Ray of Hope

by Vanessa Davis Griggs

  “I don’t know, Ma. Maybe I made the wrong decision to let them come and stay with you for the summer,” Lenora said. “Perhaps I should come and get them and see if their having been with you this week hasn’t shown them that I’m serious about them straightening up and acting right.”

  “Lenora, who was the one that called here hollering and crying about how out of control Sahara and Crystal are? I believe your exact words were, ‘Ma, I can’t take this anymore! I’m about two seconds away from either strangling them or shipping them off to a boot camp somewhere.’ That was you, was it not?”

  “Yes, it was me. I admit that I was having a bad day, a really bad day.”

  “And I told you then, and I’m telling you now: I believe I can handle a seventeen-year-old and a fifteen-year-old just fine. I raised you and your brother all right, didn’t I?”

  “But let’s be real: you were younger then. And Daddy was there to help you. Children are different these days. Some of the things they do are totally unexplainable. After I told Sahara and Crystal they would be going to your house to stay for a little while, I overheard Sahara asking Crystal what could you do that someone half your age couldn’t.” Lenora purposely left out the part Sahara had said about her having a college degree where their grandmother did not.

  “I’ll tell you what. For the time being, you worry about taking care of Kyle and Nia and leave your other two children to me, at least for the rest of the summer. We’ll be fine. Between me and God, we’re going to work this out. And you know how much I love Sahara and Crystal.”

  “And they love you, too, Ma. They love you a lot. But I keep telling you that teenagers are different now. They’re not as respectful as we were back in our day. There’s a lot more peer pressure on them. Sure there were things I had to deal with when I was growing up, but it’s nowhere near the level that these kids deal with these days,” Lenora said.

  “Yeah, well. I’ll give them that much. They do have things neither you nor I had to deal with when we were coming up. At least, not in the exact same vein. But you know what I always say.”

  “Yeah, Ma, I know. ‘There’s nothing new under the sun.’ I know. But I feel bad that I can’t control my own children any better than I’ve been able to.” Lenora began to cry a little. “Let’s face it: I’m an awful mother.”

  “You’re not an awful mother.”

  “Okay, then. I’m a terrible daughter. I mean, what kind of a daughter pushes her delinquent-acting children off on their senior-citizen mother?”

  “You’re not an awful mother and you’re not a terrible daughter. And I was the one who insisted that you bring Sahara and Crystal here for the summer. They used to love coming here to visit and spending time with me,” Ma Ray said.

  “Yeah, but that was when they were young. Now they don’t seem to want to have anything to do with any of us, let alone hang around us for any extended period of time. I suppose we’re too old fogey for them. We’re not fun anymore. Ma, you know how teenagers are.”

  “Yeah, I know. You went through the exact same phase. You didn’t want to be around me or your father. Every chance you got, you were off somewhere with your friends. There were times when you thought you were grown and you got a little too big for your britches. But we made it through all of that.”

  “We did. One might conclude that I’m reaping some of what I’ve sown. Talking back to you, staying out past the time you told me to be home. It’s all coming back on me, big-time. But in truth, I was nothing compared to Sahara and Crystal. Nothing. And they won’t admit it to me, but I’m pretty sure they’re having sex. Granted, I did have sex when I was in high school, going totally against everything you told me, I might add. But at least it was only with Quinton, my boyfriend, and not with God-only-knows who or how many guys. And yes, I admit there were times when I did just what I wanted regardless of the consequences.” Lenora let out a sigh.

  “I also believe Sahara and Crystal are experimenting with drugs, even though I’ve spoken with them about this until I was blue in the face,” Lenora said. “I’ve explained the dangers of sex before marriage, as well as the dangers of drugs. Sahara just throws the hypocrisy of me taking prescription drugs for my depression back in my face. My legalized ‘uppers,’ she calls them. I just don’t know, Ma. Where did I go wrong?”

  “Lenora, will you please stop beating yourself up. However we find ourselves now, the fact remains: we’re here. And God is going to help us through this.”

  “But sex can be deadly in this day and time. When I was being rebellious, the worst I had to worry about was an unplanned pregnancy or contracting a venereal disease. Now that AIDS is on the scene, people hardly ever mention VD anymore. People now can get things that can kill them.” Lenora’s sniffling began to subside. “Kill them.”

  “Well, every generation has something. My generation dealt with shame, being an outcast … sometimes ostracized—”

  “And Sahara’s report card this past school year contained nothing but Ds and Fs,” Lenora said, quickly moving on to a different topic. “She barely passed the eleventh grade, only because her Ds outweighed her Fs. I just knew she was going to have to go to summer school. Edmond and I told her she’s never going to get into college with those grades. But she doesn’t miss an opportunity to remind Edmond that he’s merely her stepfather and she could care less what he has to say about anything. She doesn’t care about her grades, since she wants to drop out of school, anyway. All she talks about is becoming a model. She thinks school is just a waste of her time. I don’t know, Ma.”

  Ma Ray let out a slight chuckle. “Since she was knee-high to a grasshopper, Sahara has been playing dress-up. That child would get in my closet and find my Sunday’s best and my high heels. Oh, that child … she loves herself some shoes, even more than I do. And at what … five eleven, she’s certainly tall enough and pretty enough to be a model. Got those high cheekbones from the Choctaw blood that runs in our family. But regardless, Sahara needs schooling.”

  “I know this. The problem is getting Sahara to see this. And Crystal, who has always been a bit envious and intrigued by her big sister, is being influenced by Sahara’s bad actions. So, of course, whatever Sahara is doing, Crystal wants to do it, too. I blame a lot of this on Quinton. He has been such a deadbeat father pretty much all of their lives. He hasn’t helped either one of them with their self-esteem or their daddy issues.”

  “For sure Quinton hasn’t been the best father. I get that he has his own issues, many of his own making. I’ve told him that very thing myself. But that’s still no excuse for Sahara and Crystal to act out the way they have lately.”

  “Well, my poor Edmond has been doing all he can. He was the one who found that boot camp set up for out-of-control teenagers. He strongly suggested that we think seriously about sending them to it or something like it.”

  “Oh, those girls don’t need to be put in a boot camp. They’re going to be okay. And just how is my son-in-law?” Ma Ray asked.

  “He’s fine. We’ll be celebrating our tenth anniversary on the tenth of July. And of course, Nia has him completely wrapped around her little finger. I don’t know how a two-year-old can wield so much power over a forty-year-old grown man. Edmond and Kyle are going fishing today, and Nia keeps asking why she can’t go with them. It’s hard to explain to a toddler that her seven-year-old brother is not as much trouble as a two-year-old. Or that the boys need boy time together. Truthfully, Edmond has a hard time trying to take care of them when he takes them fishing at the same time. So he alternates between them.”

  “Then why don’t you go so she can go with them?”

  “Ma, you know I don’t like to fish. I don’t care to sit in that little canoe Edmond calls a boat, in the hot sun I might add, casting a line into the water, just so I can further sit and watch absolutely nothing happen. Fishing is just not my thing.”

  “But it’s something Edmond likes to do. And it’s something the whole family can do together. I think
you should go with them and make it a family affair.”

  “Well, I’ve told Edmond that I’m not interested, so that won’t be happening. He and Kyle can go and have a great time. Nia will be all right. Maybe she and I will go shopping or something. We’ll find something fun to do while they’re gone.”

  “All right, daughter. Listen, I’m going to get off this phone now. I need to finish cooking breakfast. Then Sahara and I are going to have a nice little chat.”

  “Ma, look. I appreciate you wanting to help me and the girls and everything. But if this is too much on you—”

  “Honey, no matter the weight of a thing, love can hold up anything. So don’t you worry your pretty little head about me or these daughters of yours. Somehow or other, we’ll find a breakthrough through all of this.”

  “Well, if you need me to come and get them, just let me know. I’m feeling better, now that I’ve gotten a little break. It was just getting too much, and I guess I broke down. But should they get too much out of hand with you, call me, and I’ll come get them.”

  “Lenora, all I need for you to do now is to pray. Two things I know for sure is that prayer changes things and nothing is too hard for our God. Nothing. I’ve told you we’re going to get through this together, and I mean just that.” Ma Ray suddenly stopped talking. “Good morning, Crystal … morning, Sahara,” Ma Ray said in a pleasant voice.

  “Sahara’s there?” Lenora asked.

  “Yes,” Ma Ray said in an even tone.

  “Well, put her on the phone. I want her to know that I don’t appreciate that little stunt she just pulled. I don’t appreciate it at all.”

  “Not a good idea,” Ma Ray said, continuing to speak in a codelike manner.

  “But Ma, she called me in the middle of the night … two o’clock in the morning, to be exact, telling me that you’re pulling guns on folks, while conveniently leaving out her devilment in all of it. Sahara needs to know that things like this are not acceptable and they won’t be tolerated.” Lenora’s phone beeped to indicate another call was coming in.

  “And that will most certainly happen,” Ma Ray said. “Sounds like someone is trying to get you.”

  Lenora looked at her caller ID. “It’s your favorite son,” she said.

  “Okay. I’m going to get off now. Say hello to Beau for me.”

  “But Ma—”

  “I’ll talk with you later, dear.” Ma Ray hung up before Lenora could protest further.

  Chapter 3

  This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.

  —Joshua 1:8

  Lenora looked at the phone and thought about letting the call go and calling her mother back instead. But she had to trust that her mother knew what she was doing. “Hi, Boaz,” Lenora said when she clicked over. “What’s up?”

  “Lenora, why do you insist upon calling me Boaz?” her brother asked.

  “Because, Beau Azra Towers, Boaz is what I grew up calling you. And just because you think you’re so important now that you want everybody to call you Beau, it’s no reason for you to expect me to up and change,” Lenora said. “Oh, and Ma said to tell you hello.”

  “When did you talk to her?”

  “I just hung up with her.”

  “Well, our mother is the reason that I called. I want to talk to you about Sahara and Crystal. They’ve been with Ma for about a week now.”

  Lenora sat down on the bar stool in her kitchen. Her brother’s voice had that tone to it. Two years her senior, Beau was going to give more of a lecture than a simple talk.

  “Lenora, are you still there?” Boaz asked.

  “Yeah, I’m still here.”

  “Then why aren’t you saying anything?”

  “Because you said you wanted to talk about Sahara and Crystal. I’m waiting to hear what you have to say.”

  “Lenora, I know you’re having your share of troubles with Sahara and Crystal, more Sahara than Crystal. I get that. But Ma is old. She doesn’t get around the way she used to. Your teenage daughters have been with her for at least a week now, and when I asked Ma the other day when you were planning to get them, she quickly changed the subject. I can always tell when Ma is covering up something—she just changes the subject. Since Ma doesn’t want to tell me what’s going on, I decided to call you and find out.” Boaz paused. “So, how long are they planning on being over there?”

  “I don’t know, Boaz.”

  “You don’t know?”

  “No. I don’t know,” Lenora said with attitude.

  “So, is the plan for them to stay there until they get on Ma’s nerve, until they force you to come and get them, until you feel like being bothered with them again? What?”

  “See, that’s why you make me mad. First of all, this really is none of your business. And yet, as always, there you are, sticking your nose in it. This is between me and my mother. Ma wants them over there with her, and it’s really not up to whether you approve or not.”

  “Ma is keeping them because you don’t know what else to do with them,” Boaz said. “Lenora, everybody knows Sahara and Crystal are completely out of control. Now Owen and Freda—”

  “So what, Boaz. Okay, they’re out of control. Just because you have the perfect little family, with Ruth, your perfect little wife, and your equally perfect, not-so-little children who seem to have never given you a day of trouble in their little lives, that doesn’t make you some kind of an expert. You and Ruth raised Owen and Freda without any problems, it seems. Great! I get that,” Lenora said.

  “Len, where is all of this hostility coming from?”

  Lenora paused, then let out a sigh. She knew she’d hit a nerve when her brother called her Len. “I’m sorry, Boaz. I’m sorry. It’s just I’m tired of hearing—directly or indirectly—how wonderful Owen and Freda are and how bad my kids are. I’m glad Owen and Freda are maintaining 4.0 averages in college. I’m proud that Owen is at Harvard and Freda is at Yale. That’s fantastic. You have reason to be proud. Yet, here I am, as always, struggling. I’m struggling to make it, struggling to convince Sahara that she needs to stay in, let alone finish, high school. Sahara makes Ds and Fs, and it doesn’t seem to faze her one bit. Not one bit. Then there’s Crystal, who has decided to make Sahara her role model. Not someone working hard to make something of their life. But Sahara. Yes, I’m tired, Boaz. I’m tired of feeling like a complete failure. And frankly, you’re not helping much right now.”

  “Lenora, nobody’s perfect. And you’re not a complete failure.”

  “Oh, you’re trying to be funny now, huh? What are you trying to say? That I even fail at being a complete failure?”

  “Look, you’re just having a hard time, that’s all,” Boaz said. “And you, of all people, know that everything isn’t, and hasn’t always been, perfect over here. So don’t even try playing that card with me. Ruth and I have our challenges—our ups and downs—just like everybody else does. But I’m not going to apologize for the way my children have turned out. Owen at twenty-one and Freda at nineteen have set concrete goals for themselves. Do I talk of their accomplishments and brag about them a little too much? Well, from your reaction right now, apparently I do.”

  “Yeah, well, what else should I expect from the golden child?” Lenora said.

  “Golden child?”

  “Yeah, Beau. You’re Ma’s heart, her favorite child, and everybody knows that.”

  “Ma doesn’t have a favorite child. She loves me and you the same. If anything, she’s done more for you than she’s ever done for me. If anybody should be jealous or envious, it should be me.”

  “Oh, please. You could have kept that,” Lenora said.

  “Okay, Lenora. Case in point: when Daddy died, what did Ma do for you?”

  Lenora clenched her jaw. Somehow, she knew when they started d
own this path that this is where the two of them would end up, yet again. “Can we just change the subject to something else? How’s your business? Have you gotten any new big contracts lately, Mister Big Shot Entrepreneur?”

  “No, we won’t change the subject. When Daddy died, what did Ma do?”

  “You know why she did what she did. You know I was having a hard time. It’s not because she loves me more than you. She just knew you were doing okay and that I was sinking big-time. This was two years ago. Why are you bringing it up yet again?”

  “Because, Lenora Tracey Towers Nichols Stanford, I want you to see how our mother always bails you out. Daddy had money from his days as an officer. And when Ma got that money, what did she do with it? Did she keep it for herself? Divide what she was going to give away equally between you and me? No. She gave you pretty much all of it.”

  “Because she knew how much I desperately needed it,” Lenora said. “You were doing fine. You really didn’t need any of Daddy’s money. Ma’s house and car were paid for. She gets a monthly check. She said she had all that she needed to live on. Besides, I do plan to give it back to her when I get back on my feet.”

  Boaz started laughing. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh. But you do this every single time. I don’t care what it is, you seriously don’t seem to get it. I know you believe what you’re saying, but you need to stop just once, step outside of yourself, and see you the way the rest of the real world sees you.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “I mean, dear sister, you really need to grow up and stop acting like the world owes you something. You can’t continue to run to Ma for her to fix every little thing for you. You need to grow up.”