Disarranged

by Sara Wolf

  Does she even want to hear me anymore?

  And the door cracks open, held in place by a chain lock. It's not Rose's face on the other side - it's Felix's. He looks pale, but my rage quickly pushes that observation aside.

  "Where is she?" I slam my hand on the door.

  "I kicked her out," Felix says, dully. "I've had enough of her crap. She went too far one time too many."

  It takes everything in me not to reach through the crack in the door and grab him by the collar to shake him. But the look in my eyes must tell him something, because he quickly corrects himself.

  "Kiera. I kicked Kiera out."

  "That's not who I'm asking about!" I shout. Felix looks over his shoulder and to the bed. He unlocks the door and motions for me to come in, but in the time it takes him to open the door I've already squeezed through. I stand at the bedside and look down at it. The sheets are crumpled, and nestled in them is a half-naked Rose, sleeping. But someone's pulled the covers over her. Her eyes flutter open just then, and my breath catches.

  "L-Lee?" She asks in a sleepy voice.

  "I'm here," I kneel at the bedside. "Rose, what did they do to you?"

  She glances around the room with a confused expression. "Do to me? What do you mean?"

  "Did he -" I point to Felix. "Did he touch you?"

  She cradles her head in her hands, moaning. "N-No. But it's blurry. No one touched me, I think."

  "Someone spiked your drink," Felix says. I bristle as he comes closer, so he stops in mid-stride. "At the tavern last night."

  Rose's eyes widen. "The bakery! La Cigogne. And then I went to the bar, and Kiera and Grace fought. But Kiera left. Someone spiked my drink? It couldn't have been someone from the village. No one knows me. So who -"

  Felix shoots a nervous look between me and Rose. I get up and pull him by his collar.

  "You sonofa - "

  "Listen!"

  "I'm not listening to your Kiera-controlled ass!" I shout. "You're scum! You know that? Fucking scum!"

  "Lee!" Rose snaps. I pull away from Felix reluctantly to look at her.

  "Don't try to stop me, Rose. He's been after you this entire time -"

  She gets up. She stands from the bed in all her naked glory. The only thing she's wearing is a pair of blue-striped panties. Two jolts run through me - the first is my nerves standing up and taking very careful notice of the body I used to run my hands over, the body of the girl I still dream about. The second jolt is my notice of the way she's changed - she's put on subtle amounts of weight, and it makes her even more beautiful. More full. More mature. The sight of her stupefies me into silence as she nears me and looks into Felix's eyes.

  "Did you spike my drink with GHB?" She asks softly.

  Felix groans reluctantly, but nods.

  "Did Kiera tell you to?"

  He nods again. She puts a hand on my arm and smiles at me.

  "I remember now. A lot of it's fuzzy. But I remember Felix brought me back to his room. Kiera was here, waiting. She wanted you to..."

  Rose trails off. It goes unsaid in the air. I feel my fists curling, and Felix speaks.

  "I swear to you, I didn't -"

  Rose shakes her head. "I know. I remember. You said you wouldn't do it. Kiera tried to make you, but you argued with her until she left."

  "I was in the shower," Felix says quickly. "I went to take a shower and Kiera was tearing up condoms and throwing them all over the bed, taking pictures. It was sick."

  "So that was your plan?" I snarl. "Drug Rose, rape her like the sick asshole you are, and have Kiera take pictures that'd hurt me?"

  "I would never!" Felix roars. It's the first time I've heard his voice raised that loud. It must startle Rose, too, because she flinches back. Felix lowers his voice to a furious calm.

  "I would never, ever, rape someone. The deal was to drug Rose, put her in my room to make it look like she slept with me. Kiera's obsessed with trying to make you hate Rose, you know that. I went for a shower and she changed the plan up on me. She wanted me to really do it. And I might love Kiera, and I might've come here because she asked me to, but for fuck's sake - I'm not a monster."

  He messes his hair up in utter frustration. He looks towards the trashcan under the desk, where a bunch of condom wrappers sit on top. My fury at him lessens, but only marginally. I know where he's coming from. Rose is staring at me, but when I make eye contact, she looks quickly away and flushes. She walks over to the bed and pulls the sheet of it, swathing herself in it. I want nothing more than to kiss her right now, but I know better. Felix might be having a spat with Kiera, but he still tells her everything that goes on regarding Rose and I.

  "I believe you," Rose says softly to him. "Thank you for...not doing what she said to."

  "You don't have to thank him," I sigh. Rose punches me lightly in the arm.

  "Yes I do. Everyone's been looking out for me. I owe them a lot. Thanks again, Felix."

  "Anytime," He says. "I'm gonna try to find her. Confront her about this."

  He turns and leaves without a word. The silence in his wake is overwhelmingly choking. I try to break it.

  "Kiera sent me pictures. Of you, in that bed, with all these condom wrappers around you, and I thought -"

  "Thought what?" She cocks her head. "I still can't believe she really did this. I knew she was possessive but not this possessive. I haven't done anything. Besides, she shouldn't have to worry about me getting in the way - she's the one you want to marry. Not me."

  Rose smiles, but it's faint and only half-real. I want to tell her everything in that moment - the truth, about the money and Kiera's blackmail deal. Before I can stop myself I reach out to hug her, pull her into me and make her feel my heartbeat so she knows the truth. But she spins on her heel and makes a dash for the bathroom just as my hands glance over her shoulders. At first I think she's furious at me and is going to lock herself in it, but then I hear the sounds of her vomiting. I stand in the doorway. She's bent over the toilet and heaving, and I walk over and gently pull her hair up and rub her back in slow circles. When she calms down, she looks up and wipes her mouth on the back of her hand.

  "I'm sorry."

  I shake my head. "It's a good thing. The GHB is probably moving out of your system."

  "Maybe. But I've just been sick the whole time I've been here," she says.

  "Could be the altitude," I offer. "Some people are more sensitive than others."

  She smirks at me. "Oh really?"

  I laugh for the first time in a long time. It's a true, golden laugh, the kind that comes from your stomach instead of your throat. Relief courses through me, and temporary happiness. I'm sitting on the bathroom floor with a half-naked Rose, cracking maybe-dirty jokes. It feels...normal. It feels right. I want this feeling to last forever. I want it for the rest of my life and she's the only one who's ever given it to me.

  "Rose!"

  The hotel door slams open, and Felix stands there, panting madly. Rose and I quickly stand.

  "What's wrong?" She asks.

  "It's Morgan!"

  Felix doesn't have to say anything more - Rose is dressed in a flash and pulling me along with her down the hall. Felix runs and we run after him to the lobby, which is now packed with a crowd of murmuring people. Grace waves to us and we push through the crowd to her.

  "What the hell's going on?" I ask.

  "Morgan is missing," Felix says.

  "What?" Rose starts. "What do you mean, 'missing'?"

  "Over there." Grace points to a sobbing, well-dressed couple towards the front of the crowd. "They came into the cafeteria and haven't stopped crying. Something about the kid's empty bed, and a note she left?"

  Rose muscles her way through the crowd, shouting 'excuse me' and 'please move'. She gets to the parents and starts talking to them, and the mother clings to her instantly and wails. Grace looks to me and Felix.

  "Where was Rose? She wasn't in the hotel room last night."

  "I helped her back," Felix
says quickly. "She just fell asleep on my bed and refused to move."

  Grace quirks a brow and glances at me, as if for confirmation everything worked out okay. I give her a slow nod, and she seems satisfied with it. Rose comes back to us just as a man in full skiing gear shakes off snow and walks into the lobby. He raises his hand and the crowd goes quiet. He speaks in rapid French, but Grace translates fragments.

  "He's a mountain ranger. Something about a search party? These people have volunteered to help look for her."

  "I'm going, too!" Rose insists. "Let me get my jacket."

  She's so driven, I barely have time to smile at her before she's gone up the stairs.

  Chapter Six

  In Which Rose Jensen Gets Lost

  ***

  ROSE

  ***

  I take the stairs up to my room two at a time. The idea of Morgan out in the snow, all by herself, is sending waves of nausea all over my body. I feel like I want to throw up again. She’s so sweet, and young, and brave. She must be terrified.

  Morgan’s parents and their hard shell of privileged haughtiness had melted completely away when I talked to them. They’re so worried they can barely speak properly, but I got the gist of it – they woke up and Morgan was gone. She wasn’t in her bed, or anywhere in the lodge, or the other lodges. Her skis were gone. She’d left a handwritten note that said she was going looking for me – someone told her I’d broken my leg on the Alligator slope and needed help. That scares me twice over. Morgan likes me enough to brave the snow and the intimidating Alligator slope to look for me, and someone in this lodge was sick enough to convince a child of something false to get them outside and potentially kill them. The rangers had been informed, so they’re keeping an eye out for anyone who’s acting suspiciously, but still. It’s scary to think someone that evil is in the lodge. Not even Kiera would do something like that, I think.

  I duck into our room and pull my jacket on, and a pair of snow pants. As I’m walking back, I hear them – footsteps. It’s the same person, and they’re following me again. Panic surges up in my throat like a white-hot plug, but I keep moving forward steadily. I can’t be afraid. Morgan is out there, more afraid than I’ll ever be. I have to find her. I can’t let this person who’s been stalking me get to me.

  I whirl around, and this time, I come face-to-face with Farlon.

  “You!” I back up. “You’re the one who’s been following me?”

  “Following is such a coarse word,” he sighs. His hair is way grayer than I remember, and he looks like he hasn’t gotten a lot of sleep, lately. “It makes me sound like some sort of criminal.”

  “You’ve been trying to scare me,” I say. I won’t let him see how angry I am, or how disturbed. I have a little girl to find out there. I have to make this quick, and decisive. I won’t let fear slow me down.

  “I had to make sure.” Farlon shakes his head. “And now I know for sure.”

  “Make sure of what?” I narrow my eyes.

  “I know what happened that night in the hotel,” Farlon says. “Right before the Christmas charity event. You and my son had sex.”

  I almost laugh. Yeah, we had sex. We had sex a lot of times before that, too. Why does he care?

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “That I had sex with your son. Are you one of those types who wants their kid to wait for marriage or something?”

  “No. Not at all. I know Lee’s been…active for some time. That’s not my concern. My concern is he was always careful with the others. With you – you stripped his control from him. No. To put it more accurately, you made him lose control. With you, he was not so careful.”

  “‘Careful’? What are you talking about?”

  Farlon steps close to me. I back up, but he shakes his head, and something in his eyes softens.

  “I am sorry for everything that happened. I am sorry for what I made him do. He and I…we haven’t had the best relationship since his mother died. He’s never forgiven me for letting her die. I had my own selfish reasons for making him marry Kiera –”

  “Making him marry her? I don’t understand what you’re saying!”

  “I was hasty,” he sighs. “I deemed you unfit for him simply because you were just another in a long line of girlfriends of his. You are a fine person, Rose. After watching you for longer, I know that now. I thought I was breaking up a mere fling. I thought he was more truly in love with Kiera. But I’ve been watching carefully, and I’ve seen the damage it’s done to him, and to you. And I apologize.”

  “Since when did you break up anything? And why bother telling me this now?”

  He shakes his head. “It’s not my place to tell you any of that. Lee will tell you. It’s his job. He did not guard his heart with you, and now he’s made quite the mess.”

  Farlon’s eyes are riveted to my chest, then my stomach. He’s a jerk, and now he’s transformed into some kind of perv? I cross my arms and snap.

  “If you’re not going to tell me what you’re talking about clearly, I’m going to go. There’s a girl I have to find out in the snow, all alone.”

  Farlon smiles. “Yes. She likes you, and you like her very much. You’re good with children.”

  “There won’t be a child to be good with if I don’t hurry,” I say, and push past him, his strange words ringing in my ears.

  ***

  LEE

  ***

  The crowd of volunteer searchers is getting restless. Felix sighs.

  "I gotta go out there, too. I can't let that little girl be by herself out there."

  Grace nods and elbows me in a 'let's go' way. We return to our rooms and bundle up, and when we get back the ranger passes out supplies - radios, flares, bottled water, rations, and blankets. Rose is so eager to go she's the first out of the door once the ranger's assigned her a group with Grace and a few others. I argue with him to be assigned to her group too, but their group is already so far away outside the ranger just shrugs and says he'll put me in the next one.

  "I have to go with her!" I argue.

  "You cannot!" The ranger snaps, his French accent heavy. "I 'ave a clipboard here, it tells me names of group. You are not in group, you must be in other group. Do this the right way or other people will get lost and hurt."

  I swear, and jog outside before anyone can stop me. I catch up with Rose, and grasp her on the shoulder.

  "Hey! Look at me!"

  She whirls around, a fire sparking in her eyes that could probably melt the snow around her if it was a real flame. I lean in and kiss her forehead.

  "Be safe. You gave me a scare this morning. Don't do it again, or I'll learn some black magic, resurrect you from the grave, and kill you again."

  She laughs and hugs me, tight and long. "You always know what to say to a girl."

  Grace pats my shoulder. "Don't worry about her. I'll make sure she gets back okay."

  "You too." I point at her. "You stay safe too."

  "I always do, worrywart."

  It pains me to see Rose walk away from me again, but she's got her goal in mind. I know her when she gets like that - nothing can stop her. All I can do is support her and hope she knows what the hell she's doing. And she has Grace with her. Grace knows how much she means to me. She won't let Rose get in trouble.

  I trudge back inside, every fiber in my body on high alert. Worry courses through me like adrenaline. Felix and I wait for the ranger to sift through the huge crowd and assign us a group, too, but it's taking forever. Small clusters of people leave the lodge and being their search. The crowd slowly dwindles. Felix nudges me in the ribs and points to a corner of the lobby, where Kiera is sitting in a puffy jacket on one of the seats by the window. She's not volunteering to search, of course. And she's smiling. That's always a bad sign. Felix jerks his head towards her, wordlessly telling me we should question her. I nod, and we walk over to her.

  She claps her hands. "My two favorite boys in the whole world! Hello. Please sit down."

  "In case you haven
't noticed," I snarl. "There's a little girl missing. We're going to help find her."

  "Out in this weather?" Kiera looks genuinely shocked. "You're going to freeze to death! Oh well, suit yourself."

  "It's strange," Felix says slowly. "Bad things are happening, one after another. And it's always when you're around."

  Kiera laughs. "Felix! How long have you known me? Fifteen years? I'm perfectly innocent. I'm not the one who spiked a girl's drink last night and took her back to my bedroom."

  I narrow my eyes. "You told him to. And you were the one who took pictures, and scattered those condoms. You wanted me to think they slept together to force me apart from Rose."

  "I shouldn't need to force you apart!" Her voice pitches up. "You agreed to marry me, Lee! I filled my half of the conditions. I paid for everything. I stayed away from her for months. I've been waiting for you to fulfill your half! But you still hang on. Every time you look at her I know you're still hanging on!"

  She stands, expression livid and her hands balled into fists.

  "Do you know what that's like? Having someone promise you something, and having them go back on that promise after you've kept your side of the bargain? It feels like shit. It feels like shit!"

  Her scream draws attention from the crowd to us, but only for a moment. Felix is tense beside me, standing straight and wincing when she raises her voice. Poor guy. He really does like her. Kiera seems to realize she's making a scene, and composes herself, her smile returning as she saunters slowly closer to me. She laces her arms around my neck and breathes in my ear.

  "I only want you, Lee. I've done everything you've asked, everything you've wanted. So let me just have you."

  Felix clenches his fists tighter. Kiera's hand glances down my stomach.

  The sick guilt in me rises up, but this time I know what to do with it. I grab her hand and force it away. I put space between us, and I look her directly in the eye, like you'd look at a charging bear.

  "The deal's off, Kiera. I'm not marrying you."