Winter

by Michelle Love

  Her head turns as I open the door and I see her chest move up and down as she no doubt breathes a sigh of relief I’m back. She gets out of bed and walks towards me. “I owe you an apology,” she says as she stops in front of me. “I hurt you and I never really gave you the apology you deserved. I truly am sorry and if I could go back in time I would change everything.”

  “Thank you,” I say and find it hard not to pull her into my arms and hug her. But I can’t do that.

  “You and I need to talk,” she says and turns and goes back to sit on the bed.

  I follow her and sit a little bit away from her. “We do need to talk, Lex.”

  Her eyes dart to mine and I don’t think she sees what’s coming. “You go first.”

  I nod. “Lex, this isn’t working out.”

  Her eyes go wide and glassy. “What?”

  “This thing we have isn’t working out. I foresee a future of you shoving my mother down my throat. Although you say you’ll get pregnant, you won’t walk down the aisle with me and that’s more than a little upsetting to me as you’ve run off on me twice. I feel as if I’m putting a lot of stock into a ship which can sail away without me at any moment.”

  “I’m not planning on leaving,” she says.

  I hold up my hand, stopping her. “You didn’t plan on doing it before from what you told me. I’m afraid you saying it doesn’t make me feel any more secure about it. I want a woman who loves me and I can count on to be there for me and our children. I don’t have that confidence in you anymore.”

  “Max, I really think you should think about this some more. You’ve been so depressed these last few months. This isn’t like you at all.” Her bottom lip begins to quiver.

  “No, this isn’t like me. I haven’t been myself in so damn long I’ve forgotten who I really am.” I lean back on the headboard. “Lexi, I’ve never thrown furniture. I’ve never yelled at a woman like I yelled at you. I’ve never had the depression I have before you came into my life. I love you, I know that much, but maybe it’s like you said a long time ago, we’re bad for each other.”

  She stares at me as if I’ve gone crazy, but I think I was crazy and am just now regaining my sanity. Finally she looks away and stands up. “I’ll go sleep in another room then. I can’t believe after all we’ve been through that you’re giving up. I’m sorry I did what I did with Logan and I’m sorry I left you the first time too. There are no excuses for what I did to you. I hurt you and I guess it was too deep for you to get over.”

  “We can still be friends, I guess.” I mess with the pillow to avoid looking at her as she walks towards the door, because I’m fighting the urge to jump up and run and grab her, but I know this is for the best.

  “That’s okay, maybe we should just leave each other alone and go on about our lives like this never happened. It would hurt me very much to see you with another woman or hear of it even. I love you with my whole heart and it was my intention to get through this rough patch and make a life with you. So this is hitting me a lot harder than maybe you meant it to. I’m not blaming you, so please don’t take it that way.”

  “Lexi, I’m sorry it has to be this way.” My heart is beating like a base drum in my chest as she gets closer to the door. I’m fighting myself not to tell her to forget about what I just said.

  She looks back at me as tears finally are set free from her eyes. “I’ll leave tomorrow. I’ll call a cab to come get me. I have my modeling money still and will buy myself a car.”

  “You take the Mercedes, I gave it to you,” I say and try to gulp down the lump in my throat. “You keep everything I gave you, the clothes, the perfumes, and the shoes, all of it. I don’t want it back.”

  She looks down at her engagement ring and takes it off and comes back towards me. “I can’t keep this.” Just before she gets to me she turns and places it on the chest of drawers. Which I’m grateful for because if she comes near me, I know I’ll take her in my arms and with one kiss, she’ll change my mind.

  I hear her choke back a sob and she runs like lightning out the door. Sitting in stunned silence at what I’ve just done I finally allow the tears to come out. I turn and lay face first on the pillow I’m holding onto for dear life as my heart finishes breaking. I know it has to hurt worse before I can begin to heal.

  Is it really over?

  Part 9 Secrets of Bliss

  Alexis

  Grey, thick fog make it hard to see as I drive to work. I’m doing a photo shoot at the mall in Dallas. It’s been four, lonely months since I left Houston and Max. I’ll get to see Marcos today, but I’m sure it’ll make me even more depressed than I already am. He and Kate had their baby girl, and he’s sure to inundate me with her pictures.

  I’m happy for them, don’t get me wrong, but why can’t it be that easy for Max and me? I suppose I should stop thinking in terms like that. He and I are no longer together at his request. I haven’t heard a word from him since I left his mansion.

  One day we’re all happy and then in an instant it all changed just because I had to say something very stupid. My stupid mouth gets me in trouble more times than it gets me out of it.

  Why would I ever think it was okay to tell Max anything about what Logan and I did in the bedroom?

  That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve done some dumb stuff. Now I’m looking at a life so lonely it’s almost not worth living. Not that I’m about to kill myself or anything like that, but just living day to day with no real hope is what I’ve been doing. My new best friend is Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. I switch up flavors every day, but me and a pint end each night together.

  As I pull into the parking lot I see Marcos’s car and low and behold he’s brought Kate and the baby.

  Great!

  I get out of the car with a frown, knowing full well how this will affect me, but I manage to put on a smile for who used to be my best friend. “Hi, guys,” I say as I wave at them.

  Marcos runs up to me and takes me in his arms and spins around with me as he squeals, “My, God, look at you!” He puts me down and I find I’m a little dizzy.

  “Whoa there, Marcos,” I say as I hold onto his arm until I can see straight again. “How have you been?”

  “Great, except for getting up at all hours of the night with the little princess. She’s already a month old, and this is the first time you’ve seen her.”

  Kate walks up to us, holding the tiny, pink bundle in her small arms. “Hello, Lexi.”

  I give her a hug and look down at the sleeping baby girl in her arms. “She’s adorable, Kate. She looks like a perfect mix of you and Mr. Too Handsome, here.”

  Marcos giggles. “She does, right?”

  I run my finger over her light brow. “Celeste fits her perfectly. You two did good.”

  Marcos smiles and Kate gazes at him like he hung the moon. “We did. I’m so sorry things are going poorly with Max, Lexi.”

  I look away as tears spring up with just the mention of his name. “Yeah, well that’s what happens when you do stupid things, good things end.”

  Marcos’s arm goes around my shoulders and he leads me into the mall as Kate follows us. “I know it’s only been a few months, but don’t you think it’s time to move on? There’s going to be another male model working with us today, maybe you should see if you find him interesting.”

  “No way!” I say. “I’m through with romance. A life of solitude is what I want.”

  “No one wants that. Don’t lie to me or yourself, Lexi,” Marcos says as we walk through the glass doors and find the shoot all set up.

  A gorgeous, dark haired man with deep blue eyes smiles at us, then he says, with a velvety southern drawl, “You must be the infamous Lexi Mathews.” I extend my hand and he shakes his head and pulls me from Marcos’s arms and into his. “We’ll be working together a lot and we’re about to make some pretty steamy pictures, so a handshake is out, my darling.”

  My nose is in his neck and I can’t help but to inhale
his wonderful scent, a musky citrus and I’m reminded of Max. I pull back and take a lock of his long hair. “Your hair is prettier than mine,” I say and he laughs.

  “Your golden hair is much more beautiful than mine, Lexi.” His arm goes around my waist as he leads me to the make-up chair and I see an old acquaintance.

  “Cake, is that you?” I ask in amazement.

  “It is, darlin’ how’ve you been?” she asks as I pull away from the man whose name I don’t even know yet.

  I hug her and say, “I’ve been better, but I feel much better seeing you again. I’ve come a long way since the day you showed me who I really am.”

  “You sure have, honey.” She leans in and whispers, “You’ve given up your, V-card I heard.”

  I nod and blush. “He told you?”

  “Yes he did, and I couldn’t have heard better news. He came to see me last week and told me about this job. He told me the bad news too. Sorry about the baby and your loss, Lexi.”

  My heart beats fast as I hate to think about that at all, what could have been if it weren’t for the accident. “Thank you,” I say and brush away the one tear that got away from me.

  Cake hugs me again and I feel I’m about to burst into a flood of tears until the new, male model pulls me from her embrace. “No, we can’t have any tears. Let’s talk about other things like how gorgeous the three of us look together. My name is Ross Stevens, by the way.” He helps me to sit in the tall chair. “I’ve seen your previous work, and I had to be a part of it since your return.”

  Marcos sits in the chair next to mine and his stylist drapes a cape over him to begin his transformation into super-hot Marcos. “Ross contacted me last week and asked if we’d be interested in this shoot. I might have neglected to tell you that part, Lex.”

  I glance over at him as Cake rubs some magic potion all over my face. “You did, didn’t you?”

  Ross has already been in hair and make-up, and he stands behind me, I can see him in the mirror and can’t help studying his magnificent features. Chiseled features have soft edges around his jawline. His dark, chestnut brown hair falls in a sheet of cascading waves on either side of his tanned face. He bears a slight resemblance to Max and I wonder if that’s why Marcos accepted this gig and asked me to join in.

  The three of us, Max, Marcos, and I had a lot of fun when we did the shoots together before I was kidnapped. Maybe he wants something similar to that to happen again, only I’m not interested in Ross and that won’t happen. I can’t let it happen. It hurts too badly and I never want to feel like this again. I’d like it to stop hurting now, but I’ve come to the realization that’s a pipe dream and it’ll probably always hurt.

  As Cake lines my eyes with a dark, black eyeliner, Ross looks at me in the mirror. “Your eyes are so gorgeous, Lexi.”

  I look at his and say, “I think yours are a deeper blue than mine are.”

  “We’ll make a great looking couple on camera, you and I.” His hand touches my shoulder.

  Marcos chimes in, “You aren’t a couple, Ross. We are a threesome, remember.”

  “God, Marcos, don’t say it like that,” I say and give him a stern look. “We’re just all going to be in the pictures together, nothing creepy is going on, so stop talking like it is, you diddly dang boy!”

  Ross’s eyebrows raise slightly. “Diddly dang, huh?”

  Marcos laughs. “You’ll get used to her silly way of saying things. She’s a riot at times.”

  The cape comes off me in a swift motion quickly followed my Marcos’s and we stand up and follow the costume director to our dressing rooms. It’s a book cover shoot and I’m about to get considerably undressed. I’m handed a lacy, pink bra and matching panties and that’s it.

  After changing into the underwear set I come back out and a woman pulls at the garments to fit me the way they want them to. My eyes go wide as Ross comes out of his dressing room wearing tight, black boxer briefs with a monster size penis in them. I nod and ask, “Is that all you, Ross?”

  He smiles. “It is, thanks for noticing.”

  My eyes go to Marcos as he comes out in a thong, his tight butt cheeks making their debut to the world.

  “Nice butt, Marcos,” I say and find I’m blushing.

  Ross laughs. “Get that blushing under control, Lexi. You’re supposed to be the alpha female and we are your willing partners in this scene. The first picture is for the cover of a racy, erotic, adult book where you are the center of a love triangle.”

  I roll my eyes. “As if that would ever be a thing I could do. I hope the camera can catch me in a way that looks real because that’s so far from a thing I’d ever do.”

  Ross winks at me. “So you’re a one man type of woman then?”

  “I’m a no man type of woman,” I say and follow them to the set.

  Ross looks back at me. “You turned lesbian?”

  I giggle. “No, silly! I’m just done with relationships, that’s all.”

  Marcos looks at Ross. “It’s a long story with a sad ending. Let’s not go there right now. Maybe when we have drinks later this evening after the shoot’s over, she can tell you her horrific love story.”

  Ross looks back at me. “Horrific, huh? Well, maybe you’ll get through things faster with my help. I’m kind of irresistible as you’ll soon find out.”

  “I’m sure you are, but please don’t waste your time on me, Ross. I’m a lost cause, and I’d like to keep taking pictures with you so let’s just be friends and leave the rest out of it.” A whip is placed in my hand and Marcos is moved up close behind me as Ross is placed on his hands and knees in front of me. I look at the producer. “Really, Madge?”

  She nods. “Sorry, I didn’t write the book, I just took the job of producing the cover and your character is a real masterful bitch, so remember that and get the look of a woman who gets what she wants and she wants to dominate these two beautiful men.”

  It’s so far from what I want, but I need money to live so here I go.

  Max

  It’s been four months since I told Lexi it was over. I’d like to say I’ve dealt with it and it’s over, but I’d be lying. Though I’ve made no attempt to contact her or her me, I think of her some each day. I’ve dived into a new invention, it’s a glass treatment to make normal glass bullet proof in a much less expensive way than it has been done. Germany is interested more than anyone else at this point. I’ll be going to Germany once it’s perfected.

  The days have been fine, but I get lonely at night. I find myself reaching out to take Lexi in my arms some nights. I wake up and realize she isn’t there and never will be. It’s for the best though. Darkness no longer surrounds me, no more than usual anyway.

  I pull up to my place and see a black car in the drive and wonder why Hilda didn’t call me and tell me that I had a visitor.

  I go into the mansion and find a small man sitting in the main living room. “Hello,” I say. “I’m Max Lane. Are you here for me?”

  He nods and stands up, coming to shake my hand. “Hello, Mr. Lane. My name is Mike Lowenstein.” I take his hand and shake it. “Let’s sit down. I’ve some news for you about your mother.”

  Fuck!

  “There really is nothing I want to know about her, Mr. Lowenstein.” I sit on the edge of the sofa.

  He takes the place across from me. “Well, I’m afraid as her only relative we have no choice but to contact you about this situation.”

  I sigh and sit back preparing to hear what my drug addicted mother has done now. “Give it to me.”

  The man leans up and clasps his hands together as a nervous look comes over his face. “Your mother is being let out of the rehabilitation center. She’s being placed on hospice as it’s been found she has stage four lung cancer which has spread to her brain.”

  A numbness flows through me with the man’s words. I blink a few times then finally find my voice, “So what does that have to do with me?”

  Surprise fills the man’s face. “Ev
erything! You need to make a place for her, so she can end her days peacefully.”

  I rise and pace back and forth. “She never made a peaceful place for me, so why should I let her leave this world in a way she never saw fit to make for me?”

  “Mr. Lane, the woman has maybe a month left.” He stands and places his hand on my shoulder. “Can’t you put your problems in the past for that amount of time? I’m sure you can find it in your heart to give your own mother comfort for a few weeks.”

  “I don’t know if you’re familiar with all she’s done. Her most recent act of horror in my life was killing my baby. I don’t wish to ever lay eyes on her again. I’m sorry I can’t help you out. Send her somewhere else. There has to be a place they send indigents.”

  The man pulls a paper from his jacket pocket. He opens it up and my name is signed on the bottom of the page. “Do you remember signing this, Mr. Lane?”

  I take the paper and recognize it as one of the many papers I had to sign to get her into the rehab center. I nod and hand the paper back to him. “I signed a lot of things to get her in there, she’s your problem now.”

  “No, she’s still yours to care for, Mr. Lane. This piece of paper states that you are her son and take the responsibility of paying for her care and in the case of extenuating circumstances you will take the financial responsibility and physical responsibility of her.”

  “Well, send her somewhere else and send me the God damned bill then!” I walk away from the man. “I don’t want to see her again, ever!”

  “Mr. Lane, I’m afraid I have no choice but to have her brought here. What you do after that is up to you, but we have to be let free of our responsibility of her, for insurance reasons.” Another piece of paper he produces as I turn back to look at him. “This is the paper which states she will be brought here tomorrow. The rest is up to you.”