Ray of Hope

by Vanessa Davis Griggs

  “I love it,” Crystal said. “I wanted you to see it with my shoes and everything.”

  “It’s beautiful”—Ma Ray kissed Crystal—“just like you.”

  “Ah, Ma Ray. You’re the only one who really thinks I’m beautiful.”

  “What?” Ma Ray said. “I am not the only one. I mayjust be the only one who can’t hold it in. But you’re a beautiful young woman, yes, you are.” Ma Ray sat down on the edge of her bed. “Come … sit for a minute. I need to ask you something.”

  Crystal sat down next to Ma Ray.

  “Would you, by any chance, know what may have become of my crystal swan?”

  “You mean the one on the coffee table in the living room?” Crystal asked.

  “Yeah. That one.”

  “It was there when we left to go to the store today.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Oh, yeah. I went over and looked at it. You see, the sun was flooding in, you know, like it does when you have the drapes opened. The rays were hitting it in such a way, it was making all these beautiful rainbows—colors spraying everywhere. I picked up the swan to look at it. It’s just something how the sun rays can hit something like that and have all those beautiful colors—yellow, blue, purple, green—shooting all out from it.”

  “It is something, isn’t it? But you’re certain you saw it before we left? You’re sure?”

  “Positive. Maybe Sahara moved it. Do you want me to go ask her?”

  Ma Ray forced a half of a smile. “No. I’ll check with her later.”

  Crystal stood up, leaned down, hugged, then kissed Ma Ray on the cheek. “Thank you, Ma Ray, for this beautiful outfit.” She struck a vogue pose. “I love you so much.”

  “I love you, too, baby.”

  After Crystal left, Ma Ray lifted her head up. “God, You’re going to have to help me down here on this one. I need You to guide me, because I don’t want to make a misstep. Please order my steps. Help me get through to both my granddaughters. Help me to say the right thing and to do the right thing. Please, Lord. I need You. And as always, I thank You, kind sir. I thank You….”

  Chapter 33

  And he said, Nay; but as captain of the host of the Lord am I now come. And Joshua fell on his face to the earth, and did worship, and said unto him, What saith my lord unto his servant?

  —Joshua 5:14

  Ma Ray spent time in prayer before making her way upstairs to Sahara’s room. The door was open. She tapped on it. Sahara was dancing with the peach outfit she’d bought, held up against her body as she looked at her reflection in the mirror.

  “Ma Ray,” Sahara said, letting the outfit down slightly.

  “That’s a gorgeous outfit,” Ma Ray said, sitting down on the bed.

  “I know. I can’t wait to wear it. In fact, Andre asked me about being in the modeling show they’re having at the youth conference. I’m going to model this. It is so pretty.” She hugged it gently before laying it carefully on the vanity chair.

  “So, you’re getting excited about the youth conference?” Ma Ray said.

  “Kind of. It’s something to do. I’m not sure that I won’t be ready to leave before it’s over. But hey, it’s something to pass the time, right?”

  “Sahara, I have something to ask you. Would you know what may have happened to my crystal swan?”

  “The last I saw, it was downstairs in the living room on the coffee table.” Sahara began to frown. “Is it not there now?”

  “No, it’s not.”

  “Did you check with Crystal?” Sahara asked. “Maybe she moved it.”

  “I did. She said she saw it earlier today but she didn’t move it,” Ma Ray said.

  Sahara went and kneeled down by Ma Ray. “I didn’t take it, Ma Ray. I didn’t.”

  “Baby, I didn’t say that you did. I’m just trying to find out what happened to it. I thought maybe someone broke it and whoever did just didn’t want me to know about it.”

  “I saw it. I’m sure I saw it. I don’t have a clue what may have happened to it after that. If Crystal didn’t move it, and I didn’t do it, I don’t know what could have happened to it.”

  Ma Ray grabbed Sahara lightly by her chin and lifted her head slightly. “It’s all right.”

  “No, it’s not all right.” Sahara stood up. “You think I took it!” She raised her voice somewhat.

  “Now, I never said that,” Ma Ray said, looking up at Sahara who, now, greatly towered over her.

  “Yeah, but you’re thinking it. You said something to Ms. Tootsie about stuff that’s missing. But I want you to know that I didn’t take your watch, or your money, or your crystal swan, or anything else you may find gone.” Sahara’s voice was still slightly elevated.

  “Calm down. If you say you didn’t take those things, then I believe you. But since we’re talking, may I ask you something?” Ma Ray took Sahara by the hand and gently pulled her down next to her.

  “Sure.”

  “Those drugs you had—”

  “It was not drugs. It was one joint. One little joint,” Sahara said.

  “Okay. That joint—”

  “Somebody gave it to me. I didn’t buy it. I didn’t take your money or things trying to get drugs. Ma Ray, you have to believe me. Someone gave me that joint, and I didn’t smoke it, even though I could have.”

  “Sahara, could you tell me who gave it to you?”

  “Ma Ray, I can’t. Because if I tell you that, you’ll just ask me more questions. And the honest truth is: the answers won’t make a difference. I’d like to just drop it. But I don’t want you thinking that me or Crystal are stealing from you. We wouldn’t take anything from you. Not ever! You’ve been too good to us for us to ever do anything like that to you.” Sahara began to cry.

  Ma Ray hugged Sahara. “It’s okay. It’s okay. But you know what bothers me the most about what’s been happening lately?”

  Sahara pulled back and wiped her eyes with her hand. “What?”

  “Why you accepted that drug … that joint in the first place. Why you brought it in the house. Why are you playing with fire the way you keep doing? You’re on the edge, Sahara, and it’s not going to take much to push you over completely. Now, I didn’t just fall off of a turnip truck. Before you were even a twinkle in your parents’ eyes, I’ve lived a life myself. And I want you to know that my life wasn’t always pretty or sanitized. I’ve seen things. I know things. Don’t let these wrinkles and this gray hair fool you.”

  Sahara stood up. “Why does everything have to be drama? I had a joint. People smoke marijuana now for medicinal purposes like glaucoma and to ease cancer treatments. And I didn’t smoke it. In fact, I tore it up and threw it in the trash right in front of you. And even though you’re not saying it, you really think I stole those things in order to get some drugs.” Sahara wiped a few more tears from her eyes. “You’re not going to say it, because you love me. But you’re not sure that I didn’t take it.”

  “I told you that it’s okay. You say you didn’t take the things, then you didn’t take them. You say you’re not doing drugs here at my house, I believe that.”

  “So if you don’t think I did it, and if Crystal didn’t do it, then who do you believe took your things?” Sahara asked.

  Ma Ray smiled. “I don’t know. But what I do know is that the truth will find its way to the light. It always does. Like a moth to the flame, it doesn’t matter how long or what route it takes, the truth will always find its way to the light.”

  Chapter 34

  And the captain of the Lord’s host said unto Joshua, Loose thy shoe from off thy foot; for the place whereon thou standest is holy. And Joshua did so.

  —Joshua 5:15

  After talking with Sahara, Ma Ray went downstairs to her bedroom. She began to pace back and forth as she prayed.

  “Lord, it’s me. It’s me, oh, Lord. I’m at a crossroad right now. I have these granddaughters of mine here, and Lord, I’m going to be honest with You. I need Your help in knowing
what You want me to do at this point. Lord, I know they have their things to deal with as young people. I know they are under a lot of pressure. I don’t want to add to their problems by doing the wrong thing. I realize they look at me and merely see an old woman who doesn’t understand. You, of all persons, know me. You know everything there is about me. You know my risings and my fallings. You know my ups and my downs. Lord, I need You to guide me. Show me what to do now. Show me what to do to get through to them.

  “Especially Sahara. Lord, that child is hurting something fierce. She’s in so much pain, I can feel it when I come near her. And it breaks my heart. It absolutely breaks my heart, Lord.” Ma Ray began to cry. “Please, Lord. I’m begging You for divine guidance. Because I realize that if I make the wrong move, I could push her over, completely the wrong way. I know that the Bible tells us if we train up a child in the way he should go, when he’s old, he will not depart from it. I used to wonder about that scripture. Because Lord, You know how I brought up my own children. And honestly, there were times when they both seemed to have departed from what they’d been taught.” Ma Ray got a tissue and wiped her eyes and her nose.

  “But, Lord, You showed me that even though they may stray, that which has been put in them will always find a way to rise up again. Lenora is proving that with her life. She was a little out there herself, and You brought, or maybe I should say that You’re bringing her back. Lord, I know Lenora still has stuff she’s dealing with, trying to get things right with You. But she’s trying, Lord. We’re all trying. And You know I’m not trying to judge anyone down here. You know that. All I’m doing right now is searching to find a way to help save these precious gifts You’ve placed in our stewardship. I think I’m making some headway with Crystal. And I thank You for sending Aaron her way to help me in that effort. He’s a good-hearted young man … a Godly focused young man.

  “But Sahara … I don’t know how to reach her. Lord, I really don’t know what has happened to my things. And to be honest with You, I really don’t care about the stuff per se. But it’s what this missing stuff is representing right now that has me concerned. I know Lenora has said she believes both these children have or are doing drugs. Personally, I can’t say—only You know that for sure. I can’t say if Sahara is in need of money to fund a drug habit or not. Maybe that’s what’s going on here. What I do know is that You know, and that You have all the answers. I’m just asking You to direct me to do the right thing by them. Lord, whatever You want me to do. Whatever You would have me to do to get through to them of the dangers in the path they’re taking, tell me and I will do that. Take my life and use my life to help someone else. That’s why we’re here on this earth. We’re here to be a blessing to You, as well as to others. This is all about You, Lord. All about You.”

  Ma Ray suddenly felt a peace wash over her. And a flood of tears began to stream down her face. She took off her slippers and, before she knew anything, she was on bended knees, crying and praising God.

  Chapter 35

  So the ark of the Lord compassed the city, going about it once: and they came into the camp, and lodged in the camp.

  —Joshua 6:11

  Sahara paced back and forth liked a caged lion. She would flop down on her bed, then just as quickly jump back up and pace some more. So much was going through her head right now. It looked like when she was trying to do the right thing, something came along that just wouldn’t let her. She was really trying to straighten up her life. At first she was giving Ma Ray a hard time because she didn’t want to be here. But seeing how much Ma Ray loved them in spite of how she and Crystal were acting … Agape love. That’s what Crystal said they had talked about at Bible study that night—agape … unconditional love. No condition to the love. Love for love’s sake.

  You can’t do enough to earn it, and you can’t do enough wrong stuff to lose it. Yes, love chastises you when you need to be chastised. But if one didn’t love you, she wouldn’t care enough to want for you the very best, even when, wrongly, you believe you know what’s best.

  Sahara stopped pacing, looked in the drawer of her night-stand, found the business card with the phone number, picked up the phone, and dialed. It went straight to voice mail without ever ringing. “This is Sahara. Give me a call as soon as you get this message.” She hung up and began to pace some more. That was the cell phone number. Cell phone receptions are the pits out here. Who knows when he may get that message, she thought.

  She picked up the phone and dialed the other number on the card. “Hi, yes. May I please speak with Junebug?”

  “Hold on,” said the person who answered the phone.

  A few minutes later, Junebug picked up. “Hello,” he said in his deep voice.

  “Junebug, this is Sahara.”

  “Hey. What a pleasant surprise. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

  “I need to see you,” Sahara said.

  “Okay. When do you want to do this?”

  “Now.”

  “Right now?”

  “Yes.”

  “You want me to come by and knock on the door or what?”

  “No, I’ll meet you up the road from here, near the fence, going toward your place.”

  “Can you give me about thirty minutes? I need to shower and shave,” Junebug said.

  “Fine. I’ll be out there waiting. Up the road toward your way,” she said. When she hung up, she began biting her thumbnail. “What is wrong with you, Sahara?” she said out loud. “What is wrong with you?” She placed her hands over her ears and pressed hard as she shook her head. “Shut up. Leave me alone! Leave … me … alone!”

  Chapter 36

  And Joshua rose early in the morning, and the priests took up the ark of the Lord.

  —Joshua 6:12

  Ma Ray had lain down and taken a nap after such a long day. Shopping always seemed to tire her out. Shopping with teenage girls was doubly tiring. It was dark outside when she woke, so that meant it had to be after eight now. She went into the kitchen and found a note from Crystal saying she’d gone to Bible study with Aaron. She’d come to tell her they were leaving, but Ma Ray was asleep and she didn’t want to wake her. Ma Ray went up to Sahara’s room. Sahara wasn’t there. Sahara must have gone, too, she thought. Ma Ray smiled.

  Crystal got home around nine-thirty. “Ma Ray, I hope you don’t mind, but we went and got a hamburger and French fries after Bible study was over,” Crystal said as she kissed Ma Ray on the cheek.

  “No, that’s fine. I suppose you girls are tired of real food and just need to have your fix of junk food every now and then.”

  Crystal laughed. “I guess you could say that.”

  Ma Ray looked at the door. “So where’s Sahara? Is she still outside?”

  “I don’t know,” Crystal said, bewildered. “I don’t know where Sahara is.”

  “Sahara didn’t go to Bible study with you?”

  “No, ma’am. I suppose she must be in her room asleep. The door was closed when I got ready to leave. I knocked on her door because you were asleep and I wanted to let someone know I was leaving, but she didn’t answer.”

  “I looked in her room a little while ago. She’s not there. I figured she’d gone with you all,” Ma Ray said with a disturbed look.

  “Sahara didn’t go with us,” Crystal said. “Maybe she went with Junebug. You know they were trying to go to Bible study last week. Maybe they tried again tonight.”

  “Maybe so. But she could have left a note, or told you, or something. That’s not right. Will you try her cell phone for me?”

  “I’ll try. But I doubt she has it on her. Our phones have yet to work out here. We don’t even bother charging them up anymore. But I’ll see. It’s possible where she is the call might go through.” Crystal then went and dialed Sahara’s number. “Nope. It goes straight to voice mail, and her mailbox is full. Most times when it does that, it means it can’t locate a signal.” Crystal hugged Ma Ray. “I’m sure she’s fine. She’ll be home any minute
now.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure she is. I just wish I knew for sure where she went so at least I’d have some idea which direction to look in, should I need to.”

  “Sahara will be fine. She used to do stuff like this all the time at home. She probably didn’t even think that you’d be worried. She’s so used to just getting up and going when and where she pleases. Believe me, Ma Ray, Sahara can take care of herself. So don’t worry too much about her, okay?”

  Ma Ray nodded. But she couldn’t help but think about the last conversation she and Sahara had. It was about the things that had gone missing and about drugs. She’d told Sahara that she believed her. She hadn’t accused her or done anything to push her over the edge. So what happened between their talk and now?

  Ma Ray stayed up waiting on Sahara to come home. She sat in the den on the couch to ensure she would see her no matter which door she might come in. At two o’clock, Ma Ray was past being worried. She was starting to question whether she should have, at least, called Lenora to let her know what was going on. Her mind began to race all over the place. What if Sahara has actually been kidnapped? What if something bad has happened to her, and she is lying in some hospital with no one knowing who to contact?

  Ma Ray began to pray out loud. She sang a few of the old hymns that people rarely sang anymore. Hymns like “Amazing Grace” and “I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say.” For some reason she began singing “Jesus Loves Me.” As she sang, she thought of the words she was saying. “Little ones to Him belong, they are weak …”

  At four a.m., she heard the key being placed in the lock. Then the front door was opened quietly and slowly, and closed just the same. Sahara had her sandals in her hands as she tiptoed into the house, past the living room, past the den, headed toward the stairs.

  “Where have you been?” Ma Ray asked.

  Sahara jumped and turned. “Ma Ray! You scared me.” She placed her hand over her heart. “What are you doing still up?”