Burn So Good (Into The Fire Series Book 5)

by J. H. Croix

  With all the chatter about the baby, I didn’t find out until we were into our second hand that Caleb and his crew had flown out to a fire with Levi’s crew. I was busy trying not to let that bit of news bother me. Considering I was with three women who were married to hotshot firefighters, it didn’t feel right to fall apart over it in front of them. Yet, my heart squeezed, and guilt stabbed at me. I’d broken up with him. Again. My worry for him pierced through the numbness I’d pulled around me like a blanket.

  Maisie’s arrival distracted me. She watched while Lucy triumphantly won yet another round. Lucy glanced over to Maisie. “See,” she announced gleefully.

  Maisie arched a brow. “See what? I already know you can win when I’m not playing.”

  Amelia chuckled. “Yeah, we all know that Lucy.”

  Lucy sighed elaborately and then shuffled the cards, motioning for Maisie to join us at the table. Holly glanced around the table. “I can see this is serious,” she observed.

  I nudged her with my elbow, still forcibly keeping my worry off of Caleb. “You’re telling me. They don’t mess around.”

  Lucy dealt the cards. “It’s just something fun for us to do. Plus, you two are fresh meat.”

  Holly didn’t miss a beat. “I’m not fresh anything. I’ve been in Willow Brook forever, I know everyone’s secrets,” she said with a sly grin.

  “So true,” I offered with a small smile. “Any news on the baby?” I asked, looking to Maisie.

  “He’s adorable of course. Susannah lost a lot of blood, that’s why they’re keeping her for the night,” Maisie replied.

  “Is she going to be okay?” Holly and I asked in unison.

  “Yeah, I’m not exactly sure what happened. Ward was a mess about it in the waiting area. He settled down after they let him go back to see her. The nurse came to tell us she was fine, so I figured it was a good time for me to leave.”

  Lucy looked to Holly. “You’re a nurse, what causes something like that?”

  Holly cocked her head to the side. “I’d rather not guess. If they said she’ll be okay, she will. I’m sure she’s tired as hell no matter what.”

  Amelia nudged Lucy with her elbow. “She’ll be fine, and you’re up.”

  Lucy studied her cards before laying two on the table. Maisie glanced over at Amelia. “You’re next.”

  “Next for what?” Amelia countered.

  “Having a baby,” Maisie said with a wink.

  Amelia sighed. “I still can’t decide.”

  Maisie rolled her eyes. “Well, don’t wait too long. This second pregnancy is making me exhausted,” she said as she rubbed her belly. “I figured it would be easier because I’ve done it once, but no such luck.”

  Lucy’s phone buzzed and she laid a few cards on the table before glancing at the screen. The teasing expression faded from her face quickly, and she answered. “Hey what’s up?”

  She nodded along, her eyes flicking over to me. “Uh huh, uh huh. Okay. I love you.” She tapped to end the call and looked over at me. “Caleb and Levi will be spending the night out there with some of the other guys.” Her eyes landed on Maisie next. “I’m surprised you didn’t already have the update.”

  Maisie shrugged. “I’m not on duty. You just got the update. They’ve been shuttling people back and forth all afternoon. How many are left out there for the night?” she asked.

  I tried not to look too focused on Lucy, but my heart was tightening. My worry went up another notch inside.

  Lucy shuffled her cards, seeming rather not worried. “Levi didn’t say. He said it’s too dark for the rest of them to fly out. On the upside, there’s running water in one of the outbuildings where they clean the fish and stuff.”

  “Stuff?” Maisie asked.

  “Well, it’s a hunting and fishing lodge, so I guess stuff would be carcasses,” Lucy replied matter-of-factly as she eyed her cards.

  Maisie rolled her eyes. “Good grief, you didn’t have to say it like that.”

  “Well, what else should I call dead animals?” Lucy countered.

  Holly giggled. Only in Alaska would we be talking about dead animals and fish over cards.

  “Is everyone okay?” I asked, unable to hold back any longer, my gut churning.

  Lucy’s eyes landed on mine. For a moment, I thought she was going to tease, but she appeared to reconsider. “Of course. Everyone’s fine. We would’ve heard sooner if they weren’t. Have you heard from Caleb?”

  I silently groaned as too many pairs of curious eyes swung my way. I hadn’t really talked to anyone about the fact that I’d told Caleb we needed to take a break. Just now though, I was questioning everything. The oh-so-familiar guilt of feeling as if I didn’t deserve to have a shot at happiness was clashing with my sudden guilt at boxing Caleb out. Again.

  The only person here who knew anything was Amelia. She’d tried to talk to me about it the other day, and I’d brushed her off. I had plenty on my mind and simply hadn’t been up to dealing with a pep talk. Dealing with the police here and in Oregon in the aftermath of Lance’s arrest had kept me mentally occupied.

  I was beyond relieved about that, but it had been an emotionally exhausting few days. I’d had to go through everything with them. Again. Meanwhile, unless Lance pleaded out, they were warning me to be prepared to testify. I might need to fly to Oregon for it. I would cross that bridge when I came to it, or at least that was what I kept telling myself every time I thought about it.

  Amelia’s eyes flicked to mine. Much as I wished she would keep her mouth shut, she appeared to decide otherwise. “You haven’t, have you?” she asked pointedly.

  I took a gulp of my wine and flicked my eyes her way, biting back a retort. On a sigh, I answered, “No, I haven’t.”

  Holly glanced sideways, her eyes narrowing. “Why not?”

  Oh well, oh hell. I’d have to suck it up and be honest. “I, uh, told him we needed to take a break.”

  Holly sighed elaborately. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

  Emotion knotted in my throat. I swallowed, willing myself to get a grip.

  “You need to move on. Don’t let the past get in the way. Again,” Holly said bluntly.

  Amelia piped up. “Okay, I don’t know what she’s talking about, but Caleb obviously loves you. Cade says he’s been a mess the last couple of days. You look miserable too, so what gives?”

  I didn’t know how to explain myself. If only because, all of a sudden this kernel of worry about Caleb made it all seem so ridiculous.

  Lucy appeared to let go of her reconsideration to stay out of it, her eyes catching mine. “Seriously, that guy adores you.”

  I fiddled with the cards in my hand, glancing to Lucy and chewing the corner of my bottom lip. “It’s not that simple,” I finally said. “I know Caleb…”

  My words ran out. Because what I’d been about to say was that I knew Caleb loved me. I didn’t doubt it. Not for a second. I thought back to the first time I broke up with Caleb. I’d been picking my way through the rubble of my shock from the accident and the confusion I’d created for myself by pushing Caleb away at a time when I needed him so much.

  After those weeks when I’d been discharged from the hospital, I’d been at my parents’ house with my mother hovering. Meanwhile, I was still in recovery. I limped around with crutches for a while due to the injuries on my leg. I grew to dread the looks cast my way from peers—a hint of confusion and pity with a giant dollop of thank-fucking-God-that’s-not-me.

  Holly had been dealing with her own grief, her worries about me, and everything was all tangled up together. We managed to keep our friendship cobbled together, but it was challenging. When I was all better and got the chance to spread my wings and fly away from home, I did so with a vengeance, clinging to the hope that I could escape the grief and guilt that had caught me in its web.

  I’d thought I could inoculate myself from the pain and accept that I could never make up for Jake’s death. All of these thoughts were
spinning through my mind as I glanced around the table. Yet, I found four equally stubborn, independent and strong women staring back at me. After the long silence, Holly broke it. “You know, you’re stubborn as hell. Don’t let your guilt get in your way with Caleb again.”

  “I’m not being stubborn. Not this time,” I muttered, defensiveness rising sharply inside.

  Holly held my gaze—her eyes fierce. “You are.”

  I almost burst into tears, but I held it together. The tightness bundled around my heart eased slightly, and I couldn’t say why. After a beat, Holly looked away and laid a card down on the table, nudging me with her elbow. “You’re up.”

  Her comment signified the end of everyone airing their opinions of Caleb and me, which was a relief. I managed to relax, if only because they let the topic drop and conversation moved on. Maisie called into the hospital to check on Susannah and the baby. With a good report, we all toasted to her and then finished our game.

  As Holly was driving me back to my parents’ place, we approached the road that led to Caleb’s house. I suddenly wondered if I should check on Creamsicle. I glanced to her. “Hey?”

  Eyes on the road, she slowed. “What?”

  “I’m gonna call Caleb and see if he wants me to check on his cat.”

  A smile curled the corner of Holly’s lips. “Oh really?”

  She knew where Caleb lived. Willow Brook was tiny, and most everyone local knew where everyone else lived. She turned onto his road, commenting, “Go right ahead and call him.”

  Pulling my phone out, or rather his phone, I tapped to call him. I wasn’t sure if he’d actually answer or if he even had reception, but seeing as Levi had been able to reach Lucy, I was hoping for the best. He picked up on the second ring.

  “Hey,” he said, his voice more gruff than usual.

  My heart knocked against my ribs. “Are you okay?” I asked. “I heard from Lucy you’d be out there for the night, but your voice doesn’t sound good.”

  “Just a long day and a lot of smoke here earlier,” he replied.

  My heart squeezed and I suddenly got anxious, thinking it might be silly to ask if he needed me to check on his cat. But I was already on the phone, so I forged ahead. “I thought I’d see if you wanted me to check on Creamsicle.”

  He didn’t reply at first, so I kept talking. “I mean, if it’s okay. I could even stay there and keep him company.”

  Caleb was quiet for another beat and then his soft laugh filtered through the line. “I’m sure he’d love that, and of course you can stay. I should be home tomorrow, probably midday based on the weather report.”

  “Okay.” I paused, emotion thickening my words. “Do you have somewhere warm to sleep?”

  “You worrying about me?” he countered.

  I could hear the smile in his voice.

  “Maybe. Holly’s dropping me off at your place.”

  “Good to know. If you need my truck, the keys are in the drawer by the door.”

  “Your truck is there?”

  “Yep. I caught a ride with Donovan earlier. He lives right down the road from me.”

  There was more I wanted to say, but we had a curious audience in Holly, so I kept it simple. “Good night. Call me in the morning, okay?”

  “Good night.” There was a long pause, while I gripped the phone tightly in my hand. “Miss you Ella.”

  I almost burst into tears. “Miss you too,” I replied, the words simply slipping out.

  I tapped the screen to end the call and took a deep breath. “Don’t say anything,” I ordered, glancing sideways at Holly.

  “Uh, okay.” With a shake of her head, Holly rolled to a stop in front of Caleb’s house. “Want me to stay with you? We could have a girls’ night.”

  Angling sideways in the seat, I grinned. “It’s fine with me, but let me call Caleb back. I mean, it’s his house.”

  Holly chuckled while I quickly called Caleb. His tone sounded puzzled when he answered. “Yeah?”

  “Can Holly stay with me?”

  “Not that you needed to ask, but of course,” he replied with a little laugh. “Is that it?”

  “Uh huh. Call me in the morning when you think you’ll be on your way back.”

  My cheeks were hot as I ended the call. “Okay, slumber party,” I announced, a giddy joy bubbling up inside. We were adults and far past our childhood when we used to have slumber parties all the time, but it was yet another thing that made me feel like I was really home.

  Holly followed me into Caleb‘s place, glancing around as we entered. “Wow, this place is nice,” she commented. “I remember when he was getting it built because Nate was jabbering to Alex about all the solar stuff he was getting done.”

  “Here, I’ll give you a tour,” I said, gesturing for her to follow me.

  I was a little tipsy from the wine, and I felt flushed inside and out from my brief call with Caleb. A sudden wave of longing hit me as I started walking up the spiral staircase. I’d missed him the last few nights. I sighed internally. Holly was right. I could be stubborn.

  After I showed Holly through the upstairs and we returned downstairs, there was a meow from the front deck. As soon as I opened the kitchen door, Creamsicle dashed through. He twined around my ankles before scampering over to his water bowl and food. Meanwhile, I looked through the cabinets to see if there was any leftover wine or beer.

  Holly and I settled in to watch television. We finished off a bottle of wine and spoiled Creamsicle as he settled himself between us on the couch and purred up a storm.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Ella

  The following morning while Holly and I were enjoying coffee, my phone rang. I answered immediately when I saw it was Caleb.

  “Hey, do you know what time you’ll be back? I was thinking I could plan to pick you up.”

  Instead of Caleb’s voice, Levi Phillips’ voice greeted me. “Hey Ella, it’s Levi. Small delay.”

  “Is Caleb okay?” I asked quickly, my heart beating rapidly as anxiety coursed through me.

  “Oh, he’s fine except he broke his leg,” Levi replied nonchalantly. “I was assigned to call you and let you know.”

  Panic knotted in my chest.

  “Why are you so calm about this? What happened? Are you sure he’s okay?” My questions flew out, one after the other, barely a pause between any of them.

  Levi chuckled. “I’m calm because there’s nothing to freak out about. I’m not happy he broke his leg but he’s fine. I swear. Here.”

  There was a rustling sound, the sound of footsteps, and then another rustling sound before Caleb’s voice came through the line. “I promise I’m fine,” he said, his tone slightly pained.

  “What happened?”

  His frustration filtered through the line with his sigh. “Something stupid. The fire was pretty much out, and we were checking the building. A beam fell on my leg. I should’ve waited a little longer, but it is what it is. As soon as the helicopter gets here, they’ll take me straight to the hospital when I get to the station. I’m trying to convince Levi the hospital isn’t necessary, but he’s being a pain in the ass about it so far.”

  Intellectually, I knew this wasn’t a major thing. He had a broken leg, nothing more. But panic spun through me, clanging loud and metallic in my thoughts.

  I didn’t realize I was crying until I sniffled slightly. Caleb’s voice softened. “Look, it’s okay. It’s a fucking pain in the ass, but I’m fine. Not a big deal.”

  I hiccupped. Holly had stepped into the bathroom when the phone rang and came out at that moment, her concerned gaze sweeping over me. I pulled the phone away from my mouth to explain. “A beam fell on Caleb, and he broke his leg.”

  Her eyes widened and then she shifted into her practical mode. “Well, I’ve gotta go because my shift starts soon. Tell him I’ll see him at the hospital later. I’ll call you as soon as he gets there.”

  Caleb must’ve heard what she said because he replied. “Tell her she
can count on it.”

  “I’ll meet you there,” I said quickly. “Any idea when they’ll fly you out?”

  “Not yet. The fog is thick this morning. Once it clears, we’ll be on our way.”

  I heard several voices in the background and Caleb replying to them before speaking to me again. “Babe, I gotta go.”

  “Okay, I’ll meet you when you get here.”

  I held onto the phone until the line went dead in my ear. Then, I set it on the counter and promptly burst into tears. Holly was sliding her jacket on and walked back over to the counter beside me, resting her elbows on it.

  “You okay?” she asked.

  I dragged my sleeve across my face and sniffled, nodding as I did. “I don’t know why I’m crying. I mean, he’s fine. It’s just his leg. Right?”

  Holly rubbed my back, her eyes softening. “Yes, lots of people break their leg every day. I’m sure he’ll be fine once it’s set. But maybe you should think about why you’re falling apart over this.”

  I mustered a glare and another hiccup to go along with it. “Fine. I’ll see you later at work. Because I’m coming to the hospital as soon as he gets there. Promise you’ll call me?”

  Holly grinned. “Of course. You need a ride?”

  “No, Caleb said last night I could use his truck.”

  Holly arched a brow, but said nothing as she spun away. “See you later,” she called as she walked through the door.

  A few hours later, I hurried into the hospital, not even bothering to check in at the reception desk. Inconveniently, I was stopped as I started to hurry down the hallway.

  “Excuse me ma’am.”

  Glancing over my shoulder, I saw a young man in scrubs. “Yes?” I asked, trying and completely failing to rein in the impatience in my tone.

  “You need to check in at the desk before you go back there,” he explained.

  Feeling rushed and frantic inside, I bit back a curse. It wasn’t his fault he was getting in my way. “I’m here to see Caleb Fox. He knows I’m coming.”