dredge up some distant memory.

  ‘Have to hurry you. Who was the Roman God of Healing and Medicine?’

  Joanie whispered to her partner.

  ‘Was it Hippocrates?’ asked Trish tentatively.

  ‘No, I’m sorry, it wasn’t. The correct answer was Aesculapius. Aesculapius was the Roman God of Healing and Medicine.’

  A spasm of annoyance crossed Joanie Bruton’s face. She recognised the right answer and felt cross with herself for not having said it.

  ‘So it’s over to the gentlemen, for a question which could win for you, Tim, not only a nice lot of money to add to what you’ve already collected, but also a champagne weekend in Amsterdam to add to your video-recorder and camera. Not only that, if you get this question right, you will also take part in our Hats In The Ring! finale, with a chance to win this evening’s Super-Duper Star Prize – the Austin Metro!’

  The audience exhaled a long sigh of gratified materialism.

  ‘So here is your last question on the subject of Theatre:

  From which of Shakespeare’s plays does the following famous line come – “Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more!”?’

  Tim Dyer looked as if he knew, but, cautiously, he double-checked with Bob Garston. They both seemed to be in agreement.

  ‘Henry V.’

  ‘. . . is the right answer!’ screamed Barrett Doran. The audience erupted into applause, through which another jingle played.

  ‘Oh well done, Tim. Well done, Tim and Bob. But, ladies and gentlemen, a round of applause for our gallant loser. Thanks to Joanie Bruton, who nearly got her to the final, but not quite – and a big hand for Trish Osborne! Many thanks for playing the game, Trish. Have you had a good time?’

  ‘Yes, thank you, Barrett, it’s been really smashing.’

  ‘That’s great. That’s what we like to hear. And, of course, Trish isn’t going to go back to Billericay empty-handed. No, she takes with her £470 and don’t let’s forget. . . .’ He cued the audience to join in with him. ‘. . . her If The Cap Fits cap!’

  Again the red, blue and silver creation appeared on the screen, as Trish Osborne was led off into the darkness.

  Tim Dyer was looking very pleased with himself. All was going according to plan. He had won everything he intended so far. Only the Austin Metro remained. Quietly confident, he prayed again to his own specialised God.

  ‘Now, for the big Hats In The Ring finale. Tim, will you come over here.’ Barrett led the final contestant on to a little platform in the middle of the red spinning-wheel. ‘Now on to this wheel, as you see, a variety of hats are fixed.’ He pressed a button and the hats sprang into view. ‘Let’s see, what have we got – an admiral’s hat, a fez, a busby, a bishop’s mitre. . . . Now each of these hats has a price marked on it, and that is the amount of extra money that Tim is going to win if that is the hat which, after the wheel has been spun, comes to rest above his head! So, you see, he gets £200 for the mitre, £500 for the busby, and so on . . .

  ‘Now you’ll notice, two of the hats haven’t got any price marked on them. There they are – right next door to each other – the dunce’s hat and the crown! Now if the dunce’s hat comes to rest above your head, Tim, I’m very sorry, but you get absolutely nothing extra.’

  ‘Ooh,’ sighed the audience, contemplating a fate worse than death.

  ‘If, on the other hand, it’s the crown, you, Tim Dyer, will instantly become the proud owner of a brand-new Austin Metro!’

  ‘Aah,’ sighed the audience, reassured, and burst into spontaneous applause.

  ‘Right, are you ready, Tim?’

  The contestant, still praying and now glistening with sweat, nodded. All the lights faded except for those on the wheel and on Barrett’s lectern.

  ‘Here we go.’ Barrett held the edge of the wheel and gave it a hefty pull. It span wildly.

  The host returned to his lectern and watched. Tim Dyer didn’t move a muscle. The audience was totally still.

  ‘Nerve-racking stuff, this,’ said Barrett Doran. ‘Tense moment.’

  He reached for the red-and-blue-striped glass in front of him.

  The wheel showed little sign of slowing down. ‘Goes on for ever,’ said Barrett Doran jovially. ‘Dear, oh dear, the excitement’s too much for me. Need
a drink of water to calm me down.’

  He took a long swig from the glass.

  The wheel was slowing. The audience started shouting at it, willing it to stop by the crown. Every eye was on a monitor, hypnotised by the decelerating ring of hats.

  Suddenly they were all aware of a strange noise. It was a gasping, a desperate, inhuman wheezing.

  A camera found Barrett Doran, from whom the sound came. The audience had time to register the face rigid with shock, before, pulling the lectern down with him, he crashed to the floor.

  Full studio lights snapped up. Technicians rushed forward. The celebrities rose to their feet, overturning their long blue desk.

  In the circle of hats Tim Dyer stood, pointing up at the still crown directly above his head. But no one looked at him. All eyes were drawn to the middle of the set, where Barrett Doran lay dead.

  Chapter Five

  CHARLES PARIS HEARD about Barrett Doran’s death that evening. It was hard to escape it in the W.E.T. bar, where much less dramatic events were regularly inflated into Wagnerian productions. He heard that doctors and the police had been called, but had left W.E.T. House and was on his way back to his Bayswater bedsitter before anyone mentioned the word ‘murder’.

  The next morning the death was reported on radio and in Charles’s Times, but it was not until the afternoon’s edition of the Standard that it was suggested the incident might have been caused by anything other than natural causes. Two days later the press announced that a woman was helping the police with their enquiries into Barrett Doran’s death, and the following day a 24-year-old employee of West End Television, Caroline Postgate, was charged with his murder. Then, as always with British crimes, all information on the case would cease until the trial.

  The girl’s name meant nothing to Charles, but, having been virtually on the spot when the murder happened, he felt intrigued by it and wanted to find out more. His first move was to contact his agent. Maurice Skellern, though completely deaf to vibrations of new productions coming up which might lead to jobs for his clients, had a very good ear for theatrical gossip, and was likely to know as much as anyone about a juicy theatrical murder.

  Still, first things first. Charles asked the mandatory question about whether there was any work coming up.

  Maurice Skellern laughed wheezily down the phone, as if this was the best joke he had heard for a long time. He did not answer the question; nor did Charles really expect him to. He knew that, on the rare occasions when something did come up, his agent would ring him.

  Maurice was quickly on to the real subject of the conversation. ‘Had a bit of excitement the other night at W.E.T., I gather.’

  ‘You could say that.’

  ‘You got any dirt on it to tell me?’

  ‘’Fraid not. I was ringing you in search of the same.’

  ‘But come on, Charles. You were actually there.’

  ‘Up in the bar.’

  ‘So what else is new? So how much do you know?’

  ‘Just that he died on the set at the end of the recording, and now some girl I’ve never heard of has been charged with his murder.’

  ‘Well, what can I tell you? For a start, he was poisoned. Did you know that?’

  ‘No. With what?’

  ‘Cyanide.’

  ‘Ah.’ One or two things began to fall into place. ‘Cyanide which was being used for the programme in the studio next door?’

  ‘You have it in one. Something that boring little poseur Melvyn Gasc was doing, apparently. Seems the cyanide got nicked from there and put into poor old Barrett’s glass instead of water.’

  ‘Gin.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Instead of gin. Barrett’s water-glass on the set was filled with gin.’

  ‘Was it? How do you know that?’

  Discretion dictated a slight editing of the next reply. ‘One of the researchers was talking about it. So presumably this girl who’s been arrested was the one who substituted the cyanide?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Caroline Somebody-or-other. Know anything about her?’

  ‘She was an Assistant Stage Manager on Melvyn Gasc’s programme. She had been left in charge of all the props and that, so it was easy for her to lift the cyanide.’

  ‘Ah.’ Light began to dawn. ‘Was this girl nicknamed Chippy?’

  ‘That’s right. Why, you know her?’

  ‘I met her that night.’

  The girl’s beautiful, fragile face came into his mind. So, when he saw her, she had been contemplating murder. Perhaps that explained the tragedy in her deep, dark eyes.

  ‘Needless to say, there was a background,’ Maurice went on. ‘She and Barrett had been having an affair. He had just broken it off. Classic situation. “Hell hath no fury . . .”, all that.’

  ‘Yes,’ Charles agreed pensively.

  ‘Not a lot more I can tell you,’ his agent concluded. ‘Though I gather, talking to people in the business, nobody’s that sorry. Barrett Doran doesn’t seem to have made many friends on his way to the top.’

  ‘Having seen him in action, I’m not too surprised.’

  ‘No. Presumably means they’ll have to remake the pilot. Wonder if you’ll get booked again . . .’

  ‘Not if anyone’s got any sense. It was a daft idea having an actor as one of the people in that round.’

  ‘Ah, but nobody has got any sense in the game-show world.’

  ‘You mean otherwise they’d be doing something else?’

  ‘Stands to reason, doesn’t it? Anyway, why do you say it’s such a daft idea having an actor for the round?’

  ‘Because the whole premise of that part of the game is based on people’s anonymity, and actors, by definition, aren’t anonymous. They’re always in the public eye.’

  ‘Are you saying somebody recognised you?’

  Charles was forced to admit that this had not been the case.

  ‘But, come the game, you mean subconsciously they all recognised you and all identified you as the actor?’

  Charles was forced to admit that two out of the four contestants had thought he was a hamburger chef.

  Maurice Skellern thought this very funny. His asthmatic laughter was still wheezing down the line when Charles said his goodbyes and put the phone down.

  He stood for a moment on the landing of the house in Hereford Road. He was feeling shaken. Not by the news of the murder, but by the thought of his illicit sips of gin from Barrett Doran’s glass. A little bit later and his thirst might have killed him. It was an unpleasant frisson.

  He wondered whether he should ring his wife and tell her how close he had come to death. His relationship with Frances was once more in the doldrums. They had long ago separated, but ties remained and, like two pieces of wood floating down a river, they occasionally bounced back together again for brief periods. The love between them was too strong for either to form other permanent relationships, but soon after each reconciliation, the same old difficulties of living together reasserted themselves, and once again they would drift apart.

  It had been a couple of months since their last such parting and, though he knew nothing would have changed, Charles needed to make contact again. Perhaps hearing that he had nearly swallowed a fatal dose of cyanide would make Frances forget their recent disagreements. It would be a good opening gambit, anyway.

  He looked at his watch. No, of course not. It was a quarter to twelve in the morning. Frances was headmistress of a girls’ school. She wouldn’t mind his ringing her there in a real emergency, but just to mention casually that he’d nearly been poisoned . . . forget it.

  On the other hand, at that time of day the pubs would be open. After his shock, Charles felt he deserved a little pampering. He went down to his local and had a few pints. By the third he had forgotten about the idea of ringing Frances. And, if he thought anything about Barrett Doran’s death, it was only pity for the beautiful, sad girl who had been driven to such extremities by love.

  And, but
for a phone-call he received the next morning, he might have never thought any more about it.

  The pampering of the previous lunchtime had escalated into evening pampering in various pubs and clubs where Charles always felt confident of meeting other actors. As a result, he was moving somewhat tentatively around his bedsitter, as if his exploding head was unattached and had to be balanced between his shoulders, when the telephone on the landing rang.

  ‘Hello.’ He hadn’t intended it to come out as a growl, but that was the only sound of which his voice was capable under the circumstances.

  ‘Could I speak to Charles Paris, please?’

  ‘This is he . . . him.’

  The caller then seemed to identify itself as ‘Sidney Danson’, which did not immediately ring bells. His fuddled mind was slowly registering that it was an unusually high voice for a man, when she mentioned West End Television and he knew where he was.

  ‘What can I do for you, Sydnee?’

  ‘It’s about Barrett Doran’s death.’

  ‘Oh yes?’

  ‘You know Chippy’s been arrested and charged, don’t you?’

  ‘I had heard.’

  ‘Well, I don’t think she did it. I just can’t imagine her . . . not killing him.’

  ‘Ah.’

  ‘Could we get together and talk about it?’ She spoke very directly, with the confidence of someone who spent most of her working life on the telephone.

  ‘We can meet if you like, but I don’t think I’m going to be a lot of help to you. I didn’t see anything. I was only in the studio for that first round.’

  ‘I still think you could help.’

  ‘Hmm. Have you any reason for thinking Chippy didn’t do it?’

  ‘Instinct.’

  ‘Not always very reliable, I’m afraid, instinct. The police aren’t fools. On the whole, they don’t make an arrest until they’ve got a pretty good case worked out.’

  Sydnee did not answer this objection. ‘I’d like to talk about it,’ she persisted.

  ‘Okay. When do you want to meet?’

  ‘Could you make it for a drink this evening after work?’