Winter

by Michelle Love

  Red is the color I see as I watch the latest edition of the show that lies about celebrities. Ross and Marcos watch in horror with me, once it’s over Marcos grabs his cell to call Kate to make sure she knows those are all lies.

  I throw my arms up. “See, I told you not to talk to those women. Everyone is so nosy these days and they don’t care if they have their stories straight or not. Now people will look at me like I’m a piece of trash, sleeping with two men, when I’m not even sleeping with one.”

  “Now, Lexi, don’t go getting upset. Everyone who matters knows the truth.” Ross’s arm goes around my waist and he pulls me to his chest in a tight hug. “Come on, let’s go get something to drink and go back to my place. We can watch something funny and get your mind off all this. It’s really nothing anyway.”

  “You like it! I can tell.” I pull away, but he won’t let me go.

  “Well, I have to admit, there’s worse people to be linked with.” His smile is genuine and I want to slap it off his face.

  “You don’t seem to understand me, Ross. While it might not hurt your reputation as a man, it hurts mine as a woman. And if Max see’s this, which he might, it’ll tell him I’ve moved on, which I haven’t.”

  “But you should,” he says as he pulls me along with him out the door and towards his car.

  “That’s not your call,” I say and wish he’d let me go. “I love him and I don’t want you to think anything is going to happen between you and me.”

  His deep blue eyes roll. “I don’t, I just think you should loosen up about this tabloid thing, that’s all. Now come on let’s get drunk and cry on each other’s shoulders about how hard our lives are.” He laughs and opens his car door and I slip into the seat of luxurious leather and frown at how things are.

  Ross gets in the driver’s seat just as my cell phone goes off and I pull it out of my purse to find Max’s name blinking at me. “It’s him! After almost five months, it’s him!”

  Ross takes my phone and rejects the call. “Make him work for it, sweetie, trust me, he’ll call back and after the third time you reject it, he’ll come find you.”

  “Do you really think so, Ross?” I ask with high hopes. “Do you know how happy that would make me?”

  “By the way your face lit up, I’d say, real happy.” He gives me his best smile. “I know you’re telling me the truth now, Lex. I can see it all over your body how much you miss him. Trust me, send the next two calls straight to voice mail and he’ll figure out how much you mean to him.”

  God, I hope he’s right!

  Max

  I can’t believe she sent my call to voicemail. I was so shocked I didn’t even leave a message. It’s all too clear now that she didn’t answer, she and that model guy have something going on. I bet they’re together right now and he told her not to answer my call. Perhaps he’d be right to do that. It wasn’t my intention to call her. My fingers seemed to do the thinking as I told myself it was for the best she moves on, but my hand took the cell phone from my back pocket and found her name and pushed the button.

  Now I know though and that’s all I needed was some type of evidence she’s moved on. I stand outside my mother’s room and suddenly the slow but steady beeps her heart monitor has been making go into one long beep.

  I open the door and go to her side, placing my hand on her chest, finding nothing pounding under my hand. As tears fill my eyes, I place my head on her chest and give her the last hug I ever will. “Momma, I love you. May you finally find the peace you so desperately sought after here on Earth with our Lord in Heaven. Please take good care of her, Lord, she deserves that.”

  Hilda comes into the room and pats my back as I let myself cry like I never have before, letting the tears cleanse my soul and hopefully bringing me out of this and to the man I know I can be.

  Alexis

  Ross and I drink some silly drink he made us with vodka and cherries. We sit on his sofa, watching a very old Saturday Night Live episode with Chevy Chase and laugh like hyenas. A light emits from my cell phone which sits on the coffee table in front of me.

  Ross picks it up and rejects the call. “Oh, look at that! It’s only been three hours since the first call and already another. You should get ready to see him tomorrow I bet.”

  “Oh my God! Do you really think so, Ross?” I ask as I pull my feet up underneath me, nearly ready to spring off the sofa and jump around.

  Another light shines from my phone and Ross picks it up. “He’s sent you a text.” He hands it to me then pulls it back real quick. “No, I know you’ll answer him right back and then it’ll be ruined. Don’t talk to him until he comes to you, make him sweat it out. Don’t worry, he’ll be here before you know it. He must be figuring out he really does love you.”

  My head goes into the clouds and my heart feels light for the first time in months. “I should go home,” I say.

  “Uh, uh,” Ross says as he puts his arm around my shoulders. “You’re staying right here. I know you and you’ll end up answering his call or calling him back. You’re staying right here with me.”

  “I hope you’re right and this doesn’t blow up in my face.” I lean back and fight the urge to grab my phone from him.

  Max

  After a phone call this morning to Lexi that went straight to voicemail for the third damn time, I called Kate and got her address in Dallas. I have to go see her to give her a piece of my mind about not answering one of the most important phone calls I’ve ever made.

  She could’ve at least answered my text about my mother’s death. It’s not like Lexi to be cold like this. If nothing else, she should want to know about Sissy’s passing, whether she’s moved on from me or not.

  It is noon when I pull up to her apartment and her car is parked in front of apartment 105. I march straight up to the door and ring the bell, then feel that isn’t enough so I pound on the door. “Lexi, God damn it! Open this door!”

  I hear the sliding of the chain on the door then it opens and there she stands wearing shorts and a white T-shirt and she looks so damn beautiful I’m at a loss for words. I pick her up into my arms and walk inside, kicking the door closed behind us.

  My mouth lands on hers as I place her back on the ground and she parts her lips, letting my tongue rush in and roll around with hers. My heart beats like a base drum in my chest and I run one hand to tangle in her hair. My other hand runs down and takes her legs, picking her up, never letting our lips part.

  I open my eyes to find out where the sofa is and make my way to it. Sitting down as I hold her on my lap. Finally, I pull my mouth from hers and our foreheads touch as we each catch our breath. “Why didn’t you answer my calls, especially after I sent you the text about Sissy?”

  She pulls back and looks at me. “What about your mother?”

  “You didn’t even bother to read my text, Lexi?” Her head shakes and I can’t believe it. I pick her up and sit her next to me then stand up and look down at her. “How could you not read my text? How could you not answer my calls? After all we’ve been through, how, answer me?”

  “Ross told me if I didn’t then you would show up and he was right.” Her eyes sparkle like she’s done something brilliant.

  “Ross? That fucker you’re with now?”

  “I’m not with him. That stuff on T.V. isn’t accurate. I model with him and we’re friends just like me and Marcos are, that’s all. He was right though, you have to admit that.”

  “My mother died yesterday. A few hours after I called you the first time.”

  Her face goes pale, and she stands up and wraps her arms around me. “My God! I’m so sorry, Max. What happened to her?”

  I nuzzle her cheek. “She got sent home with stage four lung cancer and a brain tumor and it took her only about three weeks to succumb to it. I had her at my place and she was kept comfortable until the very end. I told her I loved her and that I was sorry for what I’d done to her, turning my back on her twice.”

  “Max, you sh
ould’ve called earlier. Baby, I would’ve been there for you. You should never have gone through that alone.” Her soft lips touch my cheek.

  “I know what you were talking about when you told me you were afraid of how I might treat our children and you were absolutely right. I could’ve helped her instead of hiding from her. No matter what all she’d done to me, she was a sick woman who needed help, and I turned my back like a coward. I swear to you, I’ll never do that to our kids, Lex.” I pull the engagement ring I gave her before out of my pocket and let her go and get down on one knee in front of her. With tear-filled eyes I look up at her to find her hands over her mouth.

  “Alexis Mathews, would you please, please, please, forgive the stupid man I’ve been and marry the man I’ve become. My life won’t be the same if you’re not in it forever and always, baby?”

  Alexis

  Max kneels before me with the engagement ring in his shaking hands and I look down at the most beautiful man in the world and have to wonder if this is only because he’s lost the only person in this world who was blood to him and aches to have his own children so badly he’d come running to me to get them mere hours after his mother’s death. I’m a sure thing in his mind.

  But is that all I want in my life is to be the wife of a billionaire and mother to his children?

  Part 10 Secrets of Delight

  Alexis

  Golden rays fill my small apartment as Max kneels in front of me, my engagement ring in his hand and a question hangs in the air, ‘Will I marry him?’

  As unorthodox as it is, I kneel down in front of him so we’re both in the same position. “I want to marry you, Max.” I stroke his cheek. “So much has happened and to tell you the truth the last time we were together I felt a terrible sense of pressure to get pregnant. I felt as though you couldn’t be happy if it was just you and I. I want a husband who loves me and if no children ever come along, it won’t mean the end of us, or that I have to live with a depressed man for the rest of my life.”

  He blinks rapidly, but still holds out the ring. “You don’t want children anymore, Lex?”

  With a shake of my head, I say, “I didn’t say that. I do want them, Max. I just don’t want to be with a man who makes that the most important thing in our relationship. I want us to be the most important part in the relationship. You and I should be able to be perfectly happy together alone. If children come, great, if not our lives can be great anyway. So what do you say to that? Can you be happy with me if we never have children, not that I’ll do anything to stop that, but just in case it never happens? Do you love me enough to be happy with just me?”

  Max looks at me for what seems like an eternity. I find I’m happy to know he’s actually thinking about what I said, rather than giving me the answer he thinks I want. His hand is still holding the ring out so I’m taking that as a good sign.

  Finally, his lips part. “Lexi, I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I want no other woman to sit next to me on the sofa as I watch television. I want no other woman in my bed, and I want no other woman to be in the rocking chair next to mine as we watch the sunset when we’re eighty years old. I only see you in my life. So the answer is, yes, I can be happy with just you if no children ever come to us.”

  My heart pounds and my eyes fill with tears. “Then my answer to you is also a yes, Max. I’d love to be your wife, forever and always.”

  My hand shakes as I hold it out for him to slide the ring on my finger where it’s felt the absence of it for far too long. He pulls me into his strong arms and hugs me tight. Then he pulls back and kisses me, soft and gently as our tears mingle on our cheeks.

  Max pulls his lips from mine and takes his thumb and wipes my tears. “Can we go make love before I explode? I’ve missed you so damn much, all I can think about is getting you into bed.”

  “You’re going to hate this, but no.” I say and I’m really unhappy that we can’t, but I have work to do. “I have to be at the studio in an hour to do a shoot with Marcos and Ross. It should take about four hours, then we can do that. You can come to the shoot, it’ll be fun.”

  “Damn it, girl, quit that job. You don’t need to make money, I have plenty if you’ll recall,” he says with a smile and stands up, taking me with him.

  I lean into him, loving how we fit together and part of me wants to make the call, but the other part of me knows it’ll hurt both, Marcos and Ross if I do. “I have to, for Marcos and Ross.” I look up at him. “I’ll only finish out this book cover contract and then I’ll quit, I promise.”

  His dark green eyes move over every inch of my face. “I love you, I’ve waited this long, I can wait a few more hours.”

  I give him a smile and kiss his cheek. “I love you, I knew you’d understand. Do you want to surprise Kate?”

  He pulls me down to sit next to him on the sofa. “She knows I’m here. She’s the one who gave me your address.”

  “Really?” I ask as I run my hand over his tight abs and wish I didn’t have to be anywhere else but right here. “Well, get her on the phone and tell her to go to the studio with Marcos so you can hang out with her while we take the pictures and you can play with their baby.”

  “Hmm. Holding a baby, might be a bad idea,” he says with a slight frown.

  I pull my head back to look him in the eyes. “Max, you have to face things, stop hiding from them. We lost a baby, but that doesn’t mean the world ended. Our friends have a child and we should want to get to know her. Kate is our little guardian angel anyway.” I lay my head on his broad chest. “To tell you the truth I’ve not allowed myself to even hold their baby. It’s time I moved on with life as well. You aren’t the only one who wishes that accident never happened.”

  His lips touch the top of my head. “You’re right, let’s move on and start this thing all over again, for the last time. I’m not letting you go again and I hope you don’t let me go either.”

  “Till death do us part, Max,” I say with a laugh, but I know I have to mean it this time.

  Max

  Darkness fills the small studio where I sit with Kate and hold her baby in front of me to block the view of Lexi sandwiched between Marcos and the way too hot for my fiancé, Ross. “This doesn’t bother you?” I ask Kate.

  “No, it does bother me. I never come up here anymore. I’m only here for you, my prince.” Her sweet French accent makes me smile as I’ve missed hearing her small voice.

  “Perhaps we should’ve hung out at your place until they finished. I had no idea of just how many damn pictures they had to take in all sorts of kinky positions to get just the right one.” I look at Lexi’s engagement ring on the middle of my pinky finger. “I can’t believe they wouldn’t let her leave the ring on. This is a lot to take, you know?”

  She wiggles the gold chain she wears around her neck with Marcos’ wedding band on it. “Tell me, I wear Marcos’ ring around my neck while he does these pictures. The producer wants it to look like they really are some sexed up threesome. It’s disgusting and I’m from France where they invented this stuff!”

  With a quick glance I see Lexi laid out on a red covered bed, no top on and a red, satin sheet is thrown over her, covering only her boobs and then its spread between her long, cream colored legs. She looks really hot, but then the damn guy, Ross, is placed strategically in a straddling position across her chest as if his monster sized dick, which is clad only in a nude G-string, is about to be put into her mouth.

  I fight the urge to get up and kill everyone as her legs are spread apart and Marcos is placed in between them as if he’s about to go down on her. I look at Kate. “Okay, I’ve had all I can take. Let’s go to the food court until this is done.” I stand up and put baby, Celeste on my shoulder and grab her diaper bag.

  Kate gets up and follows me. “It’s awful for you too? I’m glad I finally have someone to commiserate with. Marcos tells me I’m overly sensitive.”

  As we make our way out, the photographer, Devin, notices me and
stops taking pictures. “Max, damn it man, where have you been?”

  “I was sitting back there in the dark, trying not to kill anyone, but that’s quickly getting away from me so we’re going to be in the food court until this is over.”

  He laughs. “No, I meant where have you been in the last several months, you dope.”

  “It’s a long story and has a lot of ugly twists,” I say and hold the door open for Kate to walk out of.

  “After the shoot let’s go for drinks, I want to catch up with you,” he says.

  I give him a nod though all I want to do is leave here and get Lexi back to her tiny apartment and devour her. After she’s had a nice, long shower to rid her of Ross and Marcos germs that is.

  Kate looks up at me as we walk down the corridor to the main walkway in the mall. “So, how about we look in at the jewelry stores and pick out a set of wedding bands for you and Lexi?”

  “That’s a great idea and it’ll get the image of her in those terrible positions out of my head, I hope,” I say as we make our way to the first jewelry store.

  Celeste begins to wiggle on my shoulder and I pull her back to give her the once over and see what’s bothering her. Her eyes are bright blue like Kate’s and her hair is nearly the same color as Marcos’. She’s a doll and I’m happy to say she’s not upsetting me one bit.

  She’s gnawing at her hand, so I reach down into the side of her diaper bag and pull out the bottle that’s waiting there for her lunch. I cradle her in my arm and pop the nipple in her tiny mouth where she sucks at it hungrily. “Aww, was baby Celeste hungry?” I ask as though she’s going to answer me.

  Kate laughs. “Marcos would’ve already handed her to me. He’s not comfortable handling her yet. I hope he’ll get better at it as she grows larger. He says she’s too tiny right now.”

  “In the home I grew up in, there always seemed to be new babies coming in and moving out. They’d get adopted pretty quickly. Still we had a steady stream and our house parents made everyone help out. At one time, there were ten kids from three months to eighteen years old living at that house.”