She paused, and she inched even closer, her face now millimeters away from mine. I could practically smell the parsley on her breath, and taste the dread in the warm air that emanated from her acute nostrils. She had a manic look to her eyes. All in the same expression, I could see the mountains of sorrow and pain, and all of the anger and glee combine to create a plethora of colors in her dark brown eyes.
I held my breath, waiting for the silence to end so I could release the scream pent up inside of me. I wanted to yell in objection. I wanted to flail my arms around wildly and run away from the point of the barrel that was still faced directly at me. But the explosion of fear inside of me sent my entire body into shock, and it effectively paralyzed my every muscle.
The hole of the gun drilled a cold feeling into my heart, and I could feel its energy slowly penetrating through my skin, causing a legion of pain and anxiety to form in my chest. And it wasn’t until Danielle finally spoke up, breaking the silence with her ghastly, high-pitched voice, that all the emotions inside of me were expelled.
“And now it is time for me to do what I should have done in the beginning.” There was a vicious snarl to her voice that made my body convulse with trepidation. “Now it is time for me to kill you.”
The instant she finished uttering the words, she lunged forward with mad force and shoved my body up into the computer that sprawled behind me. I coughed as she thrust the barrel of the gun into my throat, causing death to pierce a hole directly through my body. I could feel her sinister energy beginning to infect my veins and course throughout my body, as I instinctively began to flail my arms and erupt into a glass-shattering scream.
“Get off me!” I cried in anguish, barely mustering up enough air in my lungs to utter the words. I forced my eyes to stay open and stare at her cold glare. I noticed, due to the fact that she was wearing two layers of make-up, instead of the usual six, a large jagged scar across the side of her left cheek. I could almost feel her energy get defensive the second I noticed it, like I had exposed a weak spot in the perceivably all-powerful, invincible Danielle.
Maybe it was due to the lack of eye shadow, or maybe it was due to the dim lighting in the room, but I noticed a new vulnerability to her face that wasn’t there before. Beneath her outer coating of splendor and dopiness, there was a visible softness to her expression that had seemingly hardened with the corrosion of the pain and anger over the years. It looked like she had been abused.
Bang! The sound of the bullet rung in my ear, causing my brains to literally be rattled with the force of the sound. I could hear the bullet ricochet off a section of the computer just above me, and cause sparks to cascade upon my dirty blonde hair, which was so messy that loose strands blurred my vision. I closed my eyes the second I felt the vibration of the barrel of the gun against my neck, but I knew that there was nothing I could do to escape this. I knew, even despite the fact that I no longer welcomed its presence, that death was about to eat me alive.
“I said if you say another word, I will kill you! Remember?!” She chuckled, with a truly mad tone to her voice.
I tried to wriggle away from her grip, but she was just too powerful. With every second that went by, I could feel her hand and the barrel of the gun literally choking the life out of me. Her thick black hair brushed up against my shoulders and seemed to constrict around me. Fuck you. I could feel a throbbing sensation in my head, due to the lack of oxygen that my entire body was receiving.
“Please,” I begged, my voice so airy that you could barely hear it. “Please, let me live!” Tears started to cascade down my face uncontrollably, as I closed my eyes, waiting for death to finally blanket my body.
Why did it have to wait till now? I screamed with frustration, letting the desperation and sorrow leave me in angry bellows. Why did death have to kill me after I started to figure out my life? Why did death have to crush all the hope?
I dreadfully began to say goodbye to this detestable world, for once actually wishing that I could stay in it. Now, with the truth beginning to fill in some of the emptiness and lies, I could feel my body aching for more answers, and most of all, longing desperately for happiness. But now I would get neither of those things; now I would live in a state of perpetual blackness, forever encapsulated in the energy in the dark matter in my brain. Forever forced to live afloat the sinking ship of my memories. Forever chained to the sorrow and regret that kept me grounded to this earth.
“You sneaky, lying, ugly whore!” she hollered, so loudly that I could feel the spit spray against my face with the ferocity with which she spoke. “You deserve to die.” The coldness to her tone froze my shaking body, and only intensified the hopeless feeling inside of me. “You deserve to rot in hell.”
She punched me hard in my temple, and I could feel my vision start to go fuzzy as I looked into her face that appeared hidden beneath her layers of make-up. It was almost like it was all just a cover up to prevent people from seeing the true monster inside of her. I felt the metal buttons singing permanent marks into my back, which was practically numb with the pain from being strangled up against a massive computer built for the sole purpose of controlling people’s minds. She shifted the gun so that the barrel was piercing directly into the top of my throat, and I watched with terror as her finger hesitantly danced over the trigger. What are you waiting for? I gulped, as my entire body shivered from the icy feeling of the gun. Just shoot me.
“Stop it!” I screamed, throwing my body to the side with all my might in an attempt to escape her grasp, but it was no use. “Danielle, I know you don’t want to do this. And you don’t have to!” I pleaded with her, hoping that by some miracle, I could make the lady come to her wits. But in reality, I knew that it would be easier for her if I were dead. It would be easier for her if I, and my defiant ways, didn’t exist.
I could feel her grip on my body loosen slightly, and I felt the burning sensation in my chest begin to die down, as a tiny bit more oxygen began to flood my airways. She erratically jabbed the gun up into my jaw, and I flinched, thinking that she was about to fire one life-ending bullet into my skull. With intense dread and worriment, I slowly opened my eyes.
I knew that if I couldn’t convince her to spare my life now, that she would inevitably kill me. I can’t leave now. The hunger for my life back and my former happiness raged inside of me, like the rabid eagerness of a butterfly breaking free from its cocoon. Now, that my life, which was wrapped in a cocoon of bullshit, lies, and pain, was beginning to be cleansed with the truth, I could feel my body firmly wanting to stay on this planet, so that it could one day hopefully break free from all of the pain and sorrow. I need to live.
The silence permeated through the atmosphere, and caused the tension to only carry more weight in the air that was suffocating the very life out of me. I could feel Danielle’s eyes staring at me, studying me. I watched as her gaze scanned over every blemish, every pimple, and every scratch on my face until she connected with my own eyes. We both seemed to look at each other for hours, staring deep into one another, each of our gazes churning up emotions in the other. I could feel the energy from her glare suddenly connect with mine, causing a tingling sensation to radiate throughout my body.
There was a weathered look to her skin, seemingly a result of a multitude of storms that had rocked her body. I could see it in the glassy look in her eyes, and the frail, almost broken way with which she stood, that someone had put this woman through hell. Someone had taken everything away from this woman’s life, and she had been driven to the point of insanity in an attempt to get it back. I could see an emptiness and a numbness to her skin, most likely the result of letting the emotions fester inside of her. Beneath the layers of make-up and fake smiles, I could see all the pain and devastation that had built up inside of her that had scarred her; the types of scars that never heal.
I could tell by the inquisitive expression strewn across her face that she could see the hurt and emptiness in me as well. I could sense it in the sudden co
nnection between us that she could feel the pain that I’d been through, and, somehow, she understood.
I felt the urge to scream again, as her finger quivered erratically over the trigger. Her face contorted madly, her mind seemingly caught up in a battle between the will of her conscience and the will of her heart. I looked into her eyes, and took in all the light that now seemed abundant compared to the darkness that was about to envelop me, and exhaled the last rush of emotions from my body. I could see a film of tears beginning to build up at the corner of her eyes, and I could tell that it hurt her to do it, as much as it would hurt me.
“You don’t have to do this,” I repeated, my voice much softer because I could barely get enough air out to muster the words. Even despite her arms starting to shake from the exertion of sheer force against my body, she still managed to keep her breathing steady. She looked at me, almost like she was glancing at a mirror, and I could see her eyes absolutely horrified in her expression. There’s something about being a victim that causes there to be an automatic connection. There’s something about knowing firsthand the pain and torture that someone has endured, that can cause you to look at life from their perspective, no matter what the issue. There’s something about hell that unites everyone who has been through it.
She looked into my eyes and she saw the victim in me. She looked into my eyes and she saw the victim in her. She looked into my eyes, and I could feel the hands of death let me go.
Danielle slowly lowered the gun from my neck, and suddenly loosened her elbow’s hold on my chest. My muscles began to expand like the cushion of a couch after someone gets up from sitting on it. Oh, thank god. I gasped like a fish out of water for the air that my body so desperately ached for. Almost immediately I could feel some of the tension in my muscles being released, until Danielle decided to forcefully jab her body up against mine so that I was again suffocating helplessly. It was like a disgusting human sandwich that contained one psycho bitch, one screaming bitch, and one massive bitch of a computer.
“You have three options, so listen to me!” Her facial muscles jerked sporadically as she bellowed in my face. The calm silence in the room was suddenly shattered with the ferocity with which she screamed. I shivered at the cold, painful look in her eyes. Her manic waves continued to roll over her, and with every new break I could feel the energy shift.
No! I wanted to crawl backward, and hide with the darkness for eternity instead of having to succumb to the will of the crazy, monster in front of me. I clenched my jaw, trying to stay strong, as she swiveled the gun back in my direction, this time she had the barrel pressed on the side of my head.
“Tomorrow morning, we leave at dawn for Las Vegas, where you will be transported to Area 51.” Her tone was bland and devoid of emotion.
I closed my eyes awaiting the pain from her grip to start to take hold on my body. All my skin had turned red, almost like my body was having an allergic reaction from her touch. She suddenly erupted into a mad burst of laugher, which caused goosebumps to dot my skin.
“Your two little friends,” she said arrogantly, “I’m mind controlling them!” Her face looked so ecstatic that if you hadn’t known what she was saying, you would have thought she was talking about the greatest thing on earth.
How could she laugh? How could she smile? An explosion of anger rocked my body, and my muscles jolted forward, practically lacerating her exposed chest.
“You fucking―”
“They will now do whatever I command them to!” She boomed over my voice, moving the gun to my mouth, so that I would shut it. “They will now carry out the heroic mission of shutting down the mind-control program!” I could tell by the jubilant look in her eyes that she knew what I had seen. She knew that I knew the truth.
“So you have a few choices to make, young lady,” she sneered, seemingly getting pure enjoyment at watching the terrified look in my eyes, and the hopeless flailing of my body.
“You can either die now . . . ” She eyed the gun with a gleam in her eyes and I felt my entire body instantly shiver. She had managed to flush all the emotions out of her face, except for the sinister darkness that seemed to incessantly coat her eyes, as if it was a protective blanket. “Or I can give you the pill, and you can be under my control as you shut down the mind-control program, resulting in your inevitable death afterwards.” She paused, and her expression shifted and grew even darker as her voice became barely audible. “Or you can choose to go into Area 51 and end it with your free will. You can choose to die, and experience all the pain and trauma for one last time.”
I gulped, my whole body going into shock as it attempted to process her words. So I can either die now or die later. Tears started to run down my cheeks as I felt the hopelessness begin to erode all the energy from my body. I have to die with my life still fractured. I have to die still missing the glue to bring my life back together. I have to die, letting my brain forever rot in the gallons of pain, depression, and anger that have suppurated inside of me over the years.
“I will go in with my free will.” My voice was shaky as I said it, but it was the first thing to naturally flow out of my mouth. It was the only decision that I wouldn’t regret making. I can endure the pain one last time. I closed my eyes, preparing for my body to soon be drowning in a sea of hell. I can die, at least knowing that I was able to hold on to myself.
“You stupid bitch.” Danielle narrowed her eyes. I could tell she was unhappy with my decision, and I froze, fearing that she would just decide to shoot me right then and there. “If you say a single word, if you put up even a hair of resistance, I will shoot you on the spot.”
My bones felt like ice because they were so rigid from the shock and cold energy that emanated off Danielle. I stood, unmoving, as Danielle lowered the gun from my head and slid it back into her cleavage. She moved her elbow forward, making sure that I released one last grunt of pain before she released her grip, and allowed oxygen to rejuvenate my dying muscles. She looked at me, shooting me one last sinister glare as she turned around and began to walk back to the door. You are a monster! My emotions tantalized me to scream at her, but my conscious held back, hoping that something good would come from delaying my inevitable death.
I sighed, as the tears began to run down my face uncontrollably. The energy seemed to settle as Danielle, with her black hair flowing behind her, left the room and slammed the door. The computer encasing the room, and my head, both seemed to spin madly as the sounds echoed off the wall.
I’m going to die tomorrow. I continued to let the anxiety pour out of me as I succumbed to defeat. I’m going to die tomorrow without answers. I’m going to die tomorrow, and the only thing I have left is myself―my empty, shattered, hopeless self.
Chapter 20
The emotions blistered through my skin and leaked out of my eyes, and created a madness so intense inside of me that I could not even move. I sprawled out on the queen-sized bed that was positioned in the corner of the room. Ethan and Hunter were also sleeping in their own respective beds. They both laid underneath the soft, fabric covers with their bodies so still that they appeared to be dead. All the lights were turned down, leaving me surrounded in a thick darkness that had already made its way into my lungs and my brain.
This is hell. My mind was so overwhelmed that it didn’t even want to begin processing the amount of emotions raging inside of it. Instead, I let the loose thoughts and emotions run rampant through my brain, eventually colliding with each other to create an explosion of pain inside of me.
My body was still numb from the amount of shock inside of me. Everything felt lethargic, almost like the emotions inside of me had coagulated together to form a thick mud that made it impossible to move through. I could still feel my insides aching for the bliss of hope that had rushed over my body for just a few minutes. I still could feel my body missing the euphoria and shock that had overcome me, just at the prospect of being happy again.
Maybe, you can still get it all back. I wiped the
tears that had collected beneath my eyes, and sighed. I tried to close my eyes and go to sleep in order to just bring the wrath of death closer, but the adrenaline flowing through me forced my eyes open. I hastily glanced around the room, desperately searching for just a speck of light, but seemingly all my hope had gotten swallowed by the darkness.
Why does life have to be so cruel? I could still feel the pain resonating through my body from the devastating crash of the tower of hope that had spiraled from deep within me, as the truth finally began to flood my mind. Why does everything have to be taken away from you, just as you thought you might have a chance at getting some of it back?
My body squirmed around erratically on the bed, and I began to shiver as the frigid air seemed to coalesce around my body. The hopelessness continued to chip away at my every positive emotion like a sledge-hammer of destruction, hell-bent on destroying my will to live.
It didn’t take long for my body to begin hyperventilating. The walls, devoid of any windows or paintings, seemed to be closing in on me as the darkness simultaneously began to wrap around my brain. I began screaming and crying madly, the fit inevitably lasting for hours. My conscious mind was not in control of my muscles, which were acting on every impulse presented to them; or my brain, which was infested with so much darkness, hatred, anger, and regret, that I could barely make out my own emotions amidst the chaos. I closed my eyes desperately trying to grasp onto the one last thing that I have, yet I could slowly feel that slipping away from me as well.
I can only control myself. I tried to will my body to stop convulsing, but the overload of emotions inside of me was just too overwhelming. I tried to suppress the anger and sadness inside of me, realizing that they were both a result from events that were out of my control. However, I still could not deny the love, or essentially the strong connection I feel to the memories and my past life, which fueled the desperation and depression wreaking havoc on me.
Control Freakz Page 28
