The Immolation of Eve

by Helen Fields

  ‘The thing with James. I didn’t ask you any more but Sabina says he hasn’t been the same since. She says he seems lost. I just thought you ought to know.’ I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. Whatever Sabina and Naomi had been discussing, they didn’t know what he’d done to me. I’d be lying if I said the mention of James didn’t make me curious but I could rely on Nate. It was about him now. He was the one who’d come running, unbidden, just when I needed him. I wasn’t about to fall back into old habits and reject someone reliable just because I imagined something more exciting around the corner.

  ‘I’ll miss you so much,’ I said. ‘Be here when the play opens. Promise? Besides, Sabina has practically adopted you. She’ll never forgive me if I don’t get you back soon.’

  ‘Just try keeping me away.’ She smiled and kissed my cheek. ‘Call me, day or night, whenever you need me. Love you.’ With that she was gone. I watched until she was out of sight then Nate took my hand and we walked back to the car in silence.

  ‘I thought we’d go for a picnic,’ he said. ‘All packed and ready.’ In the back seat of the car I noticed a picnic basket and rug. He knew I’d need something to take my mind off Naomi’s departure and had chosen exactly the right thing. ‘Know a good beach?’

  ‘I certainly do,’ I replied, setting the navigation unit and tuning the radio to something upbeat as we set off for the coast. A few miles north of Santa Cruz is Bonny Doon beach and from the way Xander had raved it seemed like the perfect secluded getaway. We found it easily enough although negotiating the path down the cliff with a picnic basket was more challenging. I thought I could run down the bottom few metres but slipped at last moment, landing heavily in Nate’s arms. I laughed as he brushed sand out of my hair. When I went to pull away he held me to him for a moment. I thought he was going to kiss me but he smiled that sweet smile of his.

  ‘As much as I’ll miss Naomi, it’ll be good to have you to myself now,’ he said and released me so I could get my footing on the beach. Whilst Naomi was there Nate had stayed in a separate room to me. It wasn’t something we’d discussed, just the way it had worked out. I’d been grateful, needing my own space. I wondered if he’d be sleeping in my bed tonight and felt some nerves at the prospect. We paddled for a while but the water wasn’t warm enough for much more and then settled to eat our picnic. Nate had been thoughtful about everything and I found myself wondering if I shouldn't just pack my bags, fly home with him, let myself be taken care of and forget this endless search for belonging.

  When we’d eaten almost everything in the basket we lay back on the blanket and stared at the clouds. As I closed my eyes I felt Nate’s hand slide across my belly and then he kissed me. I don’t know if I wasn’t expecting it or if it was too soon but I jerked my head away. I swore quietly under my breath and wished the earth would swallow me up. Nate had been about as perfect as anyone could ask for the last two weeks and here I was ruining everything.

  ‘Nate, I’m so sorry. You just took me by surprise. I guess I’m still a bit jumpy, it’s nothing to do with you.’

  ‘That’s okay,’ he said. ‘No pressure, I wanted you to know that I still feel exactly the way I did when you left, that’s all. Would it help to talk about what happened?’

  ‘I don’t think so,’ I muttered. Telling him about James was a certain way to close my door to a future with Nate forever. ‘Could you just hold me for a while, instead?’

  ‘Of course,’ he said, but I recognised the slight downward cast of his eyes as disappointment. He felt my unwillingness to be intimate with him. As he held me I had my back to the sea and felt him tilt his head to one side. Curious, I followed his eye-line and saw a completely nude young woman walking straight in front of us and down to the water. I could understand why Nate was staring; she had a stunning hourglass figure and skin like milk. I was slightly taken aback that his attention was elsewhere and then he broke the moment with a laugh.

  ‘I had no idea what sort of beach you were bringing me to. Presumably we’re not obliged to join in?’ Nate was looking further along the sand to where other naked sun worshippers were braving the chill in the air.

  ‘Oh hell, I had no idea! My friend Xander comes here all the time. He didn’t tell me about this. No wonder we managed to avoid all the tourists. I’m going to kill him!’ I busied myself putting picnic things back in the basket and as I looked up I saw the girl reappear in no hurry to get back to her towel. She emerged from the surf, skin healthy from the sun and breasts that would never need surgery to perfect them. I turned to Nate to make a joke and caught his face, completely captivated by the girl’s beauty. Silenced, I looked back to her. She was staring at us, wringing the water from her hair, smiling unabashed. It was the first time I’d studied her face and as I did I registered the line-less perfection of the Perelesnyk. A wave of nausea, so strong that it cramped my stomach, gripped me. She watched, beaming still, as I doubled up on the rug. I couldn’t let Nate see what was happening and I did my best to hide the way I was affected. I needn’t have worried, he was still open mouthed at the girl’s unashamed nakedness. I knew I was being sent a message that they were still watching, able to follow wherever I went. I threw the last of the items into the basket and put a hand on Nate’s shoulder to break the spell.

  ‘Come on, I think we’d better go somewhere we’re more at home.’ Nate shook his head to wake up and I caught the blush on his cheeks when he realised he’d been staring. ‘Ready to brave the walk back up the cliffs?’

  ‘Sure,’ he said. ‘Good idea. Let’s get moving.’ I walked in front carrying the rug but twice when I glanced back I saw him following the girl’s progress up the beach. I felt a flash of irritation then reminded myself of my reaction to Perun the first few times. So much for being able to walk away from it all. I thought they’d have relented by now; they knew from my disappearance that I wasn’t willing to help them. I had to stay calm. Getting stressed and angry would only make me vulnerable, which was exactly what they wanted. As much as I longed to return to Manitu, and I certainly planned to soon, it was a journey I was going to make on my own terms, when I was good and ready. My anger started to rise and I chased it down with banal thoughts of what to cook for dinner. Having agreed on fajitas, we stopped at a store to get supplies, arriving home in the early evening. Nate went off to shower whilst I cooked.

  When Nate came into the kitchen he was still dripping wet with just a towel wrapped around his waist. I whistled appreciatively, and he slipped his hands around my waist. I leaned back against him as I stirred thin strips of beef in the pan. He dipped his head to my neck and began kissing just below my ear. I didn’t stop him; the last thing I wanted was a repeat of the awkwardness that afternoon. I told myself that it was natural to feel reticent and that if I just went with it I would soon get in the mood.

  I turned round in his arms and kissed him back hard, but I was pretending a passion that I wasn’t feeling. Nate was obviously pleased by the response and pushed me, gently enough against the kitchen cabinets. I could feel his frustration by the hardness under his towel. His hand moved over my breast and I shuddered. I wasn’t ready for this at all and now I didn’t know how to stop it. Nate took it as a sign of longing and suddenly he was undoing my shirt and trailing his lips down to my breast. I couldn’t carry on anymore and pushed him away.

  ‘Nate, stop, I’m not ready for this yet.’

  He looked incredulous, standing with his hands on his hips. But you kissed me; you let me do all that. You knew where it was going. I know you’ve been through a lot but you’re not a child, Eve. Is there something else going on?’

  ‘No, I don’t even know what you mean. There’s nothing else. I just need some time. I explained it this afternoon, I thought you understood.’

  ‘I understand you were trapped in a cave and it was scary and that you had a really bad time. As sympathetic as I am, that doesn’t seem to have any relevance to the way you’re behaving now.’

  ‘Listen, I need you t
o let me deal with this in my own time.’

  ‘I thought you wanted me to stay here. What did you expect when Naomi left? That we’d carry on sleeping in separate rooms? I’m a patient man but I’m not a saint.’ I couldn’t offer any better explanation, nor could I tell him when I might be in the right frame of mind to pick up our relationship where we’d left off. Evidently, my face told him all he need to know and he disappeared into the guest bedroom. I turned off the cooker and threw the food into the sink. Nate came back fully clothed, bags in hand.

  ‘I’m going to stay in Carmel for the night. I’ll text you when I’ve found a hotel so you know where I am if you want to talk. I’m not punishing you, okay? I just don’t think I can spend the night here knowing you don’t want me to touch you. Good night.’ I didn’t say a word, partly because nothing I could say would make the situation any better but mostly because I knew he was right. I heard his footsteps fade into the distance and the faint roar of an engine a few minutes later as he left the ranch. I locked the door for the night and caught movement out of the corner of my eye in the woods. I stepped out onto the veranda thinking that whatever it was would be scared away by my presence. Quite the reverse was true. After a few seconds I saw Perun step out from under the canopy to face me full on in the moonlight. I had no idea what to do. Running was pointless, they could find me wherever I went. I still didn’t think they meant to do me any physical harm, quite the opposite, it was in their interests to keep me safe. The ringing of my landline made me turn my head away from Perun and in that split second he disappeared. I stepped back inside and locked the door. He knew where I was and if he wanted to talk he’d be back soon enough. Having established that the caller was Naomi letting me know she’d got home safely I tried to take my mind off Nate and Perun by watching television. It didn’t work, I couldn’t concentrate on anything and reading was impossible. I toyed with the idea of finding James to tell him that Perun had reappeared but quickly decided against it. The last thing I needed to do was layer on more complications. Whatever was happening would have to wait until morning.

  I heard my phone buzz to signify a new text and decided not to bother reading it. Instead I lay on my bed and tried to run through my lines. I fell asleep with my head resting on the script and awoke to the sound of thunder. I was freezing cold and stiff. I pulled the covers over me and stared out of the window at the rain that was just starting to beat down. I closed my eyes again but sleep wouldn’t come this time. I had the increasingly nasty feeling I’d missed something, like when you forget what you’re saying in the middle of a sentence. I got out of bed to get some tea and found myself staring through the window where I’d seen Perun earlier. There was no-one there now and I was grateful Nate hadn’t seen him when he’d stormed out earlier. Of course, Perun probably had seen Nate.

  I was pouring boiling water across my hand, overflowing from the cup, before I completed the thought. I was such an idiot. The girl on the beach wasn’t there to send me a message, she was there for Nate. I ignored the burning pain in my hand and sprinted to the bedroom to throw on whatever clothes were at hand. If Perun was using Nate to get to me I had no time to worry about finding James to help, it might be too late already. I jumped on my bike with the briefest glance at my phone. As promised, Nate had sent a text with his hotel details and I set off at breakneck speed, hoping the noise of the storm would be enough to cover the scream of the engine.

  In spite of the treacherous conditions it was the fastest I’d ever made the journey into Carmel. When I reached Nate’s hotel I looked again at the text message. He’d given me his room number so I was able to bypass reception and given the state I was in that was just as well. My heart was thumping and I jabbed my finger repeatedly onto the button for the elevator. I gave up on that as I saw the door for the staircase and sprinted for the second floor. I leapt out into the hallway, breathing hard. If I were wrong about this Nate was going to have an awful lot of questions about the state I was in. Too late to debate it now. I tried to keep my footsteps quiet as I made my way down the corridor looking for room 226. When I found it I put my ear to the door. I could hear nothing at all and it seemed as if I must have let my imagination run too wild this time. Just as I’d made up my mind to walk away a loud smash came from inside the room and I knew that my instincts were right: Nate was in trouble. I hammered on the door as hard as I could. There was silence again and I repeated the hammering, knowing that whoever was in there would have to open up before I woke the entire floor. I could hear a man’s voices cursing and then the door was flung open. I looked into Nate’s eyes and saw the shock on his face as his eyes travelled involuntarily to the girl in his bed. He began apologising and explaining how he hadn’t planned this but his frustration from earlier had got to him. I heard very little of what he said, the girl and I had not broken eye contact since the door opened. She knew that her role had been played to perfection and I knew that my assumptions from earlier were correct. It was the girl from the beach, sent by Perun. She made a point of standing slowly so that I could take in her nakedness. Finally Nate recovered his senses and asked her to leave.

  She took her time slipping her clothes on. Even then Nate couldn’t keep from glancing back to watch only now I felt nothing but pity for him. This was all my fault. He’d become a pawn in the game and I was responsible. I was just glad that no harm had come to him, having pictured much worse when I heard the lamp smash although I didn’t let my mind dwell on how that had happened. Nate finally stopped babbling and looked at me.

  ‘Say something,’ he whispered. ‘Slap me or shout at me or something.’ He sat on the edge of the bed and put his head in his hands. ‘I don’t know why I did it. I saw her in the bar, recognised her from the beach and then she came over. We had a drink and the next thing I knew we were up here. God, Eve, I’m so sorry. Tell me what I can do to make this right?’

  I knelt in front of him. I couldn’t explain what had happened but I could do something to make him feel better; I could tell him the truth.

  ‘Nate, look at me,’ I took his hands in mine. ‘You don’t need to feel bad. You left tonight because of the way I’ve been behaving and I don’t blame you. Forget the girl, I don’t care about her. I care about you, though, so there’s something you need to know. I slept with James, the night we were trapped. I was afraid and cold and, well, it just happened. I didn’t tell you because I thought we could make a go of things. That’s why I’ve been acting so strangely with you. It’s me that should be sorry for this whole bloody mess. You came here to help and I’ve done nothing but hurt you.’ He didn’t say anything but at least he hadn’t pulled his hands from mine. ‘Whatever we had, it’s not working here. I’m not the person I was Nate, and until I sort myself out I think I’m just going to end up damaging anyone I get close to. Honestly, you’ve had a lucky escape.’

  I stood up and gave Nate a few minutes to take in what I’d just told him. I poured him a brandy from the mini-bar and took a sip myself. He took the glass gratefully. Ever the gentleman, he pulled himself together faster than I would have managed in the circumstances. We finished our drinks in silence, recognising the futility of recriminations or apologies.

  I left about fifteen minutes later. Nate would be leaving on the next flight he could get. My journey back to the ranch was unremarkable and by the time I arrived I had no memory of the drive. I felt sick to my stomach as I walked back to the house, pausing with my key in the lock. Nate wasn’t the only one who deserved an apology. James had tried to warn me how dangerous the Perelesnyk could be. He may have taken matters into his own hands and made a decision against my will but at last I saw Perun would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. I didn’t bother to check my watch or make myself presentable, just threw my keys and jacket on the kitchen table and set off through the dark to the staff quarters on the far side of the ranch. There was no light on in his cottage but I knew from Sabina where he lived. I was sure she’d passed me the information to try to start some
sort of intrigue, little did she know.

  I knocked softly on his door and waited. It was only seconds before it swung open. His face looked like thunder and I thought he was about to start yelling when he dragged me into his arms, holding me so tightly I couldn’t move. I could feel his heart thumping in his chest and allowed myself a moment to close my eyes and remember how he smelled. When he pulled away he took me by the arm and kicked the door shut behind us.

  ‘I heard your bike leaving. I knew there was something wrong. Are you hurt?’ I shook my head, surprised by how emotional he was. He gestured to a crumpled old sack of a chair by the fire and I sat down as he lit kindling and got the flames going. ‘You want to tell me what happened tonight?’ He stretched out on the floor, long legs in faded jeans, bare chested and completely unselfconscious. I moved my eyes to the hearth before he caught me staring and watched the flames flicker around the logs, the warmth spreading through the room. I told him everything that had happened that day and he stayed quiet until I’d finished. When I’d explained what I thought was going on, only leaving out my confession to Nate, I moved myself onto the floor so that I could look him straight in the eyes.

  ‘I came here tonight to say sorry and I know it’s long overdue. It’s taken me a long time to see how dangerous the Perelesnyk are, but now I know you were trying to protect me from whatever they have planned. I still wish it could have worked out some other way but I wanted you to know that I get it. I didn’t before; I was blinded by my own needs. I’m glad you stopped me from finding my mother, you were right.’ I slid my hand onto his right cheek softly as I kissed his left. He closed his eyes and said nothing. He didn’t try to return the touch and I was glad, it was a gesture of conciliation rather than anything else. I rose and walked back to his front door. As I was reaching for the handle I heard him sigh deeply.