Control Freakz
Page 13
“Ethan.” John stumbled backward. There was a firmness to his tone, however his muscles were weary and shaking. “You have to calm down. You just don’t understand. You have to trust me when I say that you don’t know what you are dealing with.” John paused, and I could see the terror in his eyes. “You have no idea. They will end you! They will destroy all of you!”
“I know that!” The desperation and madness was visible in Ethan’s eyes. “But I want to know why they are destroying us! I want to know why everything went to shit!” Ethan sighed, and I could see the churlish look in his eyes. “John, if you know what happened you have to tell me! You have to tell all of us!” I shivered at the threatening tone of Ethan’s voice, and the intensity with which his fists convulsed.
The words were spilling out of Ethan faster than bullshit spews out of the mouth of politicians. His eyes had a new, almost crazed glow to them, and his whole body moved erratically toward John. Just tell him, John. My palms were sweating just from watching the interaction between them. You know he won’t give up.
“No.” John maintained his ground defiantly. “Ethan, I promise you it would only do everyone harm. And if the secret got out, if the truth was released,” John shook his head, “They would kill us all!”
“Goddammit.” Ethan took another step forward, and I watched as the anger exploded out of his arms that lunged forward. “Fuck you!”
I felt a sharp scream suddenly escape my throat as Ethan, caught up in a rage, pushed John backward. I watched in horror as John helplessly slipped on the coarse dirt, sending his body cascading down the cliff face and into the darkness below. No! Time seemed to freeze as my eyes scanned over John’s tall, sturdy body for the last time, before he reached forward, trying in anguish to grab onto the corner of the cliff. But his fingers immediately lost their grasp on the cliff face, and I stood paralyzed as a horrific cry emanated from John’s throat and reverberated in my ears.
I tried to scream, but there was so much emotion inside of me, that it just ended up roaring out of me in an inaudible squeak. At first, all the emotions suddenly exploding inside of me created a plethora of madness that caused my body to grow numb and my brain to go into shock. Holy crap. Tears started to stream down my face, as I stared, unmoving, at the spot that John once stood in. His body had seemingly been absorbed by the blackness, and I shivered as a chill flowed through my bones.
He’s dead. John’s dead. That thought alone was devastating enough, but it was the next truth that caused my entire body to shake and my brain to literally stop with the shock and terror coursing through it. Ethan killed him. Ethan killed John.
The words rang in my head incessantly, like some sort of sick tribal chant meant for brainwashing its victims. I could feel the heat of the night mold around my body like the air from a warm fire, and the thoughts danced around my head like the monotonous chant of a cult.
Through the haze of emotions and tears in my eyes, I could see Ethan, who turned around and suddenly collapsed to the ground in complete and utter shock. My instinct was to immediately rush over there and help him, but I could feel a wave of paranoia rush over me, as I imagined Ethan attempting to push me off the cliff in the heat of his rage.
What do I do now?! My eyes darted around madly at the blackness around us, completely devoid of any people or life. In fact, the cool hands of death had crept their way back up to me in a timely manner, and found a way to conform around my bare, shivering shoulders, and try to comfort them with their warmth. I’m the only witness. I’m the only one who saw this happen. I’m the only one who knows the truth.
Suddenly, a surge of panic erupted inside of me, as I felt the untimely chill of death crawl up my spine. I could suddenly feel, the once open and free night, constrict its darkness around me. I glanced at Ethan one last time, who was sprawled out on the earth, his body shaking erratically as screams madly roared from his throat.
This can’t be happening! My brain immediately went into denial, and it refused to confront the piles of sadness, anger, and surprise bottled up inside of me. My legs suddenly sprang into action in an attempt to run away from the reality, that was beginning to close around my throat. I unzipped the flap in the tent, and ducked inside, letting my body crumble right after I felt the fabric of my sleeping bag beneath my bare feet. My muscles all at once released the anxiety harbored in the tension inside of them, and I closed my eyes tightly, wishing that this was a dream.
I let the tears, along with the despair and shock flow out of me, and shake my body with their energy. My bones rattled, and my entire mind was still being hit with the aftershocks of the event that rushed over me in powerful, yet unpredictable waves.
He killed him. The words echoed in my head once again, and I could feel my mind losing grip on its sanity. The overload of emotions present in my mind caused a blinding pain to pound inside my head, and it caused a numb sensation to reside over my nerves.
He killed him.
Chapter 9
The first rays of morning sunlight began to peek through the translucent film at the front of the tent. I felt my body shift, as my face grazed over the puddle of hot tears on my dirty pillow, that looked to be on the verge of tearing open. My whole entire body felt numb, yet somehow the pain had managed to penetrate through the wall in my brain and pound on the inside of my forehead. For years this camp was a dull, sleepy place. Nothing ever happened. Everyone was too busy living in a mindless fear of what could happen. All of us moving in slow motion, like people in a hospice, awaiting our deaths restlessly. But that was all about to change.
I sat up nervously in my sleeping bag, trying to imagine the chaos that would ensue when the camp finds out what Ethan did. Will they kill him? Goosebumps appeared on my arm as a chill resided over my body. My body felt weak and tired, and the despair and anger inside of me faded into a defeated feeling. But the adrenaline still coursed through my veins and kept my mind spinning with paranoia. All night I tossed and turned, my body shaking from the emotions, and my brain still frozen with shock. The crazed, glowing look in Ethan’s eyes haunted my vision every time I would shut my eyes, and the curt scream of death that emanated from John’s throat would whisper in my ears.
Tears began to stream down my face as I felt my body begin to shake with the magnitude of emotions roaring through me. The emotions of anger, shock, and sadness infested my body with their madness, like a cold gust of wind coursing through my veins and taking with it all the energy and life inside of me. My insides felt bare and frail, like the branches of an oak tree in winter, and I could feel my entire body shiver as it waited for the first snow to bury my insides in its misery.
“Hey,” I heard Hunter’s warm voice whisper softly. My body jolted back, at first startled, but then the tears started to silently leave me with even more intensity, as my mind battled with telling him the truth. “Is everything okay?” He wrapped an arm around me and pulled my body close to his.
“Yeah.” I wiped the tears from underneath my eyes and tried to force a smile as I looked up into his creamy blue eyes, and tan, gorgeous face. “I’m just fine.”
“Don’t lie to me.” Hunter began to get up, and he crouched as he walked to the opening in the tent. His body had a subtle way of making me follow it, without ever needing to ask.
“It’s just . . . ” I tried to hold it all back, before letting my emotions explode out of me in front of the other four people sleeping in the tent. I poked my head outside of the tent, and let the warm, dry morning air invade my airways. “Last night.” I sighed, letting the devastation cascade out of my eyes, and radiate from my shaking body. I tried to continue. I tried to take my mind back to that moment, but my brain wouldn’t let itself. My entire body was repulsed at the thought, and my throat gagged as it tried to force the words out.
“Natalie,” I could see his concerned eyes much better out in the bright, morning light. The rays of sun gleamed down upon him, and made his entire body glow like he was some sort of evangelical fig
ure. Little particles of what seemed like dust hovered in the air above his head, and vibrated ever so slightly. “It’s okay.” He put both his arms around my waist, and I felt his lips graze over my cheek. “It’s really okay.”
“No, it’s not!” I exclaimed, the anxiety bursting from my mouth much louder than I meant it to.
Hunter looked at me with a frown, and I could see the sadness and confusion in his eyes.
“Well, it will get better.” He was trying to be positive, but if he’d known the truth, he would have realized there wasn’t anything remotely positive about it.
I bit my lip, trying to hold back the emotions that were threatening to explode out of me. I felt my body immediately want to conform to the warmth of his skin, and feel the comfort of his lips. My mind spun around madly. I tried to force the words out, but everything was so jumbled up inside of me, that I could barely form my emotions into basic sentences.
“No, it’s . . . ” I choked on my tears. I felt the pain in Hunter’s eyes as he looked at me and my body that looked to be on the verge of shutting down. “Ethan, he . . . ”
“Wait, I’m so sorry, Natalie.” His eyes suddenly drifted over my shoulder and out to the center of the camp. “But what the fuck?”
My head shot around in a sudden panic. At first, I didn’t see what he was talking about, but then my eyes grew wide as I saw him. There was an anger and disgust that fumed up inside of me the second my eyes connected with his. Does he have any clue that I know? I squeezed Hunter’s hand tight, the anxiety and frustration beginning to flare up inside of me again.
A murderer. My spine shivered and my face went pale with fear. I’m looking at a murderer.
“Um, Natalie.” Hunter glanced, perplexed, at Ethan and then back at me. “What the hell is he doing up there?”
I glanced at Ethan, my brain going into a state of shock, as he stood on top of one of the picnic tables, seemingly preparing to give a speech in front of the camp. I felt a surge of anger bubble up in my throat, attempting to fizz out of me in a hysterical scream. Ethan somehow found the will inside of him, to look at the both of us, who began to walk subtly toward him, and smile.
What the hell is wrong with him? I narrowed my eyes at him, not shying away from showing the disgusted look on my face. I found myself suddenly despising the tennis shoes, along with khaki shorts and blue tank top that he was wearing.
“What a bastard,” I muttered, gritting my teeth, to hold back a ferocious scream.
“Shit, Natalie, what the hell happened?” Hunter could sense my strong distaste for Ethan.
To be honest, I was still just in shock over the fact that he could do such a thing. I was in awe at his cowardliness at succumbing to the anger of the moment and letting it overtake him. Weak. The word echoed in my brain, and I could feel my body convulse at the thought of it. I have to be strong. After all those years, I would never let myself give into that monster inside of me—but Ethan had.
Fucking coward! I felt my body lunge forward, wanting to tear him apart for killing an innocent man. John was secretive at points, and he never really tried to help us, but he didn’t hurt us! My mind flashed back to the darkness and tension of the moment. I could feel a rush of emotions overwhelm my senses, and my brain begin to spin with confusion and anger. What did John mean when he said telling us would do us harm? I shivered at the thought, as I remembered the secrets that my mom kept from me for years. Is the truth really that awful? Is our reality truly that bad?
Then my body froze as John’s last words reverberated in my skull. If the truth was released, they would kill us all.
I felt Hunter lean my sobbing head into his chest as I began to shake erratically with the force of the tears pouring out of me. My mind couldn’t even begin to comprehend how devastating our reality was, how unbearable it was, if we would be killed just for knowing about it. What did the government do to us?! What did they do to this goddamn country?
The hope inside of me that I would one day find out why my family was taken, and one day find out what the blue pill meant, vanished. The darkness of that moment, and the fear in John’s eyes caused the anxiety to swallow all that hope inside of me, and instead replace it with a mind-numbing fear.
Maybe I don’t want to know. Maybe I just want to forget. I sighed, holding back a desperate cry that tried to escape from my mouth. But love wouldn’t let me do that. A surge of sheer frustration flowed through me. Love won’t allow me to let go!
“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen!”
I turned my head toward Ethan, who stood atop the picnic table as if a ringmaster, speaking to an eager crowd at a circus. Although, I couldn’t deny the fact that he was about to put on a grand show of bullshit, there was no audience present to hear his oddly cheerful bellow. His voice reverberated through the morning air and bounced off the dry earth that surrounded him. The first early-morning risers were just beginning to emerge from their tents with the rays of sun, and they all began to glance at Ethan with a dazed expression.
“What now?” A boy groggily muttered as he walked by me.
Ethan stared out into the distance as more and more people began to awake. Soon the almost empty camp had grown into a place buzzing with people, and the anxious tension in the air caused there to be an unsettled feeling in my stomach.
My eyes darted around the crowd as I wondered whether anyone had a clue about what happened, or maybe I was just the sole gatekeeper of the truth.
I can’t do this. I felt a surge of panic foam up inside of me, as my legs instinctively tried to dart forward. I can’t listen to this. I shook my head, the frustration centering in the core of my narrowed eyes.
“Can someone please tell me what the heck is going on?” a girl shouted, annoyed. Her shout rang in my ears, as the incessant, nervous chatter of the crowd grew louder.
I had to squint to look up at Ethan, who had the morning sun positioned in the sky directly behind him. His dark-brown eyes showed no sign of remorse or anger; in fact, they looked more like a desert, devoid of any emotion or life. Disgusting. I felt something inside of me repulse. I didn’t even know he was capable of this. Both our eyes connected once again, and I felt his eyes widen a bit as I drilled the anger inside of me into his skull with a single nasty glare.
He opened his mouth as if to speak, but then stopped himself. I watched his face contort a bit, as his body battled with the emotions, or lack thereof, raging inside of him.
“I have an announcement to make. Actually, I have some rather disappointing news to tell you all.” Ethan refused to glance at any of the dozens of people gathered around the picnic tables to listen to him, and instead he kept his emotionless gaze focused on the edge of the cliff, visible between two of the tents. “Last night . . . ” He swallowed, and I could see the sorrow inside of him get forced back down his throat, in what looked to be an uncomfortable gulp. “Last night, John left the camp for good.”
At first his words were followed up by a moment of silence, with a collective gasp immediately following. Right as the words left his mouth, I felt a scream jump from my throat, a manifestation of all the anger, shock, and sadness erupting out of me, and dozens of wide eyes turned toward me. Liar! My entire body wanted to lunge forward and force the truth out of his mouth, but the fear omnipresent in my veins caused a weak feeling to course through my body, suppressing my instincts.
“He left?!” A perturbed scream emanated from the crowd.
“Yes.” Ethan’s voice was firm. The picturesque blue sky behind him seemed eerily calm for the moment. “He-he left a note on his desk.” Ethan stuttered. “It was very hard to read, but it said something about the pressure from the camp, and then the last sentence mentioned how he believed it would be in the best interests of everyone.”
“So he just got up in the middle of the night and abandoned us?!” I heard a boy shout in protest.
“That bastard left us all to die!” Spit flew from Bianca’s mouth from the force of her bellow.
I watched in horror. To me, it appeared like an emotional beast was finally breaking free from his cage and unleashing his unstable self into the world. However, this monster had not only been unleashed, but had completely absorbed Ethan, like the ocean enveloping countless numbers of homes during hurricanes. However, after the storm, I didn’t know what would be left of Ethan to rebuild, or maybe he would just be gone forever.
“Then who will that leader be?!” A girl screamed out, narrowing her eyes as she glared at Ethan. The cacophony of sound emanating from the crowd suddenly simmered down for a second, as everyone began to look around nervously. We don’t have a leader. At first my mind didn’t think it was too bad of a reality, until I realized the terror that would ensue when dozens of desperate humans are free to do what they want, when they want.