The Choosing

by Annabelle Jacobs

  Meren buries his hands in Jerath’s thick fur. He runs his fingers through it, and Jerath contemplates jumping onto the bed so Meren can pet him more easily, but he hears Serim’s impatient growl just outside the tent. He gives Meren one last lick, snaps playfully at his fingers when Meren swats at his nose, and leaves the tent to join Serim.

  SERIM bumps Jerath with her shoulder, casually sniffing at him, and her whiskers twitch with the feline equivalent of a smile. He knows she’s going to tease him mercilessly when they shift back, but for now he just nudges her in return and enjoys the peace and quiet.

  They leave the tents behind, stretching their legs as they leisurely bound about through the grass. The sun will be up soon, the sky already shot through with bursts of light, and Jerath loves this time of the day. The air is crisp and fresh, filling his lungs and blowing against his fur. It makes him feel alive.

  They run back toward the camp, but Jerath veers off in the direction of the stream. Serim follows and they both shift back and step into the water.

  “Oh, that’s cold!” Serim shivers violently as she dips down to wash herself.

  Jerath laughs at her for a moment, before his expression turns more serious. “I need to ask you something.” He turns and ducks his head so she doesn’t see him blush. “About sex.”

  “Is this about you and Meren?”

  He looks up and meets her eyes. There’s no hint of laughter or teasing in her face and Jerath could hug her for that. “Yes.”

  “Did something happen, Jerath?”

  He gives her a brief explanation, skimping on the details until he gets to the bit about being unable to retract his claws and everything that followed. Serim, to her credit, manages to keep her reaction down to a smirk and a raised eyebrow, but when he gets to the end she’s all serious again. In fact, she looks far more serious than Jerath was expecting, and he gets a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. “What is it?”

  “Jerath—” she starts, and then stops. She motions for him to follow her and leaves the water to go sit on the grassy bank. “A reaction like that, Jerath, only happens when we find a match.” She pauses a moment for that to sink in, and Jerath struggles to understand what it means exactly.

  “But Meren isn’t female or even a shifter. How is that possible?” He wades out of the water and sits down beside her.

  “I don’t know.” She reaches out and grasps his hand. “Have you…?”

  He knows why she’s asking. Serim wants to know if he and Meren have had full sex, because if they were both shifters that act alone would complete the bond, if they were matched. He’s also pretty sure there’s some biting involved, as there is in the Choosing. This has happened before in one of Jerath’s neighboring villages, where they’re more relaxed than his own in their beliefs. But the elders of Eladir heavily discourage same-sex matches because they see them as a waste; no children can come of them.

  “No. Not yet.”

  “I don’t know what will happen if you do, Jerath. But you can’t risk it.”

  Jerath stands and turns away from her. “We don’t know that anything will happen.”

  “But it could.” She pulls on his hand and he reluctantly turns to face her. “If you do this, Jerath, and the magic works, you’ll become a mated pair. There’ll be no one else for you. Ever.” She sighs and pulls him back down onto the bank. “Meren comes from the Southern lands, Jerath. He will never leave his home, and neither will you. Does he even know?”

  “Of course he doesn’t,” Jerath snaps and immediately regrets it when Serim shrinks back. “I’m sorry. But how could Meren know, when this is the first I’ve heard of it? He probably wouldn’t want it, Serim, so I don’t think there’s any cause to worry. Last night was just….”

  “What?” She looks at him expectantly, but he doesn’t know what answer to give when he’s not exactly sure himself.

  “I don’t know. But I don’t think it meant that he wants me forever. We’ve only just met!” He looks down at the ground, not wanting to face her any longer.

  A heavy silence falls between them, and the faint sounds of the camp stirring to life start to filter down to them.

  Serim sighs. “We’d better get back; it’ll be time to leave soon. But, Jerath?” He meets her eyes. “You need to tell Meren. It’s not fair to carry on with whatever this is between you unless he knows what could happen.”

  Jerath nods. He doesn’t want to tell Meren about any of it. He’s almost sure that as soon as he mentions mates and bonds, Meren will run away as fast as possible. Jerath spent so many months longing for the ability to shift, but now he wishes it could have waited just one more month so he wouldn’t have this problem.

  He lets his jaguar form take over and pads after Serim’s panther back into camp.

  THERE’S a flurry of activity when they arrive. The tents are being packed away and loaded onto big carts. Jerath and Serim hurry into their tent to get changed so the men can take it down. Meren is nowhere to be found, and neither is Torek, so Serim and Jerath help out where they can to disassemble the camp.

  They’re ready to leave in just under two hours. They use horses to pull the carts, so Jerath and Serim refrain from shifting for fear of spooking them. The horses have been kept out at the back of the camp, so they’ve managed to avoid them thus far.

  Jerath hasn’t seen Meren since this morning and he’s starting to wonder if something’s wrong. The men are waiting to go and the horses are getting restless.

  “Serim,” Jerath whispers. He edges closer to her so they won’t be overheard. “Have you seen Meren or Torek today?”

  “No,” she whispers back. “And when I asked some of the men about it, they refused to answer.”

  Jerath doesn’t know what to say to that. He has no idea where they could possibly have gone, but none of the men seem worried about it. Before Jerath can discuss it further, Torek and Meren appear, walking up from the direction of the stream.

  Meren’s forearm is heavily bandaged and Jerath rushes to meet him halfway. Meren grins when he sees him and Jerath’s stomach does an odd little flutter.

  “I was worried.” Jerath reaches for Meren’s bandaged arm to inspect the damage. It’s dotted with red where the blood has seeped through, but Jerath can smell that it’s already stopped bleeding and started to clot. “What happened?”

  Meren gently pulls his arm back and smiles ruefully. “Would you believe Torek did it?”

  Jerath turns and growls at Torek, his instincts taking over.

  “Hey, it was an accident!” Torek backs up with his hands raised and Jerath snarls at him. All he can think is that Torek hurt his potential mate and he’s filled with the need to protect. His body vibrates with the urge to shift.

  “Jerath?” Meren steps in between them, his hand coming up and cupping Jerath’s cheek. “It’s okay. It really was just an accident.” He rubs his thumb over Jerath’s skin and moves closer until they’re only a couple of inches apart. “Jerath?”

  Jerath concentrates on Meren’s face, on the feel of his hands, and the tension slowly starts to fade. He takes a shaky breath and closes his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He covers Meren’s hand with his own and links their fingers. “I don’t know what happened… I….”

  “It’s okay, Jerath.” Meren leans in and kisses him. “We’ll talk about it later. We need to get moving if we’re going to make it to my village by tomorrow night.” The kiss takes Jerath totally by surprise. He didn’t think Meren would be so open about them, and he’s still standing there staring after Meren as he walks over to his men and starts barking orders.

  It’s only when Torek clears his throat that Jerath realizes he’s still there.

  “I caught him with the edge of my knife while we were taking down the tents. Then we went to wash and dress it by the stream and scout ahead for a mile or so. That’s all.” He looks Jerath in the eye as he speaks, and Jerath has no reason not to trust him.

  Jerath can’t believe he acted that way toward
Torek. He’s never started a fight before in his life, but his instincts took over and he’s almost certain he would have attacked Torek if Meren hadn’t calmed him down. Jerath swallows thickly and holds out his hand to Torek. “I’m sorry, Torek.”

  Torek steps forward and takes it. “I may not know much about shifters, Jerath, but I do know how protective they get where their mates are concerned.” He raises an eyebrow and Jerath looks at him, wide-eyed. “But Meren doesn’t. You need to tell him what’s going on, before someone gets hurt.”

  Jerath wants to ask what Torek knows, and how Meren will react when he finds out, but he’s scared of the answer. So he just nods and hurries away to find Serim.

  JERATH and Serim walk at the back of the group, away from the horses, as they travel south across the plains. Jerath tells her all about what happened with Torek, and she agrees that he needs to talk to Meren as soon as possible.

  He manages to avoid Meren all day while they travel, but as soon as they camp for the night, he knows it’s only a matter of time before Meren and Torek join them by the fire. He sits next to Serim as they eat, but Jerath can barely stomach any of the food. He’s full of nervous energy and can barely sit still.

  “Jerath,” Serim hisses. “Calm down.”

  “I can’t.” He turns to face her and lowers his voice even more. “How do you think he’s going to react when I tell him he’s my mate and I want to bond with him for life, Serim?” He puts his plate on the ground and runs his hands through his hair. “I’ve spent one night with him. One night! He’s going to laugh and tell me to go away.”

  “Is that what you really believe?” she says. “Meren doesn’t strike me as being that heartless, Jerath. I think you’re doing him an injustice.”

  “Maybe I am. But you can’t honestly tell me that he’s going to be okay with it all, can you?”

  Serim has never lied to him, and although her next words aren’t really what he wants to hear, he’s grateful she doesn’t lie now. “No, Jerath. I can’t tell you how he’s going to react. But you need to tell him and let him decide. Not decide for him.”

  They see Meren and Torek approaching and Serim stands, giving Jerath a pointed look as she does. She brushes the crumbs from her clothes. “I think I’m going to go to bed, it’s been a long day.” She leans back down to give Jerath a quick hug and a kiss and whispers that she loves him. “Good night, Meren, Torek.”

  They say their good nights and Serim disappears into her tent. Jerath fidgets, only half listening to Torek and Meren as they discuss tomorrow’s journey and what route they’re going to take. According to Torek, they should reach their village midafternoon, as long as none of the bridges are out.

  He catches Jerath listening and turns to explain. “It took us an extra two days to get home after the last hunt.”

  “The rivers run high this time of year.” Meren continues the story. “They flow all the way down from the mountains, and as the snow melts, the rivers rise. One of them broke its banks last time and the bridge collapsed. We had to double back and find another place to cross. There was a heavy rainfall before we left, so we’re going to head for the narrower crossing to start with. It’ll take a little longer, but there’s less chance of the bridge being gone.”

  Jerath nods, but doesn’t add to the conversation. He has no idea how to get back to their village, so he’s reliant on their decisions anyway. And all he can think about at the moment is how to explain to Meren about the bond in such a way that he won’t run a mile in the opposite direction.

  “I’m going to turn in for the night too.” Torek gets to his feet and gathers all of the discarded plates. “I believe you two have things to discuss anyway.” He throws a pointed look in Jerath’s direction, and Jerath’s stomach roils at the thought. The food he just ate is suddenly in real danger of coming back up.

  They watch Torek walk away, and then Meren shifts his position so he’s now facing Jerath. “Are you ready to tell me what happened earlier, with Torek?”

  Jerath sighs and scrubs his hand over his eyes. He doesn’t quite know how to start, doesn’t know enough about the whole thing himself, let alone how to explain it to a nonshifter. Even Serim doesn’t know everything this time.

  If he’d gone through the Choosing at his village, like he was supposed to, all this would have been explained by the village elders. He would have been taken aside the day after the ritual and taught all he needed to know by those who had already been through it.

  But now, as he sits here and looks at Meren’s expectant face, he knows he has to find a way to make Meren understand. That it’s instinctual for Jerath, he didn’t plan it, and it’s not something he can control either. He swallows thickly and meets Meren’s curious gaze.

  “How much do you know about shifters, Meren?”

  “A little more than I did, after talking with you and Serim. But not much really.” He scoots a little closer to Jerath so their knees are touching. “I know there are three villages, all closely connected, and that your tattoos depict your shifted form, but that’s about it.” He scratches the back of his neck as he struggles to think of something else. “Oh, and you have to be mated to someone with a matching tattoo, I think?” He looks to Jerath for confirmation.

  “Yes, that’s what our village elders believe.”

  “But?”

  Jerath sighs again. There’s no easy way to say this, so he just needs to come out with it.

  “I don’t know how this is even possible, but the reason I almost attacked Torek is because I thought he’d harmed you. I thought he’d harmed my mate.”

  Meren opens his mouth, then closes it again. He stares at Jerath for so long that Jerath starts to feel uncomfortable and he stares at the ground, picking at the grass while he waits for Meren to speak.

  “I don’t understand, Jerath.” When Meren finally says something, his voice is soft and he sounds as confused as Jerath feels. “We’ve only spent one night together—not that it wasn’t great,” Meren adds with a smile. “But I’m not even a shifter….” He drops his head into his hands. “What does all this mean, then?”

  “I’m not sure exactly.”

  Meren’s head snaps up and he looks at Jerath with a raised eyebrow.

  “I’ve only been able to shift for three days, Meren. I don’t know why I see you as a potential mate, or how it even works with nonshifters.” Jerath pauses to catch his breath. His hands have curled into fists at his sides and he forces them to relax. “I just know that I have this urge to protect you, to keep you safe and….”

  “And?”

  “And mark you as mine,” Jerath finishes and feels the blush creep over his skin.

  “Is that what all the licking was about?”

  “Yeah. I think so.” Jerath wants to reach out and link his fingers with Meren’s, but he’s not sure if the move will be welcome now. He makes do with brushing his knuckles along the back of Meren’s fingers. “There’s more.”

  “Go on.” Meren pulls both his hands back into his lap and Jerath feels the absence like an ache in his bones.

  “Shifters mate for life, Meren. If the bond is formed, then it’s forever.” He glances up, but Meren isn’t looking at him. “For me, anyway.”

  “What about me?”

  “I don’t know. I’m not sure this has ever happened before, or if it has, then no one ever talks about it. I don’t think it would be the same for you, though.”

  Meren is quiet again and Jerath waits as patiently as he can. It’s a lot to take in and he understands that Meren needs time to process it all, but Jerath hates the growing silence between them. Having Meren so close and not being able to touch him, especially with all the talk of mates and bonds, is torture.

  “You said if the bond is formed. Does that mean it isn’t already?” Meren’s voice is stronger this time and he’s looking straight at Jerath now.

  “No, it’s just a potential bond for now.” Jerath can sense what’s coming next. He sees the question forming
in Meren’s mind and doesn’t bother waiting for him to ask it. “It would only be permanent if I….” He pauses as the words stick in his throat. “If I… fuck you and… um… mark you as mine. I’d also….” Jerath swallows down his embarrassment. “I think I’d probably have to bite you, and you’d possibly have to bite me too.” He’s not exactly certain about that last part, but when he looks at the juncture between Meren’s neck and shoulder, he feels the urge to sink his teeth into the soft flesh.

  Meren blows out a breath and jumps to his feet. “Wow, Jerath… that’s… fuck.” He paces back and forth in front of Jerath, hands jammed in his hair.

  “It was a shock for me too. I didn’t plan this, I didn’t know it would happen.” Jerath says desperately. “You do believe me, don’t you?”

  Meren stops and drops his hands to his hips. “Yeah, I believe you.” He squats in front of Jerath and places his hands tentatively on Jerath’s knees. “It’s not that the idea isn’t appealing, Jerath. Because I really like you. It’s just….” He closes his eyes for a moment before carrying on. “Mates and forever… it’s a little more than I was expecting. My father is the leader of our village, Jerath, and there are certain expectations.” He lets that sink in, and Jerath feels reality come crashing in around him.

  What was he thinking? “Of course.” Meren would be expected to marry a girl and raise children to follow after him. He would be chief someday and would never be allowed to have a male shifter for a mate. Jerath draws in a shaky breath and studies the grass again, anything to keep from meeting Meren’s eyes. Last night was just a bit of harmless fun, and Jerath needs to accept it and move on. At least the bond was never fully formed.

  “Hey?” Strong fingers tilt Jerath’s jaw and force him to look up. “It’s not what you think, Jerath.” Meren’s thumb idly strokes along his skin, and Jerath can’t help but lean into the touch. “If we did this, if we formed a bond between us, then I wouldn’t ever want to be apart from you. I think it’d be the same for you too, yes?”