Moses dispatches messengers to the king of Edom requesting safe passage through his kingdom, promising not to plunder food or drink along the way. The king refuses the request and assembles a large military force that compels the Israelites to turn away.
On Edom’s borderland at Mount Hor, God advises Aaron to prepare for death by transferring his priestly garb to Eleazar. Aaron does as he is told and dies on the mountaintop. The community mourns for thirty days.
The rigors of journeying and military campaigning
The Israelites then enter battle with the Canaanites around Arad, destroying them with God’s help. But the people grow restless once more as they cross the Sea of Reeds; the Lord dispatches snakes to kill a number of them as punishment. Once the people recognize their sin, Moses intercedes on their behalf and God tells Moses to forge a copper snake and mount it on a pole. Any Israelite who is bitten need only look at it to recover.
The Israelites dispatch messengers to Sihon, king of the Amorites, asking for safe passage through his kingdom. Sihon refuses and sends his people to attack the Israelites. The Israelites prove victorious and soon take possession of the Amorite towns.
King Og of Bashan also attacks them—with a similar outcome. The Israelites continue their march, camping on the grasslands of Moab, across the Jordan from Jericho.
Rachel Axler
song of the red cow
Moo.
Please no murder me.
I am red cow. Know you how many of me there is in world? Not many! More particular: I am red cow, no blemish. See how pretty! No yoke has been laid on me. This mean inside of egg, make me sticky and yellow. I no sticky! My hide soft, clean. Nice for petting, if you into that sort of thing.
I being told this not what mean. Yoke is saddle thing that impede movement. Who care! Point is: I happy, red, and free. I enjoy graze, ruminate, deep talk with cow friends. My milk taste goooooood.
Lord say bring me to Eleazar Priest for kill me. I know Eleazar Priest. He nice man once fed me dandelion. Eleazar Priest no want kill me any more than you want hole in head. You no look gift horse in mouth. Why, then, it okay you look gift cow in eye, chop off head?
Lord say Eleazar Priest take me outside camp for murder. I no want go outside camp, for no reason! I like camp. Camp where other cows roam, sleep warm, make good talks. Many color cows: white or brown or with spots or Bovis who look like funny zebra. I am ONLY RED COW. Hard not think Lord specifically talking about me. Like maybe have thing against me, maybe no like me, maybe I talk too much, cannot help, I ruminate, things make worry in my cow head. Maybe Lord just not appreciate gingers. Apology for heresy, I just saying.
Lord say Eleazar Priest take my blood on finger, sprinkle seven times toward tent, then make me burn in fire. I have many question, but first is why seven? Seven is odd number to choose. Get it? Odd number. Ha ha. Red cow make math joke. Okay back to topic of kill me in fire. Lord say burn my hide, flesh, blood, and poop. Yes, Lord specifically mention my poop. Although this may be funny idea for put in bag, leave on doorstep of nasty neighbor, this seem particular stupid for making broth of cleansing. You know what smell like when burn cow poop? Smell like burnt cow poop. I think is gross, but hey, what I know, I just red cow you want make dead.
Then come recipe. For most cow, after slaughter, chop up strategic by master butcher, rub with spice or marinade, put on grill, serve medium rare with nice potato. For me, Lord suggest cedar wood, hyssop, crimson stuff. This sound disgusting. Then I not even eaten! I left overnight for burn away to black, and priest go home, take nice bath.
Then Lord command clean man take my ashes, mix in water. Then clean man bathe. You notice trend here? Anyone touch me have to take bath. Here a secret: BECAUSE SLAUGHTER RED COW POOP ASH VERY DIRTY. Even when mix with water!!
But Lord suddenly up and say: Law for all time is unclean man for cleansing must use Red Cow Poop Ash Water? And just because He Lord, you listen?? And they say cow is stupid!
Here. Before kill me forever, just you try test? For me, because maybe once you pat my pretty red body and it is soft? Maybe because I once look at you with big brown cow eyes, as if say: “Hello, friend”? For me before call priest to sprinkle blood on tent you try once this test, please, okay?
Poop in fire. I know, is human poop, but poop anyway. Add side beef, get at any grocer, plus blood. Add more red thing—food dye, berry, what have. Add leather jacket. Lots smoke now, yes? Good. Wait for nightfall.
Take some of mixture, put in water. Like disgusting soup.
Now take thing that is unclean. Maybe jeans? You know it been at least two weeks since you wash them, do not front. Dip jeans in bloody poop soup. Let dry.
I make you bet. I bet you jeans dirtier than before. Now not just normal dirty. Now need throw away dirty. Now friend look at you when wear like you maybe into weird S&M stuff dirty.
I know Lord spake. But this between Lord and me. I will pray to Lord, ask what did wrong, ask how fix it. Maybe He make me do crazy thing—venture into strange pasture near university, stand until drunk frat boy tip me over. Maybe He ask me slaughter own calf. Lord ask some weird things. But let me resolve on own, okay?
You no call Eleazar Priest. You had awful day anyway, probably touched corpse, why else you need cleansing? You go back to Tent, run bubble bath, no ash, no blood. Maybe light nice candle in scent like jasmine or Fresh Laundry. You get clean like normal human.
Afterward, come see me—happy red cow who not dead in own feces—and I promise: make you most delicious, warm milk.
“Then the Lord opened the ass’s mouth, and she said to Balaam, ‘What have I done to you that you have beaten me three times?’” —Numbers 22:28
BALAK (“Balak”)
Numbers 22:2–25:9
The story of Balak. a king of Moab named Balak monitors Israel’s destruction of the Amorites with alarm. After consulting with his elders, he sum- mons a prophet named Balaam to curse the Israelites on his behalf. Balaam refuses the invitation when a vision of God appears and warns him off.
Balak refuses to take no for an answer and promises to reward Balaam richly. Balaam tells Balak’s messengers that it is irrelevant what they offer him, as he is powerless in the face of the Lord. But God appears to Balaam overnight, granting permission for him to go, so when he awakes in the morning, the prophet saddles his ass and departs with the Moabite dignitaries.
Once the journey begins, the Lord becomes incensed and dispatches an angel to interfere with Balaam’s mission. First the prophet’s ass senses the angel’s presence and refuses to stay on the road. When Balaam beats the animal, it squashes him against a wall before lying down.
The Lord then gives the ass the power of speech. She asks Balaam to explain why he is beating her. Balaam explains that he has been embarrassed by her behavior and informs her that if he had carried a sword, she would be dead. At that, the Lord suddenly reveals the angel, who appears with sword in hand.
Balaam immediately bows to the ground as the angel explains the Lord’s role in his humiliation, adding that the prophet is the one who deserves to die, not the ass. Balaam offers to turn back, but the angel suggests he continue on the journey, as long as he does the Lord’s bidding from now on.
As Balaam approaches, Balak eagerly runs out to greet him, only for the prophet to inform him that he can utter only the words God puts in his mouth.
Balaam goes with Balak to an overlook, where they can see the Israelites on the valley floor below. The prophet orders the king to build seven altars and prepare rams and bulls for sacrifice. He then channels the words of God, advising Balak that he cannot doom Israel as God has not doomed them, for they are a people who dwell apart.
Balak immediately expresses his displeasure to Balaam, reminding him that he has been summoned to curse the Israelites, not praise them. Balaam defends himself by explaining how prophecy works: He can repeat only
the words God places in his mouth.
Balak suggests they move to another location where they can see only a fraction of the Israelites, and the process is repeated. This time Balaam reveals that God is not like a mortal who will change His mind. He has been told to bless the Israelites and cannot reverse God’s support of the Israelites, which is compared to the horns of a wild ox. Israel is described as a people who will rise like a lion, the king of beasts who feeds on its prey.
Balak tries once more, suggesting Balaam need no longer curse the Israelites but should attempt to refrain from blessing them. The king and the prophet relocate again, but this time Balaam looks down on the camps of Israel and gushes with poetic praise, predicting they will devour enemy nations, crush their bones, and smash their arrows.
Balak is furious at Balaam’s impudence, but the prophet refers to the message he has delivered constantly since his arrival: He can repeat only the Lord’s commands. To reinforce that, he predicts the fate of Moab in the days to come, describing imminent destruction at the hands of a triumphant Israel.
Meanwhile, back at the camp . . .
While the Israelites encamp, they enrage God by whoring with Moabite women and worshipping the Moabite god, Baal-peor. The only way to calm the Lord’s wrath is to impale the ringleaders; Moses demands that all those who worshipped the foreign god be killed. At that very moment, an Israelite is spotted bringing a Midianite woman over to his companions, so Eleazar’s son Pinhas picks up a spear, pursues them, and then stabs them both in the belly. His actions check a plague, which had claimed the lives of 24,000 Israelites.
Shoshana Berger
Listen to your ass. Your ass knows more than you do. And by ass I mean both the humblest member of the Equidae family and the beastliest part of you. That your animal could be better—closer, even—to God than you are may sound like a lark. But that’s the lesson I take from the story of Balak, Balaam, and his talking donkey. Our language-larded, sweaty brains are not the part of us with the clearest vision. Our asses apprehend God before we do.
As Old Testament books go, Numbers is considered the flyover part. Like Leviticus’ recitation of laws, the very title “Numbers” suggests that we’re in for a slog of accounting. It pales when compared with the pyrotechnics of Genesis and Exodus. But just as you’re nodding off, along comes chapter 22, a madcap fable in which Balak, overlord of the Moab tribe, asks Balaam, a freelance seer, to curse the Israelites, lest they “nibble away” all of the local resources as they settle into nearby land. This may be the first biblical characterization of Jews as resource-nibblers. It’s a short jump to moneylender.
Balaam accepts this mission, which promises handsome riches and fame, even though God had originally come to him in a dream and warned him against it, saying, to paraphrase, “Back off, them’s my people.” Balaam saddles his donkey and heads off to put a hex on the Israelites. But when the Lord’s messenger blocks the road with his sword drawn, Balaam’s ass swerves away to protect his master, eventually buckling and refusing to go farther, even as Balaam, who sees nothing, beats his hind with a stick.
In a Looney Tunes turn, God gives the abused animal the power of speech: “The Lord opened the ass’s mouth” to ask Balaam why he’s beating the crap out of her when she’s always been a dutiful donkey and is stopping for a good reason. At that moment the wool is pulled from Balaam’s eyes and he sees the divine spirit standing before him. Horrified by his misdeeds, he face-plants. Picture the gesture: head down, ass in the air. Balaam ends up as lowly as his animal. Only then is he righteous in the eyes of God.
I feel close to Balaam. When offered bank for his services, he jumps at it, even though his more instinctual side—a message delivered in a dream—forbids the task at hand. I’ve done so many things that required a dose of ethical Dramamine. These days you needn’t be a criminal to cross the line—just buying an iPhone is suspect. You know somewhere down the line people will suffer, may even be “cursed” by what you do, but those people are far away in a Chinese factory. You cannot see their faces.
I was hired as a Balaam-like seer once. After getting my start as a journalist, I took a cue from Matt Drudge and began publishing an early online newsletter about cultural trends, called D.I. Wire (DIYer, get it?). I stole the email addresses of hotshot execs from group emails in which people had forgotten to blind copy, and sent my weekly dispatch out unsolicited. It caught the attention of a big advertising agency, and I was christened a “futurist” in my late twenties. They hired me to translate the whims of my generation into marketing plans for Sony and Mattel and Shell Oil and Ford Motors. It paid more zeroes than I’d ever dreamed of. And as I interviewed teenagers all around the world and wrote fun-loving reports based on their answers, I told myself there was no harm in it—if I didn’t do it, someone else would.
I wish I could say that a visit from the Lord’s messenger set me back on the righteous path, but in the end I just got fed up with my boss and quit. I did listen more closely to my inner donkey after that, though. I took the money I’d earned and started an anticonsumerist magazine. I was broke and happy. My soul felt clean. And it paid off. After six years the magazine got bought. I’d created something of real value.
But the kids I’d interviewed during those years continued to haunt me. Especially a group of Czech teens I’d met one afternoon at a coffeehouse in 1999. As I was asking them pro forma questions about what they thought was cool and what colors they liked and what they feared, I couldn’t help but notice their threadbare backpacks and terrifically outdated headphones. American goods were so out of reach, the idea of using this information to try to sell them a Ford Escort in the next five years seemed like a cruel joke.
I read the story of Balaam and Balak through the lens of Robert Alter, the Hebrew language and comparative literature prof at Berkeley who delivers stirring sermons at our local synagogue. In his translation of the five books of Moses, Alter writes that chapter 22 is all about sight and vision. Balaam may be a seer, but at a decisive moment, his sight is obstructed by a sclerotic artery of greed. He sells out, and it nearly kills him.
The lesson? Being a true seer, not just a two-buck huckster, means listening to your inner donkey. It might just save your ass.
“Let the Lord, Source of the breath of all flesh, appoint someone over the community who shall go out before them and come in before them, and who shall take them out and bring them in, so that the Lord’s community may not be like sheep that have no shepherd.” —Numbers 27:21
PINHAS (“Pinhas”)
Numbers 25:10–30:1
Census III: God is delighted with Pinhas’ act of loyalty and vows to attack the Midianites for the role they played in persuading the Israelites to act immorally and worship their god.
To prepare, God commands Moses and Eleazar to perform a new census, counting every Israelite aged twenty and up who is able to bear arms. The total number comes to 601,730 plus 23,000 Levite males aged one month and older. The Lord instructs Moses to apportion shares of Canaan accordingly.
Sisterhood is powerful
The five daughters of Zelophehad stand before Moses and explain their plight. Since their father has died in the wilderness without leaving a male heir, the women request his landholding. Moses consults God, who determines that the claim is just. From then on, if a man dies without leaving a son, his property rights can be assigned to his daughters, brothers, or, failing that, nearest relatives.
A succession plan
The Lord tells Moses to scale the heights of Mount Abarim, savor the land God has given the Israelites from afar, and then prepare for his death in the same style as Aaron. Moses begins to ponder which man has the leadership ability to replace him and prevent the Israelites from becoming a sheep without a shepherd. God suggests Joshua and tells Moses to single him out to begin the succession plan. Moses announces the change by laying his hands on Joshua before the entire community.
> The Lord then details the appropriate presentation of offerings due at different times—a complex array of rams, goats, bulls, and lambs, presented as burnt offerings, meal offerings, libations, and offerings of well-being.
Larry Smith
Hybrid Vigor
Lou Smith
Larry Smith
The Last of the Jewish Smiths?
Lou Smith looked down from above—the modest eight-to-twelve-inch perch afforded by his La-Z-Boy chair, with the permanent stains from where the back of his head regularly met the soft brown leather—and surveyed all before him. His gaze commanded respect. He appraised his small kingdom:
his eldest child, Saralee;
his youngest child, Susan Elizabeth;
his middle child, Laurence David, the last male Smith in the line and keeper of the Smith family name.
He reviewed the choices each had made with regard to their faith.
His eldest experienced panic as her bat mitzvah prep commenced. At once sensing her trepidation and seeing an opening for an item on his own agenda, Lou Smith, lifetime litigator, offered her two choices: (a) your big day as planned; (b) reallocate those funds to redo the family basement. She chose the latter. Years later it was with a certain degree of irony, not to mention snickering from her siblings, that after falling in love with a tall Catholic man, she rediscovered her religion. Her husband, Dave, was one of ten siblings, and out of duty/desire attended church each Sunday with his mother. In a last-minute deal brokered by Saralee that even Lou Smith had to admit was pretty genius, Dave agreed to raise the kids Jewish, so long as he could get a dog.
Unscrolled : 54 Writers and Artists Wrestle With the Torah (9780761178743) Page 20
