Mail Order Bride 22 Book Boxed set: 22 Brides Ride West :CLEAN Western Historical Romance Series Bundle

by Faye Sonja

  "Yes," Thomas said, nodding. "So maybe it’s best if you stay away. I'm sure Jedediah will be home soon enough."

  "Right."

  "I can go down there and check on him myself, if you like."

  Susan shook her head. Waving her hand casually as though to show she wasn't too bothered, she said, "Thank you, Thomas. But it's fine." She forced her face into a bright smile and bid him farewell. "I'm sure he'll come home soon. I'll just sit at home and wait for him."

  As soon as she was out of eye-sight of Thomas and Mollie's home, Susan doubled checked that Thomas hadn't followed her, or left the house at all, before she broke into a little jog, trying to get away down the hill as quickly as possible. Although she hoped that Mollie wasn't feeling too poorly, she also hoped that Thomas would do the right thing and stay indoors to look after her.

  Not wanting to make too much of a scene, or draw any unwanted attention to herself, she slowed down to a walk, trying to look as causal as possible, as she exited the town limits and began to walk towards the woods, where Kit and Jedediah should have been chopping wood.

  She stopped when she reached the edge of the woods. There was only one man there. Kit. Just as she'd expected.

  But she wasn't glad to be proved right. She’d only had her worst fears confirmed. She approached Kit and greeted him quietly. "Good morning, Kit," she said, dipping her skirt a little. She liked Kit a lot, and wondered if Jedediah was also lying to his friend about what he did with his time.

  "Ah, good morning Susan," Kit said, smiling at her brightly. "It's lovely to see you. Isabella has been raving about you constantly at home, saying how much you've been helping her out."

  Susan smiled, as Kit went on to invite her and Jedediah over for supper the following night. "I'm sure we'd love to," she said, before adding, "You haven't seen Jedediah, today, have you?"

  "What are you doing?" Jedediah asked, as Susan reached his arm, grabbing at his elbow.

  "I just wanted to see..."

  "See what I was getting up to?"

  She stopped, struggling for the words to say. "Just seeing. That's all. You never tell me what you get up to..."

  He kept stomping towards the house, as Susan followed him. "So I had to come and see for myself..."

  "So you were spying on me?" Jedediah took off his coat and threw it on the table, as dirt went flying off it, onto the floor. Susan tutted as she looked at the dirty coat spread out over their eating environment.

  "You know what Isabella says about bringing dirt into the house like that..." she muttered, walking over to remove the coat from the table, hanging it up on the hook by the door instead.

  "I don't care what she says. She doesn't know anything." Jedediah was shaking his head and pacing around the room.

  "Don't speak about Isabella like that," Susan said, offended on behalf of her good friend. She would rather Jedediah be angry at her, rather than turn his words against Isabella. "She does know what she's talking about. She's an accomplished woman."

  "Yes...she is..." he said, scoffing. He stopped and caught sight of Susan's face. "I'm sorry. I've got nothing against Isabella."

  "Besides the fact that she's a women who has a job," Susan pointed out, raising her eyebrows. But they were getting far off the topic, and Susan wanted to know what Jedediah had been doing out in the woods. She asked him again and he simply shook his head.

  "What were you doing out in the woods yourself, Susan? I've already told you not to go wondering out there on your own."

  "Yes. And now I see why." She stood with her hands on her hips. "You have secret dealings out there that you don't want the rest of the town knowing about." She stopped and watched for his reaction. "You probably made up all those fairy stories to keep people away, scare them off. Was that the plan, Jedediah? Some little plan you concocted with Thomas, no doubt. He tried to scare me off as well. Does Mollie know about it?"

  "I don't know, Susan. Unlike you I tend to mind my own business."

  Susan ignored the insult. "But that's why you did tell me to keep out of the woods, isn't it? So that I wouldn't catch you in this ghastly business? Did you really think I was that stupid?"

  He shook his head. "No. I didn't. Unfortunately."

  "Unfortunately?! What does that mean? You hoped I would stay clear, then?"

  "Of course I did. You should have been minding your own business anyway. I told ya to stay away, for your own good. And instead of trusting me, you went behind my back."

  She stood still for a second, her anger threatening to spill out. She took a deep breath and prayed quietly, for the strength to be calm and patient. "Please, I don't want us to fight like this. I'm sorry that I went behind your back. I am. But I'm not sorry that I caught you. What kind of marriage do we have if we are lying to each other about what we're doing...?" she trailed off, quickly averting her gaze, guilt spiking her stomach.

  "What kind of marriage do we have..." she thought. "Oh, what right do I have to get so angry at Jedediah when I am doing the same thing to him?"

  She stood up straight, about to blurt out the truth to him, but he cut her off, still raving. "If I lied to you Susan, as you say, it was only to protect you. I'm only doing what I need to do to survive. To provide for you. You wouldn't understand, Susan."

  "Then explain it to me, Jedediah, please. I want to understand."

  He shook his head. "I'm sorry Susan. Sorry that I wasn't upfront with you, but more than that, I'm sorry that you couldn't trust me. Well, if you think like that, if you believe that I would go behind your back without only having your best interests at heart, then I don't know what sort of marriage we have either." With that he left, slamming the door behind him, and as he pulled the handle with his other hand, his sleeve caught underneath it, and pulled the collar down, leaving his scar exposed in the dying light of the day.

  * * *

  7

  Secrets Revealed

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  “ Please God, let me find a way out of

  this mess I have created for myself.”

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  White Elk 1871

  Two Weeks Later

  Although Susan tried to busy herself with her writing, and her walks, and her visits to her new friends, tried desperately to get lost in her new life at White Elk, there was a gnawing feeling in her stomach that she couldn't shake. She knew deep down what that feeling was: guilt. Guilt combined with deep shame.

  "What's going on in there?" Mollie asked, leaning round so that her face was in front of Susan. The two women were sitting side by side, enjoying cups of tea, as Mollie hadn't been well enough to go outside.

  Mollie had only been kidding, asking light-heartedly, but when she saw Susan's expression she put her tea cup down. "Is something wrong, Susan? Tell me what's happened."

  She shook her head. "Mollie...there's something I want to tell you." She took a deep breath and swallowed. "I have never told anyone about this, not even Jedediah. You see, there's something in my past that I am greatly ashamed of."

  Mollie reached out and squeezed Susan's hand. "You can tell me," she said, nodding down at her belly as she rubbed it. "I'm in no position to judge. Pregnant, with a second husband."

  Susan sighed. She was quiet for a moment. "Your husband died, though."

  Mollie sat there, wide-eyed. "You mean...you were married before, as well?"

  Susan nodded. She couldn't bring her eyes up to meet her younger friend.

  "And he's....still alive?"

  Susan nodded. "At least, I suppose so. I haven't seen him in a long time." She barely raised her voice above a whisper. "He hurt me, Mollie. I had to leave."

  Mollie reached out and put her arm around her friend's shoulder. "Oh Susan. I'm sure you've got nothing to be ashamed of." She rubbed Susan's back for a moment, thinking. "That does explain a few things though." She laughed softly. "We all wondered what such a beautiful
girl was doing, out in a place like this."

  "Well, now you know."

  "Susan, I don't think any less of you. And...if you tell Jedediah, neither will he, I'm sure of it. That's what's worrying you so, isn't it?"

  Susan nodded gently. She reached out for her cup of tea. "He has so many opinions about what a woman should be, and do, though. I'm not sure he will ever accept me."

  "Well, you accept him, don't you? Despite his..." Mollie drifted off, and coughed a little, before she finished, quietly, "His scars."

  "Of course I do, it's just..."

  Mollie let out a little gasp, and grabbed at her belly.

  "Mollie, what's wrong?"

  She shook her head. "Nothing, I think it's fine...oww!" She leaned forward, sweat breaking out on her forehead

  "Come on," Susan said, jumping up, almost toppling the tea over. "Let's get you down to see Isabella right away. Quickly now, Mollie. Something is not right. "

  * * *

  "Hey, Susan, what happened in the woods the other day? You never told me. Did you find any inspiration for your stories?" Mollie asked, her feet up on the table, as Isabella took her temperature. Isabella also glanced over at Susan, interested in the answer.

  Susan sighed. "You could say that." She fiddled with her thumbs for a moment while Isabella took the reading.

  "Hmm...your temperature seems fine, Mollie. A little bit on the high side, but not drastically so."

  Susan wondered what could be causing Mollie's pain and discomfort. On the walk down, she'd almost fainted, and Susan had to carry her most of the way. It certainly wasn't the warm climate - in fact, the days were growing more and more chilly recently, even though winter was almost over.

  Mollie swung her feet around so that was sitting on the table, with her legs hanging over the edge. She turned her attention back to Susan. "What did you find out there? Anything..." she lowered her voice. "Scary?"

  "Mollie, don't be silly," Isabella scolded, and Mollie laughed. Even Susan had to giggle a bit at the way Isabella played 'mother' to the two younger women. But in this case, she was right: Mollie was being silly.

  She'd seen something scary alright, but it hadn't been a monster. "Nothing too exciting," she commented. "Though I do have some good ideas for my next story."

  Mollie seemed disappointed. "So you really didn't see anything at all? Not even the great beasts? How about hear anything?" She turned to Isabella to reassure her that she wasn't being silly. "People do say they can hear the bears and wolves howling."

  Susan's stomach turned at the mention of the animals. "No," she said quietly. "I didn't hear anything. Didn't see any animals, either."

  "Well that's disappointing." Mollie jumped off the table with a pout and Isabella had to put a hand out to catch her, chastising her for making the sudden move. Mollie tutted, to show that Isabella was being overprotective, as per usual. But Susan did have to wonder if Mollie occasionally acted a little too reckless. She was young though, just like Susan had been once. When she'd been just as reckless, thinking that the actions she made would have no consequences that could come back to haunt her later.

  Susan and Mollie said farewell to Isabella, and Susan helped Mollie outside, linking her arm through her younger friend's arm, to help give her support. "I really am fine, you know," Mollie said, "I can walk by myself without help."

  "You're getting real big now," Susan pointed out. "And there's no shame in accepting a little help. You can't do it all on your own, Mollie." Susan worried, also, about how often Mollie was left alone, while Thomas was out and about, running the town. But the girl seemed hardy enough, able to fend for herself. She reminded Susan an awful lot of herself at nineteen.

  Mollie glanced back over her shoulder at the practice. "Okay, you can tell me now that Isabella is out of ear-shot," the young girl said eagerly, keen to share a secret. "What did you really see in the woods?"

  Susan sighed. "I think Jedediah might be involved in the fur trade. I believe he's making extra money on the side."

  Mollie oohed and ahh-ed with bright, wide open eyes. "Ain't that a good thing though? To bring more money into the household for you both?"

  Susan wasn't sure. She knew she still had debts at home - her old home - that needed taking care of, and she did long for finer items, and grand furniture, and some new dresses. She looked down at her tatty gloves, still ripped from the day she had reached through the glass for the spilt ointment.

  But at what cost? She didn't want riches, or expensive items, at the cost of innocent lives.

  Mollie gave Susan's arm a squeeze. "I'm sure he's only trying to do the right thing, looking after you. It's a good industry to be in - lots of demand for furs."

  "It's also a dangerous industry," Susan pointed out. That was her other great fear, that Jedediah might get hurt in his pursuit of money. "It can't be safe for him out there, hunting wild animals, with no one else there for back up," she thought. She sighed again, as the cool air, blowing in from the lake, brushed against her cheek. "But he's so stubborn, there's no way I'll be able to talk him round on it." She dropped her head as they kept walking along the path to Mollie and Thomas's house. "He won't talk to me about anything, as a matter of fact."

  "Keep trying," Mollie said, reassuringly, with the confidence and self-assurance of someone who was too young to know any better. "Men can be stubborn, and not open to new ideas. But I'm sure Jedediah will listen to you if you tell him what's bothering you."

  But Susan wasn't so sure.

  * * *

  "I saw you this afternoon," Jedediah commented, before Susan had even had a chance to take her gloves off.

  "Saw me where?" she asked, pulling at the lace gloves, folding them up neatly before she left to put them safely in their proper drawer. She pulled the wooden drawer back before looking down at the ripped, fraying gloves, and at the last second threw them in the drawer, causing them to unfold, as they fell haphazardly on top of the other items. "Oh, what does it matter?" she thought. "Why bother taking care of such fine items out in a place like this."

  She stormed back into the room. "I was taking Mollie to see Isabella, as she was worried about the baby. Do you see it fit to have a problem with that? Or would you rather Mollie and her baby just struggled on their own, without any medical care?"

  Jedediah bristled, putting his hands in his pockets. "Well, no, I don't think that..."

  Susan began to bang the pots and pans as she struggled to put dinner together. "I think you'd rather see people hurt, than see them receive medical care.” She tied her apron around her waist and lit the stove, feeling more and more furious the more she spoke.

  Jedediah followed her over to the stove, his tone gentler now, not wanting to continue the fight he had started. “Okay, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was the baby who was in trouble...”

  Susan spun round, her eyes wide open. “So if it had been me who was sick, or in trouble, you wouldn’t want me to go to the doctor?”

  “I just don’t like you hanging ‘round that place. Getting ideas into your head."

  "What ideas?"

  "These modern, strange ideas."

  Susan shook her head and returned to the stove top. "Rather than spying on me, why don't you tell me where you were this afternoon?" She thought angrily back to the ripped lace gloves that she had thrown so carelessly into the drawer. "Out earning money, were you?"

  "Yes," Jedediah replied quietly.

  "Doing what?"

  "You know what I was doing. Chopping wood."

  Susan watched the water boil for a moment, till the whistling sound was loud enough to drown out the silence between them. She reached over and took the pot off the boil. "Yes, I do know what you were doing, Jedediah. You were hunting, weren't you? Just admit it."

  She heard him take a frustrated sigh. "You're the one who wants nice things, Susan. If I give up the hunting, how are we going to afford those things? Cover your debts?"

  She turned to him slowly, her eyes hanging
low. She'd come to a decision, and before she uttered the words out loud, she prayed to God that her husband would listen to her. "I don't want you hunting, or killing, any more animals, Jedediah. I just don't." She looked up at him with her most pleading look, hoping he could see how important this was to her. "Please. Can you promise me you'll stop? We can find another way to earn the extra money. Or..." she looked around at the old wooden furniture, and the empty walls where she wished fine art work hung. "We can just do without."

  He took a step back and walked away to sit at the dinner table. "I can't promise that, Susan. Not right now. Just drop it, will ya?"

  * * *

  Susan lay in the dark, with only the faint candlelight to keep her company. She heard footsteps enter the room, then Jedediah's voice, as he gently asked her if she was alright. "Susan, please talk to me."

  She turned over on her pillow, her back facing him. "I just think it's wrong to cause the animals to suffer like that."

  He reached out and stroked her hair softly. "You just don't understand, Susan. It's a way of life out here. People need the furs to keep warm. To make coats out of. And for people like me, it can be the only way to make enough to survive."

  She rolled over and looked up at him. "But we make enough to survive."

  "Not enough to keep you happy, though."

  She sighed. "I can be happy with less. I promise you that. If you can just promise me that you'll stop. It's such a dangerous task - what if you don't come home one day? I'd rather have a husband who's alive and poor, than one who died trying to make a bit of extra money."

  He hung his head, still stroking Susan's hair gently. "I wasn't sure you wanted me for a husband at all."

  The words hung in the air for a moment, and Susan was touched by the sadness that lay in them. "Why ever not?" she asked, bringing her head up a little. It was difficult to see him in the candlelight, hard to make out the expression on his face. As the candlelight flickered it momentarily hit the bottom of his neck, where, just above his collar, some of his scarred skin was exposed. She reached out and gently touched the scar tissue. "Not because of these, is it?"