by Nancy Krulik
Okay, maybe not sir. She would have to come up with a different title for herself. But there wasn’t time to think about that right now. She grabbed a few apples from a tree, stuffed them in her bag, and started to head back toward where she had left her friends.
“Dribble! Lucas!” Princess Pulverizer shouted as she walked back toward the orchard where she had left her friends. “I found some sour apples. They’re not Granny Smiths but . . .”
When Princess Pulverizer reached the log where Dribble had been sitting just a few moments ago, she stopped dead in her tracks. A shiver went down her spine.
Her friends were nowhere to be found. They had simply disappeared—without a trace.
Chapter 3
Princess Pulverizer searched through the groves of trees.
She peered into bushes.
She looked behind boulders.
But there was no sign of Dribble or Lucas. And just for a moment, Princess Pulverizer thought maybe the whole tale of the Yabko-kokomo Beast was a true story—that her friends really had been kidnapped.
But then she thought better of it. She hadn’t seen a single sign of a beast. No matted fur that had been shed on the ground or caught on the limbs of trees. No beastly cloven hoofprints in the mud. Nothing.
So if Lucas and Dribble weren’t kidnapped, what had happened to them? They wouldn’t have just left her.
Or would they?
Maybe she’d really crossed the line this time, ordering them around and making them go look for the Yabko-kokomo Beast. She could have been nicer about it. Maybe she drove them away.
No! Dribble and Lucas were loyal. They might be upset with her, but they would never abandon her.
Princess Pulverizer looked down at a deep hole in the earth. Could her friends have been dragged underground?
Well, Lucas might have been. He was scrawny enough to fit into the burrow. But not Dribble. A dragon could never squeeze into there.
So what had happened? Dribble and Lucas couldn’t have disappeared into thin air. Although she didn’t see their footprints in the mud, either.
But those could have easily been washed away, because it had started to rain. And not just a little drizzle. This was a full-on, torrential rainstorm. And from the looks of the dark clouds above, there was a lot more coming.
Princess Pulverizer was stuck in a foreign land, in the pouring rain, without a single friend.
For the first time in a really long time, Princess Pulverizer wasn’t feeling brave at all. She was scared. And lonely. All she wanted to do was go home and sleep in her own bed, in her own castle.
The princess wondered if any of her father’s Royal Knights of the Skround Table ever felt this way.
There was only one way to find out. She would have to go back to Empiria and ask them.
Sure! That was the answer. She’d go home to Empiria and talk to a few brave knights. Maybe grab a hot meal that wasn’t a grilled cheese sandwich. And then she could head back out on her Quest of Kindness feeling refreshed and rested. And her next act of kindness would be to find Dribble and Lucas. She would even bring a whole search party with her to help.
It wasn’t a bad plan at all.
Except for one thing.
Princess Pulverizer had absolutely no idea how to get back to Empiria from here.
She wasn’t even sure where here was!
Zing! Just then, a small gnat bit at the princess’s face. Ouch. That hurt—like an arrow piercing her cheek.
An arrow! That’s it!
Quickly, Princess Pulverizer pulled a long arrow with orange and yellow feathers from her bag. It had been a gift from the mayor of Ire-Mire-Briar-Shire. And if she remembered correctly, the mayor had distinctly told her, “If ever the holder of the arrow finds themselves lost, the arrow will always point them toward home.”
Well, Princess Pulverizer was definitely lost now. She held the arrow in the air and watched as it wiggled a little to the left and to the right. It twitched in front of her. It pointed over her shoulder. And then it stopped.
Princess Pulverizer’s heart pounded excitedly. She’d found the way home. All she had to do was turn around and follow the arrow.
* * *
It seemed to Princess Pulverizer that she’d been traveling an awfully long time. It was night now, and she had to squint to see the magic arrow in the moonlight. And to make matters worse, she had to watch out for all the giant holes in the ground.
At least the rain had stopped. But she was still sopping wet. Princess Pulverizer couldn’t wait to get back to the palace and change into a dry tunic.
The princess followed the arrow to an old wooden fence. The arrow twisted slightly and pointed toward a splintery gate that was falling off its hinges.
Huh? That made no sense. How was going through that gate going to bring her home? But the princess had trusted the arrow this far. So she followed its pointed tip down through the gate.
After a few steps, the arrow drooped and pointed to the ground. The arrow had led the princess to a small, raggedy cottage. The shingles were falling from the roof, and the walls were beginning to crumble. There were bars on all the windows. This was no palace.
Stupid arrow! It hadn’t led her home at all.
So where had it taken her?
Chapter 4
Princess Pulverizer walked silently toward the cottage door. She’d put on the ruby ring the Queen of Shmergermeister had given her. The ring had the power to allow whoever was wearing it to walk in silence. No one in the cottage could hear her.
But the princess could sure hear them. They were arguing. Loudly.
“You’re eating that apple pie awfully quickly!” Princess Pulverizer heard a woman scold. “It took me hours to bake.”
“I’m just trying to finish it before I lose my appetite,” a man replied angrily. “This pie is so dry, it’s turning to dust. You are a terrible chef, Madame Zucker.”
“How could anyone cook in such a tiny kitchen with rusty old pans?” Madame Zucker replied. “If you hate my cooking so much, why not let me go?”
“I captured you and brought you here to cook for me,” the man said. “And cook for me you shall.”
“You eat too much sugar, Sir Surly,” Princess Pulverizer heard a second man’s voice scold. “You are going to get a toothache. I’ve already had to pull half your teeth.”
Hmmm . . . Sir Surly. There was a knight inside this cottage. Perhaps he could help Princess Pulverizer find her friends. The princess was about to knock on the door when she heard more arguing.
“Dr. Cuspid, could you breathe in the other direction?” Sir Surly demanded. “You’re stinking up the whole cottage. It’s that onion you ate with your dinner.”
“I like onions,” Dr. Cuspid insisted. “And my breath wouldn’t be so bad if you’d let me grab my toothbrush when you captured me.”
“From now on you are only to eat apples,” Sir Surly ordered him. “Try this one.”
“I’m tired of apples,” Dr. Cuspid complained.
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away,” Sir Surly reminded him. “But an onion a day keeps everyone away!”
“The last time I heard that joke, I fell off my dinosaur,” Madame Zucker replied snidely.
“Speak to me with respect,” Sir Surly warned her. “Or else we’ll soon be eating Madame Zucker stew—with Madame Zucker as the main ingredient.”
Princess Pulverizer gasped. Yikes. This guy was really sensitive. She’d never met a knight like that in her father’s court.
“AAAAAHHHHH!”
Princess Pulverizer was startled by the sudden loud shout from inside.
“NATE JAPE, GET THAT SPIDER AWAY FROM ME!” Sir Surly screamed. “You know I hate spiders.”
“What do you get when you mix a tarantula with a rose?” the princess heard a young boy ask.
“I don’t know,” he said. “But I wouldn’t try smelling it!” Nate laughed at his own joke.
But Sir Surly sure wasn’t laughing. “I don’t like spider jokes, either!” he grumbled.
“Uh-oh,” Dr. Cuspid interrupted.
“What now?” Sir Surly demanded.
“I found a worm in this apple,” Dr. Cuspid complained.
“Better than finding half a worm,” Nate Jape joked.
“I don’t want to hear another word about worms or spiders,” Sir Surly ordered. “I can’t stand those creepy creatures.”
“What kind of a knight is afraid of bugs?” a new voice piped up.
Whoa, Princess Pulverizer thought. That voice sounds familiar.
Dribble!
Princess Pulverizer ran over to the open window and peered between the metal bars.
Sure enough, the big green dragon was seated in the corner with a giant bandage over one of his feet.
What had happened to him?
Lucas was in the cottage as well. He was standing right next to Dribble.
Okay, so now Princess Pulverizer knew where her friends were. What she didn’t know was how they got there. Or why the magic arrow had brought her to this place to find them. Unless . . .
Princess Pulverizer suddenly remembered something her father had once told her. He’d said it didn’t matter if people lived in a cottage or a castle. Home was where your family was.
King Alexander had also explained that there were all kinds of families. Which, the princess figured, had to include friends who looked out for one another. So as long as they were together on this Quest of Kindness, Dribble and Lucas were her family.
One day, when the Quest of Kindness had finished, perhaps the arrow would bring all three of them back to Empiria. But today it had directed her to this tiny cottage in an apple orchard where her friends—her family—were.
“I never said I was afraid of bugs!” Sir Surly shouted angrily at Dribble. “I said I didn’t like them. There’s a difference. And anyway, shut that big snout of yours.”
“No,” Dribble argued. “You’re not the boss of me.”
“Yes I am. The minute you stepped in that mole trap, you became mine,” Sir Surly told him. “I caught you. And I can tell you what to do!”
A mole trap. So that’s how Dribble injured his foot.
“You are all mine. Everything here is mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.” Sir Surly began jumping up and down.
“We get the point.” Dr. Cuspid sighed heavily.
The folks in the cottage held their noses. So did Princess Pulverizer. The dentist’s onion breath was really awful.
“Even the apple orchard is mine,” Sir Surly told Dribble and Lucas. “At least it is now. These trees used to belong to the King of Yabko-kokomo.”
“Used to?” Lucas asked him nervously.
Sir Surly nodded proudly. “I wanted this orchard. So I took it. And it was the easiest thing I’ve ever done. I just slapped up a few signs and started a rumor about the woods being too dangerous to enter.”
“What kind of rumor?” Dribble asked suspiciously.
Sir Surly laughed. “You don’t actually think there’s a Yabko-kokomo Beast, do you?”
“Isn’t there?” Lucas wondered aloud.
“Nah.” Sir Surly laughed. “I started that rumor. And those fools believed it.”
“Why would you do that?” Dribble asked him.
“So they would be afraid to come into the orchard and search for my prisoners,” Sir Surly said. “Even the Yabko-kokomo knights are too scared to come here.”
Princess Pulverizer was shocked. Nothing—not even a real beast—would stop her father’s knights from doing their duty.
“But the orchard should belong to the whole kingdom,” Lucas insisted. “So everyone can share the apples.”
“Do I look like the kind of guy who shares?” Sir Surly demanded. “I worked hard for that king. And what did I get in return? A new shield? A sword? That’s nothing. I earned this orchard. And if the king wasn’t going to give it to me, I had to take it.”
Lucas shook his head. “Knights don’t do good deeds so they can get things. Knights are selfless. And noble. Or at least they should be.”
“Oh please.” Sir Surly groaned. “You don’t know what it’s like to be a knight. You don’t know anything. You didn’t even know enough to run away when I captured that dragon.”
“I would never leave Dribble when he’s in trouble,” Lucas said. “He’s my friend.”
Princess Pulverizer was impressed. Staying with Dribble took guts. Lucas wasn’t so lily-livered after all.
“Yeah, well, now you’re mine, too,” Sir Surly told Lucas. “And you’re gonna help me build traps to catch the beady-eyed moles that are stealing my apples. And when we catch them, we’re gonna have mole stew for dinner!”
“That sounds disgusting,” Lucas said.
“It will be,” Nate Jape agreed. “Everything Madame Zucker makes is disgusting.”
“I don’t know how someone like you ever got to be a knight,” Dribble told Sir Surly.
“It was easy,” Sir Surly boasted. “I saved a princess from an avalanche in the village of BialyBogen. That was a deed worthy of being knighted.”
Princess Pulverizer’s sword began to quiver at her side. The sword had magical powers. It always trembled when someone lied. Sir Surly was clearly not telling the truth.
“That’s impossible,” Dribble told him. “I’ve been to BialyBogen. It’s a dry, flat, sandy desert. You need snow and hills to have an avalanche.”
Sir Surly laughed haughtily. “I’m glad the King of Yabko-kokomo didn’t know that. He believed my whole story.”
“You’ve probably never even been to BialyBogen,” Dribble grumbled.
“I haven’t,” Sir Surly agreed. “But that doesn’t matter. What matters is the king believed I had been there. I’m very good at getting people to believe what I tell them.”
Sssssss . . .
Suddenly, a hissing sound came from behind where Sir Surly was standing. Princess Pulverizer craned her neck to better see what was happening.
“AAAAHHHHH!” Sir Surly jumped up onto a nearby chair. “Snake! Snake!”
Nate Jape started laughing.
Sir Surly stopped screaming and looked around. There was no snake. Only a small, roundish boy with a big grin on his face.
“Not funny, Nate,” Sir Surly said. “I don’t like practical jokes. Have you forgotten why I kidnapped you in the first place?”
“Because you don’t have a good sense of humor?” Nate suggested.
“No, as punishment for pulling my chair out from under me at the tavern,” Sir Surly reminded him. “The other knights laughed at me. I don’t like being laughed at.”
“It was funny,” Nate insisted.
“You won’t think it’s funny years from now when you’re still my prisoner,” Sir Surly told him. “No one will ever come looking for any of you. They’re all too afraid.”
Lucas let out a sob. Dribble gently rested a big claw on his pal’s shoulder.
The princess gritted her teeth. Sir Surly was wrong. Someone was going to rescue his prisoners. And that someone was Princess Pulverizer! She was determined to free them all.
The question was how.
Chapter 5
Think. Think. Think.
Princess Pulverizer had been certain that she would awaken with a great idea for rescuing all of Sir Surly’s prisoners. But the sun was now shining through the leaves of the tree where she’d fallen asleep, and she had no plan at all.
Sir Surly would be a worthy opponent. He wasn’t just mean. He was smart, too. He’d fooled a king and his knights into fearing an imaginary beast! One wrong move, and
she could become the next prisoner in that cottage.
“YOU! DRAGON!”
Princess Pulverizer was startled by Sir Surly’s shouts from inside the cottage.
“Kill that spider! Now!” the evil knight demanded.
“You’re such a baby,” the princess heard Dribble snort.
“You won’t think I’m a baby when I slay you,” Sir Surly snarled at Dribble. “Which is exactly what I’m going to do if you don’t kill that spider. Don’t think I won’t.”
Princess Pulverizer’s magic sword didn’t move at all. Sir Surly was telling the truth. He would slay Dribble if given the chance.
Things were really getting bad in there. There was no time to waste. Princess Pulverizer had to come up with a plan to rescue Dribble and Lucas, fast.
She wished she could just go back to Yabko-kokomo and tell the knights that there was no beast, and it was safe to go into the orchard and rescue Sir Surly’s prisoners. But why would they believe her? They didn’t even know her.
“AAAAHHHHHH! There’s a snake in the cupboard!” Sir Surly exclaimed from inside his cottage. “Somebody get rid of that thing!”
Princess Pulverizer laughed in spite of herself. It was too bad she couldn’t bring a whole army of spiders and snakes into the orchard. That would make the evil knight fall to his knees. But there was no way one person could drag that many spiders and snakes into one place.
Or was there?
* * *
Knock. Knock.
It wasn’t until the following day that Princess Pulverizer arrived once again at the front door of Sir Surly’s cottage. She was sorry to have left Dribble and Lucas with the evil knight for so long, but some plans took time. And craftiness.
Knock. Knock. Princess Pulverizer pounded harder on the door. “Hello?” she called out. “Anybody home?”
