Returning Home

by Riann C. Miller

  I place my good hand up in surrender, slowly getting up from the couch. “I told her I felt more comfortable with you as my nurse but I have to say, I’m rethinking the idea.” I chuckle, but Sam doesn’t.

  “No, you refused any nurse she tried to offer.”

  “If you knew that, then why’d you ask?”

  She groans, rubbing her temples. “Jasper is my home and outside of my family, this job is my life. I won’t let you or anyone for that matter mess with it.”

  My stomach tightens. “I’m not trying to mess with your job.” When I spoke to her boss, I did refuse every single nurse she tried to offer—which was only two.

  “But you are.” She sighs, letting her bag drop from her shoulder. “If I’m going to be your nurse, then you’re going to act professionally.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  She glares while taking a seat in the chair across from the couch. “Where are Katie and Margie?”

  I point to the window where the two of them are working in the garden. “Have they been out there long; it’s really hot?”

  “No, they only went a few minutes ago.” I wasn’t thinking about the heat when they agreed to scatter after hearing Sam’s truck pull into the drive.

  “Okay…” She grabs a folder out of her bag. I have a few questions—.”

  “So do I.” I smirk. “I want to ask one for every one you ask me.”

  Her brows push together. “That’s not how this works, Luke.”

  “We both know I’m more than a patient. You don’t have to apply the same rules you normally do unless of course, you’re…afraid.”

  Her eyes sparkle with a challenge. “You’re on but only if you agree to answer my questions truthfully.”

  “Deal.”

  She flips the file in her lap open. “On a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst, how would you rate your pain level?”

  “On a good day, a four maybe five, but there are days when my shoulder feels like it’s on fire.”

  Her eyes widen seconds before she scribbles something in her file. “Are you taking the meds your VA doctor prescribed for you?”

  “No. They make me feel sluggish and oblivious of my surroundings.”

  “There’s plenty we can try. I’ll call the doctor and have a new script written.” She glances back at the file. “I’ve set up an appointment for later this week for your physical therapy. I think after a few trips you’ll see a great improvement in your range of movement. I’m hoping in the next week or two you’ll be able to lose the sling.”

  “That sounds great. I can’t wait to use my arm again.” She studies me, not saying a word.

  “Have you ever been in love with anyone, besides me?”

  Her mouth goes slack and her breathing becomes audible but she’s not the only one freaking out because I don’t know what I’ll say if she says yes.

  “I would dream about you all the time. And in each dream, you were happy. I knew if that were the case it meant you moved on. I wouldn’t consider the possibility that you hadn’t until I returned home and saw you. I knew then that every day I was without you was pointless.” Leaning forward, I place my hands in hers. “I haven’t loved anyone but you and I never will.”

  She shakes her head, her eyes glistening with tears. “Words can be extremely powerful. They can build you up or tear you down but at the end of the day, I’ve learned actions always speak louder.”

  She pulls her hand from mine, which I immediately run through my hair with a groan. “You’re right. I walked away without a fight and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I couldn’t, wouldn’t be the person responsible for keeping you from your dreams.”

  Silence settles between us while I sit here staring at the most beautiful woman I’ve ever set eyes on. “Sam,” I whisper her name in apology.

  “Did you ever stop to consider my dreams had changed? That you… were my dream?”

  Anxiety swirls in my stomach. I fear she’ll never truly understand that I was protecting her, something I’ll never stop doing.

  A blood-curling scream sounds from the backyard. “Mama!”

  We both jump to our feet and race outside. “Oh my god,” Sam says through a cry when we spot Mom passed out on the ground.

  “Mama, she was talking then she just fell down.”

  Sam places two fingers to Mom’s wrist then shouts, “Luke, bring the truck around. We need to get her to the hospital.”

  Without pause, I dig my keys out and race to my truck, hoping karma isn’t this cruel. I wasted years I’ll never get back but fuck…I’m nowhere close to being ready to say goodbye.

  Sam

  It’s been years since Margie suffered her first stroke. I knew with each passing day that her time was nearing, but I wasn’t prepared to see her lying unconscious in my daughter’s arms.

  Over the years, I’ve worked plenty of shifts at the hospital—therefore, I barge through the ER doors, demanding to know what’s going on when Dr. Russell spots me. “Sam. I’m sorry, we’re doing everything we can.”

  “What’s going on? Did she have another stroke?”

  He sighs. “I think she’s suffering from a hemorrhagic stroke.”

  Oh, God… no.

  “I don’t know anything for a fact. We’re still running tests but it appears Margie is hemorrhaging in her brain.” He gently places a hand on my arm. “We’ll never know for sure, but I doubt even with an MRI last week, I would have been able to prevent what happened today.”

  I slide down the wall to the floor, pain roaring through body.

  “I know this is hard Sam, but Margie isn’t suffering.”

  When my eyes move to the ER doors, a darkness settles over me. Luke and Katie are on the other side of those doors and regardless of what I’m feeling, it’s going to be a thousand times worse for them.

  I push to my feet in a panic. “I need some fresh air.” Ignoring Dr. Russell’s pleas for me to stay, I walk to the set of doors, pausing only for a second before I push through them. With bloodshot eyes, Katie hops out of a chair next to Luke. “Mama? Is she going to be okay?”

  Luke stands up, carefully studying me. It only takes a second before an understanding passes between us.

  “Mama?” Katie repeats.

  “Margie had another stroke.”

  Luke noticeably swallows. “And?”

  I reach for Katie saying, “This time, it’s doesn’t look promising.”

  Luke’s eyes painfully close as Katie asks, “Will she be okay?”

  “I don’t know, baby girl.”

  Katie falls into my arms crying while Luke turns around and storms out of the hospital.

  The next few harrowing hours pass. Dad and Val arrived and thankfully about thirty minutes after he left, Luke returned. Katie, who was in my dad’s arms at the time, went straight to him, wrapping herself around him. A gesture he instantly accepted and returned.

  I never pictured a life with both Luke and Katie but even if I had, I wouldn’t have counted on the instantaneous bond they seem to share.

  “Mr. Runyan?” Dr. Russell cautiously walks toward Luke.

  “Yes.”

  Dr. Russell’s eyes move around the room until they land on mine. With just one look, I know I’ll never be the same.

  He looks back at Luke and proceeds to change the course of our lives. “Margaret suffered another stroke. Unlike her previous ones, this stroke caused bleeding in her brain. It’s a rare side effect but not completely uncommon after someone who’s suffered as many strokes as Margaret has this last year.” Katie whimpers in Luke’s arms. “I’ve made her as comfortable as possible but I don’t expect her to wake up.”

  Dad turns away while both Val and Katie break out in tears. Luke stands with his good arm around Katie with a blank expression on his face.

  When I returned home after earning my nursing degree, I did everything I could to avoid Margie but she went out of her way to make that task almost impossible. It wasn’t until the
day she cornered me and Katie—who was only one at the time—in the produce section of the grocery store where she proceeded to tell me she loved me, no matter what, that my guard finally slipped. She looked at Katie with pure love in her eyes. Surrounded by lettuce with half the town watching, Margie became family.

  “Mr. Runyan, you’ll need to decide if you want your mother to continue on a ventilator or have it removed.”

  His eyes close and his hold on Katie tightens.

  “I’ll give you time to think things over. In the meantime, Margaret is in room 238.”

  “Thank you, doctor.” At hearing Dad’s voice, Katie pulls away from Luke and steps into his arms.

  Luke appears exhausted and broken. Without thinking, I position myself in front of him, wrapping my arms around his waist. In a flash, he squeezes me against him, tucking his head into the side of my neck. I sink further into his touch, loving how comfortable it feels.

  “What does Mom want?” he whispers next to my ear.

  Listening to his heart rapidly beat in his chest, I give him an answer, probably not the one he was looking for. “She’d tell you, living hooked to machines, it’s not living.”

  He inhales a loud breath, his hand almost painfully tightening around me.

  “You need to come to terms with what’s happened. Give her a few days but if nothing changes, then you… we, need to let her go.”

  “We?” he questions lifting his head, locking his sad, dark eyes with mine.

  Now is not the time to talk about us, but I’m not about to let him do this alone. With emotions lodged in my throat, I somehow manage to say, “I’ll be here with you for as long as you want me around.”

  He rests his forehead against mine. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  The shield I built around my heart cracks in two. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know my will to fight Luke fades with every passing moment.

  Luke

  When I came to terms with the fact that I was returning home, I didn’t imagine within days, I’d be faced with the hardest decision of my life. But standing here surrounded by people who love my mother, all I feel is numb. I can’t wrap my mind around the idea of leaving this hospital without her. I spent years taking our relationship for granted. Always telling myself if I only served one more tour, if I only ranked another level higher, I’d finally be a son she was proud of.

  “Hey.” Sam’s soft voice has me blinking out of my thoughts.

  “Let’s go somewhere and talk before we go back and see your mom,” she adds.

  Glancing around, I notice that Edward, Val and Katie are gone.

  “Okay,” I mumble. Sam slides her hand into mine and leads us to an empty hospital room. I drop to the chair next to the bed, placing my head in my hands.

  “This is probably the hardest, yet easiest decision, of your life. I know you don’t want to let her go; believe me, I understand but I know your mother and she doesn’t want to live if living means she’s attached to machines.”

  With my head, still down she takes a step closer and places a hand on my back.

  “She was so proud of you. Everyone in town knew every rank you earned and every tour you served because you were all she would talk about.”

  “What?” I ask, my head snapping up while her comment shreds me to pieces.

  “You are the only person who’s ever blamed you for Casey’s death.”

  My throat closes as memories of that night continue to haunt me. “After I left your house, I went to that party and I drank until I was shitfaced. I knew I couldn’t drive so I called Casey to come get me.”

  My brother was only a year younger than me. He had his license but he rarely drove anywhere, usually catching a ride with me. I remember telling him which back roads to take but I failed to mention the sharp turn he would encounter. He took the turn too fast and rolled his Jeep. Hours passed before anyone found him and I was too drunk to remember I called him.

  “Did you know the doctors claimed if Casey had been taken to the hospital right after the accident happened he might’ve lived?”

  She shakes her head with a frown. “There’s no way a doctor could know that. Casey had an accident, plain and simple.”

  I jump to my feet and shout, “An accident I caused!”

  “Luke, you might’ve called Casey but that accident wasn’t your fault, just like it’s not your fault that Margie had another stroke. Sometimes in life the unquestionable happens but that doesn’t mean you should punish yourself.”

  I screw my eyes shut, shame consuming my insides. There were three people in this world I loved more than life itself and I single-handedly managed to hurt all of them.

  When I open my eyes again, I find tears in hers. “Is that what you think I’m doing? Punishing myself?”

  “You’re trying to live up to everyone else’s standards instead of your own. Stop running and start living for yourself.”

  I pull her into my arms, holding her against me like my life depends on it. Moments pass in drawn-out silence until she tilts her head back, looking up at me. “You made your mother proud, don’t ever question that.”

  Her arms slide up and around my neck. The heat from her body burns into mine, stripping me of any self-control. A spark ignites when our lips touch. Her lips feel silky, soft…familiar. When my tongue slides into her mouth, a long drawn out moan rattles from the back of my throat. Placing my good hand on her ass, our bodies grind together, desperate for more, but all too soon, I slow our kiss and force myself to take a step back. The lust lingering in her eyes, the desire I put there is another reminder of why I love this woman and only this woman. When we take this step, I want it to be perfect because I’ve dreamed of this moment for years, only we weren’t in a hospital room and I wasn’t about to tell my mother goodbye.

  Two days later, I signed the papers to have Mom removed from her ventilator.

  Five hours later she peacefully passed, surrounded by the people who loved her the most.

  Three days later, the entire town shut down while we laid her to rest.

  I’ve become well acquainted with death over the years. I was expecting Mom’s death to leave me feeling paralyzed and ready to get the hell out of this town but the opposite happened. Watching Katie grieve for my mother left me feeling helpless but again, instead of running, comforting her became a necessity.

  When the three of us were finally alone, Katie walked straight to me, wrapping her arms around my waist, snuggling her face into my chest and mumbled, “I feel like I’ve known you forever.”

  She peers up at me when I say, “But you just met me.”

  “Margie talked about you all the time.” Her face lights up. “She told me you were put on this Earth to do great things and to love my mama.”

  Sam walks into the room and stumbles when she hears her daughter’s comment. With my eyes locked on Sam’s I say, “I don’t know about the first, but I agree with the second.”

  “What are you two talking about?” Sam cautiously asks.

  “Margie,” Katie answers with a huge smile. “She’s always told me that you two were going to end up together.”

  Sam gasps. “She did what?”

  “Calm down, Mama.” Katie pulls out of my arms and looks back and forth between us. “Margie told me when your heart finds its soulmate, life will always find a way of bringing you back together.”

  Sam’s gaze cuts to mine. Using my good shoulder, I shrug. “I think she was right.”

  “Of course you do.” A small smile tugs on the corner of Sam’s mouth.

  Katie tucks herself back into my right side. I wish like hell I could reach out and wrap my other one around Sam but thankfully she leans in on her own free will. My lips brush her temple with a light kiss as the three of us stand in my mother’s living room, mourning the loss of a woman who touched our lives in an incredible way.

  Sam

  Margie’s funeral was hard on everyone—including my dad. I think some
where over the years he formed romantic feelings for Margie but I don’t think the two of them ever crossed that line.

  Katie starts school next week and she’s nowhere near as excited as she usually is. But every other word out of her mouth is about Luke. She’s definitely clinging to him, which scares me but I’ve yet to figure out if he’s sticking around.

  Outside of our kiss at the hospital nothing more has happened between Luke and me other than the fact that I see him every single day. He’s either eating dinner at our house or inviting us to his.

  I was pissed when he first returned home. I spent twelve years believing he never loved me, but as the truth of that horrible night comes to light, I can finally understand why he left. And the truth is, I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing if I were in his shoes. He knew from the day he met me, I had a plan and that plan always consisted of leaving for KU.

  The bell over the diner door rings. Seconds later, Luke chuckles sliding into the booth next to me. “Notice anything different?”

  “You’re not wearing your sling,” I excitedly answer.

  “After two weeks of physical therapy the doctor said I could ditch it and it feels like heaven not having that damn thing on.”

  Pam arrives with a milkshake and fries. “I never thought I’d see the day where you two were sitting here like this again.” With a wink, she walks off.

  “I second that, but I’ve never been happier to be wrong,” he adds.

  Nervously, I turn in the booth and look him in the eyes. “What exactly are we doing, Luke?”

  My anger has faded away, but that doesn’t mean I’m not scared at the idea of him leaving again.

  “We’re building a relationship together, one that’s going to last this time.”

  “But—.”

  “No buts Sam. You were my first everything and I plan to make you my last everything.” I chew on my lower lip. He’s doing and saying everything I want but will it last this time? “I have Katie to think about now and –.”