The Red Zone (A Big Play Novel Book 2)

by Jordan Ford

  I pass the mic back to Principal Matthis before my voice cracks. I get no applause for my speech. The golden boy of Nelson High has just told everyone he’s not playing anymore. The stunned silence is near deafening. I don’t know what the repercussions will be, but I’ve been true to myself and that’s all I can do for now.

  I glance over my shoulder and catch Colt’s gaze. He’s not gaping at me like I expected. Instead, his lips pull into a sad, yet accepting grin. He holds out his fist. I tap my knuckles against his and the weight of my big decision finally lifts off my shoulders.

  #34:

  Mail

  Kaija

  My feet scuff the ground as I walk home from school. I’ve been back at Macleans College for nearly two months now and it’s been horrible. I’m trying to put on a brave face at home, but I’m sure Mum’s worried. I’ve lost my appetite, my energy…even my smile. I knew going back would be bad and, as predicted, I am most definitely in no man’s land.

  Hanson promised me the worst year of my life and he’s delivering. Anna’s taken my place as the cool bitch of the school, and I think she’s reveling in the position. They both take great delight in taunting me the way I used to taunt Eloise. I don’t say anything. I never respond. I’m fully deserving of this treatment.

  People at school act like I have leprosy. It’s probably self-preservation, so I really don’t blame them. I nibble my lunch alone on the edge of the field and I sit by myself in every single class. Eloise hasn’t come back, which isn’t really helping my cause. Rumors continue to circulate as people try to decide why she hasn’t returned.

  She’s homeschooling with her mum and apparently not liking it very much. My mother has been trying to get me to visit her for weeks, but I can’t bring myself to look her in the eye. They’ll tell me too much, give away just how badly I hurt her.

  Now that I’m getting a taste of my own medicine, I really understand what she went through.

  It makes me hate myself just a little bit more.

  I stop at my letterbox and clear the mail before shuffling up the front path. As usual, the key sticks in the lock. I jiggle it and, with a grunt, kick the bottom corner until the door pops open. Sliding the bag off my shoulder, I dump it next to the shoe rack then start thumbing through the mail. My forehead wrinkles when I see my name scrawled on a small, padded envelope.

  It’s from the Fosters.

  Anderson tried to reach me a few times after I left, but I refused to take his calls and I haven’t cleared my email once since returning from the States. I only ever use my computer for schoolwork now. Social media is nothing but a curse. Sure, I feel completely out of the loop, but it’s not just any old loop—it’s a burning ring of fire, and I’m right in the center of it.

  Dropping the rest of the mail on the table, I tuck the package under my arm and head upstairs to my room. I have no idea what’s inside. It feels like a lipstick tube or something. Surely they wouldn’t waste money posting me the lip-gloss I left behind.

  I check the date stamp—February 24. It’s taken nearly two weeks to reach me. My curiosity is in overdrive as I close my bedroom door and shuffle to my bed. Slumping down on my rumpled covers, I rip the package open and shake it until a flash drive plops out. Unfolding the note, I read Anderson’s handwriting….

  I’ve been trying to decide whether or not to send this to you. Part of me never wants you to see it, but Tori went off on me the other day when I admitted I had a recording. She called me a selfish prick before storming off.

  I grin, imagining her wild curls bouncing as she marched her little body off in a huff.

  Tori’s not usually one for insults. It shocked the hell out of me…but maybe she’s right. You do deserve to see this. I would have emailed it to you, but you don’t seem to be replying to my messages. This was the only move I had left. I hope you’re doing okay, and I’m sorry for everything that went down.

  If you ever get over it, I’d love to hear from you.

  Andy

  I pick up the flash drive, running my thumb over the smooth plastic as I make my way to the computer. Slotting it into the side, I drum my fingers on my desk as nerves rattle my system. It’s obviously important if he’s gone to the trouble of posting it to me.

  My computer hums as I double-click the icon and select the mp4 file inside. My VLC player takes a minute to load, and then Mack appears on my screen. He’s standing in the middle of a crowded gymnasium, holding a microphone. My breath hitches as I gaze at his frozen image. He’s still gorgeous. I brush the screen with my finger, tracing the line of his jaw. The ache inside hasn’t shrunk or grown, it’s just been a constant feeling in the middle of my chest. I dream about him all the time.

  Holding my breath, I hover my finger over the mousepad. One click and I’ll get a decent dose of the guy I don’t want to love anymore. Do I close the lid and walk away? Will hearing his voice make me feel worse, or will it work like an addictive balm?

  The air whooshes out of my mouth, my chest deflating as I tap the mouse pad and his image comes to life.

  “…people accused her of being a liar,” Mack said.

  I don’t know how his speech started or why he was talking to the school in the first place, but whatever he said obviously compelled Anderson to pull out his phone and press Record.

  My eyes glisten as I listen to Mack defending me, speaking so highly of me…acting as though he loved me. He had no idea I’d one day be watching him say all this stuff. Did that mean… Did that mean he meant it? The inkling that he wasn’t to blame flares up inside me. It’s like a whoosh of fresh air blasting through my body.

  “…won’t be signing with the Boise State Broncos today.”

  Surprised laughter punches out of me. He did it.

  I blink at the tears on my lashes, letting them crest down my cheeks. Mack’s still talking…about his dad. His voice is kind of husky now, made deep with emotion. I want to reach into the computer screen and hug him.

  He’s going to pursue his dream. I love his words about not being afraid…about apologizing. Was he thinking of me when he said them? On some supernatural level, did he know just how badly I needed to hear them?

  Mack passes the mic to Principal Matthis and the video stops. I watch it again…and again…and again, until I have Mack’s speech memorized. It must have taken so much courage for him to say that to the entire school. I can only imagine what it took to tell his mother.

  I want to call him. To hear his voice and check that he’s okay…but there’s something else I have to do first. Snatching my handbag off the back of the chair, I grab my wallet and shades, not even bothering to change out of my uniform before running for the door.

  *****

  Eloise’s front door is pale blue. It looks stupid against the rest of the black, stained house, but it’s always been her favorite color. If I remember her parents, they’ll be doing everything in their power to make things perfect for Eloise. Maybe they hold themselves responsible for what happened. I did throw out that note, so they were no doubt mystified by their daughter’s sudden suicide attempt.

  My insides feel like grated onion—raw and weeping. It’s making my eyes burn and my nose tingle. Walking has never been so difficult.

  “If Mack can lay his shit bare, then so can you. Keep walking,” I boss myself.

  Forcing my feet up the path, I come to a stop outside that blue door and hold my breath. Who would have thought that knocking on a front door could be the hardest thing in the world?

  I rap three times, then step back and rub my knuckles. I hope someone answers quickly, because I don’t have the courage to knock again.

  The door swings open to reveal Mrs. Cochran. Her narrow head pings back on her long neck, her hazel eyes tightening at the corners while she assesses me.

  “Hello, Kaija.”

  “Hi, Mrs. C. How’s it going?”

  She nods and gives me a fleeting smile.

  “What can I do for you, hun?” Her body shifts i
nto the open space, the small movement showing off her protective streak.

  I swallow. “I need to see Eloise…if she’s willing to talk to me.”

  “It’s taken you a while.”

  “I’ve…b-been away.”

  “Your mother said you got back in January.” Mrs. Cochran folds her arms, tipping her head with a skeptical frown.

  “I, um…” Saying I’ve been busy at school isn’t going to cut it. I mean, I have been busy, but that’s only because I’m trying to make up for such poor exam results last year.

  “What’s suddenly brought you here today?”

  My face bunches as an overpowering swell of tears takes hold of me. I blink and purse my lips, trying to keep it together.

  Mrs. Cochran doesn’t move. Her face remains neutral, giving me nothing. I have no idea what’s come out in Eloise’s counseling sessions, but from the hard set of Mrs. Cochran’s jaw, I imagine my name’s been brought up.

  “Um,” my voice quakes. “I-I need to apologize for being such a bad friend. It’s been eating me alive for months, and I’ve…” I shake my head, losing my mental capacity for words. “Fear,” I blurt. “It’s just been plain old fear that’s stopped me.”

  Mrs. Cochran looks to the top step, uncrossing her arms and gripping the door like she needs it for support. “I can imagine finding her on your bed like that must have had a huge impact on you.”

  “Scared the shit out of me.”

  The woman’s lips twitch.

  “Look, I know I have no right to see your daughter. I hurt her. I was cruel, and she should never have to see me again. I can just tell you what I came to say and then leave. I don’t want to cause her any more pain or distress. I guess I just need her to know how sorry I am and that her…her suffering wasn’t in vain. It’s changed me. And this might sound warped, but I want to thank her for that.”

  The door pulls open a little wider and there she is.

  Eloise stares down at me, those eyes I was so afraid to look at large and filled with surprise.

  I lift my hand and try to wave, and all the love I used to have for her bubbles to the surface. Memories of how solid we were before she left for Myanmar taunt me until I let out a whimper and cover my mouth. My shoulders shake as I break down right on their front path and start blubbering.

  “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

  Crumpling to my knees, I bend over myself and go for it. The ugly sounds coming out of me are probably scaring off the dogs in the street, but I can’t stop them. Tears and snot paint my face as my stomach jerks and hiccups.

  The door creaks above me and I sense a shuffling of feet, and then someone’s arm is around me, rubbing my back and telling me it’s alright.

  I glance up and spot Eloise’s sweet smile. My face bunches with confusion and she grins at me. “Come on, you. Get your sorry arse up and come inside. We’ve got some talking to do.”

  *****

  We talk until after midnight.

  She tells me everything she went through leading up to her suicide attempt. Counseling’s helped her unearth that the suicide wasn’t just about me. She was feeling the pressure from school, needing to be perfect because she couldn’t control the other areas in her life. She became obsessed with scoring perfect grades, being the perfect daughter, and when she couldn’t do it, it ate her alive. Finally, she came to a point where the only thing she could control was whether or not to live or die.

  “The counselor said that maybe deep down, my attempt was more of a cry for help. I just needed someone to hear me and see how desperate I was feeling. I didn’t know how to talk about everything going on inside of me. I felt so out of control. Putting on a brave face all the time is exhausting. She’s helping me see that I can make choices to reduce the pressure. I don’t have to pretend anymore, because I do have control. I have a voice…and I can choose to use it whenever I want to. I am the only person who owns my destiny.” Her voice comes out with a force I’ve never heard in her before.

  “That’s awesome, Elly.”

  She tucks her feet beneath her and hugs the pillow a little tighter to her chest. “I’m sorry I did it in your room.”

  My eyes round. She’s apologizing to me?

  “It’s…” I shake my head. “It’s…okay.”

  “No, I…” She shrugs and looks kind of pained. I scramble for a way to change the subject. The only person who should be apologizing is me. I’m not sure how many more ways I can do it, but I’ll think of some.

  “My counselor wonders if I attempted it in your room not to punish you but because you were the only person I used to tell everything to.” Her head bobs and she looks to the ceiling. “And you know, I think she might be right. You were always my safe place, Kai. I went to you about everything and when you weren’t there anymore, I felt completely lost. And then you were mean to me and…”

  Her voice drops away and it’s like a spear through my heart.

  On impulse, I move down the bed and wrap my arms around her. “I swear I’ll never do that to you again. I’m glad you were in my room, because it was the wake-up call I needed. You were my best friend, and seeing you that way was pure agony. I thought you were dead. I was scared I’d lost you. I know I acted like a first-class bitch, but you’ve been my girl for life…and I don’t want that to change.” I squeak out the last few words before pulling back and attempting a smile.

  Tears are swamping my eyes again. I’ve never cried this much before, not even the nights I mourned over losing Mack. Right now, my eyes are aching and my head is thumping, the pressure so tight I wonder if my brain’s going to start oozing out my ears. There’s no way I can handle school tomorrow. All I want to do is hang out with Eloise and make up for the time we lost.

  “You ever coming back to school?”

  Eloise shrugs. “I hope so. Homeschooling with my mum is…painful.”

  “Yeah, well, school’s not much better.” I sigh.

  “Really?” Eloise’s head tips to the side.

  “You’ll be pleased to know that I’m getting a taste of my own medicine. I deserve it. It’s not easy, but it’s good for me. At least I know the type of people I want to hang out with now.”

  My mind flies to Mack and I dip my head before I can give away how much I’m hurting. This is about making amends with Eloise, not lamenting my broken heart.

  Her hand rubs up and down my arm. “Well, maybe I’ll think about coming back. We can be outcasts together.”

  I snicker. “I think I could handle that.”

  Eloise’s face lifts with a grin that makes her eyes sparkle. “Me too.”

  #35:

  Love Doesn’t Come Easy

  Mack

  Mom’s barely spoken to me since I made my big announcement at school. Layla’s been really quiet too. Something’s up with her, but the more I ask, the more she pulls away from me. The house is dead at the moment; even Martin’s stopped whistling. It’s kind of like living in a mausoleum, and I’m not sure how much more I can take.

  My big speech rocked the school. Whispers followed me for about three weeks before they finally died down. I had every look, from respected awe to bewilderment to disdain.

  The school’s social structure certainly showed its true colors. Some of the guys on the team who had been looking up to me since starting Nelson High stopped talking to me, while others didn’t know how to act around me. Luckily for me, Colt was on my side. Plus Finn always had my back, and Tyler was a loyal puppy. Whether he agreed with me or not, I still wasn’t sure. But he was standing up for me around every corner.

  My future is now wide open and, as intimidating as that feels, it’s also liberating. I don’t know which path to take. I’ve gone from one to a dozen. There are so many roads I could go down. I’ve always been interested in the sciences, and becoming a sports doctor like Kaija’s older brother sounds really interesting, but then business studies fascinate me too. Numbers have always come easy, and pursuing a career in finance sounds i
ntriguing. I’m just going to have to enroll in a college somewhere and figure it out. But which one?

  My insides kick every time I ask myself that question, because there’s only one thing I know for certain…only one path that’s tugging on my heart.

  The problem is, I’m not sure how to take it.

  I haven’t spoken to Kaija since she accused me of pulling the long con. But today, after school, when we were hanging out at Briggs Burgerhouse, Tori approached our table with some exciting news. Colt shot from his seat and plucked her off the ground. She wrapped her short little legs around his waist and they made out right there in the middle of the restaurant. Watching them together hurt so bad. I want that again. I need it.

  I seriously have to go get my girl.

  Busting in the front door, I rush up to my room and check my email, like I do every single day. There’s no message from Kaija. I don’t know what to expect, really—that she’ll suddenly forgive me? It’s been weeks. Would she still be mad if I just turned up on her doorstep? Or will that connection we have be enough? One look changed everything for me. Could I somehow make that happen again?

  The rap of knuckles on wood makes me spin. I sit straight and prepare myself as Mom wanders into the room. With a heavy sigh, she sinks down onto the end of my bed.

  “I hate this day. Every year, it hurts.” A soft tremor runs through her voice.

  I try to smile at her. “Yeah, I know.”

  “Do you think it always will?”

  “Maybe.” I shrug. “But I’m guessing Dad would want you to remember him with a smile on his birthday.”