by Faye Sonja
She looked down, too shy to make eye contact with him. "I wonder if I will ever be able to look at him," she thought, running a hand self-consciously over her full stomach. "This is not how I wanted to look on my wedding day. So full and heavy looking. So awkward. How can he ever love a damaged girl like me?"
"We're going to head down to the chapel now," Thomas said, interrupting her thoughts. "Of course, if that's okay with you." He let out a nervous chuckle. "Maybe you want to jump straight back on that wagon and run away again."
Part of her did want to do just that. Her breath started to come short and ragged, and she found her throat tightening a little. Keeping her eyes firmly peeled on the ground, she started to wonder if she was doing the right thing. "Oh, what if this is all a big mistake," she worried, reaching up to clasp at the cross around her neck. "John is barely cold in his grave, and I am out here, about to get married to a perfect stranger!" Her heart began to pound so loudly that she was worried Thomas would be able to hear it.
"Mollie, are you okay?" Thomas said, taking a step towards her. All she could see was his smart, heavy black boots on the ground, coming a step closer.
"I'm..." she said, breathlessly, reaching out a hand to steady herself, but all she could grasp was thin air. She took a step backwards, trying to reach for anything to hold onto, but before she could find anything, her world turned to black and she hit the ground with a thud.
* * *
"Is she okay? Is this normal?" All Mollie could hear was Thomas's frantic voice as she opened her eyes to see him and Isabella leaning over her.
Isabella had her hand on Mollie's neck, checking for her pulse. She pulled away as she saw Mollie come back to consciousness. Isabella straightened up and turned towards a still frantic Thomas. "Not too unusual in a pregnant woman, I'm afraid. Fainting spells are quite common." She straightened up. "And Mollie has had a long journey."
Thomas nodded. "Of course..." he said, his voice still heavy with worry as he turned back to Mollie. "You've come all this way just to meet me." He sighed, and his jaw tensed, the veins in his neck showing. He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Mollie. I shouldn't have asked you to come here."
Mollie sat herself up on her elbows, still dizzy, as she shook her head. "No..." she croaked. "Don't be sorry, Thomas. I wanted to come." She coughed, trying to focus her eyes, as they felt dry and full of fog. "You can't blame yourself for this."
"Are you well enough to stand up?" Thomas asked. "Here, I will help you."
Mollie nodded a little as Thomas reached a hand underneath her to lift her up. The time for coyness had long passed as Mollie felt herself hoisted up. Once both her feet were back on the ground, Thomas placed both of his hands on her arms, then bent down to look her in the eyes. "You still look a little glassy eyed, Mollie. Are you sure you're ready to go through with the ceremony?"
"I'm ready," she said, smiling up at him. "More than ready."
* * *
Thomas kept a tight grip on her hand as they made their way into the church. The excitement of Mollie fainting had caused a bit of commotion amongst the others, as they murmured among themselves as the youngest couple, Thomas and Mollie, were the last to enter the church.
"How are you feeling?" Thomas whispered, right before they were due to exchange their vows. Mollie glanced down at the finger where her old ring had once been, noticing how bare it now looked.
"Much better now." She forced her eyes away from her hand and smiled up at him, noticing, for the first time, that he had deep green eyes, a shade she had never seen before. Still shy, but growing slowly in confidence now, she clutched a bunch of white flowers while Thomas reached over to place the wedding band on her left finger. To make it whole again.
The metal felt cool against her hot skin, but it fit perfectly, and warmth filled her heart as she looked down at it. "This is it," she thought. "No turning back now, we've said our vows in front of God and made our promise." She looked down at her belly. "You're going to be safe, and taken care of now," she said, silently, to the child that was growing inside her.
"It's all going to be okay," she said again silently. This time as much to herself as to the unborn child.
But as they left the chapel, and the cool wind hit Mollie's face, that pounding in her heart started up again, and the tightness around her chest felt as if it might suffocate her.
* * *
4
A Promise Is Made
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“ My heart will remain my own, on
that I give my promise. But I need
to do what's best for my baby...”
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White Elk
Two Weeks Later
Mollie walked along the road happily, Susan next to her, the tightness in her stomach gone for the first time in days. "I think it must be due to this cool, country air," Mollie commented. "I'm really feeling much better."
"That's wonderful news," Susan said, giving her friend a little squeeze on the arm. "Isabella and I were so worried about you the other day. But I'm sure now that you've got Thomas looking after you, you do seem to be on the mend."
"Yes," Mollie replied quietly.
"He is looking after you, isn't he?" Susan asked, casting her a look out of the corner of her eye.
"Yes, of course he is," Mollie replied quickly. "He's just the sort of husband I was hoping to get. God has certainly answered my prayers."
* * *
Once Kit and Jedediah had left, Mollie busied herself straightening the tablecloth for supper. "Thomas..." she said slowly, as he glanced up from his chair, where he was smoking his tobacco pipe and reading the newspaper.
"Yes?" He placed his pipe down. "What's on your mind, Mollie? You've been awful quiet since those two left. They didn't say anything to upset you, did they?"
Mollie shook her head. "Oh no, nothing like that. They were perfectly polite." She picked up a napkin and straightened it, before setting it back down. "Thomas, I couldn't help but notice that Kit and Jedediah both have very bad injuries..."
Thomas cleared his throat, and sat his paper down as well. "Yes. They suffered terribly in the war."
"And you served together, alongside each other, is that right?" Mollie sat down her napkin.
Thomas nodded. "Kit was in charge of our battalion. Jedediah and I served beside each other, at the same ranking."
"But he is older than you as well, isn't he?" Mollie frowned.
"Yes," Thomas said, leaning forward, so that his elbows were on his knees. "Five years older. And Kit, more than a decade." He sat, thoughtfully, for a moment. "Now that we are all back home, everything is different..." his voice trailed off, and Mollie saw a faraway look enter his eyes. "Nothing can go back to how it used to be." He picked his paper back up and flipped through it to find his spot. "But those two think it oughta."
"What do you mean?" Mollie placed a hand on her hips.
"Before we went out to fight, I was just a boy. Kit and Jedediah were the men of the town. But now, with those two injured, I've had to step up. Become the number one man around here. But instead of being grateful to me, Kit and Jedediah hold it against me. Reckon I'm getting ideas above my station. Biting off more than I can chew."
Mollie was quiet for a moment. "Perhaps they are envious of you, Thomas. Because you're young, and you returned back from the war unharmed. You're not badly injured, like the two of them. You must have been very lucky."
Thomas kept his eyes fixed firmly on the paper in front of him, but his eyes had stopped moving. "Come on," he said abruptly, chucking the paper onto the floor. "Let's eat supper. I'm starving."
* * *
"Are you off to work again?" Mollie asked. "But, Thomas I thought you could take at least one day off." She stepped in front of him, blocking his way to the door. Over her shoulder she could see the dark clouds forming, not a drop of blue visible in the sky. "Oh, I don'
t like to be left alone in bad weather such as this," she thought, anxiously.
"Mollie," he said, pulling his coat sleeves over his arms, stepping in front of her. "Please, I need to get past. Don't be silly. There's a lot involved in the running of this town, and there's no one else to do it..."
Mollie crossed her arms. "Doesn't seem like there's much to it to me." She waved a hand towards the window. "A tiny town like this, with three shops and just a hundred residents? What could possibly be taking up all of your time?"
Thomas sighed. "You don't understand, Mollie. There's more to it than meets the eye."
"Do you know what I think?" Mollie asked, setting her mouth in a firm line. "I think you just don't want to be here, at home, with me." She reached down and rubbed a hand over her belly. "I think I am too much of a burden for you."
He looked up from tying his boots; his face had fallen dark. "That's not true. How can you say that?" He stood up, straightening his jacket as he went.
"Well it seems very obvious to me, that you would rather be working than spending time with me," Mollie said, walking over to him. She was easy on her feet as she went, almost toppling forward as the weight of her belly pulled her forward. "Oh dear..." she said, reaching a hand up to her brow.
"Is everything okay?" Thomas asked, his voice switching from annoyance to concern. "Mollie, sit down. It's not good for to upset yourself like this."
"Upset myself? You're the one upsetting me!" she cried. "You're going out to work, again, when you haven't been here at home for ten days now. That's what is upsetting me; I'm not just upsetting myself. What do you think, that I'm so silly I can't control my own emotions?"
"Shh," Thomas said, reaching out out to rub her shoulders. "Okay, okay, you are right. You're clearly not feeling very well." He reached up and took his hat off, placing it behind him on the hook by the door. "I will stay home with you."
"Really?" Mollie looked up, her breathing coming more calmly. She looked down. "Oh, now I feel bad, Thomas. If you need to go to work, you should go. I know you're only providing for me and the baby." She glanced around at the fine, expensive dining table, with its finely crafted chairs, and place settings made of silver and the very best porcelain. "I should be more grateful for all that you do."
"Mollie, please, sit down," Thomas said, taking a big sigh as he pulled a chair out for her. "Work isn't everything. I should be more concerned with how you are feeling." He sat down next to her and took her hand. "Do you need to see Isabella? What feels wrong?"
"Just my chest and stomach, again, like how I was feeling before our wedding..." she said, glancing down at the ring around her finger. She touched it absentmindedly with her other hand, spinning it around on her finger. It was a little loose at times, but other times, when her fingers were swollen, it felt so tight it might cut off the circulation to her finger.
Thomas looked worried. "Mollie, you fainted that day. You're not going to faint now, are you?"
She shook her head. "I feel a little better now. Now that you're staying home with me."
"Why don't you go lie down for a little while?"
Mollie nodded and stood up, still a little unsteady, so Thomas helped her to the bed, making sure she was comfortable before he left her. "I'll just be outside if you need me, Mollie," he said, as she drifted off to sleep, smiling.
"Okay, Thomas. Thank you."
* * *
Mollie's eyes sprang open, and she stretched her arms up, throwing the blankets off her. She smiled to herself, feeling much better, relief flooding over her as she remembered that Thomas was at home that day. She sat up and put her bare feet onto the bare floor, pulling them back, wincing, as the cold floorboards hit them. She reached down for her slippers and pulled them on before she shuffled back into the dining room, expecting to see Thomas there, sitting, perhaps, reading his paper and smoking his pipe.
But the room, and the house, was silent. "Perhaps he's just trying to be quiet, letting me sleep. That's thoughtful of him." "Thomas?" she asked, spinning around, searching. "Thomas?" she called again raising her voice a little this time. "I'm feeling much better, you don't have to worry about waking me. Hello? Where are you?"
When there was still no response she decided he must have gone outside for a moment, perhaps to gather firewood or to see to his horse. She switched her slippers for shoes and walked through the sitting room to the back door, which led to their large back garden. They had the largest property in White Elk, largely thanks to Thomas's job and position in the town. Out back was a shed, as well as a horse paddock, and a place for keeping chickens. She wandered down, over the grass that was growing just that little too long, still calling out for Thomas. "Thomas, are you down there?" she asked, glancing uneasily towards the shed. Something about the place had always freaked her out. Unlike their house, which was modern and freshly painted, the shed was hammered together unevenly, with nails sticking out and cracks between the wood. Inside lay rifles and knives, tools and other things she didn't like to think about.
"You're not in the shed, are you?" she asked, as she approached slowly, taking a deep breath before she clenched the handle and pulled it back, holding her breath as she went.
Empty.
She took a step back, dropping the handle, leaving the door to bang into the wood.
She let out a long heavy sigh.
"He's not here..." she realized, spinning around to look at the empty garden. "He's gone out somewhere, to work no doubt."
Dejected, she turned back, and walked slowly back to the house, clutching her heavy belly as she went. All of a sudden she wasn't feeling so well again.
* * *
"Where have you been?" Mollie asked quietly, when Thomas finally walked in the door, hours later.
"Mollie, you're up," he said, sounding surprised. "You were so dead asleep I thought you'd sleep right through to the evening."
"Hoping I would, more like it," she said, looking down at the table, digging her nail into it so that she made an indent through the varnish, right through to the timber below.
Thomas walked over and took a seat. "Hoping you would get plenty of rest, yes."
"That's not what I meant," she said, her face dark, looking away from him. "You were hoping to get back in through the door before I woke, so that I wouldn't know you were gone."
Thomas sighed. "I only thought, what use was I doing, staying at home, when you didn't really need me? Mollie, you were fast asleep..."
"That's not the point. I still needed you here, even if I was asleep."
"Whatever for?" Thomas asked, sounding genuinely confused. "How could I help you if you weren't even awake?"
She looked up at him. "You don't get it, do you? It's just the knowing that you were home. Here when I needed you. The security. The reassurance."
He sighed again, running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, Mollie, if you felt like that, as though I'd abandoned you. I really didn't see what harm it was doing to head out for a little while, as you were sleeping..."
"Were you at work?" Mollie snapped.
"No," Thomas asked, setting his jaw firmly. He sat back in his seat and stared at her. "I wasn't at work, actually. I had some other business to attend to."
Mollie scoffed. "I don't believe you. It's always work with you. That seems to be all you ever do." She glanced back down at the varnish, still digging her fingernail into it, slowly peeling away at the finish.
"Mollie, I am telling you the truth. I wasn’t working.”
She looked up. “Where were you, then?"
His jaw was still set firmly, and he stared at her with his pale green eyes. She couldn't help thinking, in that moment, that he suddenly didn't look so young to her anymore. "Thomas?" she said. "Where were you?"
He pushed his chair back from the table and stood up. "Do I need to explain to you where I am every moment of the day?"
"If you are secretly sneaking out, then yes, you do!" Mollie pushed her chair back to stand up as well, but the m
ovement sent a sudden rush of blood to her head, and she had to sit back down again, the room spinning before her. "Woah..." she muttered, putting her head down in her hands.
"Mollie, what's wrong?" Thomas reached a hand out to her, but she swatted it away.
"Nothing," she snapped. "I'm fine."
"You're not fine..."
"What do you worry, anyway? You're clearly not concerned with my health, or how I am feeling..."
"Mollie, that's not true."
"It is true." She kept her head hung in her hands. "You can't just abandon me when I need you, then try and act all concerned later."
"Mollie..." he reached his arm out again to gently rub her back, and this time she didn't swat it away. "Honestly, I am sorry I left, now. I thought you were fine."
He kept rubbing gently across her back. "I should have known better. I didn't think any harm could come, really." He looked down at Mollie, who still had her head forward, her golden brown curls falling over her head, onto the table. "Now I feel terrible. Maybe my leaving has made you feel even worse..." His voice was low, and filled with regret.
She sat up. "How is that possible?" she asked, scrunching up her forehead, her cute button nose crinkling as she thought over what he'd just said. She even let out a little laugh. "Thomas, you do think highly of yourself if you think that you can have any effect on my health." She sat up straight and patted her belly. "It is the baby making me feel this way. Not you."
Thomas nodded, also smiling a little. "Right you are. I do have an awful big head sometimes, don't I?"
Mollie had to nod a little, but she smiled reluctantly. "You do have a bit of an ego, Thomas Doherty. But that's part of what I admire about you. Even though I fuss and complain, I do so love the way you take control of things in this town." She reached over and patted his hand. "This place really needs you. And you shouldn't worry about what Kit and Jedediah say, about how they think you're too young."
