by Judy Corry
Her other hand held a glass of red wine. An empty bottle sat on the table. I hoped she hadn’t drained the whole thing in one sitting.
She squinted in the bright lights and seemed to take in my appearance. “What are you so happy about?”
I didn’t know if I wanted to open up to her, after how little she’d seemed to want me these past few months, so I pretended not to hear as I cleared the empty bottle from the table, tossing it in the trash. When I turned around, she asked again, “What put that smile on your face when you walked in here a minute ago? Was Brandt still out there?”
“Ew, Mom! I was with Jess.”
In what universe would seeing Brandt make me smile?
My mom took a drag from her cigarette and blew the smoke in my direction.
“Well, isn’t that nice.” Her voice was void of emotion.
“Yeah,” I said carefully. “He likes me.”
Mom pursed her lips into a smirk as she tapped the ashes off her cigarette into a bowl. “Sure he does.”
Sure he does?
“What do you mean by that?”
“I’m sure he says he likes you now, but that’s what all men say. You should know that by now. They’ll say anything to get what they want—that’s what all men do. And then they leave. Your father did it. Brandt did it tonight. It’s better to stay away from them. They’re all the same.”
I scrunched up my nose and shook my head. “You’re wrong, Mom. Maybe Dad and Brandt did those things, but Jess would never do that. He’s different. He’s a good guy.”
“Didn’t he date like ten different girls last year? You are so naive.”
It was only eight. And that didn’t mean anything, he didn’t like them anymore. “He’s been dating Kelsie for over six months.”
“Now that’s even better.” She guffawed, which turned into a cough. A horrible, hacking cough. She took a drink from her glass. Once her coughing fit stopped, she continued, “He cheated on his girlfriend to be with you. And you expect him to be faithful?”
He didn’t cheat. They were broken up—maybe for less than twenty-four hours…but they were still broken up. Knowing it was useless to try and explain everything, I said, “It’s different with me.” She didn’t even know. She had no idea what was going on between us—what had been there for months.
“Sure, it is. I bet he tells you you’re special. That you’re the only one for him—the one he’s wanted to be with all along.”
A sliver of doubt crept past the shield I’d been holding up between my mom’s accusations and me. He had said those things. Was that a line he used on all the girls he’d dated in the past?
Mom smiled, seeing her words were finally getting through to me.
She took a long sip from her glass, her eyes staying on me the whole time. They seemed to soften as she set her drink back on the table. “I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you, but isn’t it better that you know this now, before he’s taken everything away from you?”
I fought the tears forming behind my eyes. How could she say these things? Why did she have to try to take away the last bit of happiness in my life? Couldn’t she let me live in my dreamland for a while?
She was bitter. That’s what it was. She was a bitter woman who wanted to bring me down. Misery loves company. I looked at her—this woman in front of me was a shell of the woman she’d been a year ago. Her eyes were sunken in; her skin, once vibrant and healthy, was now sallow. She didn’t look well. Where my dad’s disappearance had rocked my world, it had destroyed hers. It was so sad to see, especially since despite everything that had happened and everything she’d said, I still loved her.
But I wasn’t about to let her wreck my life even more.
“I’m sorry Dad left us,” I said, my hands clenched in fists to keep me from losing my resolve. “I’m sorry you lost everything. And I’m sorry you made some stupid decisions because of that. But I’m not going to let you ruin my chance at being happy. You lost the chance to give me advice the day you started drinking again.”
“How dare you speak to me like that!” Mom squished her cigarette into the bowl. “Get out of here. I won’t have you disrespecting me like that anymore.”
She was so messed up that she couldn’t see things right. “If you want me to respect you, Mom, act respectable,” I said before running up the stairs.
My mom was wrong. Jess was not like Dad, and he was definitely not like Brandt. He was finishing things off with Kelsie right now, and things would work out between us.
Mom came clumping up the stairs after me. “I said don’t talk to me that way, young lady. And don’t walk away when I’m talking to you,” she slurred. Did she even know how terrible she sounded?
She was so unsteady that even though I wanted to run to my room, I was worried she was going to fall down the stairs. So I balled my hands at my sides, trudged down the stairs, and grabbed her arm to help her up to her room.
“Let me go!” she yelled sloppily, trying to jerk herself away from me. But my grip was firm.
“I’m helping you to bed,” I spoke quietly, hoping to get a better reaction from her this time.
“I said, LET ME GO!” Her hand smacked my cheek. Hard. So hard it tingled and burned at the same time.
“No, Mom.” I worked to keep my voice steady, but it shook despite my best efforts. Tears threatened to topple out. “You need help.”
But I did let go of her arm, opting to follow one step behind her, just in case. We were almost to the top when she missed a step and stumbled back. I grabbed her arm to steady her, but she didn’t like that and suddenly shook me off her. The force behind her tantrum made me lose my balance. I tried to right myself, to grab the banister for support but I couldn’t reach it. A second later, I tumbled down the stairs, crashing to the ground with a bruising thud. I wailed, my back screaming with pain where it had banged against the wooden stairs.
I sat up, rubbing my back, and caught my mom gaping at me from the top of the stairs.
"Eliana? Oh, baby, I'm so sorry. Mommy didn't mean it."
Tears sprang to my eyes. It was happening again. Life with drunk Mom 2.0.
She stumbled down the stairs to help me, but I shook my head, scrambled to my feet, and grabbed the car keys before bolting out the back door.
I drove straight to Jess's house, barely able to see the road through my tears. I didn’t care if he was still talking to Kelsie. I needed him right now. I didn’t know what I was going to say, but I needed him to make everything okay.
Kelsie’s Jag was parked out front when I got there, so I made my way through the back gate again, trying to wipe away my tears as I snuck into the deck and the enclosed porch area.
When I peeked through the window, Jess and Kelsie were still sitting on the couch. Jess's back was to me, Kelsie was facing the window I was looking through. I didn’t think she noticed me. She didn’t look quite as angry now. Maybe she accepted their breaking up was for the best.
I rubbed my back as I tried to decide what to do. My whole backside would probably be black and blue tomorrow. And my head was splitting with a headache. I hurt so bad, and thoughts of my childhood kept rushing through my mind. My mom was as bad as she was before, if not worse. And this time my dad wasn’t around to help.
“Jess,” I whispered, barely peeking my head inside. I didn’t care if Kelsie saw me like this. I needed Jess now.
“Eliana?” he turned, confusion all over his face. He walked to the door. “What’s going on? I went to check on you and you were gone.”
“I was. But…” I eyed Kelsie who sat on the couch with an irritated expression. “I needed you.” I didn’t even try to hide the pleading in my voice.
Jess's face screwed up with alarm. “You need me?” His gaze darted between me and Kelsie.
“Back for more?” Kelsie crossed her arms.
Jess's shoulders straightened. “I’m going to have to say goodnight to you, Kelsie. I think we’ve already said pretty much everything
that needed to be said.”
Kelsie pouted but pulled her coat on anyway.
While Jess walked her out, I sat on the couch, hugging myself while trying to take a deep breath.
It wasn’t working.
“What’s going on?” Jess sat next to me and pulled me into a hug.
I flinched in pain at first before leaning into him, letting his arms give me the comfort I so desperately needed. Finally, I drew in a calming breath.
“My mom and I had a fight. It was really bad.”
“I’m so sorry. Was she mad I kept you out so late?” Jess squeezed me.
Ow! I stiffened, my bruised body complaining against his touch.
“Did that hurt?” Jess pulled back and inspected my face.
I bit my lip. “After our fight, I r-ran up the stairs too fast and ended up tripping and falling down.”
Why couldn’t I tell him about my mom? Why couldn’t I tell him everything?
“You fell down the stairs?” His eyebrows scrunched like he didn’t think he heard me right.
I felt a hitch in my chest.
Keep yourself to yourself, my dad’s words sounded in my mind again.
“I-I’ll be okay. But I can’t go back there tonight. Is it okay if I stay here?’
“Of course.” He pulled me against his chest more gently this time and kissed my forehead. “You can stay here as long as you need.”
I sighed against him, letting his comfort envelop me.
I wished I could stay here forever.
Chapter Nineteen
I woke to the midmorning sun streaming through the Brooks’ guest bedroom windows. I stretched, hoping it might help with the soreness from the night before. My back cracked and shoulders popped. I was still so sore, maybe even more so. I walked to the vanity mirror attached to the dark wooden dresser to see what I looked like.
I looked terrible. Much worse than my usual morning, thanks to the leftover mascara all smudged under my eyes. I lifted the hem of my shirt to wipe the black smudges, and that’s when I saw the bruise. A big, blotchy red-and-purple bruise on my side where I’d hit the stairs last night. I lifted my shirt higher to find another bruise. Upon further inspection, I found more bruises on my shoulder, my butt, and on the back of my legs.
I guess it was lucky they were in places the kids at school wouldn’t see tomorrow.
After a trip to the bathroom to wash my face and freshen up, I found Ashlyn in her bedroom. Her hair was wet like she’d just gotten out of the shower.
“Jess told me you were here.” Ashlyn gestured for me to join her in her room. “He said you and your mom had a fight, are you okay?”
“I’ll be fine.” I sat on the pink-and-gold comforter of her queen-sized bed and watched her put makeup on at her vanity. “What time did you get home? I didn’t go to bed until about two.”
She grinned and set the purple mascara tube down, looking at me through the mirror. “A little after that. Haven’t I told you what a good kisser Luke is?”
I shook my head and resisted the urge to tell her that Luke wasn’t the only guy around with good lips.
As if sensing my thoughts, Jess peeked his head in. “I thought you might be in here.” He smiled at me, his eyes warm and happy. With everything that had happened the night before, we still hadn’t talked about what had happened between us. That kiss.
My heart blipped when I thought of it. I could almost feel his hot breath on my neck again.
Jess interrupted my thoughts. “Your mom called a few minutes ago to see if you and her car were here.”
My hand went to my back pocket to where I usually kept my phone. It was dead, of course.
“Did she sound mad?”
“Mad and worried.”
Good! She should be worried. She had just knocked her only daughter down the stairs the night before. I hoped she felt bad…if she even remembered it.
“I better take her car back.”
“Do you want me to follow you? I have to go back to Ithaca tonight, but I think we have some things we didn’t get to talk about last night.” There was an anticipation in his eyes that I hadn’t seen before. And wait, was he blushing? His cheeks were more pink than usual.
“Yeah, I’ll, uh…” I stood, patting around my pockets for no reason. “I’ll go home and shower. Pick me up in forty minutes?”
“Yeah.”
I glanced at Ashlyn who had watched the whole exchange. Her eyes were so big and her mouth had gone slack.
I walked to where she sat, gave her a hug and whispered, “We’ll have to talk more when I get back.”
I put the keys on the counter before rushing upstairs. My mom’s door was closed, but Uncle Peter was just leaving the bathroom in his robe. It was always so awkward when we met like this.
“Hey,” he nodded as I slipped past him.
“Hi,” I said over my shoulder.
“Hey, wait, Eliana.” He put a palm on the door as I was shutting it. “I heard what happened last night.”
“You did?”
He nodded. “I’m sorry. I swear I never knew she had a drinking problem before. I never would’ve encouraged her and Brandt to go get that wine for her anniversary if I’d known. I thought I was helping her loosen up on a bad night.”
I looked down as I processed what he said.
“I really am sorry. I’m gonna stop throwing parties all the time.”
Yeah right.
“Don’t you think all your friends will miss all the free booze?”
“Nah.” He waved the thought away. “Davey got a new job anyway. He only started coming over because he and his wife were fighting, stressed about money.” He shrugged. “And Brandt, well, I don’t think he’ll want to keep coming over here after what happened between him and your mom.”
“Okay,” was all I could think to say. I wanted to believe him, but I’d learned long ago not to get my hopes up. “Tell Davey congrats on the new job. I hope things get better for them.” I really did. When we’d first moved here, all I could see were the negative things about this neighborhood. I focused on the parties, the ramshackle appearance of the houses, and the fighting neighbors. I hadn’t realized that most of the neighbors were normal people who worked hard every day to make a living. And that some were dealing with things I didn’t even know about, like Davey and his wife. Maybe if I hadn’t judged them so quickly, I would have understood why they were acting the way they were. Out of fear. And stress.
Could things get better for my mom and me if I made more of an effort to be there for her? And help her instead of always trying to get away from the situation?
Probably not. But maybe I should try harder.
When I climbed in Jess’s car, I noticed that he was all cleaned up and wearing a sea-green t-shirt that brought out the color of his eyes.
“You shaved your beard!”
He rubbed his fingers along his jaw and shrugged. “No-shave November ended. It was time.”
“Did you take a picture first?”
“Of course!”
“Good.” I’d have to ask him for a copy of it sometime.
“How are things with your mom today? Are you still fighting?”
I shrugged. “She was in her room, so I left her alone. I’ll talk to her later.”
Jess pulled onto the road and we drove in companionable silence. I couldn’t help but compare it to the last car ride we’d had after kissing. There was a peaceful energy in the car this time. An excited energy, of course, but peaceful. Last time was pure anxiety. And instead of switching the radio from every love song it played, Jess had Terrence Thorne’s first album playing. That had to be a good sign.
When we pulled into his family’s driveway, Jess hesitated before unbuckling his seatbelt.
“I need to tell you something before we go inside.”
“Okay.” His guilty expression was not reassuring at all.
“I told Ashlyn about last night. She practically attacked me as soon as you left.”
“Which part did you tell her about?” I managed to ask.
“The part on the deck.”
My pulse skyrocketed at the look in his eyes. I swallowed. “And how’d she take it?”
His lips quirked up into a half smile. “You’ll see.”
“What about the rest of your family? Did your parents hear?” My palms felt sweaty. Jess's mom had always been a fan of Kelsie. A big fan. Would she be mad they’d broken up?
Jess opened his door. “I have a feeling they’ll find out soon, if Ashlyn hasn’t already said anything.”
He jumped out before I could freak out on him. But when he opened my door for me, I said, “Should I be worried?”
“No. Just be happy. I know I am.” He hesitantly slid his hand in mine, intertwining our fingers, and I melted.
We barely made it through the front door before I heard Ashlyn yell, “Elianaaaaaa!” followed by her rapid footsteps on the entry hall’s tile floor. A second later she barreled into us and flung her arms around me, almost knocking me over. I clung to her to keep from falling backward. “I’m. So. Happy. For you guys!” she said. “Finally!”
I smoothed my clothes back down once she stepped back. I asked Jess, “So she’s okay with it?”
He grinned. “I’d say so.”
“Of course I am! I’ve only been waiting like two years for Jess to man up.”
I narrowed my gaze and gave Jess a questioning smile. “Two years?”
He shrugged. “Give or take a few days.”
“What’s going on back there?” Mrs. Brooks’ voice called down the hall. “It sounds like the circus broke through the wall.”
“It’s just us, Mom,” Jess called.
My stomach dropped, my hand trembling as I thought about how his mom might react.
Jess reached over to squeeze my hand. “It’ll be fine,” he whispered. “She’s known you practically your whole life.”
I know. But that was as the little neighbor girl next door. Not the girl who made out with her son and came back to spend the night.
