His Other Life

by Beth Thomas

  ‘What is it?’ Matt is saying, looking at me. ‘Are you OK, Gracie?’

  I hear his voice, and he doesn’t know, and I should answer him; but my eyes are locked onto the face in front of me.

  ‘You …’ is all I can manage, as my mouth opens and closes like a landed fish. The whooshing in my ears has started up again – or is it shouting? – and I can feel my hands curling into fists. It feels good.

  ‘Come in, quick,’ Adam says, and I feel a hand take my arm and guide me forwards. I walk alongside Matt, leaning into him, feeling the reassurance of his solid presence next to me. We go through the open doorway and into a darkened hall, which becomes immediately darker as Adam closes the door behind us.

  ‘What is it?’ Matt is saying in a low voice, bent over, his mouth close to my ear, and it’s clear that he doesn’t realise, he’s never seen Adam, he can’t know.

  ‘Adam,’ I breathe, looking at Adam.

  Matt glances at him. ‘What do you mean?’

  I nod at Adam. ‘It’s Adam.’

  ‘What?’ He turns from my face to the other, and back. ‘Are you sure?’

  I nod wordlessly. I recognise him from our wedding photos.

  Matt is now staring hard at the person in the hallway with us, turning slowly to face him full on, positioning himself a little in front of me, so he’s between me and the other entity. ‘What is this?’ he says quietly, non-threatening. ‘Who are you?’

  ‘Adam,’ I whisper again, but no one hears me.

  Adam closes his eyes briefly and sighs. Then he says, ‘You’d better come through.’

  I look to Matt for reassurance, but he just glances at me and gives a little shake of his head. Then he takes hold of my hand as we walk along the hallway behind Adam and I focus on the warmth of his hand covering mine, its flesh and bone.

  We follow the other man into a sitting room with two black leather sofas, a small black glass coffee table and some sturdy black shelving containing DVDs and CDs. There are red curtains and red coasters and a small red rug under the coffee table which make it look chic and stylish and exactly like our old lounge at Maple Avenue.

  I stare around me, open-mouthed. After a few moments I realise that my head is shaking, probably in disbelief. I feel like I’ve walked into the Twilight Zone. ‘Wow,’ Matt says beside me, obviously noticing the similarities, ‘creepy.’

  ‘Have a seat,’ the entity says, and in sync with each other Matt and I lower ourselves onto one of the sofas.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Matt asks. ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘Isn’t it obvious?’ he says, a half smile playing around that familiar mouth.

  I shake my head, and Matt says for me, ‘Not to us.’

  ‘Jesus, a baby could work this out.’ Adam sighs and smiles again, then looks directly at me. ‘Adam is my brother,’ he says off-handedly, and it’s like another hit to the head. Vaguely I’m aware that I’m reeling. Adam has a brother. I have a brother-in-law. This is the first piece of information I have ever learned about my husband.

  ‘My twin brother,’ the man adds, at the same time as Matt says, ‘Twins?’

  ‘Yes. Twins. Identical twins.’ He gestures around the room. ‘We like the same things, as you see.’

  ‘So …?’ Matt starts, but there are so many questions that need answers, he falters immediately.

  ‘So,’ Adam’s brother goes on, ‘my brother has left the country. Without telling anyone. The turd. We are all having to come to terms with that.’

  ‘But, Julia …’ I manage to get out.

  ‘Oh, she speaks!’ the brother says, turning to me. ‘Welcome, Grace. Nice to have you with us. You were saying?’

  I jerk when he says my name. We’ve never met, but he knows my name. Does this mean that Adam has told him about me? Why would he do that, when he’s never told me about him?

  Adam’s brother is giving a knowing smile. ‘Ah, I see you’re wondering how I knew your name. Well, of course I’ve seen your wedding photos. Although,’ and he looks me up and down appraisingly, ‘you’ve got a bit more timber in the trunk than you had a year ago, haven’t you?’

  This brother is not like Adam after all. This brother is mean. Whatever Adam is – secretive, closed off, hiding a mean twin – he was never mean. Not overtly, anyway. ‘Julia,’ I struggle on. ‘Why didn’t she mention you to me? Why didn’t Ray? Are you Ryan Moorfield? Why do you have Ray’s name, but Adam doesn’t?’

  He puts his hands up. ‘Whoa, there’s no stopping you once you get started, is there? Let’s deal with this one at a time. It’ll be easier for you to cope with, right?’

  ‘Just answer,’ Matt says, and it sounds like his teeth are clenched together.

  ‘OK, keep your cardy on, ha ha ha!’ He snorts when he laughs, which is so peculiar and alien, coming from that quiet, dignified face. ‘Ha, sorry about that. OK. Julia – Mum, I should say – and the rest of the family don’t talk about me because of what happened. I presume you know about what happened, with that woman?’

  I’m clenching my teeth now. ‘By “that woman”, I assume you’re talking about the poor lady who miscarried her baby? Because of your negligence?’

  ‘Well, they called it negligence. Doesn’t mean it was, though, does it?’

  ‘That’s exactly what it means,’ Matt says, his voice low and monotone.

  ‘Well, matter of opinion.’

  ‘Definitely not a matter of opinion.’

  ‘Of course it’s a matter of opinion,’ he goes on carelessly. ‘The opinion of those people that gave a verdict doesn’t make it actually true.’

  ‘OK,’ says Matt, and somehow he manages to sound like a volcano trying not to erupt. ‘So what did happen?’

  Ryan shrugs. ‘Who can really know? The only person who was there has got good reasons to make something up. So …’ He pushes out his bottom lip and shrugs with his palms out in a ‘whaddya gonna do?’ gesture.

  ‘Reasons to make stuff up?’ Matt bursts out. ‘What possible reasons can she have? Oh, and by the way, didn’t the medical report state categorically that she had carbon monoxide in her system?’

  ‘Fuck, who are you, Rumpole of the Bailey? “The medical report states categorically”. Prick. Yes, there was carbon monoxide in her system, but who can say where it came from? And of course she has reasons to claim it was her landlord’s fault. Small matter of compensation payments? Heard of them?’ He turns to me. ‘Heard of that, Grace?’

  Matt and I both ignore that. Or at least, we act as if we’re ignoring it. Underneath, I’m cracking apart like rocks under pressure. ‘So did she claim for compensation?’ I manage to force out from a rigid jaw.

  ‘Course she did. Are you paying attention, love?’ He bends slightly in the middle and uses that despicable tone that some ghastly people use when talking to someone over the age of sixty.

  I open my mouth to voice my objections to this flawed, weird, insane logic, but Matt’s hand on my arm stops me.

  ‘OK, well, whatever,’ he says dismissively, and I realise he’s right. This awful person is never going to accept even the possibility of any wrong-doing, let alone admit it and take responsibility. No amount of arguing and pointing out and objecting will change his thinking. ‘Leaving all that aside,’ Matt says, and inwardly I cringe to hear him refer to that poor woman’s suffering as ‘all that’, ‘maybe you can shed some light on another matter?’

  Ryan looks bored. ‘Fire away.’

  ‘Why did Adam leg it?’

  Ryan immediately breaks eye contact with Matt and crosses his legs. Then uncrosses them again. Then pushes his body weight further up the chair. Then crosses his legs again. He rolls his head on his neck and looks everywhere except at Matt and me. Then eventually he says, ‘How should I know?’

  ‘Because you’re his brother. Because you were obviously in contact with each other because otherwise how would you know that this is his wife? Because he had your birth certificate in a hidden safe in his house.’<
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  ‘Even so, I still don’t know why. And he can’t tell you, so …’ He finishes with a shrug, which makes me want to leap from my seat and launch myself at him, roaring. I clench my fists by my sides and just manage to stop myself killing him with his own red curtains. Then as the red mist fades, I realise something. He wasn’t even a teensy bit surprised to learn that his birth certificate had been languishing in Adam’s secret safe all this time. Although of course I have no idea how long it was there. But from Ryan’s reaction, he definitely knew it was there. And there’s something else about that birth certificate that doesn’t feel right, but I can’t sort it out in my head.

  ‘You really have no idea where he went? What he did? Why he left? Seriously?’

  Ryan shrugs again. ‘Nope.’

  ‘OK, let’s pretend we believe you …’

  ‘Well, it’s true, so …’ He shrugs again.

  Matt puts his hand up. ‘OK, fine. We’ll leave that. Would you just explain one thing, though? Why did you take your step-father’s name, and Adam didn’t?’

  He shrugs carelessly. ‘Oh, we’re both Moorfields. Adam just didn’t like it so he changed his name by deed poll. He thought Littleton sounded more sophisticated, you know? Like, urban, rather than rural. Thought it was better for his business, I guess.’

  Deed poll! Of course, why didn’t we think of that? It’s so obvious, and it’s the sort of thing people with their own businesses do all the time. I look at Matt, thinking that at least that aspect is cleared up, and we might as well leave; but he’s just staring at Ryan, his head slightly forward, lips just parted. I look back at Ryan and he seems to be studiously avoiding Matt’s eye, picking at an invisible dot on his jeans, checking his fingernails, looking up at the ceiling – checking for spider webs?

  ‘Come on then,’ Matt says suddenly, turning back to me. ‘We’ve taken up enough of Mr Moorfield’s time.’

  ‘Oh, OK.’ We all stand up and Matt and I go back to the front door.

  ‘Well, thanks for … well, your time, anyway,’ Matt says, and although I cringe a bit because it’s rude, I kind of think Ryan Moorfield doesn’t deserve common courtesy. He lost that right when he let that baby die.

  ‘Yeah,’ Ryan says, as we walk past him back outside. ‘Seeya.’ The door closes behind us, and we step into the unnatural stillness outside. Then instantly the birds start tweeting again, distant traffic can be heard, and wind stirs the previously stilled leaves on the trees. It’s like the whole world is releasing a held breath.

  ‘That was weird,’ Matt says, looking at me.

  ‘It was, wasn’t it? It felt like the world was on pause for a bit, and someone just pressed the play button again.’

  He stares at me, his mouth twitching. ‘I meant Ryan Moorfield’s blatant lies. What the hell were you on about?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  He blinks. ‘Right. Well, anyway, what did you think about the lies?’

  ‘I don’t know. I mean, was he lying? How do you know?’

  He unlocks the car and we both get in. ‘It was obvious to me. Not knowing why Adam did a bunk, but his birth certificate being in Adam’s possession? Adam changing his name by deed poll because Moorfield was “too rural”?’ He shakes his head as he starts the engine. ‘All complete and utter bollocks.’

  ‘Oh, yeah, definitely. So obvious.’

  He glances at me and smiles affectionately. ‘Don’t worry, Gracie. I actually think it’s better to be naïve than cynical.’

  ‘Better how?’

  ‘Well, it’s charming. Adorable.’ He grins. ‘Sweet.’

  ‘Oh piss off.’

  ‘Oh …’

  ‘I’m serious, Matt. I hate this about myself. The only thing that’s good about it is that I’ll never have trouble getting someone to do work for me round the house because all the cowboy builders will be lining up outside.’

  ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself …’

  ‘I’m not being hard on myself, I’m just being realistic. Anyone could tell me anything and I’d probably believe it.’

  ‘You wouldn’t.’

  ‘OK, maybe I wouldn’t.’

  He nods slowly. ‘Ah, yes, I see what you mean.’

  ‘Now you getting it?’

  He gives a little shake of his head. ‘Anyway, I’m not happy with his story at all, it’s full of holes. Something’s definitely not right.’

  ‘I believe you.’

  We reach a junction and while the car is stationary, he turns his head and gazes at me a moment. ‘You’re so unusual.’

  I frown. ‘What now? What brought that on?’

  He shakes his head, and pulls the car away as the light turns green. ‘I don’t know. Just … your sweet nature. You’re so unspoilt. The cynicism and bitterness I have to deal with every day in my job, and you’re …’ He glances at me again with a fond smile. ‘You’re like the scent of a rose after walking out of a sewer.’

  It makes me smile, cheesy though it is, because straight away a memory of Adam pops into my head, grinning as he’s shoving me and saying, ‘Come on, Gracie, get with the programme!’ It made me stammer and apologise and mentally slap my own face, feeling unbelievably stupid and gauche. Right now, sitting next to Matt, I feel charmingly child-like and adorable. And maybe a bit naïve. But it doesn’t matter because he seems to like it.

  ‘Well, you haven’t seen my sewage side yet. I can be as sewage-y as the next person, you know.’

  ‘I very much doubt it.’

  A wide grin comes to my face. ‘OK. Well anyway, the question is, what do we do now?’

  ‘Yes, that is the question. Personally, I think we should go and talk to Ray. He definitely knows more than he’s saying.’

  I nod. Of course, this is absolutely the only thing to do now. Ray definitely knew that his wife had twin sons, not just one, and he’ll be more able to grasp what’s going on when we question him.

  ‘Actually,’ I venture, as a thought occurs to me, ‘do you think it would be more use to talk to Julia?’

  There’s a moment’s pause, during which I feel stupid again. But then Matt starts to nod and a smile spreads slowly across his face. ‘Ah,’ he says appreciatively, ‘I was wrong about you. You do have a sewage-y part after all.’

  And even though he likes my rose-scent part, the fact that he also likes my sewage-y bits makes me swell a little inside.

  We don’t hesitate or stop anywhere, but drive straight back down the motorway to Ray and Julia’s. As we pull up outside, I feel as if I’m reaching the end of my journey. Adam’s disappearance, his secret safe, the cash, the documents, the brother, it all seems about to be revealed. I have a sense of imminent discovery, like I’m teetering on the edge of a giant revelation when all things will become known. I stand on the pavement for a second, staring at the house, wondering if my brain will be able to take it, wondering if I’ll cope with the knowledge, or if I’ll implode or melt or break down. My life, currently stalled, may now at last be able to start up again.

  ‘Grass needs cutting,’ Matt says from the doorway.

  We didn’t discuss in the car how to get rid of Ray so that we could talk to Julia uninterrupted, but in the end it doesn’t matter. He opens the front door already wearing a coat.

  ‘Oh, Grace, lovey,’ he says with a smile, and leans forward to give me a quick hug. ‘I’m so sorry, I’m just off out for Hoover bags. Julia’s in though, go on through.’

  ‘Oh, thanks Ray.’ Matt and I glance at each other quickly as we go in. ‘Sorry to miss you.’

  Ray nods. ‘Ah, yes, me too, love,’ he says sadly, then charges off up the path like he’s fleeing the undead. At the road he turns and calls back, without even slowing down, ‘Can I get you anything?’

  ‘From Currys? No thanks,’ I call back, at the same time as Matt says, ‘Bring me back a nine volt battery!’

  I nudge him playfully. ‘Shush.’

  ‘Stupid question.’

  ‘He’s just being nice.’
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br />   Matt shakes his head. ‘He’s not. He’s legging it to get away from you, then felt guilty.’

  I frown, and turn back to watch Ray’s car speeding away off up the road with a squeal of rubber. ‘You think so?’

  Matt nods. ‘Damn sure.’

  ‘Sometimes I think you’re a bit too suspicious.’

  ‘You can never be too suspicious.’

  As we go further in, the sound of Julia’s voice comes from the lounge. Almost without realising it, we both slow our steps as we listen. It’s obvious straight away that she’s on the phone.

  ‘… wouldn’t help me,’ she’s saying, in a very emotional tone. Matt and I exchange a look, then hesitate outside the door for a moment. ‘I mean, this has been so difficult for me, he knows that, but just like always, he uses some excuse to … No, I don’t think so. It’s not urgent, he could have waited.’ Pause. ‘All right. I will. Yes, I know. Me too. OK. Bye. Bye.’

  Quickly Matt pushes the door open and we go in. Julia is just lowering her hand after ending the call.

  ‘Hi Julia,’ Matt says, and glances at the phone in her hand. ‘Oh, was that Ryan?’

  She shakes her head. ‘No, it wasn’t, it was …’ She stops herself and puts her hand over her mouth. Then she says, ‘Who’s Ryan?’

  It’s all happened so quickly, I’ve barely even had a chance to enter the room. Matt looks at me with a knowing smile, then goes back to Julia. ‘We all know who Ryan is, Julia. Grace and I have just come from Didcot. We spoke to him.’

  ‘Didcot …’ she breathes, looking aghast. ‘Oh heavens …’ Distractedly, she moves to an armchair and sinks into it. Then she looks up at me, her eyes brimming. ‘So you know?’

  I go and sit down in the chair next to her, and nod. ‘Yes, I know. Why didn’t you tell me, Julia?’