A Christmas Prayer

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  Amens echoed throughout the sanctuary.

  “I think John fourteen, verse fourteen says it best: ‘If ye shall ask anything in my name, I will do it.’ So when you write your Christmas prayers, I want you to end them with: Lord, I ask You for this and all other blessings in Your Son Jesus’s name, Amen.”

  Pastor Black spoke a few more words and then gave the benediction. But just as Chase rested his hand on Alexis’s lower back and they stepped into the aisle, Geneva called out to a woman passing by.

  “Oh my goodness, Renee, how are you? And needless to say, you’re looking as gorgeous as ever. I’m really loving the short haircut.”

  “You’re very kind, Mrs. Dupont. I’m fine, how are you?”

  “Doing well, and what’s with this Mrs. Dupont thing? Mrs. Dupont was my mother-in-law, and of course, you know I’ll always just be Mom when it comes to you.”

  Geneva was unbelievable. This was obviously Chase’s ex, the one he’d dated for a good while but then had broken up with. He’d told Alexis that although Renee had been a nice enough woman, he hadn’t been in love with her. But as expected, Geneva still loved everything about her.

  “How’s it going, Chase?” Renee asked.

  “I’m well. You?”

  “I’m good.”

  “And this is Alexis, my fiancée. Alexis, this is Renee.”

  “Nice to meet you,” Renee said.

  “Nice to meet you as well.”

  “We haven’t seen you here in ages,” Geneva said.

  “I know. I’ve been traveling a lot and visiting other churches.”

  “Really? Well, I sure hope it’s not because of you and Chase. Deliverance Outreach is big enough for all of us. Plus, you will always be family to me, no matter what.”

  Renee smiled. “Thank you for saying that.”

  “I’m serious. When you and Chase were together, you became the daughter I never had. And nothing or no one,” she said, cutting her eyes at Alexis, “will ever change that.”

  Alexis could barely breathe. She’d stood there for as long as she could, trying to ignore Geneva’s messiness, but now she brushed past Chase and went up the aisle and through the first exit she came to.

  She heard Chase calling out to her. “Baby, wait.”

  Alexis kept walking until she made it through the vestibule and outside the building. But Chase caught up to her and grabbed her arm.

  Alexis didn’t want to make a scene by jerking away from him, so she politely said, “Please let me go.”

  Chase released her. “Baby, I’m sorry.”

  Alexis didn’t have anything to say, and all she could think about was how her Christmas prayer would now be about something bad happening to her future mother-in-law. But as soon as she fixed her mind on such vicious thoughts, she regretted it and asked God to forgive her. She would never wish any kind of harm on anyone, especially the mother of the man she loved and was going to marry, but it was just that Geneva riled her up in a way like no one had before. And it seemed as though she was getting worse. Maybe she was acting this way because the wedding was only a few months from now, and she was hoping her bullying tactics would force Alexis to break up with Chase. Alexis wasn’t sure one way or the other, but she also didn’t know how much more of this she could stomach. During service, she’d decided that she wouldn’t let anything come between her and Chase, not even his mother, but now she found herself at a crossroads again. So much so that the more she thought about it, the more breaking up with Chase seemed like the only answer. Maybe Geneva would get what she wanted after all, and that would be the end of it.

  Chapter 5

  It was a new day, and Alexis felt completely refreshed. Last night, she’d taken only one sleeping pill, but it had worked like a charm. She also didn’t feel as sad this morning, and she was happy about that. As she lay in bed for a few more seconds, though, she thought about Geneva and the way she’d treated her on Thanksgiving, on Saturday at The Tuxson, and then again yesterday at church. It was the reason Alexis had told Chase she didn’t feel well and that she wanted him to drop her off at home, rather than going to dinner with him and his mother. Chase had been noticeably disappointed, but Alexis had been disappointed as well, because he’d still chosen to take his mother out to a restaurant and hadn’t gotten back to her house until the evening. Then, of course, with his having to arrive at work pretty early this morning, he hadn’t stayed past nine o’clock.

  Alexis turned on the television, and just as expected, CBS This Morning had on shopping experts who were giving their opinions and predictions about Cyber Monday. They were even comparing the projected sales numbers for this year’s Cyber Monday to last year’s. Alexis flipped the channel to Good Morning America, then to the Today show and then to CNN, but every network was covering the same story. The only variation was that there were different hosts and guests on each of them.

  Alexis’s home phone rang, and she saw that it was Chase. For the first time since meeting him, she debated whether to talk to him.

  She sat up and piled three pillows behind her. “Hello?”

  “Hi, baby, good morning.”

  “Morning,” she said in a dry tone.

  “I know you’re still upset, and I can’t apologize enough about my mother. Most of the time, she doesn’t even realize she’s doing anything wrong.”

  At first Alexis was going to listen and keep quiet, but she couldn’t. “Chase, make no mistake about it, your mother is always aware of what she says and does. I don’t mean any disrespect to her, but she goes out of her way trying to hurt my feelings all the time. And she does it on purpose.”

  “Why do you think that?”

  “Because it’s been happening ever since we first started dating, but after you proposed to me, it got worse. Now it’s worse than ever.”

  “She’s just a lonely woman who wants attention.”

  Alexis didn’t bother arguing with Chase any further, because number one, Geneva was his mother, and number two…Geneva was his mother. It just wasn’t worth complaining about a man’s mother unless he himself saw her for who she was.

  “Okay, look,” he said, once he realized Alexis had nothing to say. “I’ll have a talk with her. Maybe she’s just a little jealous. Or maybe she’s worried that once we’re married, she won’t see us much anymore.”

  Oh, how I wish that were true! Alexis wouldn’t dare say that out loud, but she couldn’t help thinking it.

  “Baby, are you listening?” he asked. “Please don’t be upset.”

  “Yeah, I hear you.”

  “I’ll speak to her as soon as I leave work. Because no matter what my mother says or does, I love you, Lexi, and nothing will ever change that. I need you to believe that, okay?”

  “I do believe you, but I also can’t take the way your mother treats me. It’s too much.”

  “I promise you, this is going to stop. I didn’t realize she was affecting you as much as she has been, and I’m sorry about that. But what I do know is that you are my world, baby, and I’m not sure what I would do without you. Before Pastor Black introduced us, all I cared about was work and more work. It was all I really had, but now you’ve turned my whole world around for the better. I love you so much it hurts.”

  Alexis held the phone, speechless and teary-eyed. She heard nothing except sincerity in Chase’s voice. How could any woman stay angry with a man like that? Chase truly loved her, and her heart softened completely.

  “I love you, too, baby,” she said. “More than you could ever possibly know.”

  “So, now that we have that settled, have you decided on which honeymoon spot we’re going to? You know what I prefer, but it’s your choice, and we need to get our reservations booked.

  “I’m still debating. I know you’d rather go to Italy, but I’m still leaning toward the Caribbean. All I want is to eat well, relax on the beach, and make love to my husband.”

  “Well, since you put it that way, I say forget Italy!” He laughed. “
Let’s just go to Half Moon in Jamaica.”

  “I knew that last part would get your attention. I still can’t believe you’ve never gone anywhere in the Caribbean, though. Especially with all the traveling you’ve done.”

  Chase had told her that the reason he’d never gone was because his mother preferred to vacation in places like Milan, Rome, Paris, and London. Even when he was a child, those were the places she and Chase’s dad had taken him, and he’d continued vacationing in those same spots as an adult.

  Alexis and Chase chatted a few more minutes, but then he had to go.

  “I’d better get off of here and head into my meeting. I have a pretty full day.”

  “I was going to see if you wanted to have lunch, but maybe tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow for sure. I’ll call you later, though. Love you, baby.”

  “Love you, too.”

  Alexis hung up the phone and exhaled. What a whirlwind of emotions she’d been having. She’d gone from being sad to being angry to feeling pretty happy about things again, and it felt good.

  She flipped through a few more channels until she landed on a rerun of Law & Order: SVU. She hoped this wasn’t one of their marathon days, because if it was, she would never get any work done. But just as Stabler and Benson arrested some quack doctor who looked guilty as sin, her cell phone rang. This time it was her best friend, Paula.

  “Hey girl, how are you?” Alexis said.

  “I’m good. So what’s up?”

  “The question is, what isn’t?”

  “Uh-oh. I had a feeling something was going on when you called me last night, and I’m sorry I couldn’t talk.”

  “It wasn’t a problem. I knew you and Rick had gone away for the holiday weekend, so I was just taking a chance on calling.”

  “We really had a great time. Chicago was wonderful, and we didn’t even drive back until this morning.”

  “So you’re off today?”

  “I am. I called in, girl.”

  “Well, it’s not like you ever miss work, even when you’re sick, so good for you.”

  “But what’s up?”

  “My future mother-in-law.”

  “Oh boy. What did she do now?”

  “You mean, what didn’t she do.”

  Alexis filled Paula in on everything from Thanksgiving Day to what Geneva had said at the restaurant on Saturday to the way she’d shown her behind at church.

  “Lex, I’m not even sure what to say, except…that woman is the devil!”

  “Either that or she’s secretly married to him. She literally hates me, and I’ve never done a thing to her.”

  “Well, you sort of did.”

  “Like what?”

  “You met her son, the two of you fell in love, and now you’re getting married.”

  “You’d think she’d be happy for him. If I had a son, and I knew he was happy and that he was marrying a woman who really loved him, I’d be thrilled. My heart would be content.”

  “Yeah, but not if you thought the way Mrs. Dupont does. She’s the kind of woman who would never like any woman Chase was serious about.”

  “Well, she sure seems to love Renee, and they were serious at one time, too.”

  “Those are the key words: at one time. Because I’ll bet everything I have that Mrs. Dupont didn’t care all that much for her back then, either. She loves her now because she’s out of the picture. Plus, she was probably putting on a show just to make you jealous.”

  “Maybe, but I’m tired of all her shenanigans. I’m a good person with a good heart, and I genuinely love her son. That’s all that should matter.”

  “I think Chase should sit Mommy Dearest down for a little chat.”

  “That’s what he’s planning to do this evening.”

  “And for the love of God, when is she moving out? Why is she even still living there?”

  “Chase says it’s because she’s lonely, but that she’s promised to move out before the wedding.”

  “Yeah, right. The only way Mommy is moving is if Chase puts his foot down. If he doesn’t tell her to leave, she’s not going anywhere. I’ve seen this kind of thing before, so mark my word.”

  “I sure hope you’re wrong, because I can’t live with her. I won’t live with her.”

  “It’ll all work out. Chase just has to let her know what the deal is. Period.”

  “I hope he does,” Alexis said. “Sooner rather than later.”

  Chapter 6

  Oh my God,” Alexis said out loud, as if someone were sitting in her home office listening to her. “I can’t believe this is actually happening.” Alexis had read the email from Tracey, her assistant, two times already, but she couldn’t help reading the first sentence again: “They’ve agreed to pay you twenty thousand dollars.”

  It had been only last week that a representative from C&G Pharmaceuticals had contacted Tracey, asking if Alexis was available to speak at the company’s sales conference next April. C&G was one of the largest corporations in the country, so Tracey had gotten back to them right away. She sent them Alexis’s requested speaker’s fee and travel expense requirements. It wasn’t that Alexis hadn’t believed they would sign her on to speak, but she’d half expected they would counter with a lower number. Now they wanted to confirm the date and draw up an agreement.

  Alexis was so excited and very thankful, because this would be the highest fee she’d been paid since becoming a motivational speaker. She had a feeling, though, that the superior recommendation from another large pharmaceutical company that she’d recently worked with had likely helped C&G make their decision. Tracey had learned during her initial communication with them that this was the reason they were contacting Alexis.

  Alexis thought back over her life and all the careers she’d had, as well as about the scenic route she’d taken to get her associate’s, bachelor’s, and master’s degrees. She even remembered how her first paid speaking engagement had earned her only one hundred dollars, but how proud she’d still been to receive it. Then, she’d eventually moved up to five hundred dollars, then to a thousand, and then to twenty-five hundred. But over the last two years, she’d gone from five to ten thousand to now twenty to speak at huge sales conferences. It was all such a great blessing from God, and it was Him whom she gave all the credit to.

  As Alexis thought about how well her career was doing, she smiled with joy, but it wasn’t long before she thought about her mom and how she wished she could tell her this good news in person. She knew her mom was with her in her heart, but Alexis would give anything to spend five minutes with her again. Two minutes, if that was all that was possible. Alexis always tried to be happy and go on with her life the way her mother had told her she wanted her to, but it was still very hard for her. Then, of course, when it came to the holiday season, she always hoped that things would be better and that at some point she’d be able to enjoy Christmas the same as the next person; but after five years, it still hadn’t happened. And to this date, she’d never even purchased her own Christmas tree.

  Before her mom had passed, Alexis hadn’t seen a reason to buy one, because during the entire month of December she would drive straight to her mom’s house when she finished working on the weekdays, and she would spend most of her time there on the weekends as well. But ever since then, Alexis had been too depressed to do decorating of any kind. She’d had no desire to so much as hang a beautiful wreath on her front door. There were times, however, when she wished she did have the desire to decorate, cook Christmas hors d’oeuvres, and play all her Christmas CDs, but that desire never progressed beyond a few thoughts. She wondered why she’d ordered both Kem’s and Mary J. Blige’s latest Christmas CDs as soon as they’d been released in October, yet they still sat on her kitchen island unopened. Alexis would have also liked to invite over friends and family members for a Christmas get-together one Saturday or Sunday in December, but she just didn’t have it in her. The thought of it all was very painful, and no matter how much she consi
dered the idea of celebrating, what she thought about more was the fact that her mom was no longer there.

  There was at least one Christmas ritual she did keep, though: She bought Christmas gifts for everyone close to her. During the first or second week in December, she spent one day online ordering certain gifts, and she spent one day out at the mall purchasing the rest of them. Buying for others always gave her joy, even at other times of the year, so she sort of looked forward to those two particular days leading up to Christmas. She also gave lots of toy donations to a number of charities for kids, and she donated money to local food banks that handed out Christmas baskets. Still, she took care of every bit of that in those same two allotted days. Some years, she even sent out Christmas cards. But if she was feeling exceptionally sad, no cards went out at all, and she also didn’t attend church the Sunday before Christmas, because she knew Christmas would be the focus of the entire service.

  Alexis certainly didn’t want to sound whiny or ungrateful, because she knew God had blessed her with good health, a wonderful fiancé, family and friends, and a great career, but she couldn’t help the way she felt. She was also sure that some people basically thought she should move on and get over it. Those were likely people who hadn’t lost a mother, or worse, people who had lost a mother but hadn’t had a good relationship with her—or they’d had no relationship with their mother at all. So, clearly, none of those folks would ever understand or have any sympathy for someone like Alexis—not until they walked in her shoes.

  But maybe the Christmas prayer she’d written last night before going to bed, the one Pastor Black had asked the congregation to write on Sunday, would help her.

  Alexis pulled it up on her computer screen.

  Dear Lord,

  My prayer for this Christmas is that I will experience much joy and happiness during this entire holiday season. Losing my mom is the most painful experience I’ve ever suffered through, and it continues to be extremely difficult for me. Whether it be the loss of a mother, father, sibling, or other family member, the pain of losing a loved one is truly heartbreaking and very real. So, my prayer is that You will give me the love and desire I need to celebrate Christmas again. Not just this year, but also for each year hereafter. I pray that You will bless others who are hurting as well, and that You will eliminate all sadness and loneliness for them completely. Then, Father, while I recognize and fully honor Jesus’s birthday, my prayer is that You will fill my heart with joy about Christmas as a whole. My prayer is that You will surround me with family members, friends, and even people I don’t know who will help me through this very trying process. I pray for this and for all other blessings in Your Son Jesus’s name, Amen.