Redemption (Forgiven Series)

by Brooke, Rebecca

  I thought about that for a moment. Was it really that important that I put on a show for Josh? What would that accomplish—except to make me look like a slut who didn’t mind meaningless one-night stands. Plus, the whole trying to make him jealous thing wasn’t really something I was in to. I had no desire to go back in there and dance with other guys so that he could think about what he’d passed up.

  I shook my head. “No, Morgan, what I need to do is go home and find a way to deal with this, without playing the game.” I squeezed her hand, hoping that she would understand what I was saying. “The goal of tonight was to find a way to forget about Josh, but that’s not going to happen with him here. So, instead of making myself feel worse while I watch him practically dry hump that girl on the dance floor, I’d like to go home and deal with this a different way.”

  She watched me closely for a minute, almost as if she was judging what I was saying, looking for the truth. After a few moments, she nodded her head. “Let me go see if Nick will take Emily home. What should I tell them?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I really don’t care. Tell them I wasn’t feeling well. At this point it doesn’t matter what they think. I’ve had enough of guys for a while.”

  She pulled me into a hug. “Okay. Here are the keys, why don’t you get in the car and I deal with everyone inside.”

  “Thanks, Morgan.”

  She just nodded her head, looking at me with sad eyes. She knew I hated pity, but I could tell she was still worried about me. It was nice to have someone care so much, especially with my luck lately.

  Pulling away, she walked back inside, while I turned and headed to the parking lot. Getting into the passenger side of the car, I lay my head on the seat and wondered how a night that had started so well had managed to turn into such a mess so quickly.

  A few minutes later, Morgan jumped into the driver side, full of energy. She brushed her hands together. “All taken care of. Em’s going home with Andrew and Doug had already gone back over to his friends by the time I got back inside.”

  “And?”

  “And what?”

  She was playing coy. She knew that I would want to know if Josh was still dancing with the girl, even though I didn’t really want to know.

  When I crossed my arms over my chest she decided to answer. “They were still dancing. Josh didn’t hear any of it.”

  As we passed the entrance to the club I saw Josh leaving with the blonde, heading in the direction of the parking lot. Even though it didn’t surprised me, it still hurt. It was my own fault. I’d known better than to sleep with him, I just figured that I’d regret it if I didn’t take the opportunity when it was offered.

  For just a split second when he stopped to let our car pass, his eyes locked with mine and shock registered across his face. I tried to mask what I was feeling, so I wasn’t sure exactly what he saw. The car moved forward and I lost sight of him as Morgan drove us back to campus.

  She must’ve seen what happened because she reached over to squeeze my hand. “Should we make a pit stop?”

  That brought a smile to my face. Ever since we were in high school, anytime either of us was trying to get over a boy we’d get a bottle of cheap vodka, ice cream, and any toppings we could think of for sundaes.

  “Absolutely.”

  Going back to the apartment to drown my sorrows in alcohol and ice cream while sitting around in my pajamas was totally cliché, but it always worked. After we stopped and grabbed all of the necessities, we went back to the apartment to change. Having a two-bedroom apartment was perfect at these times because there was no need to explain our ritual to anyone else. It also meant that I wouldn’t have to explain what had happened to anyone else.

  Making a complete mess of the kitchen we put together our gigantic sundaes and moved to the living room. Flipping through the channels, we looked for crime shows. That had always been part of the night—crime shows were the least sexy of any TV show, which made it easier to not think about what you were trying to forget in the first place. We also never bothered with glasses because it was easier to drink straight from the bottle, which we usually finished.

  Morgan kept the conversation going so that I wouldn’t have to think of something to talk about. After about two hours of drinking I decided that I actually did want to talk about Josh and Ryan, something that may have had something to do with the alcohol. “What’s wrong with me?”

  Morgan sat up and looked at me, or at least tried to. There were two of her… or was it three? I couldn’t tell because my vision was blurry and she had as much to drink as I did. “Sweetie, there is nothing with you.”

  “Really, you could’ve fooled me. Between Josh and Ryan, it seems as if everyone wants to screw me, but no one wants to actually stay with me.”

  Tears pooled in my eyes and she leaned over and pulled me down so that my head was in her lap. “Lauren,” she began, slowly stroking my hair, “boys can be complete idiots sometimes. Ryan is an ass, who will figure out soon enough what he’s lost. I don’t think we’ve seen the last of him.”

  “And Josh?”

  She continued to stroke my hair. “Oh, honey, that’s just who he is. It has nothing to do with you.”

  “Then why can’t I get him out of my head?” I whined. I knew I sounded ridiculous, but I just didn’t care. How could I develop feelings for a guy who only wanted to get in my pants and then forget about me? That was just my luck.

  “You will, we always find a way.”

  “Maybe.”

  We’d finally finished the bottle of vodka. Tomorrow was going to be one hell of a day. “But for now, my ass is drunk and I’m going to bed.”

  I stood up and had to grip the side of the couch to keep my balance. I could have sworn that Morgan had drank as much as me, but when she got up she was much more steady on her feet than I was, so she helped me to my room. The room spun around me and I flopped onto my bed. It didn’t take me long to pass out, but thoughts of Josh and the blonde were still running through my mind.

  Jogging down the steps of the apartment, I was a little shocked to see Andrew in the car. After Saturday night I’d thought he’d be spending time with Emily, hopefully getting their shit together. Whatever, it wasn’t my problem. I needed a night out to clear my head.

  There had been a few times on campus this week when I thought I’d seen Lauren, but every time I caught myself heading in that direction, I stopped and turned the other way. For some reason I couldn’t get her out of my head, but I planned on fixing that tonight.

  Walking into the club, I immediately noticed a blonde standing at the bar. “I’m getting a drink,” I said, winking at the guys and nodding toward the blonde.

  “Shit, how do you always find them first?” Nick shook his head.

  “Aww, Nicky, don’t be jealous,” Andrew taunted.

  Nick shot him a glare. “Are you gonna be a dick all night. If so, I’m out.”

  “Would you two knock it off. My goal is to get laid, not listen to you to bitch like two girls,” I warned.

  Andrew threw his hands up in surrender. “Fine. I’m going to find a table. Nick, you coming?”

  “Yeah, I want to check out the whole place first,” he said, following Andrew.

  My sights never left the blonde. After all, the best way to forget about a brunette was to screw a blonde, right? A casual glance in my direction as she sucked on her straw, and the way she jutted out her hips, told me she was more than interested. Moving along side of her, I bent down to whisper in her ear, “My name’s Josh, how about I buy you a drink.”

  “Sara. I’ve got a better idea. You can buy me a drink after we dance.”

  “I like that idea.”

  Grabbing her hand I led her to the dance floor, eager to feel her perfect curves against my body.

  We danced for the next few songs, her body grinding all over my dick. I should’ve been thrilled that it was so easy, but I wasn’t. Even when she pulled my face to hers, connecting her lips wit
h mine, I just couldn’t get into the kiss. What was wrong with me? Maybe I needed a drink, but I was a little freaked out. Not once in my entire adult life had my body ignored the presence of a sexy woman in my arms. Even though it was a shitty move, I let my eyes wander around. Maybe it wasn’t me, maybe I just wasn’t attracted to this girl, but the club was full tonight and my options were limitless. My eyes moved in the direction of the tables and that’s when I saw her.

  Lauren.

  Here I was, out trying to forget about my night with Lauren, and just the sight of her made my body react in a way that Sara hadn’t. I saw her talking to some guy at the bar and every inch of me wanted to go and beat the living shit out of him. Who did he think he was talking to my girl?

  My girl? Whoa, where the hell did that come from?

  I shook my head as I continued to dance with Sara. I was here to forget her. I was never with a girl more than once, and Lauren wasn’t going to change that.

  Deciding to stay on the dance floor and continue with my plan to try and forget about Lauren, I allowed my hands to roam all over Sara’s body. The movements were so similar though that it was impossible not to remember how Lauren’s naked skin felt beneath my fingertips. When we were both good and sweaty from the heat of the dance floor, I leaned down and whispered Sara’s her ear, “Want to grab that drink now?”

  I felt her shiver and nod her head so I grabbed her hand and started towards the bar. But Sara had other plans. She pulled me in the direction of the bathrooms and once we were farther down the hallway, she pushed up against me and leaned her lips towards my ear. “Forget the drinks for now… I think it’s time you kissed me.”

  Pulling back, I looked down into her blue eyes, which were full of desire. Rising up on to her tiptoes she crushed her lips to mine. Certain that I was not in the mood to be caught making out near the bathrooms, I pulled away, and took her hand in mine, leading her toward the front door. Stepping out into the cool night air, we started to make our way to the parking lot. I stopped to let a car pass, and was shocked when my eyes collided with Lauren’s. Her face was pale, but even in the dull light of the parking lot her eyes glistened. The car kept moving and not once did Lauren look back.

  When I didn’t move from my spot, Sara took over and guided me in the direction of her car. Once again her lips connected with mine. At first I was as into the kiss as she was but when she slipped her tongue between my lips and tangled with mine there was a problem. I didn’t feel anything. Instead, my mind kept flashing back to Lauren, sitting in the car about to cry.

  The realization hit me like a freight train. Placing my hands on Sara’s shoulders I gently pushed her away. She looked at me confused and I couldn’t blame her. I was just as confused. What the hell was wrong with me?

  “I’m sorry, I can’t do this,” I apologized as I turned to walk away.

  “What do you mean you can’t do this?”

  I sighed, realizing what an asshole I was going to sound like. Since when did I start caring about pissing a chick off? It wasn’t like I hadn’t done that plenty of times when I’d kicked them out of my bed. The difference was this time I was doing it because of another woman.

  I looked down at her hand on my arm and then back up to her eyes. “Look, I think you’re sexy as hell, and normally we’d already be on our way back to one of our places for a quick fuck,” I ran a hand through my hair, “but I can’t get another girl out of my mind and for the first time in my life, I feel like a total asshole for trying to get into your pants. So, no, I can’t do this.”

  She pulled her hand away from my arm like I burned her. “Jerk,” she cursed, giving me a slight shove before storming away.

  Walking back inside, I realized I needed to think about what I was doing before I went looking for Lauren. Never before in my life had I wanted to see someone again, even if the sex had been mind blowing. But there was something different about her. I wasn’t sure what it was but I knew I wanted more. Not knowing exactly what I was going to say to her, I moved slowly down the hall towards the tables in the back. It was easy to spot Andrew and Nick sitting with Emily. I needed answers, and I knew she would have them. That jerk she was dancing with better not have done anything to her. My temper got the best of me and I stormed over to the table.

  “Where did Lauren go?”

  Emily’s eyes moved from Andrew to me, and I could see the disgust in them. “None of your business. Go find your blonde bimbo to take home tonight.”

  “Don’t start with me,” I warned crossing my arms over my chest. “I already told her to get lost. Where did she go?”

  Andrew just sat there being a pussy, too afraid to stand up to Emily and help me out. I turned my attention away from Emily and focused it on Nick. He threw his hands in the air in surrender. “Leave me out of this shit. All I want is to find myself some chick to take home.”

  “Emily, please tell me, did Lauren go home?”

  She opened her mouth to argue but I put my hand up to stop her. “I just need to talk to her.”

  Talk to her? What was I going to talk to her about? Not even sure what I was thinking myself, I could see the war going on in Emily’s head. After what seemed like forever when it was probably only seconds, she answered.

  “Morgan took her home.”

  “Why?” I asked, but I already knew the answer. She saw me.

  Emily looked at her nails, almost as if she was bored of the conversation. “My guess would be that she didn’t really feel like watching you cop a feel of Miss Bottle Blonde over there,” she said, jerking her thumb toward where Sara was standing.

  I ran my hands over my face. “Damn it!”

  That’s when Emily looked up again. “What, now all of sudden you care? I warned you last week that she’d been hurt enough.” She moved to stand up and get in my face, but Andrew blocked her with his arm.

  Without a moment’s pause she turned and glared at him. “Andrew, move your hand right now.”

  “No.”

  Her eyes flew wide open. “No! Did you actually just tell me no?”

  He moved his hands to cup her face and forced her to look at him. “Yes, baby, I did. Right now you’re so focused on being pissed at Josh for upsetting Lauren that you haven’t stopped to think about the last time he wanted to talk to a girl again after a one-night stand.”

  He gave her a pointed look while she thought about what he said. Her eyes briefly glanced at me then quickly moved back to Andrew.

  “But—”

  Andrew covered her lips with his finger.

  “I know you want to protect Lauren, but maybe Josh won’t hurt her,” he said.

  Since when did he become a sap? He must really care about Emily for him to sound like such a girl.

  I heard Nick chuckle and mumble, “Alright Andi,” under his breath. Nick was smart enough not to take on Emily, but there was no way Andrew wasn’t going to hear about this later but I was too interested in the answer to my question to worry about it.

  When Emily still looked resistant, Andrew slid his hand around the back of her neck and pulled her into a kiss. All tension left her body and she wrapped her arms around his neck. When Andrew pulled out of the kiss, Emily turned to face me. “Fine, but if you hurt her, I guarantee that your dick will never see the inside of a woman again, understand?”

  I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to show her that I wasn’t worried about it. To be honest, for some reason I wasn’t. “Where is she?”

  She sighed and eyed the table, shaking her head. “Why do I just I know I’m gonna regret this.” She looked back up me. “Morgan said she wasn’t feeling well, I’m not sure where they went.”

  I couldn’t believe she didn’t know the answer. I exploded. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I yelled. “After all the shit you just put me through, you’re not even sure where they went?”

  “My guess is that they went back to their apartment, but no I’m not telling you where that is. You need to go home and think about thi
s first. I know what happened the other night and she can’t be just another one of your conquests.”

  She looked over at Andrew and kept her eyes there. “But Andrew’s right, you’ve never asked about a girl after sleeping with her, so I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt.”

  My anger reached boiling point. Shooting Andrew a pointed look, I turned and walked out the door. He knew I was pissed at Emily, and I didn’t feel like getting into a fight over it because if I really lost my cool, Andrew would end up defending her, and we’d be no better than Caleb and Nick fighting over Angie last year. Sure, they’d smoothed things over but their friendship still wasn’t the same.

  Needing to calm down before I did anything, I decided to take a walk. It was still cold out, but it went a long way to helping me focus. The longer I walked the more Emily’s words rang through my head. I needed to think about this. What was I doing? I mean, Lauren was absolutely gorgeous and I had a great time just talking to her, I just wasn’t sure if it really meant anything.

  Thinking back over the evening I remembered how it had felt dancing with Sara, including the fact that I kept comparing her to Lauren. Every time I was on campus in the last week, I’d found myself unconsciously looking for her. Then I remembered her talking to the guy at the bar, and my temper reared its ugly head again. It was in that moment that I figured it out.

  I wanted Lauren.

  Except, I didn’t want her just for a night, I wanted her long term. Saturday was the last time I’d seen or talked to her, and the feelings I felt that first night were still as strong. She was amazing and real, honest and caring, she was… perfect.

  Understanding what I had to do next, I got a cab and headed back to the apartment. There was only one person who could help me make this right.

  When I got home, I could hear noises coming from Angie and Caleb’s bedroom. After I’d made a comment to Angie about her sexy moans, Caleb almost beat my ass and now they usually waited till I wasn’t home to have sex. There was no way they expected me home this early so I’d have to wait until tomorrow.