by Kailin Gow
But it’s Astor whom I’m most disappointed about not showing for my birthday. “I’m so sorry,” Astor said this morning when he called me. “They’re reshooting this scene, and because the schedule is so tight with the reshoots, I can’t get away from it. I’ll try to get away if I can, but Summer,” he says after inhaling. “I love you. Please don’t forget that whenever you hear or see a rumor in TMZ about me or us. Just know, it’s a way to build buzz for this film, and they’re going to say some things that are controversial, but not true. Controversy builds buzz so they’re use it.”
“You know me, Astor,” I say. “I don’t believe in rumors. I know a little about that when Aunt Sookie encountered some after her first film.”
“So you’ll understand if I can’t make it tonight to be with you on your birthday?” His voice is soft, urgent, and even a little pleading.
He wants me to say “yes”, and I do, but deep down, I’m feeling abandoned, as though he could’ve at least try to make it here. I know I’m not being rational, but I can’t help it. It’s the one day since Aunt Sookie’s death that I feel completely alone, the awful feeling of missing someone who won’t be back, won’t be walking through that door that you’ve seen them walk through countless times throughout the years, and won’t be there to sing you “happy birthday” imitating different characters’ voices like Daffy Duck or Kermit the Frog. I wouldn’t be so disappointed in Astor not being able to make it to see me on my birthday, if it wasn’t because I’m missing Aunt Sookie so much right now. Growing up, she always made a big deal about our birthdays. “Birthdays are like Christmas, only you get to blow out candles on top of a cake,” Aunt Sookie once told Drew, Rachel, and I.
Now that I’m turning eighteen, this birthday meant more to me than the ones before it. I probably looked as disappointed and sad as I feel because Drew catches my look, and starts towards me.
“Hey, cheer up,” Drew says, coming over to me and touching my shoulder with his hand. “Nat’ll be here. He always follow through, but in the meantime, it’s your birthday, and I’m here. You’re here. Let’s go out and celebrate.”
“Okay, sure,” I say. “I’m getting pretty hungry. How about you?”
Drew gives me this dark look that isn’t so friendly anymore, and he answers gruffly. “Very.”
“I wish we can wait for Nat. I mean maybe we can, but…”
Drew puts both hands on my shoulders then and his face comes up close to mine. “Don’t deny a starving man what he wants,” he says seriously, but with a smile at the edge. “If you deny him long enough, when the time comes, and he’s really hungry, he’ll pounce like a lion and he won’t let go.” His lips are so close to mine, if I move, my lips would be brushing against his.
Drew remains like this as his eyelids close halfway, masking his eyes in mystery. He’s very sexy this way, and I can feel how close he is to me. Every inch of my nerve endings is screaming out for him to touch me.
I swallow and take a nervous breath.
“Do you want to skip dinner?” Drew whispers, his hot breath sending thrills down the pores of my skin.
“What do you want to eat instead?” I ask.
Drew’s lips curl into a small smile. “Dessert.”
“Drew…” I begin, trying to stop what seems inevitable from happening.
His hands reach up and cups my face. “You’re not with Astor anymore, are you?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “We’ve cooled it off a bit, though. Aunt Sookie was right…it’s more complicated when you’re dating someone like Astor.”
“Aunt Sookie said that?” Drew’s face is incredulous.
“Not in those words, but she gave me some advice through a letter to me about stuff like that shortly after she passed.”
“What did she say about me?” Drew teases.
“I smile coyly. “That you are like a son to her, and she thinks you have so much potential.”
Drew is silent after I say that. When he speaks a few seconds later, he takes a deep breath and then blows out some air. “I miss her…Aunt Sookie. I’m this cocky confident guy today because of her.” He stops and taps his eyes. “Wow, I really miss her. I just…” Tears form in his eyes, and I realize he hasn’t talked to anyone about this before, that he hasn’t really grieved.
“Drew,” I said gently, moving in to hug him. “It’s alright to cry. I miss her too.”
“I know, Summer,” Drew says. “I did cry right after she passed. I cried for days, but only when no one was looking.” He wipes his eyes with his sleeves. “It’s not the thing football players do…cry.”
“Forget that stereotype,” I say. “Just forget what role you’re playing and be yourself. That’s the Drew I love.”
Drew’s face lights up then, and he pulls me to him. “Hear you say that just made everything better. And it seems you and Astor aren’t really together anymore so you’re now a free agent…which means I can do this,” he pulls my face in and soon his lips are over mine, soft and gentle at first, then more hungrily.
I’m kissing him back, grabbing his back with my hands, trying to get closer to him. It’s like I’ve been waiting to do this for what seems like forever, but now when it’s happening, it’s even better than I imagined.
Drew tilts my head back, and he’s kissing down my neck to the top of my breast, and I hear a deep moan escape my throat. “Drew…I can’t.”
“Why not?” Drew asks. “You know you want me to be the bad boy.” His fingers are slowly trailing my arms and reaching behind my neck to unclasp the button holding the top of my dress in place. “How about I give you a little taste of what other girls see in me. Not the Drew you grew up with, whom you push aside for Nat, but the one you first met this summer?” He pushes down the top of my dress, and kiss my bare breast.
“Like how this feels?” he asks.
“Yeeesss,” I nearly snarl.
“Then hold on while I get more comfortable,” he unbuttoned his shirt and threw it down on the ground, revealing smooth hard muscles so deliciously gleaming with a sheen of sweat and musk. I want to touch him so badly that I clench my hands to keep from doing it.
“What are you afraid of?” Drew asks, “Go ahead and touch me. I’m yours to explore.” He smiles wickedly, “I’m sure not going to hold back from exploring you.” His right hand dips down to the top of my panties, and he reaches under the band, to trail his finger down.
I want him to touch me there so badly, I let him linger for a few seconds, before stopping him. “Drew, I can’t.”
“Can’t explore me as you wish or can’t let me explore you just this once,” Drew is smiling, but there is this slight frustration in his voice.
“Drew…I want to, but I still need to figure out some things.”
“Like what?” Drew asks, frustration now in his voice.
“Like the fact that I may be still dating Astor…”
“Doesn’t seem like it,” Drew says. “If you’re my girl, and it’s your birthday; I’d do everything to make it special. I’ll drop everything to be with you…”
His timing could not have been much better As if on cue, my cell phone starts ringing that tune Astor has programmed to play when he calls.
It’s him on the phone, and I don’t want to have this conversation now, but if I’m going to get this resolved between my feelings for Drew, Nat, and Astor; I have to talk to Astor.
Chapter 8
Summer
“Hi Beautiful,” Astor says in that soft velvety voice that makes me melt every time I hear it, “Happy Birthday. How’s your day been?”
Hearing his voice like that makes me forget we have decided to step back a bit from where we were heading, which is a committed relationship. I care for Astor a lot, and I love how every time he’s around me, he makes me feel like the only girl in the world, but I can’t help think about the celebrity life he leads, and how now is the wrong time for me to be dealing with everything I’m dealing with in addition to the crazy fil
m schedule, jealous fans who mob him, lack of privacy, and drama that goes with being a famous actor.
“Hi,” I say, my voice taking on a special sweetness that seems to come out when I talk to him. Gosh, I do miss him. “Oh, been busy going to school today, then working a little bit at the Academy. Still only a handful of students have enrolled this fall. It’s a large drop from last year where the classes were so full, we had to hire another teacher.”
“Don’t worry,” Astor says. “I’m sure it has nothing to do with you. People may think the school’s close now that Sookie’s not there.” His voice catches a little, and I can tell he’s still moved when he talks about Sookie. He’s never said anything to me before, but I think he really looked up to Aunt Sookie as a mentor, when she was his acting coach. When he started seeing me regularly, he even started calling her Aunt Sookie like I did, and treated her as though she really was his aunt. It was very sweet, and unexpected of someone as famous and established as Astor. “You’ll have to advertise, Sum,” he says. “Let people know the school’s still open.”
“I have,” I say. “In the local schools, at festivals, ads everywhere, especially online ads; and still only a handful of students.”
“Summer…” Astor says. “After this film wraps in a few days before the holiday break, I’m coming back to town for a few weeks. I’m going to spend those weeks with you, helping you with the school, and getting more students to come in.” His voice cracks. “We can’t let Aunt Sookie’s legacy die. The school has to carry on her legacy.”
“I know,” I smile into the phone. Astor seems too good to be true sometimes, and in the beginning I thought it was all an act, but after dating him for a while, I’ve come to realize, he’s just a sweet, all around good guy, who happens to be a hot and charming actor. “Astor,” I said softly. “I miss you.”
“I miss you, too, Summer,” he says, and I can hear the longing in his voice. “I can’t wait to end this filming so I can get back to see you and be with you. Being up here in Vancouver without you is so hard.”
“Then come out here, Astor.”
“I wish I can, but because of the weather, the entire production is behind schedule, and the producers are trying to make up for the lost time with these long days.” Astor sighs. “It’s only a few more days, Summer. Then I’ll be back home, and we can hang out more.”
“That’ll be nice,” I say. It will be, but I know how busy Astor is, and that right now he’ll have to be gearing up for a tour and television appearances to promote his film and television show. We’ll be lucky if we can spend one day together uninterrupted.
“I promise to spend more time with you, Summer,” he says. “I’m so sorry I can’t be there with you today on your birthday, but I’ll make it up to you. I swear.”
I’m about to say, “Okay,” but Drew, who is sitting on my bed, his shirt still lying open from when we got hot and heavy, gets up from the bed and begins buttoning up his shirt. As he’s doing it, with a look of frustration on his face, I can’t help thinking how close I came to being with Drew. Especially how much I want to.
Drew has finished buttoning up his shirt and now he’s tucking it into his pants, and I see that his shirt is lopsided because he missed one of the buttons. He catches my eyes on him and gestures at his watch. We still have a dinner date to go to, and I know Drew is hungry. Even for real food, not just for me.
Without thinking about it, I go over to him, with one hand holding my phone while my other hand reaches out to pull his shirt up. I’m unbuttoning his shirt when Drew gives a surprise laugh and says, “What are you doing, Summer?”
“What?” I say, trying to straighten out his shirt so I can fix it, get the buttons aligned so Drew doesn’t embarrass himself when we go out for dinner.
“My shirt,” Drew says. “Why are you unbuttoning my shirt like this? Do you want to continue where we left off?” his lips curls into a wicked smile.
“Summer?” Astor says from the phone. “Is that Drew? Is he there with you?”
“Yes,” I say.
Drew licks his lips then and reaches out to brush my hair aside from my face. “I’d like that.”
“So Drew’s there with you,” Astor says. His voice has become agitated, and there’s a sense of worry in it. “I thought he’s back in San Francisco. Is the whole gang there? Rachel? Is she there?”
“No,” I say. “Only Drew. He came down to check out USC for college, take me out for a birthday dinner, and now he’s spending the rest of his weekend here.”
“Oh.” Astor’s voice drops.
“He got a scholarship to USC to play football,” I say proudly. “Early admissions and early start. He’s thinking of staying here at Aunt Sookie’s.” I smile at Drew, who is now behind me, his hands kneading my back, shoulders, and neck, working out all the tension I have there.
“This is part of your birthday present,” Drew whispers into my ear. His hands are working wonders on me, and when he hit a tight knot at the back of my shoulders, working at loosening it, I let out a groan.
“Summer!” Astor says. “I’m coming out there as soon as I can.”
“No, I’ll be up late tonight,” I say. “Nat’s flying in, too. He owes me a birthday dinner, and he’ll be staying here for Christmas break.”
“Summer…” Astor says. “I know you said you thought we were moving too fast in our relationship so I’ve backed off. I’m not asking you to come out with me to stay while I film, anymore, and I’m not giving you expensive gifts anymore because that’s what you want. But Summer, I love you, and gosh, I don’t want to be having this conversation with you right now over the phone like this. I want to see you and hold you. I want to be there to hold you in my arms and kiss you…I just don’t want you forgetting how much you mean to me.”
“Astor,” my voice is husky now because of several reasons, one of which is because Drew’s hands has moved on from my back to now my legs. He’s using his strong hands to massage my calves, and it feels so sensual. “I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone, too, but since we can’t see each other in person, this is the best way so we can at least hear each other.”
“Summer,” Drew says from below where he is kneeling on his knees in front of me, lifting one of my legs up and placing his lips on the sensitive skin behind my knees. “How about if we skip dinner?”
“Drew…” I say. I want to walk away to some place where I can have total privacy with Astor, but I’m stuck since Drew is holding onto one of my legs, and I’m still wearing practically nothing.
“Astor,” I say. “I’m so sorry you called right now and have to hear all this, but honestly, I can’t be in a committed relationship with you right now. I just can’t. It’s too soon, and I don’t know if I can be everything you want me to be for you right now. I have so much to deal with, and right now, I can’t even think of dealing with anyone else’s issues.”
“Is this really how you feel?” Astor asks. “Because I can take it slow. I don’t want to pressure you into anything you’re not prepared for. You know that, Summer. You understand me so well.”
“Astor,” I take a deep breath. “This is how I really feel. I care for you, and I won’t ever not be there for you, but right now, I can’t be there for you as your girlfriend.”
“Oh God,” Astor says. “I’m losing you. Does it matter if I fly out there tonight and see you? I want to so badly to see you so we can have this conversation in person, not over the phone like this.”
“I know,” I say. “But it won’t matter. I need some time for myself right now, that’s all.”
There’s silence at the other end of the phone for a minute. “Okay,” Astor says. “I see. I’m not going to push it, Summer, but if you change your mind, you know where you can get me.” I hear the phone cut off, and when Drew take it out of my hand to place in his pants pocket, I feel so sad that I’m on the verge of tears. Did I just break up with Astor?
“Drew,” I say leaning into his c
hest as he steps in front of me. “I think I just broke up with Astor. I don’t know. For months, we’ve seen each other a few times and then besides from me flying up to see him on location, we haven’t spent much time together. I don’t even know if we were together as a couple, although some of the paparazzi who took pictures of us, classified us that way in some of those tabloids.”
“Shhh,” Drew says, bringing one finger to my lips to hush me. “It’s over, and you did it for a reason. Now don’t worry about it and try to relax.”
“I feel so bad, I feel as though I’ve just committed an awful sin. But I can’t stay this way forever, can’t be so nice to everyone, especially to Astor or you or Nat. To be fair. I can’t be this nice girl all the time and try to not hurt anyone’s feelings…” I look at Drew then and say, “When you became Drew, who didn’t care what anyone thinks bad boy Drew, how did it make you feel?”
“Like I can finally listen to what I want, go after what I want?” Drew says. “Only I went to the extreme of that, sometimes hurting those I care about like Rachel and you because of it…so I changed, to be the kind of guy you and Rachel would be proud of.”
“Drew, I do admit to liking the way you are now a lot more because it’s the Drew I remember from happier times, but I’ve always loved you for who you are in any way that you are. Good boy, bad boy, any kind of boy…as long as you’re still Drew.”
Drew gives me a wry smile and asks, “How does it feel to tell Astor how you feel? To be a ‘bad girl’ for the first time and actually be true to your feelings?”
“Relieved,” I say. “But I did care for him a lot, and I still do, only I can’t be in a relationship like that right now, one that’s in the spotlight, high pressure, and stressful. The last thing I need right now is a relationship where I’m in the spotlight too. I want some time alone and to process everything that’s been happening to me, and being in a relationship with Astor like that only complicates things.”
“So what do you want right now?” Drew asks. “What kind of relationship do you want right now?”
