Ray of Hope

by Vanessa Davis Griggs

  Sahara shrugged. “I never thought about it like that.”

  “The more I went to church, the more it sounded like the mob to me. Preachers merely selling woof tickets, if you ask me. I don’t think what a lot of them is saying is from God, really is coming from God. Not trying to strong-arm and manipulate folks like a lot of them do. Preachers finding Mr. and Mrs. S. T. Rugglin’, and they be trying to turn them every which way they can think of but loose. I thought Jesus came to set people free. Maybe I’m wrong, but there’s a scent of the mob in play. That’s how I feel about it.”

  “You’re not saying that God is like the mob, are you?” Sahara said.

  “Oh, no. Not at all. In fact, as far as I’m concerned, God and I are cool. It’s all these people down here calling themselves representing Him. They’re the ones I have problems with. Them coming up with all kinds of scams and schemes—that’s what’s driving so many folks like me away. Every time you turn around, they’re begging for more money. It’s embarrassing, really. You see, I figure if God owns everything, then why does He have to ask me for money every time I turn around?”

  “God doesn’t need your money, but it shows Him that you love Him,” Sahara said. “That’s what my pastor at home always says, anyway. It’s to help them finance God’s Kingdom down here on earth.”

  “Yeah, I’ve heard all of that, too. I ain’t buying what they selling, because all I see is those fat-cat preachers living all large and in charge off the money folks supposedly are bringing to the Lord. Riding around in their big, fancy cars, wearing expensive designer suits, diamond rings on this hand and that, while folks like my mama are barely getting by. Christians sitting in the dark with their lights turned off because the power company doesn’t accept faith as a payment for services rendered. We’ve had our power turned off more than a few times while my mama was busy singing that the Lord was going to make a way somehow.” Junebug stomped on a large black ant and twisted his foot, causing Sahara to jump at first until she saw what he was doing.

  “Well, I figure the Lord already made a way. And I ain’t letting no man in a fancy suit holler at me about what God is telling Him to tell me, trying to suck me in. Telling me I ain’t blessed because I won’t give my money to what they’re doing. Let’s not even talk about the women they end up messing around with. I’m referring to the ones that mess with women. People can believe what they want. I ain’t buying it, none of it.”

  “Aren’t you afraid God is going to strike you down?” Sahara said.

  “For what? For not letting somebody make a fool out of me? When God made me, He didn’t make no fool.”

  “No. For saying what you’re saying about the man of God and Christians who are trying to do what they believe is right?”

  “You talking about folks like your grandmother?” Junebug said. “Your grandmother is an all-right woman. She doesn’t like me much, though. But honestly, if there were more Christians carrying the banner like Ma Ray and my mama, I might consider buying into some of this religious stuff. But I know the game. I know how the game is played. And believe me: most of the preachers I’ve seen and heard know how to play the game brilliantly. My motto is and has always been: Don’t hate the player, hate the game.”

  Sahara shrugged. “I’m not talking about any Christians in particular. I just know you’re not supposed to act like that about God’s stuff. I would be afraid to say some of what you just said.”

  “So, Miss Sahara. You telling me that you buy into all that church hype?”

  Sahara primped her mouth. “Not really the church hype. I guess I really don’t have strong feelings about it or them one way or the other. But I believe in God, I do believe. I’m just not sure about all this other stuff folks try to sell in the name of God.”

  “Say, why don’t you and I go have some fun?”

  “I can’t go anywhere while I’m here unless Ma Ray knows with whom and where I’m going. Oh, and as my date, you’d have to ask her permission the first time around.”

  Junebug frowned. “So, I would have to ask your grandmother if I want to take you somewhere? If I wanted to take you out on a legitimate date? You for real?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh, Junebug don’t do that. First of all, we may not even get back to the house before daylight.” He leaned over and smiled. “But now, if you were to sneak out of the house, we could go have all the fun we wanted for as long as we want, and no one would be looking for you, to even know when you should be back.”

  “That’s not going to work. Trust me: Ma Ray will know I’m gone. Somehow, she’ll know. She has some kind of radar, special sense, internal alarm, or something. My mother and stepfather are already threatening to send me and my sister away to a boot camp. If I don’t act right while I’m here, I know that’s exactly where I’ll end up next.”

  Junebug leaned over and kissed her. “I really like you, Sahara. You feel me?”

  “Yeah, I feel you. I like you, too. But I also understand it’s not as simple as you’re trying to make it out to be.”

  He kissed her again. “Look, you could sneak out after your grandmother goes to sleep. I could pick you up a little ways down the road from here. We could go have a great time. I could even have you back before the sun comes up.”

  “What if Ma Ray comes looking for me and I’m not in my room? You don’t understand how difficult it really is doing something like this. It’s hard on your nervous system,” Sahara said.

  “Okay, let’s say Ma Ray comes looking for you and you’re not there. Let’s say she’s waiting up for you when you come in the house. Just tell her you came out here to be by yourself. I’m sure she knows you like it down here. You can tell her you couldn’t sleep so you decided to go outside for a while. You know, to get in touch with God. She’d believe something like that,” Junebug said. “I can even bring you back here through the special way that I come when I come here. That way, when you go back in the house, it would really look like you’re telling the truth. I’m telling you, this will work.” He kissed her on her lips. “Come on. Let me show you some real fun while you’re here. Please.” He kissed her on the lips once more, then smiled. “Write your digits down for me so I can call you.” He handed her a pen and a small notebook turned to a blank page.

  She wrote down her grandmother’s number since she really didn’t want him having her cell number. Besides, she couldn’t get or keep much of a signal, anyway.

  “Why don’t we do something tonight?” He put the notebook back in his shirt pocket with his flask. “What do you say?”

  Sahara smiled. “I’ll think about it and let you know. But we would need a plan, a signal, just in case something goes wrong. You can’t call that number after ten-thirty. That’s my grandmother’s number, and she’s a really light sleeper. If the phone rings, she’ll surely investigate, inquiring as to who was calling at that time of night. That’s if she doesn’t answer the phone herself.”

  He started laughing. “What? You’re saying we need a plan for the plan?”

  “Don’t laugh. Let’s say I agree to this. And let’s say you’re looking for me, but my grandmother doesn’t go to bed until late. Or something else comes up, and I can’t let you know we need to scrap the plan. Cell phones are definitely unreliable out here, so I can’t count on calling you on your cell and letting you know there’s a problem.”

  “So, what do you suggest the plan be?”

  “I don’t know. I’m thinking.” She began to grin. “I know. The red draperies in the front of the house. Ma Ray usually draws them closed at night and opens them during the day. You can see that window easily from the road, even at night. If something happens where I find I can’t get out, I’ll twist one side, so that it looks like a cord. If you see that, you’ll know for sure that something is wrong and that I can’t come.”

  He shrugged. “Sounds like a plan to me. Just don’t let your grandmother know you and I are talking. She doesn’t care for me at all. So, does this mean you�
��ll get away and go out with me tonight around midnight?”

  “We can give it a try and see what happens.”

  “So, I’ll ride by the house around midnight.”

  “Yeah, sounds good.”

  “So, let me be sure I have this straight in my head. If the red drapes are closed, then I’ll look for you a little ways down the road from here.”

  “Yeah.”

  “And if it’s opened, what does that mean again?”

  “That it may still be okay, but that Ma Ray has not gone to bed yet. She generally closes the drapes right before she turns in.”

  “But if one side of the drapes is twisted like a cord, then that means you’re having trouble getting away,” Junebug said. “Right.”

  “If that turns out to be the case, do you want me to ride back around one o’clock to see if it’s all clear then?”

  “You can. But if at one it’s the same thing, then we’ll scrap the plan entirely.”

  “Fine. Then, I’ll roll by here at midnight.” He stood up. “Wear something banging, okay. I plan to show you how we do things around these here parts.”

  Sahara smiled.

  He looked up the bank, then back at her. “You’re not going to the house yet?”

  “No. I’m going to sit here a little while longer.”

  “A’ight.” He handed her his lighter. “Just in case,” he said, then nodded. “I’ll catch you tonight. Peace out.”

  “Yeah,” she said. “Later.”

  After he left, she took out the joint he’d given her and looked at it. She looked up toward the sky. The sunlight seemed to, once again, be playing peekaboo with her through the trees. “God, what am I doing? What is wrong with me?” She put the joint, along with the lighter, in her short pants pocket. After five minutes, she stood up and left.

  Chapter 23

  And it shall be, that whosoever shall go out of the doors of thy house into the street, his blood shall be upon his head, and we will be guiltless: and whosoever shall be with thee in the house, his blood shall be on our head, if any hand be upon him.

  —Joshua 2:19

  “You were outside in your special place?” Ma Ray asked Sahara when she came into the kitchen. Ma Ray was peeling peaches and slicing them up. On the stove, the dark-blue speckled boiler contained tomatoes she was stewing to can later.

  “Yes, ma’am,” Sahara said.

  Ma Ray nodded. “I like being down there as well. It’s really a peaceful place.”

  Sahara went and sat at the table with Ma Ray. “I didn’t know you went down there, too.”

  Ma Ray held out to Sahara a peach slice pressed tightly against the knife she was using. “Oh, there are lots of things you don’t know about me.” Sahara took the slice and bit it. “Years ago, that was one of my spots I’d go to hide out,” Ma Ray said.

  “Oh, sure, Ma Ray. I can just see you now, going down there to hide out. And who exactly were you hiding out from?” Sahara took another slice of peach Ma Ray held out to her.

  “Sometimes to get away from your grandfather. Sometimes just to get away from the world.” Ma Ray raised a peach slice up to her mouth and ate it. “Good and sweet, huh?” she said, referring to the peach. “You know that oak tree out there?”

  “The one that looks like an old man flexing his muscle?”

  Ma Ray laughed. “I never thought about it like that. But now that you mention it, it does remind me of your granddaddy when he was past his prime, trying to show off the muscles in his arm.” She held out another peach slice; Sahara took it. “That arm you’re referring to, that tree limb, it used to hold a swing. I loved sitting on that swing, feeling like I didn’t have a care in the world.”

  “What happened to the swing?” Sahara asked.

  “I’m not real sure. I think one of the neighbors’ children—an older child, of course—may have come over and cut up the leather seat. The chains with the cut leather were just hanging. Your uncle Boaz took the chains off to keep anyone from accidentally getting hurt. He said he was going to fix it back. I guess he forgot, and I ended up forgetting all about it as well. In fact, I hadn’t really thought about it until just now. Maybe I’ll mention something about it to him and see if he still plans on having it done.”

  Ma Ray got up and took the pile of sliced peaches over to the sink. “You want to help me can the tomatoes and then these peaches?”

  “Sure. I guess. I don’t have anything else fun to do today,” Sahara said.

  “Oh, now. If you’re going to act like that about it, then don’t worry about it.” Ma Ray tilted her head as she dried off her hands. “Come here.” Ma Ray held her arms open.

  “Ma Ray, I’m okay.”

  “Baby, come here,” Ma Ray said again with a warm smile.

  Sahara stood and reluctantly walked like a robot into Ma Ray’s arms. “I’m not a baby anymore, Ma Ray.”

  Ma Ray hugged her and rocked her from side to side. “Nonsense! All of us like to be babied every now and then. Even your mother.” Ma Ray pulled back and looked at Sahara. She brushed Sahara’s hair down with her hand. “That’s right. Your mother comes over here from time to time trying to act like she’s coming to check on me, when the truth is, she just wants her mother to hug and love on her. I’ll let you in on another secret.” Ma Ray lowered her voice. “Sometimes, as old as I am, I wish I could fall into my mother’s arms just one more time, and let her hug and baby and love on me. So don’t try and act all fly with me.”

  Sahara pulled back and laughed. “Fly, Ma Ray? Fly?”

  “Okay,” Ma Ray said. “School me. What’s the word this year?”

  “Bobo could be a good word. It means fake, not genuine. Although fly is more crunk than bobo.”

  “Bobo, huh? Well, there’s nothing new about that. We used the word bobo in my day. In fact, there was a boy in our community named Bobo. And then, there was Bobo the Clown. He used to come on television. Bobo the Clown, that is.”

  Sahara laughed. “You’re something else, Ma Ray. Just when I think you don’t get it, you prove just how much you really do.”

  “Hey, don’t hate—celebrate. I do what I do.” Ma Ray began to move her head like a strutting chicken.

  Sahara laughed some more. “You’re chron, that’s what you are.”

  “Chron? Okay. I’m not going to even try and figure that one out.”

  “It means that you’re tight, you’re cool… you’re awesome,” Sahara said.

  “Ooh, I like that. Ma Ray Chron! I’m chron. Wait until I tell Tootsie. I’m chron.”

  “Ma Ray, can we have another soda?” Crystal asked when she walked in. “Sorry. I meant to say, may we have? Hey, Sahara.” She threw up her hand in a lazylike wave.

  “Hey,” Sahara said back.

  “Hmmm, I don’t know, Crystal. Yall need to watch consuming so much sugar. And sodas are full of sugar.”

  “Come on, Ma Ray. We’re young. Didn’t you get the e-mail? Young folks live off of sugar.” Crystal walked over to Sahara. “What’s that about to fall out of your pocket?”

  “What?” Sahara said, following Crystal’s gaze.

  “That right there,” Crystal said, pointing at the pocket of Sahara’s yellow shorts.

  Sahara quickly tried to push the white stick back in her pocket, but in her rush, she flipped it onto the floor instead. She stooped down quickly to pick it up, but Ma Ray’s foot beat her to it.

  “I got it,” Sahara said, trying to pull it out from under Ma Ray’s foothold.

  “It’s okay. I’ll get it.” Ma Ray bent down and made a slight grunt after picking it up. She rolled it gently between her fingers. “What’s this?”

  Sahara reached over and quickly took it out of Ma Ray’s hand. “It’s nothing.”

  “Oh, it’s more than nothing. I know nothing when I see it, or should I say when I don’t see it. And that is definitely not nothing. Were you out there doing drugs?”

  “No, Ma Ray, I was not.”

  “Then why was
that thing in your pocket?” Ma Ray pointed at the joint.

  “It was in my pocket because I wasn’t smoking it. Had I smoked it, then it wouldn’t have been there at all,” Sahara said.

  “Did you bring that mess here to my house?” Ma Ray asked. Her voice was not staying in control the way she wanted it to.

  “No, ma’am. I wouldn’t do something like that,” Sahara said as though she’d been insulted.

  “Then where did that come from?”

  “Somebody gave it to me,” Sahara said.

  “Since you’ve been here at my house?” Ma Ray asked.

  “Yes, but I didn’t use it, which is why it was in my pocket.”

  “Okay, I’m missing something or something. You were just outside. Is there a pusher, a dope dealer, or somebody like that in my backyard for you to have gotten that?”

  Sahara let out a loud sigh. “See, Ma Ray. That’s what I’m talking about. Nobody ever gives me a fair shake. Something happens, and the first thing everybody does is jump to the most negative conclusion.”

  “I’m not jumping to anything. I’m asking you a question, and frankly, I’m not getting much of a real answer from you. You say you didn’t bring drugs with you to my house. I believe you. So the question then comes, if you didn’t bring it, then how do you happen to have something like that in your possession now? Talk to me, Sahara. Tell me what’s going on.”