by Judy Corry
I was gonna be sick.
Mrs. Brooks came around the corner holding a string of Christmas lights, her blonde hair and designer clothes immaculate as always. When she saw Jess and I holding hands together, she did a double take, her eyes darkening.
“Hi, Mrs. Brooks,” I squeaked.
She nodded at me, her eyes dipping to our hands once more. “Good to see you, Eliana.” She looked down at the string of Christmas lights she was working to unknot. Then at Jess, her gaze firm. “Jess, can I have a word with you? In my room, please?”
This couldn’t be good. She was not happy to see her darling Kelsie had been replaced.
Jess turned to me. “I’ll be right back.” He squeezed my hand again before leaving. My hand felt so lonely on its own. And the shaking had returned.
Ashlyn looped her arm through mine and pulled me into the family room. The large room was full of boxes and boxes of Christmas decorations that they’d been bringing out of storage when I left this morning. The twelve-foot tree already stood in its usual spot, in front of the big wall of windows. It was half lit, with a ladder standing next to it.
“You can help me and Macey untangle the lights while you dish on last night.” Ashlyn led me through the maze of boxes to where her thirteen-year-old sister was sitting with a pile of lights in her lap.
“Hey, Macey,” I said as I sat on the carpet beside her and grabbed a string of lights from the box in the middle. Macey was like a miniature version of Ashlyn, with long blonde hair, high cheekbones, and light blue eyes.
“Is it true that Jess dumped Kelsie to date you?” Macey blurted out.
I glared at Ashlyn.
“Sorry,” Ashlyn said with a grin. “I had to tell someone the glorious news.”
“I don’t know if I’d call it dumping.” I turned to Macey. “More like he decided to date me instead, and she, um, found out…while it was happening.” My words fizzled out as I realized how bad I’d made that sound.
“How did she find out?” Macey asked with her bright, innocent eyes.
“Yeah, Eliana, tell her what Kelsie saw.” Ashlyn nudged me with her elbow.
My face flushed. “We were just…discussing the matter on the back porch when Kelsie showed up.”
Ashlyn put a hand to her mouth and mock-whispered, “When she says discussing, she actually means making out.”
I smacked Ashlyn's arm as Macey’s jaw dropped. “Kelsie caught you guys kissing?”
I bit my lip and Ashlyn laughed at my embarrassment. She was enjoying this way too much.
“Oh, I wish I could have seen the look on Kelsie’s face,” Macey said.
“That makes one of us.”
“That bad?” Ashlyn asked.
“Bad would be an understatement. She looked like she was about to explode.”
Ashlyn grinned. “I wouldn’t mind seeing that look on her. It’s probably a big improvement from the fake smile she usually sports.”
“Possibly.” I shrugged. “So, uh…what did Jess say to you about last night?”
“He said Kelsie was no fun to deal with.” Ashlyn looked at me with an amused smile. “Oh, were you wondering what he said about the part with you?”
I nodded, trying not to roll my eyes.
“We better go upstairs for that.” She eyed Macey, apparently not wanting to discuss this in front of her younger sister after all. “We’ll be right back, Mace.” Ashlyn stood and pulled me up with her before heading out of the room. We ended up in her bedroom again. She made a show of shutting the door before plopping down on her bed. “So how are you feeling about all of this?” She patted a spot next to her.
I sank down beside her. “I don’t know. I’ve wished something like this would happen since last spring, so, yeah, I’m happy.”
“Good, good.”
“What did Jess say about it?” I asked.
“In my entire life, I’ve never seen him so excited about something. He said he wished he made his move a long time ago.”
The nervous feeling in my chest was replaced with euphoria.
“Knock, knock.” Jess's voice came from the other side of the door along with the sound of him knocking.
“Come in,” Ashlyn called and stood. Jess walked in the room looking slightly irritated after his conversation with his mom. What did she say to him?
“I’ll leave you two alone.” Ashlyn moved toward the door. “You probably have a lot to talk about.” She disappeared around the corner only to peek her head through the door a second later. “Just leave the door open, will ya? I don’t want you making out in my room.”
My cheeks heated up and I noticed Jess eyed me anxiously as well.
When Ashlyn was gone, Jess said, “So we should probably have that talk we were supposed to have on my deck last night, huh?”
I cleared my throat. “Yeah. We should probably do that.”
“But let’s get out of Ashlyn's room.”
He led me across the hall to his bedroom. I hadn’t been in his room since he’d left for college. It hadn’t changed much. He still had the same red-and-blue striped quilt on his bed, and his old basketball was stuffed in one of the built-in cubbies that framed his headboard. I smiled when I saw he still had the picture of him, Ashlyn, and me on his dresser.
I went to the window to check if I could see into my old bedroom across the way. I couldn’t help but wonder how my room looked now. But there was nothing to see because the curtains were closed.
“Remember when we used to write notes on whiteboards and show them to each other through the windows?” Jess asked, coming to stand behind me.
I sighed. “Those were the days.” Living next door to Jess and Ashlyn had been such a great way to grow up. “Remember when you tried to convince me that you saw someone in my closet?”
Jess laughed. “That was awesome. I’ve never seen you move so fast.”
I elbowed his stomach. “I still can’t go to sleep without checking my closet before bed.” The hair on the back of my neck still raised every time I thought about how I’d bolted out of the room, thinking some guy was going to come after me with a knife.
“Sorry. I couldn’t resist.”
“I still need to get you back for that….and about a billion other things you did to torture me growing up.”
He moved his lips near my ear. “I’m pretty sure seeing you across the way every day, not thinking we’d ever be more than friends was torture enough.”
My temperature spiked. I turned and looked up into his penetrating green eyes. “You know, coming from anyone else that would sound creepy.”
“I know.” He cleared his throat. “But coming from me, how did it sound?”
A smile lifted the corner of my lip. “Really nice.” My smile broadened as relief showed on his face. “I’m pretty sure you just made my day.”
He stepped closer, leaning his forehead against mine.
“You know what would make my day?”
“What?”
“This.” He bent his head down and kissed me, his lips slowly grazing my bottom lip, coaxing my mouth to part. My head swam, muddled with heat as I traced my fingers along his smooth jaw.
He threaded one hand into the hair at the nape of my neck, seeming to need this kiss in a way—like it was helping him fight whatever had been bothering him after his conversation with his mom. I felt his frustration melt away as it was replaced with desire.
“Is this for real?” I broke away for a second, still not believing this was happening.
“Yes,” Jess said. “In fact, I don’t have any plans for today, so…” He moved to kiss the skin along my jaw, working his way down my neck.
Chills ran down my spine all the way to my toes.
“Jess,” I finally said.
“Hmmm?” he said as he found my lips again.
“We still need to talk about everything.” I placed my hands on his chest, working hard to keep my mind from giving into the foggy daze it was drowning in.
“We’re communicating just fine,” he mumbled against my lips.
I gave in for a few minutes longer, because there was no way I could resist him. But eventually we did break apart and sat on the window seat.
Jess draped his arm around me and pulled me against his side. “What do you want to talk about?”
“I don’t know. Everything.”
“Well, let’s see.” He pursed his lips. “I like you. And I’m hoping you like me.”
I nodded shyly.
“Looks like we’ve got it covered.” He shrugged. “That was easy.”
“Well, I guess since your questions are satisfied, I’ll ask mine. Starting with: What did Kelsie want last night anyway?”
His demeanor immediately went from carefree to brooding. “I think she was coming to get me to change my mind.”
“Awesome. I bet that went over real well after what she saw.”
“You could say that.” He sighed. “She was super mad, but I told her it’s over and that I’m with you now.” He squeezed my shoulder.
I still felt guilty for how everything had gone down. It didn’t look good at all to have Kelsie walk in on her newly-ex-boyfriend making out with me.
Jess was keeping something from me, though. I could tell.
“Is there something else?”
“Well, when we were dating I promised to be her escort for this debutante ball thing in New York.” Jess swallowed. “I still have to go.”
“What?”
Jess's eyes met mine, looking pained. “She doesn’t have anyone else to go with. It’s a super fancy thing, and since we were still dating then, she didn’t go to the bachelor’s brunch to find another escort.” Jess shook his head. “And she was crying because growing up she’d planned to have her brother, Kason, take her, but of course that can’t happen.”
No, that definitely couldn’t happen since he’d OD’d last year.
I did feel kind of bad for her. Maybe Jess did owe her this at least.
“Is everything okay between you and your mom?” I asked, remembering back to his earlier mood.
“Sure. It will be anyway.”
“Yeah?”
He shrugged. “She’ll come around.”
“Come around?”
He shook his head, his frustration coming back. “She’s not happy with the way I handled things. She wanted to know what was going on with you and me.” A guarded look crossed his face. “And she wanted to make sure I wasn’t leaving Kelsie hanging, ranting on and on about how her family spent over twenty-five thousand dollars on this ball, and stuff.”
I clenched my teeth. Of course his mom would make sure he was still going. She loved Kelsie. She and Kelsie had bonded over their love of fashion. She probably shuddered at the idea of her son dating a girl who didn’t even know how to pronounce the words “haute couture” properly, let alone afford it.
I inhaled deeply. This would be okay. It was only one night.
One night in New York City. Surrounded by all sorts of one-percenters, flaunting their daughters in diamonds and designer dresses.
Jess reached over to hold my hand. “It’ll be fine. It’s not a big deal. And if it makes you feel any better, I’ll be miserable the whole time, wishing I was dancing with you.”
So he was planning to dance with Kelsie?
Of course I knew that’s how it worked. That’s what people did at balls. I just didn’t like the idea. At all.
I leaned my head back on his shoulder and sighed, trying to push my jealousy away. I just got Jess back from Kelsie. I didn’t want her to get her claws on him again.
Jess kissed me on the forehead. “Remember, as soon as the ball is over we have my family’s New Year’s Eve party. And this year, I’m hoping we’ll both have someone to kiss when midnight strikes.”
Butterflies danced in my stomach. “I like the sound of that.”
I just had to make it through the next few weeks.
Chapter Twenty
Jess and I spent the rest of the day together. Even with everything that happened with my mom, it turned out to be the happiest weekend I’d had in months, if not the happiest ever. But that night he had to go back to Ithaca. And I had to go back to my life.
Mom was waiting for me in the living room when Jess dropped me off.
“We need to talk,” she said when she saw me. Her eyes were sad and puffy, as if she’d been crying. I cleared some dirty socks off the couch cushion and sat opposite of my mother with my arms folded across my chest.
“I…” she started. She glanced around the room, looking like she was warring with her emotions. “I’m sorry about last night.”
I nodded and bit my lip, focusing on the crumbling plaster in the corner of the wall behind her.
“I was just so upset about Brandt that I took it out on you.”
I kept staring at the crumbling wall.
My mom sighed. “Are you going to say anything? I apologized, Eliana.”
“Are you going to quit drinking?”
She looked at the clock on the wall. “I’m going to cut back. I only drank with Brandt because it was fun. But now that he’s gone, I guess it shouldn’t be a problem anymore.”
“Yeah. Okay. Whatever, Mom.” I rolled my eyes.
“I’m going to stop, Eliana. I just need a drink sometimes to take away the edge.”
“Don’t they say admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery?”
“I’m working on it.”
“Okay, well, like I’ve been saying, if you ever need a ride to AA I’d be happy to take you there.” I stood to leave.
I was almost out of the room when I heard my mom whisper, “I’m sorry I forgot your birthday.”
I got my first text from Kelsie the next night. It was a photo of Jess talking to a girl somewhere on the Cornell campus. The caption read, He cheated on me, he’ll cheat on you too.
I studied the photo closely. Jess was leaning against a building, smiling as he looked down at the girl he was talking to. I couldn’t see much of the girl’s face from the angle of the picture, but her head was turned up and the way she was standing was definitely not a closed-off stance. But Jess wouldn’t flirt with another girl, would he? They probably had a class together. Kelsie was trying to get into my head.
I called Jess that night to ask how his day was.
“I’m pretty sure my brain is going to turn into goo before these next two weeks are over,” he complained.
“Sounds exciting.”
“About as exciting as the Henderson-Hasselbach Equation.”
“Did you run into Kelsie?” I asked, jumping to the subject.
He paused for a moment before answering, “I saw her when I was at the library, but it was from a distance.”
That must have been where Kelsie had snapped the photo. “So you didn’t talk to her?”
“Nope.”
“That’s good.” I sighed. “She probably would have made a scene.”
He sighed, too. “Probably.”
Should I tell him that Kelsie had texted me? Should I ask him about the girl in the photo? Or would that make me look jealous?
Yeah, that would definitely make me look jealous, and I didn’t want Jess to think I was going to turn into a possessive drama queen like his last girlfriend.
How did people do this long-distance relationship stuff? We’d only been apart for a day, and I was already insecure.
But I couldn’t help it. That’s what happens when you date someone as awesome as Jess. He probably had tons of girls wishing they could date him. And I still had a hard time believing that out of all the other girls he could date, he had picked me.
Kelsie took the next few days off from texting me. She must have been busy with finals like Jess. But on Thursday night she made up for lost time and kept sending one after another.
Buzz
You’re a slut.
Buzz
Your dad left because he didn’t love you anymore.
&nb
sp; Buzz
I saw your dad with another woman before he disappeared.
Buzz
Jess feels bad for you. You’re a pity date.
Buzz
He’s going to get bored. Guys like him will ALWAYS want girls like me.
I started to text Kelsie a response, to tell her to shut up, but her texts kept coming before I could get anything typed. I didn’t want to read them, but I couldn’t look away.
Buzz
You’re not good enough for him and his mom agrees.
Buzz
He’ll come to his senses soon.
Buzz
Whore.
Buzz
Ugly.
Tears poured down my cheeks as I tried to figure out how to block her from sending me any more texts. Even though I knew most of them were said out of spite, some of those words hit me harder than most. Dad had left us, and he wouldn’t have done that if he still loved us…if he still loved me.
As for Jess, I knew he liked me. But a tiny part inside my brain couldn’t help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, he truly did feel sorry for me. If his pity motivated him to be kinder, to make him feel obligated to come to my rescue.
That night, when Jess called, I told him I wasn’t feeling well and needed to go to sleep.
Chapter Twenty-One
Two days before Christmas, Jess invited me to go to the mall to help him figure out what gifts to get everyone in his family.
The mall teemed with people of all ages doing their last-minute holiday shopping. Christmas music played cheerfully through the speakers, lights were strung on all the shops, and red and green were everywhere.
We ended up in the jewelry shop first. It didn’t take long for him to find a necklace with matching earrings for his mother. The next stop was for Ashlyn—he got her a gift card to Chic Girl Boutique, Ashlyn's favorite clothing store.
Macey was next on the list. She was into art right now, so we headed to the little art shop upstairs. It was nice and quiet in there, and oh so colorful. Rows of paints, pencils, and paper of all sizes were stacked on shelves and in bins—so much art and creativity waiting to be unleashed.
