Please Don't Die

by Lurlene McDaniel

“We walked around,” Jeff replied.

  Katie wanted to wipe the silly grin off his face, but felt powerless. Hadn’t he been trying to get Lacey to notice him for weeks? Suddenly, she turned to Josh. “Why don’t you guys take the canoe, and Lacey and I’ll walk back together.”

  Jeff and Josh looked as if she’d lost control of her senses. “Why would we want to do that?” Jeff said.

  “I don’t think it’s a smart idea for us to come out of the woods with lipstick all over our faces,” Katie replied, thinking quickly. “We’re leaders, and Mr. Holloway might not approve. I don’t think we should offend him.”

  Jeff nodded. “Maybe you’re right.”

  Josh shrugged. “They saw us leave together.”

  “Please,” Katie said.

  “All right … if you think it’s best.”

  Once the boys had started toward the lake, Katie glared at Lacey and barked, “Come on.” She headed down the ever darkening trail, and Lacey had to jog to keep up.

  “What’s your hurry?” Lacey asked.

  “It’s getting dark, and I don’t want anyone worrying about us.”

  “We’re not babies.”

  Katie continued her fast clip through the woods surrounding the lake. “I don’t want to miss out on the fireworks either.”

  “Seems as if there’s plenty of fireworks right here.”

  Katie whirled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Lacey stopped and studied her icily. “It means you’re treating me as if I’d committed a crime or something. What’s your problem? You’ve been on my case for weeks about ‘joining in,’ and the minute I do, you act as if you’d like to drown me.”

  “I just didn’t expect to see you with Jeff, that’s all.” It occurred to Katie that Lacey really might not know what was going on.

  “He’s been flirting with me for weeks. I just took him up on it.”

  “Are you telling me Jeff’s a game for you? A fun way to pass the time?”

  “What’s wrong with that? I’m not interested in marrying the guy. I’m just having a little fun.”

  Katie felt like exploding. Instead, she took a couple of deep breaths before saying, “He likes you, Lacey. Don’t play with his feelings. Don’t jerk him around.”

  “Who are you? Mother Teresa? For crying out loud, I took a walk with him in the woods and let him kiss me. Stop treating me like a criminal!”

  Lacey walked off in a huff, and all at once, Katie realized that she had overreacted. No wonder Lacey was peeved at her. She hurried to catch up. “Wait a minute. I didn’t mean to come across so bad. I’m really not mad at you.”

  “You could have fooled me.” Lacey’s voice sounded thick, as if she might be struggling to hold back tears.

  “There’s just a lot going on you may not know about.”

  “Like what?”

  By now, they had rounded the edge of the lake, and Katie could see the glow of a bonfire ahead. Everyone at Jenny House was gathered around, roasting marshmallows and waiting for the fireworks to begin. In the middle of the lake, she could make out a barge from where the fiery spectacle would be launched, and coming through the dark water, she saw Josh and Jeff paddling the canoe, aiming for the shoreline and bonfire.

  “Wait, Lacey. Before we get back to the party, I need to tell you something.”

  Lacey turned, but refused to look Katie in the eye. She crossed her arms and stared down at the ground. “So tell me.”

  Katie’s mouth felt dry as cotton. “It’ll mean breaking a promise I made to someone.”

  “Are you going to tell me or not?”

  “Remember how you helped Amanda with her makeup? How much she was aiming to impress some guy?”

  Lacey’s head rose, and her gaze locked onto Katie’s. Slowly, Katie saw the dawn of realization spread across Lacey’s pretty face. “Are you telling me the guy she’s been trying to impress is Jeff?” Katie nodded. “I didn’t know.” Lacey looked stricken. “You’ve got to believe me. I had no idea.”

  “I believe you,” Katie said. All the fight had left her, and she felt drained and weighed down by a jumble of emotions. A part of her had expected Lacey to be blasé about the situation. To shrug it off.

  “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt Amanda. I honestly wouldn’t. Not her,” Lacey added insistently.

  “I said I believe you.”

  “I don’t think Jeff has a clue about the way Amanda feels,” Lacey said.

  “She doesn’t want him to know.”

  “So what should I do about him?” Lacey asked.

  “Do you like him or not?”

  “I like him all right. I don’t go around kissing just any guy. But I don’t like him enough to hurt Amanda.”

  “But he likes you.”

  “I’d rather hurt him than her,” Lacey said, running her hand through her long blond hair. “I told you once that I don’t like hanging around sick people. And so the last thing I want is a guy who’s a hemophiliac. Besides, he lives out west, and so after this summer, what are the odds I’ll ever see him again?”

  Katie could find no fault with Lacey’s logic, even though it rubbed her wrong. “Jeff won’t understand your dumping him. And we can’t force him to like Amanda either.”

  “That’s not my problem,” Lacey said. “And right now, I’m tired of talking about it. I’m going to find Amanda and sit with her for the fireworks. Are you coming?”

  The abruptness of Lacey’s change from concern to indifference baffled Katie. Would she ever be able to figure out this girl? “I’ll join you, but let me grab Josh first.”

  Katie and Josh sat with her roommates on a blanket spread out facing the lake. Jeff tagged along, and the hopeful expression on Amanda’s face when he asked to sit with them made Katie’s heart ache.

  “I think you should sit with the guys in your room,” Lacey said coolly.

  Jeff stopped short. “But I wanted to be with you all.”

  Amanda scooted aside and patted the blanket beside her. “We’ll make room. There’s plenty for all of us.”

  As Jeff settled in between Amanda and Lacey, Lacey stood. “Then I’ll go sit with the guys from your room,” she said. And without a backward glance, she walked away. Jeff stared, speechless, but only Katie realized how deeply he’d been wounded. Jeff gave her a questioning look, but she avoided his gaze and pressed herself against Josh’s side, wishing that the ground would swallow her up and put her out of her misery.

  The sound of popping and the sight of a starburst of color in the night sky overhead made her look upward. She felt Josh’s arm tighten around her waist and his lips brush her ear. “I love you,” he whispered, and at that moment, nothing else mattered to her. Tomorrow would have to sort itself out. Tonight the world was ablaze with color, and she was safe in Josh’s arms.

  * * *

  Early the next morning, Katie and Josh packed up his car, then went for a long walk. “I don’t want you to leave,” she told him.

  “And I don’t want to go. But let’s look on the bright side—there’s more of the summer behind us than is left in front of us.”

  “True. I’ll be coming home in about six weeks.”

  “I’ll try to hold out.”

  When they returned from their walk, they went to the cafeteria for breakfast. The smell of waffles and warm maple syrup made Katie’s stomach grumble. “Some of the drugs I take every day make me extra hungry,” she explained by way of apology.

  Josh laughed. “I don’t take any medicine, and I could eat the paint off the walls.”

  They got their food and found a table to themselves. “Listen, don’t let this stuff with Jeff and Lacey and Amanda get you down,” Josh said.

  “Has Jeff said anything to you?”

  “He tried to. Tried to ask why he and Lacey were going great until you took a walk with Lacey. I told him you had nothing to do with it and he’d better not hassle you.”

  Katie groaned. “I was afraid he’d think it was all my faul
t.”

  “You let Lacey set him straight. She doesn’t strike me as the type to mince words.”

  “She isn’t. But I hate to see Jeff hurt. He’s a really nice guy.”

  “Somebody’s got to lose, Katie. Don’t get in the middle of it.”

  She started to say she already was in the middle when Lacey came rushing up to their table. Her face looked white, her eyes frightened. “Katie, come quick!”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s Amanda. Mr. Holloway just had her taken to the hospital.”

  Thirteen

  “CALM DOWN, PLEASE. I can’t answer any questions with all of you talking to me at once,” Mr. Holloway insisted, standing behind his desk facing Katie, Lacey, and Chelsea.

  “We’re calm,” Katie said, knowing it was a lie. She glanced at the others, who with their eyes gave her permission to be the spokesperson. “We just want to know what’s happened to Amanda.”

  “She didn’t collapse or anything,” Richard assured them. “But the results of her most recent blood work looked bad. I called her family, who called her doctor, and he wanted her taken over to the hospital that’s overseeing the welfare of Jenny House kids. She’ll have the best of care until her parents can get here.”

  “If her parents are coming right away, then it must be pretty bad,” Katie commented.

  “It’s standard procedure,” Richard said. “Once they confer with the doctors, a decision will be made as to what to do.”

  “We want to go see her,” Chelsea blurted out.

  “As soon as we can,” Lacey added.

  “I don’t know—”

  “Please.” Katie interrupted. “She’s all alone until her family arrives. I know she’s scared.”

  “One of our staff is with her.”

  “It’s not the same as having us. We’re her friends.”

  Richard glanced from one to the other, and Katie crossed her fingers and held her breath. “It’s an hour’s drive.”

  “Can’t someone from the staff take us and wait with us until her parents come?”

  “They have to make flight arrangements. You could be at the hospital most of the day. I have your welfare to consider too.”

  Katie felt that she and Lacey would be fine, but she was concerned about Chelsea, whose bad heart left her with little reserve energy. “Maybe we all don’t have to go,” she suggested.

  “You’re not leaving me out,” Chelsea insisted. “I’ll be at a hospital, for crying out loud. What safer place?”

  Richard took a deep breath and nodded. “Come on. I’ll drive the three of you and send the staffer back here. We’ll wait together until Amanda’s parents arrive.”

  * * *

  The hospital was part of the North Carolina university system. It was an enormous redbrick building, surrounded by asphalt parking lots that shimmered with heat waves. Once inside, Katie saw clusters of people scurrying across the busy lobby. Many were dressed in white lab coats, but most reminded her of college kids back in Ann Arbor. Thinking of home brought Josh to her mind. Because of the rush to see Amanda, she’d given him a hurried good-bye kiss before he’d driven away. He’d promised to call to check on news of Amanda.

  As Katie and her friends crossed to a gleaming row of elevators, Richard explained, “Because this is a teaching hospital, there’re classrooms and several auditoriums on the lower floors. This place has some of the newest and best medical equipment around. Plenty of fine medical minds here too.”

  Katie knew he was trying to assure them that Amanda was in good hands, but all she wanted was to see her friend with her own eyes. They took an elevator up to the oncology floor and followed directions given at the nurses’ station to Amanda’s room. Richard paused to speak with the Jenny House staff member outside Amanda’s door while the girls hurried inside.

  Each of the four beds held a patient. Amanda’s was nearest a window. She lay curled into a ball under the sheets. Her wig had been removed, and a bright bandanna was wrapped around her head. A few wisps of hair poked out. As they approached, Amanda scooted up and grabbed a tissue. Katie could tell that she’d been crying hard. “What are you all doing here?” Amanda asked in a thick, quivery voice.

  “You didn’t think we’d let them take you off without saying good-bye, did you?” Katie said.

  Fresh tears brimmed in Amanda’s eyes. “Oh, Katie, I want to go back to Jenny House.”

  “It’s just for a little while, Mandy,” Chelsea offered.

  “But they’ve called my parents. Don’t you see? My leukemia’s come back.”

  “That’s bad, isn’t it?”

  “This is my third relapse. During my last one, they told me that every relapse makes it harder to retain another remission. I’ve only been out of the hospital six months since my last problem. This is awful, Katie. The worst.”

  “That’s why you’re in a hospital,” Lacey declared. “So that these brilliant doctors can figure out what to do next for you.”

  “A bone marrow transplant is my only hope. I’ve been entered in the national bone marrow directory for a year, and they’ve not found a compatible donor for me yet.”

  Katie understood completely what it was to wait around for a donor. To jump every time the phone rang, wondering if it was the hospital. To wear a beeper and pray it would go off, announcing that a donor had been found. “Don’t get discouraged.”

  Amanda blew her nose. “How long can you stay?”

  “Mr. Holloway said we can wait until your parents arrive.”

  “You won’t have to be alone for a single minute,” Chelsea added.

  “But you all have stuff to do at Jenny House.” Amanda peeked at Lacey. “And I know how much you all hate hospitals.”

  “Well, it’s not so bad,” Lacey said. “Especially when you’re only a visitor. We’ll manage for a while—case the place for you. Make sure they treat you like a VIP.”

  Amanda managed a smile. “I’m a Very Important Patient, all right. I’ve already had a team of interns check me over and poke me.”

  “Any cute ones?”

  Amanda’s smile broadened. “A few. But none as cute as Jeff.”

  “You like Jeff?” Chelsea asked, giving Katie an I-told-you-so look. Katie recalled that Chelsea had been the first to spot Amanda’s interest in the guy.

  “It doesn’t matter now if you know,” Amanda said. “Yes, I like him, and he’s been nice to me, but I was beginning to catch on that he didn’t like me. Not like a girlfriend. No guy ever does.”

  Katie and Lacey exchanged glances. “Are you giving up?” Lacey asked. “Honestly, didn’t I teach you anything? A girl doesn’t just give up over every little setback.”

  “I’d say that knowing he doesn’t like me and landing in the hospital are two major setbacks,” Amanda replied. Suddenly, she punched her pillow and buried her face in her hands. “This stinks! It really stinks.”

  Katie felt helpless. “Everyone back at Jenny House is worried about you. And everyone is pulling for you. Lots of them said to tell you hi.”

  “Especially Jeff,” Lacey blurted out.

  Amanda glanced up at her. “He did?”

  Katie wished she could clamp her hand over Lacey’s mouth. Giving Amanda false hope about Jeff wasn’t smart. “Is there anything you want from the room?” she asked, attempting to change the subject.

  “Not really. I guess as soon as my parents come and make the arrangements, I’ll have to go back home. They’ll come and clean everything out of the room.” Amanda’s expression turned forlorn. “I’ll really miss you all. You’re my best friends. You all understand what it’s like being sick. My friends back home never did.”

  “Hey, you aren’t out of here yet.” The comment came from Richard Holloway, who’d come alongside Amanda’s bed. His smile was warm and friendly.

  “You know I don’t want to leave,” Amanda told him. “Jenny House is the best place in the whole world.”

  “That’s nice of you to say. A
nd once you get back on your feet, I want you to come back. We’re open year-round.”

  Just then, a team of doctors swept into the room. One announced, “Sorry to break up the party, but we have to take Amanda downstairs for testing.”

  “How long will these tests take?” Richard asked.

  “A couple of hours.”

  Katie hoped Mr. Holloway wouldn’t make them leave. “I’ll treat all of you to lunch,” he said, allaying her fears. “There’s a nice place in town. Real cloth napkins,” he joked. “Then we’ll come back.”

  “We’ll see you soon,” Katie told Amanda. Once they were out of the room, she caught Lacey’s arm and let the others go on ahead. “I’m wondering if it’s wise to make Amanda think Jeff feels something for her when he doesn’t.”

  “Don’t worry about it. That’s what she needed to hear. Didn’t you see how she perked up when I told her?”

  “Yes, but it wasn’t exactly the truth.”

  “Jeff will do whatever I ask him,” Lacey insisted. “And it’s not like we’re being cruel or anything. Right now, Amanda needs hope. And something to keep her mind off what’s happening to her. I think Jeff is the perfect diversion.”

  “You can’t go around manipulating people’s lives, Lacey.”

  Lacey jutted her chin and pulled her arm from Katie’s grasp. “Don’t preach to me. I know what I’m doing. It won’t hurt either Amanda or Jeff. I know he’ll cooperate, and it’ll make her feel better. It’s the only thing I can do for her right now, so I’m doing it.”

  “Hurry up,” Richard called. He was holding open the elevator doors. Lacey dashed forward, and Katie had to jog to keep up. A part of her felt what Lacey was doing wasn’t right, but she was forced to concede that under the circumstances, it didn’t seem wrong either. She told herself she’d go along with the charade. Just so long as no one got hurt.

  Fourteen

  KATIE NOTICED THAT none of them ate much lunch even though the restaurant was every bit as fancy as Mr. Holloway had promised. She watched Chelsea pick at an elegant salad and Lacey nibble on gourmet soup and crackers. Mr. Holloway noticed too. He said, “You three should eat. I don’t know when we’ll be getting back to Jenny House tonight.”