by Faye Sonja
Thomas reached over and placed his other hand on top of Mollie's. "Sometimes I think they are right." He gazed into Mollie's eyes. "Perhaps I have bitten off more than I can chew. Taken on too many responsibilities at a young age."
Mollie withdrew her hand and sat back, concerned. "You don't mean me and the baby, do you, Thomas?"
"Oh, no..." he reached back for her hand. "No, I never meant anything like that." He shook his head frantically as he rushed to reassure her. "I meant with this job, as well. Trying to juggle everything..." He glanced down. "I just don't feel as though I'm getting any of it right. Kit and Jedediah are correct. Maybe I ought to quit."
"Oh, no, you can't do that, Thomas." She grabbed his hands and shook her head. "Please. I'd feel so guilty if you quit because of me. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."
"But will you be able to cope by yourself?" he asked, glancing down at her pregnant belly. "If I go out and work, when you're in such a state..."
She looked at him firmly. "Women have been in 'such a state' since the dawn of time, Thomas. I am sure I can handle it."
He sat and just stared at her for a moment, searching her eyes. "Are you sure, Mollie? Because it doesn't seem like you are. You were so mad with me today, when I left you..."
"Shh," she said. "I can handle myself. I just need to be a little braver."
"I think you're fine just the way you are, Mollie.” Thomas smiled, and let out a long sigh of relief. “But I have to admit I am happy to hear you say these things. There are a lot of changes taking place in White Elk, and I need to be out there, at the front and center of things. We need to expand, modernize. I’m not like Kit and Jedediah, who think this town ought to stand still in time.” He stood up and walked over to the basin, reaching for a cup to fill with water. “I’m actually going to need to be away from the house even more in the upcoming months. Maybe even travel a bit to the city.” He took a sip of water before placing the mug down. “As long as that's okay with you, of course."
Mollie sat quietly, wondering if she had said the right thing. Part of her wanted to blurt out, "I take it all back, I need you to stay here with me more," but out loud she said, forcing a smile to her lips, "Of course it is, Thomas."
Still digging her nails into the varnish, she added, "I will be fine."
* * *
5
A Promise Is Broken
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“ My heart will remain my own, on
that I give my promise. But I need
to do what's best for my baby...”
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"Are you sure you've got everything you need?" Mollie asked, handing Thomas his coat and bag. Her fingers lingered on them as he reached out for the items, and she had to fight the urge to pull them back away from him. She wanted to grab him, pull him to her, beg him not to go. But her face didn't show her feelings. She kept her expression frozen. The perfect picture of a devoted, supporting wife.
Not one that was going out of her mind with worry.
"Yes, now stop fussing," Thomas said, grabbing the bag off her. "You shouldn't be carrying heavy bags like this anyway. Or worrying so much about me. I'll only be gone overnight, remember. I'll be back before lunchtime tomorrow. Not too long for you to have to be on your own."
Mollie nodded and reached a hand behind her back, rubbing the spot where it ached. "I'm being brave now, remember? Just as long as you really will be back when you say you will." She glanced down at her tummy. "It's just...you know, with the baby due to arrive soon."
He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek, reaching out behind him to open the door. Chilly air blew in, startling Mollie, as he said to her, "You're not having second thoughts about me going, are you?"
"Of course not," she replied quickly. She shook her head, making her curls bounce up and down, then swing around her face. "I'll be fine by myself in the house, don't you worry about me. Susan and Isabella are both going to check in on me."
"Good," he said, giving her one last hug before he left. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, then."
* * *
Mollie woke up and glanced out the window. Still dark.
Groaning, she turned back over and burrowed her face into the pillow. "Oh, why can't it be day already? I must have barely slept at all."
She shut her eyes tight, trying to get back to sleep, but no matter which way she tried to lie, it seemed like her belly got in the way, and she found it impossible to get back to sleep again. Kicking the covers off her, she groggily rubbed her eyes and placed her slippers on before shuffling to the kitchen to boil a pot of tea.
"Ouch," she cried out, in the dark, as a sharp pain hit her stomach. She rubbed her tummy for a second, standing still, trying to figure out if the pain was going to persist.
When no more twinges came after a few moments she went to walk again, grabbing for a pot in the dim light of dawn that was just breaking through the clouds. "Ow!" she cried out, falling forward as the pot went falling to the floor, creating an almighty clanging noise as it landed.
She leaned forward, reaching out to lay her hand on the bench as she kept the other gripped on her stomach. She looked out the window. Only the faintest crack of light. Far too early for Isabella's office to be open.
She looked around the kitchen helplessly. "Oh, if only Thomas were here...I could send him to go and get her. Why did he have to leave?"
And then, the one terrible thought hit her.
"What if he doesn't come back?"
Another pain shot through her, and she almost dropped to her knees from the pain. She brought her head up, trying to take slow, steady breaths, as the pain gradually turned from sharp twinges to a more throbbing ache. She stumbled forward and made her way to a chair, where she sat, waiting for day to break through properly so she could get herself help. "Please God, let me be well enough to make it to Isabella's before anything bad happens."
"And please let Thomas return. Bring him back safely to me and this baby."
* * *
"Mollie, what on Earth is it, child?" Isabella asked, racing to get the door open. "Here, come on in," she said, placing one arm around Mollie as she ushered her into the medical practice.
Mollie's lip trembled as she reached an arm out, trying to steady herself as she took a seat. "I just...I don't know what's wrong with me, Isabella."
"First Thomas, then you..." Isabella said, tutting.
"Huh?" Mollie asked, confused. "What do you mean, first Thomas..?"
"Oh, I just meant he was here to see me a few days ago. Why, didn't he tell you?"
"No," Mollie said, shaking her head. "No, he didn't."
Isabella coughed, and Mollie saw the faint sight of a blushing creeping up her neck above her frilled lace collar, dancing up towards the bottom of her cheeks. "Don't worry about that now," Isabella said. "It was nothing."
Mollie frowned, about to push the subject further, but Isabella cut her off.
"Come on, tell me what's wrong with you, Mollie. That's what's important. I can see that you're in a frightful state this morning. Tell me your symptoms, one by one." Isabella took her coat off and placed it on the hook behind her desk. "Then we'll see if we can't put your mind at ease."
Mollie shook her head, and her big watery eyes threatened to spill over. "That's just it, though, Isabella - I don't know how to describe them. They are different all the time, and hard to define."
Isabella took a seat, her face furrowed in concern. "Try just thinking of one. What's the worst symptom you have?"
"This...pain in my stomach. And chest," Mollie said slowly, narrowing her eyes as she thought. "Sort of like something is constricting me."
Isabella chuckled a little. "Well, you are pregnant, my dear. There's a person in there, constricting you. Sharing your blood supply, and food, and energy with you."
Mollie looked up. "Oh. Oh, Isabella, is that all it is? Ca
n all of this really be normal? Are you sure there's nothing wrong with my baby?"
"All a completely normal part of being pregnant."
Mollie sat, twiddling her thumbs for a minute, her eyes darting around Isabella's office. It seemed, to her at least, far less modern than the office where she'd first received the news she was pregnant. But she could tell that Isabella and Susan had done their best to decorate it, to make it more homely, with the sprigs of herbs, and branches, and fruits that lay around, and the soft green colored walls. And Isabella herself made the place feel more welcoming, to Mollie, anyway. She looked at Isabella and remembered to be grateful that she had a woman doctor to take care of her this time.
But something still made her uncomfortable. The silence grew between them, as Isabella began to tidy her desk, clearing her throat a little. "Is that all, Mollie?"
"I...I guess so," she said, softly, picking herself up. She was so heavy she almost didn't make it; it was as though she was being pulled back towards the ground. “Er, thanks, Isabella." She smiled and ducked her head, turning to leave.
"I hope I put your mind to rest, my dear."
Mollie paused, her hand on the door handle. "Yes," she said quietly, then quickly looked away before exiting.
But as she left, she had one thought occupying her mind. "I know there is something wrong. Something Isabella isn't telling me, maybe. Or something she can't see."
"What if I lose this baby, the way I lost John?"
The terrible thought struck her, and she had to hug her coat close to her as she hurried home, wanting to get out of the cold, wanting the terrible thoughts to leave her skull. She prayed that God would not only take care of her baby, but that he would put her mind to rest. Erase the bad thoughts from her mind, the worries that kept her awake each night.
She reached the house and locked the door behind her, racing for the fire. But even with her coat on, and the thick heat of the flames in front of her, the chill didn't leave her body.
* * *
"Where have you been all day, Thomas? I've been worried sick about you." Mollie paced back and forth, her hand on her stomach, as she shook her head, sending her curls flipping back and forth over her shoulders.
Thomas frowned, taking his hat off and setting it on the table. "I was just out working...I'n not too late home, am I? Just a couple of hours over schedule."
Mollie threw her hands up in the air. "Just a couple of hours? Thomas, try ten hours."
"Mollie, I'm sorry..."
"Well, sorry isn't good enough, Thomas."
She stopped pacing, and turned to look at him, her voice coming out slightly breathless. "I needed you today, Thomas, and you were nowhere to be found."
"Needed me?" His face fell as he took a step towards her. "What happened?" He glanced down at the bulge beneath her dress. "Is something wrong with the baby?"
She shook her head, then nodded. "No...well, yes. I don't know!" She threw her hands up again. "I just don't know, Thomas, and that is half the trouble, you see. I think sometimes I am going mad."
"Shh, calm down," he said, pulling out a chair for her. "Sit down and tell me what happened." He turned and poured her a glass of water. "Were you feeling ill?"
She shrugged. "Just...off. Feeling really strange all day. I don't know how to explain it." She turned her face up to Thomas. "I tried to find you, Thomas, I needed you here with me."
"Shh." He reached out for her hand. "I'm here now."
She looked down. "Well, it's too late now."
"Come on," he said, chuckling a little. "You're just sulking. It's not too late. Tell me what happened."
"I went to see Isabella."
Thomas raised an eyebrow. "Was it that serious?"
"Yes. No." She sighed. "I don't know. I thought it was. Now I think maybe I was just being silly."
Thomas pushed the glass of water out of the way and reached over so that both his hands were gripping Mollie's. "What did Isabella have to say."
"Just that. Pretty much. She said the symptoms I was having are just a normal part of being pregnant."
"See?" Thomas said, bowing down so that he could look into her eyes, but she was still being childish, sulking a little, and refusing to quite meet his gaze. "Mollie...what is it? Did something else happen?"
"Nothing happened, exactly..." She let out a long sigh. "I suppose I was just being silly," she added, quietly. "I guess there's nothing wrong. I mean, Isabella is a doctor, isn't she? So she must know what she is talking about." She glanced up, checking out of the corner of her eye to see if Thomas had any reaction to her talk about Isabella.
"Well, I don't know if she always knows what she's talking about..." he said, drifting off. "Maybe sometimes she can be wrong." He sighed. "I hope she can be wrong."
Mollie sat up straight. "What do you mean by that, Thomas? Are you saying that you don't trust Isabella, as a doctor?"
"I didn't say that."
Mollie thought for a second. "So would you ever go to see her yourself?"
She sat and waited for Thomas's response, watching his face carefully for the slightest reaction. "I...er," he coughed, pulling at his collar a little. "If there was something really wrong with me I would."
Mollie leaned back in her chair. "And is there something really wrong with you?"
He looked up, a quizzical look in his eye, his head titled to the side just slightly. "Of course not. Why do you ask that?”
She dropped her head. “Nothing.”
Thomas furrowed his brow. He reached over and brushed a curl out of Mollie’s eyes. “Mollie, if you feel like something is wrong with you, or heaven forbid, the baby, then you need to trust yourself. Just because Isabella said you were being silly, doesn’t mean you are. If you say something is wrong, then I believe you.”
Mollie looked at her husband. Smiling, she said quietly, “Thank you, Thomas. That means a lot to me." She felt her heartbeat settle again.
"I'm sorry I wasn't here for you today, Mollie," he said, brushing a strand of curls behind her ear. "I promise I will be in the future."
"It's okay..." she said, "I know you were working, trying to provide for us all. I'm sorry I got so angry about it earlier. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm quite being myself these days..."
"Hey, don't worry about it." He clasped her hands in his and bent down to give them a kiss. "You're worried about the baby. That's only normal."
"But there was no sense getting mad at you. Or rushing off to see Isabella," Mollie said, clucking her tongue as she thought back to what a panic she'd been in that morning. "When nothing was even wrong with me. Oh Thomas, you must think that you've married such a silly girl."
He shook his head. "No, I think I've married a wonderful woman, one that worries about her family, and wants them all to be safe. You don't need to worry anymore, Mollie. I will be here for you, and this child, from now on. No more travelling. I should never have left you overnight like I did. I won't do it again."
She nodded. "Thank you, Thomas."
* * *
6
A Decision Made In Haste
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“ My heart will remain my own, on
that I give my promise. But I need
to do what's best for my baby...”
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Mollie smiled and pulled the door back, welcoming Susan inside. "Come in, I will make you a cup of tea."
As they settled beside each other on the sofa, Susan admired Mollie's house. "Wow, you've sure got a beautiful place here, Mollie."
She nodded, not quite listening to what Susan was saying. "Yes...Thomas works hard for all of it. He's away so often, always arranging some business or another..."
"Mollie, what's wrong?" Susan asked. "You seem very far away today. You're not having your pains again, are you? We've all been so worried..."
Mollie shook her head and placed her tea cup d
own. "No, it's not me this time."
"Is it the baby?" Susan asked, still concerned.
"No, no, nothing like that." Mollie sat back and rested her head against the back of the sofa. "It's Thomas, actually. I think there might be something wrong with him, Susan. Something he won't tell me about. I think he is keeping something secret."
"Why do you say that?"
She sighed. "Please don't think badly of Isabella if I tell you this."
"Of course not. I never could."
But Mollie still hesitated to tell what happened. Isabella had been so kind to her, and she didn't want Susan to think of her as a gossip. "She accidentally let slip that Thomas had been to see her. Please don't think her unprofessional, Susan. She'd simply assumed Thomas had told me about the visit."
"Which he hadn't?"
"No." Mollie gazed down at the hem of her dress, picking at the material with her fingernails. "No, he hadn't."
"Maybe he just doesn't want to trouble you, with everything else you've got to worry about," Susan tried to reassure her. "I’m sure it's nothing."
Mollie picked herself up and forced a smile to her face. "You're probably right. I'm sure it's nothing."
* * *
Thomas clutched the reins of his horse, pulling back tightly so that the horse came to a rearing stop at the pine clearing. Thomas jumped off and raced over to Kit and Jedediah.
"Great news, men!" he said, as the other two looked up. He could have sworn he saw them each throw a look at the other, as if to say "What does he want now?" but Thomas was so happy that he ignored it.
Jedediah straightened up, chewing on a blade of grass. He placed his axe on the ground and leaned against it. "Well, don't keep us in suspense, man."
