by Nancy Krulik
The princess heard rustling inside the cottage. Then she heard armor clanking and footsteps stomping.
Finally, the door swung open.
“WHO DARES TO DISTURB SIR SURLY?”
Princess Pulverizer looked up at the evil knight. His face was tight and angry. He seemed poised for a fight. This was one scary guy.
But the princess refused to let Sir Surly know she was frightened. That would give him a great advantage.
Instead, she forced herself to smile. “It’s really you!” she squealed. “Sir Surly!”
“Who else would I be?” the knight demanded.
“I’m so excited to meet you. I’m your biggest fan. In fact, I’m president of the Sir Surly Fan Club.”
Princess Pulverizer’s sword began to shake. It knew what a big lie that was.
“I have a fan club?” Sir Surly asked, amazed. “I mean, of course I have a fan club. I’m fantastic!”
“Ever since I heard the story of how you rescued the princess of BialyBogen, I have been just dying to meet you,” Princess Pulverizer told him.
“I never saved . . . ,” Sir Surly began. Then he caught himself. “I mean, I never thought of myself while I was in that avalanche. I thought only of the princess’s safety. I am a very brave knight.”
Talk about a lie! Princess Pulverizer’s truth-telling sword was practically dancing now.
The princess forced herself to smile even more brightly. “And that’s why I brought you a gift,” she told him.
Sir Surly looked surprised. And thrilled. “It’s about time someone found me deserving of gifts for my bravery.”
“Oh, I think you should get everything you deserve,” Princess Pulverizer agreed. And this time her sword did not quiver a bit. “That’s why I made you this.”
The princess stepped aside to reveal a clay piñata she’d sculpted in the shape of Sir Surly’s head. It was hanging from the branch of a nearby tree.
“What is that?” Sir Surly asked.
“It’s a piñata,” Princess Pulverizer replied simply.
“Is that supposed to be my face?” Sir Surly demanded.
“Yes,” Princess Pulverizer said.
“That doesn’t look a thing like me,” Sir Surly continued. “It’s hideous.”
Sir Surly wasn’t wrong. It was pretty awful-looking. But that wasn’t the point.
“The piñata is filled with treasures,” Princess Pulverizer assured him.
“What kinds of treasures?” Sir Surly demanded.
“Don’t you want to be surprised?” Princess Pulverizer offered Sir Surly a big stick and a blindfold. “Why don’t you break it open?”
Sir Surly yanked the stick and the cloth from her hand and threw them to the ground. “Why would I want to play some children’s game?” he scoffed. The evil knight stepped out of his cottage, locked the door, and stormed over to the tree. He rubbed his hands together excitedly. “Let’s see what kinds of treasures will be mine . . . all mine!”
Sir Surly yanked powerfully at the piñata’s pointy nose.
CRACK! The clay piñata broke into pieces.
The treasures fell to the ground.
And Sir Surly let out a scream that echoed throughout the entire orchard. “AAAAAAHHHHH!”
Chapter 6
Spiders fell from every crack in the broken piñata. They crept and crawled onto Sir Surly’s arms and legs.
Snakes slithered out of the clay and down onto the ground. They hissed angrily as they circled Sir Surly’s feet.
“AAAHHH!” Sir Surly shouted again. “Get these things away from me.”
Princess Pulverizer waited for the knight to swat the spiders and step away from the snakes. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. He was frozen with fear.
That was exactly the response Princess Pulverizer had been hoping for. Quickly, she raced over to the cottage and tried to free Sir Surly’s prisoners.
But she’d forgotten about the lock on the door.
Princess Pulverizer could see that Sir Surly was wearing a key on his belt. But she didn’t dare grab for it. That might bring him back from his fearful state.
So Princess Pulverizer stared at the lock.
She poked her finger in the keyhole.
She kicked at the door. But it would not open.
A small hand poked through the window bars. “Are you looking for this?” Nate Jape asked, dangling a key. “It’s his extra one.”
Princess Pulverizer reached for the key.
But Nate yanked it back inside. “You’re too slow.” He laughed. “Try again.”
Princess Pulverizer was not in a kidding mood. “Do you want to be stuck in there forever?” she demanded.
“Sheesh,” Nate said as he dropped the key out the window. “Can’t anyone around here take a joke?”
Princess Pulverizer picked up the key and opened the lock. “Run!” she shouted as she flung the door open. “Now’s your chance!”
Madame Zucker, Dr. Cuspid, and Nate Jape did not waste a single second. They all ran for the door at the same time, pushing and shoving in the hopes of being first out of the cottage. Finally, the three of them spilled out, leaped to their feet, and scurried away as fast as they could, without even a nod of thanks.
But Dribble and Lucas didn’t leave. They stood right by Princess Pulverizer’s side.
“I’m glad to see you,” Lucas said. “I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives in that cottage!”
“He kept threatening to slay me,” Dribble added. “It was awful.”
“We’re lucky Sir Surly is such a big chicken,” Princess Pulverizer said. “Look at him. He’s scared stiff.”
“Wanna bet?” Sir Surly shouted out furiously.
Apparently being called a chicken was all it took to shock Sir Surly out of his frozen state. The angry knight drew his sword and lunged at Princess Pulverizer.
But Princess Pulverizer was quick. She drew her sword, ready to duel.
Well, sort of ready. The truth was, Princess Pulverizer had never done any actual sword fighting before.
But the princess had certainly seen plenty of fights. She used to watch the boys in Knight School practicing with their swords. It didn’t seem that hard. It looked kind of like dancing. Well, dancing with a sharp, pointed weapon in your hand.
Which was a bit of a problem.
Sir Surly was protected by a full suit of armor. But Princess Pulverizer wore only a plain cloth tunic. She had nothing but her sword to defend herself.
Sir Surly lunged at Princess Pulverizer.
Princess Pulverizer danced backward—tap, tap, hop.
She lunged at Sir Surly—hop, hop, jab!
Sir Surly twisted his body away. “I’m an expert swordsman,” he boasted. “This is your unlucky day. Say goodbye and prepare to die!” He thrust his sword right toward the princess’s chest.
Princess Pulverizer pivoted out of reach of the oncoming sword.
Which left Lucas right in its path.
“Yikes!” Lucas leaped backward, trying to get out of the way. “WHOA!” he exclaimed as he fell down into a giant mole hole.
“Lucas!” Dribble called to him. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Lucas replied. “That last step was a doozy!”
Princess Pulverizer wanted to help Lucas out of the hole. But she didn’t dare turn away from Sir Surly.
“Take that,” Princess Pulverizer called out as she rammed her sword at Sir Surly’s arm.
He raised his sword to stop her.
The clicking and clacking of their blades echoed through the hills.
Click. Clack. Click. Clack.
Princess Pulverizer danced forward. Tap, tap, lunge.
Sir Surly moved backward, edging closer and closer to a nearby tree trunk.
&n
bsp; “You really have your back against the wall now,” Princess Pulverizer taunted. She poked at his shoulder with her sword.
“Oh please.” Sir Surly laughed haughtily. “Do you think I can be defeated by a kid?”
That did it! If Princess Pulverizer had been angry before, she was furious now. She moved her foot to advance toward him. But before she could take that step—
“What the—” Sir Surly began. But he couldn’t finish his sentence. He couldn’t even breathe. The air was being squeezed right out of him by a snake that had slithered up his leg and was now circling his belly.
The knight dropped his sword and tried in vain to loosen the snake’s grip.
Quickly, Dribble raced over and grabbed the sword for safekeeping. “Now’s your chance!” the dragon told Princess Pulverizer. “Get him!”
The princess looked at her sword. Then she looked at Sir Surly. His face was turning blue as the snake gripped him tighter and tighter.
She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t hurt someone who didn’t have the ability to defend himself. Not even someone as evil as Sir Surly.
So instead, Princess Pulverizer grabbed the thick rope she had used to hang her piñata and swiftly tied Sir Surly to the tree. The knight twisted back and forth as the princess’s speedy fingers created strong, unbreakable knots.
Once the princess was certain Sir Surly wasn’t going anywhere, she gently unwrapped the snake from around his belly. She was very careful to keep her distance, just in case the creature got any ideas about wrapping itself around her instead.
She walked over and placed the snake on a rock in the orchard. “Go catch yourself a delicious dinner,” Princess Pulverizer told the snake. “A Sir Surly supper would probably have just given you a bad case of indigestion. He’s very distasteful!”
“Wow!” Dribble exclaimed when Princess Pulverizer returned. “Where did you learn to fence like that?”
Princess Pulverizer grinned. “The Royal School of Ladylike Manners. Only my teacher called it dancing.”
“You’re going to be sorry you did this,” Sir Surly shouted to the princess. “Just wait until I get out of here.”
“You’re not going anywhere,” Princess Pulverizer told him. “Those knots are unbreakable. I learned to make them in macramé class. We used to macramé fancy handbags to take on our travels. But this is a much better use for those knots.”
“Are you kidding? I’m—” Sir Surly began. Then he let out a scream. “AAAAAAHHHHH! There’s a spider on my nose! That’s it,” he told the princess. “You are no longer president of my fan club.”
“Come on, Dribble,” Princess Pulverizer said, ignoring Sir Surly completely. “Let’s go tell the King of Yabko-kokomo that we’ve captured the ‘beast’ and that he’s just a big old scaredy-cat dressed in knight’s armor.”
Dribble shook his head. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”
Princess Pulverizer looked around. She had her sword, her arrow, her ruby ring, and her knapsack. She hadn’t left any trash on the ground or . . .
The ground! Wow. How could she have forgotten? Lucas was still underground.
“Lucas!” Princess Pulverizer called down into the hole. “I’m going to find something for you to grab onto. Then I can pull you out. Okay?”
There was no answer.
“I said, okay?” the princess called out again.
But her question was met with only silence.
Chapter 7
“Oh no,” Dribble said. “What do you think happened to him?”
Princess Pulverizer didn’t answer. What she was thinking was too scary for her to say out loud.
But Sir Surly was mean enough to say anything. “Maybe there’s a monster underground,” he suggested as he angrily tried to twist his way out of the rope. “Maybe your friend has been captured. Maybe he’s being held prisoner in a dark cell with lots of creepy crawly stuff all around.”
Dribble’s big eyes grew even larger. And if Princess Pulverizer wasn’t mistaken, they were a little wet and weepy.
“Don’t start,” Princess Pulverizer warned Sir Surly. “There’s no monster. There’s no beast. Lucas probably just went looking for a way out of the hole.”
“And now he’s lost and all alone,” Sir Surly snarled. “And he probably has a horrible sense of direction.”
“He does mix up his right and his left from time to time,” Dribble admitted nervously.
“I have a wonderful sense of direction,” Sir Surly boasted. “If you untie me, I’ll go down there and find him for you.”
“Not a chance,” Princess Pulverizer said. “I’m going down there to find Lucas.”
“Are you really sure you want to do that?” Dribble asked her.
“It isn’t a matter of wanting to do it,” Princess Pulverizer told him. “It’s what I have to do. I have to be brave and selfless.” She turned to Sir Surly and added, “That’s what real knights are like.”
With that, the princess turned and headed straight for Sir Surly’s cottage.
“Where are you going?” Dribble called to her. “The hole is over here.”
“Your friend isn’t brave at all,” the princess heard Sir Surly sneer as she walked off. “She’s leaving you here and your friend down there.”
But Princess Pulverizer knew Dribble didn’t believe him. Which was why the dragon showed no sign of surprise when she returned a moment later with a wax candle.
“I just needed to get something to help me see underground,” she explained to the dragon. “Will you light it for me?”
Dribble opened his mouth and let out a tiny flame.
“Thanks,” Princess Pulverizer said. “Keep an eye on this prisoner.”
“Will do,” Dribble assured her. He shot Sir Surly a menacing dragon glare—well, as menacing as Dribble could look, which wasn’t very.
“Lucas and I will be back in no time,” Princess Pulverizer said, trying to sound as confident as she could.
As she dropped down into the dark hole, she could feel her heart pounding furiously. She had no idea what was hiding beneath the ground.
The princess sure hoped she could find Lucas quickly. Before any more trouble could find her.
Chapter 8
Princess Pulverizer sniffed at the air. Yuck. It stunk underground. The whole place smelled like the royal stables after a bad rainstorm.
It was also chilly.
And very, very dark. Even by candlelight, it was difficult for Princess Pulverizer to see where she was going.
Not that she had any idea where to go. From where she was standing, Princess Pulverizer could see three different tunnels, each heading in a different direction. Which path had Lucas taken?
To the right?
To the left?
Princess Pulverizer frowned. If only there was someone there who could point her in the right direction.
Point!
That was it! The magic arrow had pointed her toward Lucas and Dribble before. Maybe it would do it again! She reached down and pulled it from her bag.
The arrow immediately pointed to the right.
That had to be where Lucas had wandered! Princess Pulverizer would find him any minute now. She began to stride confidently through the dark tunnel, holding her candle in one hand and the arrow in her other.
As she walked, Princess Pulverizer looked along the walls and listened for any cries for help. But there was no sign of Lucas anywhere. Where could he have gotten to?
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Gulp! Princess Pulverizer felt someone tap her on the shoulder.
Or make that something. Because that didn’t feel like a human tap at all. She could feel sharp claws hitting her skin.
Double gulp!
Tap. Tap. Tap. There it was again!
Princess Pulverizer turned around ever so slowly
, and found herself face-to-face with the biggest, fattest, hairiest mole she had ever seen.
Yikes! That was one ugly rodent.
And if she wasn’t mistaken, there were things crawling around on top of his head. She held her candle closer to get a better look.
Oh, gross! The mole was wearing a hat of knotted worms. It looked a little like a crown. Which could only mean one thing. This wasn’t just any mole. This was the mole king.
The princess studied the mole king’s face. His long snout was quivering slightly. He definitely wasn’t smiling. Then again, he wasn’t frowning, either. The princess couldn’t tell how he felt about her invading his kingdom.
What she did feel, however, was a sharp push at her back. She turned her head to see two more moles standing right behind her. They were probably the king’s guards.
The mole king began to walk down a long corridor. The guards pushed hard at the princess’s back. Clearly they wanted her to follow the king.
“Where are you taking me?” the princess shouted. Her voice echoed through the tunnel.
The moles didn’t answer. Probably because they didn’t understand her. Princess Pulverizer did not speak a word of mole.
The guards pushed the princess farther and farther through the dark tunnel. Princess Pulverizer’s heart was pounding so hard, she thought it might burst right out of her chest.
What if they were taking her to a mole prison?
What if Lucas was waiting there for her?
What if neither one of them ever got out of this place?
The mole guards pushed the princess around a sharp corner and into what seemed to be a large room.
Princess Pulverizer put the arrow away as she held her candle out in front of her and looked around. “Whoa!” she exclaimed nervously.
The room was filled with moles.
Big moles.
Fat moles.
Thin . . .
