And my reality, my hellish, hopeless existence, seemed so crazy that at times it all felt unreal. So I’d learned to just roll with the waves of life. I long ago surrendered to the will of this merciless world and conformed to the dark path that it had set me upon. And you know what, even if it was just a flicker of hope, I was definitely not going to turn away from any light.
“We have to take the chance,” Ethan pressed. “We have to. This is it! This is what we have been waiting for.”
Hunter sighed and rubbed his hands over his eyes, like he was making sure this wasn’t all a dream. I put my arm around his broad shoulders and leaned the weight of my frail body against his skinny, toned frame. Due to supply drop-off spots frequently being compromised, it was pretty much an impossible task to stay at a stable weight. The flab coating my stomach and thighs kind of just ebbed and flowed with the amount of food present, and right then, there wasn’t much food.
“What if we could somehow get our families back?” I said. The words blurted out of me, and they appeared way too optimistic to be spoken from my mouth.
“Shit,” Hunter said, and I could tell by the glassy look in his eyes that Hunter was thinking of his dad. “You’re right. We have to go for it.”
“Well, I’m going to contact Danielle, and pretend I’m John,” Ethan said suddenly, standing up. He began to walk toward the door, seemingly expecting us to follow him. “Cross your fingers that it works.”
“It better.” The excitement and hope were already coursing through my veins just at the prospect that my body would one day experience just a bit of happiness. I could feel the hunger that I normally suppressed beneath the gallons of despair inside of me, begin to reawaken as my body was reminded of the gaping hole inside of it.
I began to walk toward the door, suddenly dying to escape the darkness present all around us. Things might actually get better. I finally understood the grin plastered on Ethan’s face. For once, we finally have hope.
I stepped outside, taking a deep breath of the hot, fresh air, the bright rays of morning sun light blinding me. I could feel a rush of adrenaline flow through me as I squeezed Hunter’s hand.
Standing right outside the door was Dulce, who looked at me with her big, brown eyes and wavy, black hair. She has to come with us. I looked at her, and could see the shocked, ecstatic expression on her face. She heard our entire conversation; she needs to go with us. She deserves to hear the truth as well.
I glanced around at the camp that was now bustling with people talking and eating the last of what little food we had left. They all deserve to know the truth. There was a pang of sadness in my heart, as I gazed out at the camp, that I’d called my home for the past three shitty years. And I felt a tear escape the corner of my eye, as I stared at what is undeniably my family of the past three years.
I can’t just leave them. The initial shock of finding out was starting to fade, and I could feel a plethora of emotions begin to inundate my mind. The ubiquitous anxiety and doubt cascaded through my mind, as well as a disparaging feeling.
Don’t think about that. I closed my eyes, attempting to whisk the thoughts out of my mind. I decided to block out all the anxiety, doubt, and despair and focus on the new sensation of hope that caused goosebumps to dot my skin.
I channeled the constant whisper of the weak gusts of wind that battered the top of the mountain and began to let the adrenaline douse every part of my body.
I finally connected with the government and President Ash and anyone else who had ever felt this way. I’d realized, despite my fear and loathing of it, that I liked power. In fact, I loved it. For once, I could feel a sense of control over myself and my future, even though I had control of neither of them. For once, I let the minute sediment of power rest in my hands and invigorate the rest of my body with its energy.
I liked having control over my life. I liked power and the sense of purpose that it brought.
And I wanted more of it.
Chapter 10
I inhaled, letting the hot, dry afternoon air inundate my lungs. Instead of immediately exhaling, I tried to stifle my breath, attempting to hold onto just one piece of the mountain air before I left for good. Hunter and Dulce were sitting on either side of me, and I felt Hunter’s hand slide down my arm until he grasped onto mine.
I let my legs dangle down the jagged rock that poked out of the peak of the mountain. From the perch atop the rock it was possible to see all of Phoenix and the towering mountains that surrounded it. I let my eyes dart over the landscape, trying with every breath to ingrain the picturesque view into my mind forever. I wanted to remember every minuscule detail to the skyline that appeared like little multi-colored wedges in the blue sky that surrounded it. I wanted to remember the sensation of the hot sun beating down on my skin, and the way that my lungs expanded and contracted with every breath of the air. And most of all, I wanted to remember the calm feeling that always resided over my muscles when I looked out at the beauty in front of me, and the sense of freedom that flooded my mind.
It was from that spot where my mind could enter the blissful state of dreaming. Just like the clouds that mulled over us, my mind could finally float up into the sky and try to imagine what garnering true happiness again would feel like. Although my body had almost forgotten the euphoric rush when the feeling of joy was sparked in my mind, the sun beaming down from up above was always a reminder that things could get better.
I don’t want to leave. I felt my body shiver with fear as I looked out at much of the valley of the sun, which was ironically shrouded in a thin film of darkness due to the clouds that loomed above. The land below resembled a plate of once edible, flavorful food that had been left on the counter for months, years even, to decay into a rotting, detestable piece of mold that swallowed everything joyful about that once wonderful plate of food.
That darkness, that infectious mold, that seemed to always devour everything in its path was what I feared. I hadn’t even left Camp Camel once in over a year. My body wasn’t immune to that mold. In fact, if I met it, my insides would wither away into ash and nothingness.
“Ugh,” Dulce exhaled, throwing a small rock in frustration off the side of the mountain. Her normal sanguine nature had disappeared as she looked up at the sky with an expression of abandonment and hopelessness in her eyes.
“It’s okay. We’ll figure something out,” I said, and I put my arm around her and held her close. I can’t leave her. My mind flashed back to the vitriolic argument we’d had with Ethan yesterday. Apparently, Danielle only wanted John, who Ethan was pretending to be, to send three people to meet her inside of Grand Canyon National Village. As a result, Ethan had refused to allow a fourth person, which would be Dulce, to come with us.
“Why does he have to be such an asshole?” I could feel her body warm. Her tone was dripping with anger and disgust.
“He just doesn’t trust people,” Hunter cut in, his voice weak. “He knows this could be our only chance, and he doesn’t want to blow it.”
“I get that, but deciding to bring a fourth person won’t kill anyone.” I looked at Hunter, whose blue eyes were transfixed on my face. I wasn’t even sure if he was registering what I was saying.
“Exactly.” Dulce put extra emphasis on every syllable.
“I mean, I agree he’s being paranoid. But he just doesn’t want to take any risks. He literally just wants to follow what Danielle says word for word.” Hunter was trying to defend his life-long friend, but I could tell he was flustered.
“I know, and I respect that.” Dulce spoke with so much emotion that she was on the verge of yelling. “But how much harm could it possibly do if you guys just brought along one extra person?”
“Not much.” I agreed with her. Who the hell is Ethan to decide if someone can’t go to Grand Canyon National Village with us?
“Okay, fine.” Hunter sighed, and I could see that this whole dilemma was beginning to stress him out. “You guys are right. Ethan is being a bit of a
bastard, but still you guys have to respect where he is coming from.” There was a sympathetic look in his eyes. “He’s scared shitless, and he doesn’t know what to do. We all don’t know what to do. I say, we should just give the guy a break; he will eventually come to his senses.”
“We can’t just let him rule the roost over here!” Dulce was undeniably screaming now.
Hunter put a finger over his mouth.
“Hush! Quiet down. We don’t need more people finding out about this and wanting in on it. There’s already enough turmoil at this camp already.”
“But, Hunter,” I said, my voice firm now. I couldn’t just let him continue trying to dance over the fact. He did this every time he was stressed out; he just began to zone out and surrender to the will of the world. “She is right. We can’t just let Ethan always tell us what to do. We can make our own decisions. And if we want Dulce to come, it’s final: she is coming.”
“Damn right.” Dulce smiled at me.
Hunter chuckled. “It’s fine by me, but oh boy, good luck getting that one by Ethan. Just good luck.”
“What did you say about me?” I heard Ethan’s deep, yet somehow squeaky voice echo in my ear.
I felt my heart skip a beat, as I looked up at Ethan who had his wavy black hair pushed way higher than normal. His clothes were wrinkled up and dirty, and his hairy legs were matted in a thin layer of dirt. He looked like a train wreck; specifically, one that exploded on the side of a mountain, and then the cleanup crew proceeded to try and pick up the broken pieces and glue them back together in a messy fit. Even his nose, which had a narrow bridge and rather large nostrils, seemed like it was out of place on his face.
“Oh, crap.” Hunter held a hand against his chest, as he looked up at Ethan and smiled. “Damn, you came out of nowhere.”
I glanced at Dulce, who stared at Ethan with wide eyes.
“Yeah.” Ethan eyed Dulce suspiciously. “I guess so.” I could tell just by the way his hands fiddled around when he talked, that he was eager to tell us something.
There was an awkward silence for a moment, as we all anticipated what Ethan was about to say. I looked behind Ethan at a group of kids, who began to run to the side of the camp behind the former office-like shack of John. There was an odd buzz to the camp, as more and more people began to question Ethan’s rash explanation for John leaving. Still, no one knew the truth. But I was okay with that. In fact, I planned to use it to my advantage.
“Ethan,” I broke in, before he could speak up. “Dulce is coming with us to Grand Canyon National Village.”
I thought I would just state the reality of the situation first, and then see if he was dumb enough to protest it later. There was a slight gust of wind that propelled some of the light brown sediment into my face as I spoke.
“Natalie, we are not discussing this right now.” Ethan looked away from me, completely dismissing what I’d just said.
“You’re right, we aren’t.” I felt Hunter put his hand against my shoulder, trying to urge me to stop, but it was too late. “There’s nothing to discuss, Ethan. She is coming with us, period, end of discussion.”
“Natalie, we are not discussing this right now,” Ethan repeated, this time, his voice much firmer, maybe even a bit sinister.
“Oh, sorry, is there something you would like to tell us?” I teased. He had no idea how much I had the upper hand. He had no clue what I knew.
“Yes,” Ethan responded hastily. “Yes, in fact, there is.” He paused, and then glanced at Dulce. I could see a part of him try to stifle the words from coming out of him, but his excitement took over him. “Danielle got back to me, and she finalized everything. We are supposed to meet her in about forty-eight hours from now inside the gates to Grand Canyon National Village. It looks like its gonna happen!” His voice was ecstatic. “It looks like we might have a very slim chance at getting our lives back.”
“Wait.” Hunter looked confused. “But how are we supposed to get inside the wall to the village? That place is an enclave for the ultra-rich. Won’t they have an impenetrable security system?”
“We will figure it out.” Ethan appeared confident, but there was a hint of doubt to his voice. “We will have to make it work.”
“I like that you’re saying we.” My voice sounded cheerful and light, which was the exact opposite of the heavy reality of our situation and my exasperation at Ethan. “Because it is we”—I motioned my hand toward the four of us—“who are going to the Retributioners.”
“No.” I could hear the vexation in his voice. His face contorted a bit as he battled with what words to say. “Danielle said three people, and three people it is.”
“Well, then . . . ” I used all the strength in me to keep my voice calm, and to suppress my fists from lunging out at him. “I guess we might have to push one of us off the cliff to find out who is going.” I forced an obnoxious laugh out of me.
Ethan narrowed his eyes at me, with a look of confusion mixed with a dash of anger and shock. He was starting to get the message, but I wanted to drill it into him.
“But don’t worry, we can always just tell the rest of the camp that the person just decided to leave.” There was a sharp bitterness to my tone, despite my smiling face. “It would be way easier to lie than to face the consequences of our actions, anyways.”
I glanced at Ethan with apprehension. I wasn’t sure if he was going to flip out, or just stare at me in shock. He did the latter. His lip quivered, as if to utter something, but the words sputtered off his tongue in a garbled inaudible mess.
“Natalie, what the hell are you talking about?” Hunter could sense the tension between Ethan and me.
“Oh, nothing.” I smiled, but narrowed my eyes at Ethan, getting a sick enjoyment at watching his face flood with shock and fear. I hated myself for it, but oddly, it felt good to possess the power to be able to make someone feel a certain way. Especially when I could turn those feelings into actions that benefit me. Manipulation. The distasteful word floated like a cloud through my mind.
I know well enough how hypocritical I am. I hated the manipulative, conniving ways of the government that forced us to live in a life of emptiness and isolation. And I should have hated myself for even resembling those monsters in any sort of way. But I’d told myself this matter was different. I was manipulating Ethan into trying to help someone. I wasn’t hurting anyone. I wasn’t destroying thousands of people’s lives just for the hell of it. It was different, right?
“Hey, guys . . . ” Dulce jerked my shoulder, and I glanced at her emotionless face as she stared forward, unmoving. “Look behind you. I think something is happening.” Just by the weak tone and the out-of-breath quality to her voice, I knew it couldn’t be good.
I exhaled, relieving my body of the pain of some of the anxiety inside of me. I turned around to see, to my dismay, about a dozen people shuffling their feet backwards toward the center of the camp, as if carrying something. The rest of the camp were all beginning to gather around the group of a dozen or so people, some screaming wildly and others crying hysterically.
I inhaled a breath of the fresh air, absorbing the familiar chaos that surrounded us. Uh, that’s weird. I hesitantly rose to my feet and followed Hunter, who had already begun to make a beeline to the center of the action. There was a heavy, almost rotten smell that infested the air, and it made my stomach crawl with the parasitic sediment that corroded my airways. It smelled like I had just walked into a tunnel full of raw sewage, and the air had the same thick, almost deadly feeling to it.
We all began to approach the scene closer, but then Ethan suddenly stopped in his tracks, as the object that the people were holding became visible. In a chorus of grunts, the group of men and boys dropped the mysterious object in their hands onto the dirt below, and let it land in a splat against the Earth.
At first my mind couldn’t register what it was. There was a huge mess of brown, red, and white, that appeared to be a piece of rusting metal. All the yelling sudden
ly stopped, and the atmosphere grew eerily silent. I gulped, my mind and eyes paralyzed, as my brain finally processed the figure strewn across the dirt.
It was John.
I felt a scream roar out of my throat impulsively. I could feel my stomach spasm with disgust, as I could feel a revolting feeling billowing up from my stomach and attempting to spill out of my mouth. His body was covered in a thick residue of dry, brown blood, that almost looked like a fungus slowly eating away at his body. His clothes hung off him in a tattered mess, exposing his body to the elements, and revealing practically everything.
Deep, red gashes lined his body, exposing his decaying flesh to the world. His body looked torn up, and it only took me a moment to realize that this man’s flesh was in the process of being eaten by the dozens of scavengers and rodents that inhabit the mountain. His white, lifeless, translucent skin almost glowed in the sunlight, and I shivered as his head rolled over on the dirt to have his eyes, filled with an empty white void, stare at me.
The sheer horror and disgust not only crawled down my spine, but it began to pinch every single one of my nerves, causing a chain reaction of vibrations to reside over my body.
I tried to look away, but my eyes couldn’t. I tried not to puke, but my body couldn’t stop it. I felt a burning, distinctively sour, rotten fruity taste froth out of my mouth as my breakfast literally shot out of my body.
My eyes hurt so much from looking at the horrid, truly despicable scene, that I couldn’t even bring myself to produce tears. Ethan couldn’t either.
I glanced over at him, and shuddered as I began to witness a wave of white shock induce his entire body into a numb paranoia that resulted in him collapsing to the ground. I wanted to try and help him, but it was no use. I could see the bubble that he surrounded himself in, to protect himself from his emotions and his own reality, suddenly pop, and the horror of the monsters that lurked on the peripheral of his brain began to inundate his mind, sending his body into overdrive. The utter shock, sadness, and anger enveloped his body, and I could see the guilt start to grip hold of him and throw his mind into a shadowy darkness.
Control Freakz Page 15
