Claiming Her

by Noelle, Alexis

  She doesn’t get it.

  I can’t let him in.

  Chapter Six

  Nina

  Kill. Me. Now.

  Everything hurts. Things I didn’t know could hurt, hurt. I mean, whose boobs are sore after a workout? It even hurts to arch my eyebrows. I don’t know what the hell kind of a workout that was, but it should be illegal. Thank God we live in an apartment because there are no steps. Although I’m sure the neighbors had a ball watching us climb the flight of steps outside exclaiming “ow” with each movement. I can’t even go to the bathroom in peace because bending down is not a possibility. It’s basically hover then drop. How do people do this all the time?

  A knock sounds at the door, and I groan. Tina is taking a nap, and I can’t bear to get up. “It’s unlocked unless you are a machete wielding psycho. In that case, there are three locks and a high-tech security system!” I know it's risky just to invite someone in, but it’s probably Sam or Jules. That, and by the time I got to the door they would have probably left.

  The door opens, and it’s Jake. Of course it is. I hold my hand up to him as he comes in. “I have no energy and am in no way capable of doing this tonight. Please have mercy on my physically challenged soul.”

  He laughs and walks toward me. “That sore, huh?” I nod. “Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the second day it is always worse.”

  “Fuck you. There is no way it can get worse than this.”

  “Chill out Sparky. I knew you would be sore; that’s why I’m here.” He pulls a bottle of lotion out of his cargo pants pocket. “How about a little role reversal? Just like the first time we met. If you want to make it authentic, feel free to flash me.” He winks. Ass.

  “There is no way I am agreeing to that.”

  “Fine, flashing is optional. But don’t deny that you need a massage, your muscles are probably so tight they feel like they might snap.”

  I don’t reply for a minute. He’s right. I am hurting so damn bad. “No, funny business.” I arch my eyebrow at him making sure he understands that I’m serious.

  “Ma'am, yes, ma’am.” He salutes, eliciting a laugh from me that is quickly followed by an ouch. Even laughing hurts.

  I roll ungracefully onto the carpeted floor. Getting up and then lying down would have been way more work than I am up for right now. I roll onto my stomach moaning with the movement of each muscle. “Uh, I feel like you’re a little overdressed.”

  I look over at Jake, and he is smiling at me. “There is no way you are getting me naked.”

  “Understood, however, how can I massage your back in a t-shirt?” He has a point.

  “Turn around,” I say in my no nonsense voice, and he listens. I loudly yelp as I pull the t-shirt over my head. I had put on a sports bra earlier to help keep my boobs in place and lessen the pain. It probably covers more than a bathing suit would. I lay back down making sure everything is tucked away. “Okay, this is as good as it’s getting.”

  I close my eyes knowing that I can’t watch him do this. I know his hands on me will set me on fire. Watching him while he does it will light an unmanageable flame. I feel the lotion pool on my back, and I inhale deeply at the cold sensation. His hands spread it around, his fingers gently pressing and relaxing my tense muscles. It hurts but feels so damn good at the same time.

  All kinds of moans and groans are coming out of me, and if I didn’t need this massage so bad, I would probably be embarrassed enough to stop. When his hands move down to my legs, gently but firmly working my thighs my entire body is on alert. When his fingers skim the bottom of my shorts, I realize how close he is to my core. The one that he has had screaming for him on multiple occasions. Get a grip, Nina. I need to remember that this can only be a friendship between us. He wants more, and I realize I do too. Unfortunately, neither of us will get what we want.

  You can’t give someone something that you don’t have. I don’t have the capacity to be in a relationship. To be with someone and give them a piece of you. Carly took half of me with her, and I have worked hard to bury the other half. I haven’t had a problem with the way I lived my life for the past six years. Then comes Jake and everything is changing. He makes me want things I swore off. Like sex. Never had it and I don’t plan to, that’s not to say I haven’t given myself orgasms. The difference is that sex is just too intimate, especially since it would be my first time. It requires sharing a part of you with someone. Screw that.

  His hands release me, and my body feels so good I don’t dare move. “You fall asleep?” I shake my head. Another knock at the door sounds and Jake gets up to answer it. He’s answering my door now? This thing is snowballing. I would get up and beat him to the punch, but there is no way I’d make it there fast enough.

  When I see him walk by me with bags, I’m confused. “What’s that?”

  “I knew you girls wouldn’t be able to move tonight, so I ordered food for the three of us.” He begins to unpack different containers.

  “How did you know I would let you in?”

  “Call it intuition. I can read you like a book, Sparky.” That’s what scares me.

  I groan as I force myself up from the floor although my muscles do feel a little better. I text Tina from my phone not willing to take the extra steps to knock on her door. “Thanks for dinner, again.”

  He smiles at me. “Get used to it. As much as you may try, you aren’t getting rid of me.”

  He takes his plate into the living room as I begin to make mine. Not getting rid of him. I wish I didn’t have to. I can’t give him any kind of normalcy. I’m so screwed up, and I would only bring him down with me. I need to change his mind.

  I need to make him hate me.

  Chapter Seven

  Nina

  I wake up with a clear head and it is evident that Jake isn’t backing off. I also know that if I let things continue on this course that I will give in to him sooner or later. After we ate last night, he hung out with Tina and me. We watched a movie and talked about random things. He is worming his way into my everyday activities. I have one option left, and that’s to completely shut him out. No more coming over. No more text messages. Nothing.

  Step one is that I block his number in my phone. Step two is to make sure that Tina understands I’m serious and not to go behind my back. “I need you to promise me, T.”

  She shakes her head. “Why are you sabotaging yourself? He might be good for you. You’ll never know if you just shut everyone out. It isn’t healthy. Just consider that giving him a chance might be a good idea.”

  “A good idea? I bet the people on the Titanic thought that taking a cruise would be a good idea. Didn't seem to work out for them, though.” I throw my hands up in frustration that she doesn’t get it.

  “You did not just compare yourself to a Titanic victim. You need a damn reality check, girl. The only person hurting you right now is yourself. That boy has been chasing you around and been putting himself out there for days even after constant rejection. If he were some asshole who didn’t care, he would be long gone by now.” Her voice is tight, and I can tell she is frustrated with me.

  She doesn’t get it, though. I’m not scared that he doesn’t care; I’m scared that he does. “I have to go to work. Please back me up on this?”

  “Whatever, psycho, it’s your life.” She gives me a dismissive wave before walking away. On the drive to work, I can’t help but wonder how he will react. Will he finally give up? A sick part of me hopes he doesn’t.

  As I pass Kelly, she hands me another box. I take it knowing exactly who it’s from. Once I get into my room, I place it on the counter watching it like it might explode. This box is much smaller than the others and square. I notice a card and pick it up.

  Maybe this will help improve your mood.

  He doesn’t sign his name but he doesn’t need to. I open the box and can’t help but smile. It’s a Starbucks gift card, the actual card is multicolored with the phrase “Coffee makes you smile” on
it. He really is a great guy. I hope he moves on and finds someone who is worthy of his feelings.

  My day drags by as my head is jumbled with thoughts of Jake and memories of my sister. I buried that stuff long ago but since I met him I have been thinking of her more and more. My guilt over losing her is so consuming that at times I feel like I can’t breathe. It’s my fault she’s gone. I could have stopped her. I was selfish. I was too worried about going out, having fun, dating. My own ignorance cost my sister her life. This is why a relationship with Jake would never work. I can’t love someone else when I hate myself.

  When my shift finally ends I sit in my car forever. I don’t want to go home. I know he’ll be there, and if he isn’t, I know Tina will grill me. She doesn’t know anything about Carly or my life before I moved here. My phone rings and I see that it’s Sam. Samantha Chase is one of the biggest pop stars in the US. I was her hair stylist and the two of us became really close. When she decided to leave LA and move here she convinced me to come with her. I had avoided this town for so long, because there are so many memories of Carly here. I agreed to move with her before I figured out that the place she was going was my hometown, that’s my luck though.

  “Hey.” My voice is quieter than normal. I’m hoping she doesn’t notice.

  “Hey, girl, what’s been going on? I’m coming home in two days, so I thought we could get together for dinner.” Her voice is cheery as usual.

  “Sure, hey, my other line is beeping. Can I call you back?”

  “Yeah, no problem! Talk to you soon.” I end the call without saying another word. My head falls into my hands, and I decide to go to the one place that feels like home.

  As I walk up to her headstone, my stomach drops. My hand traces the script engraved in the stone. It’s been so long since the night I lost her, but it still feels like yesterday.

  I bounce into Carly’s room and see that she’s sleeping, again. All she ever wants to do anymore is sleep. I swear these past few months I don’t even know her anymore. “Car, you going to come to homecoming tonight? Riley texted me and said that he can’t wait to see me! I need to pick out the perfect thing to wear.”

  She doesn’t open her eyes.

  “I know you hear me! You have got to stop sulking! You’re so depressing, it isn’t funny. Where the hell did my fun twin go?”

  Still no response. I’m starting to get pissed off.

  I pick up one of her stuffed animals on the floor and chuck it at her face. It simply bounces off of her and knocks over something on the end table. I bend down and notice it’s her Ambien pills; the doctor gave them to her because she was having trouble sleeping at night. The bottle is empty, though, and mom just sent me to pick these up yesterday. A chill runs up my spine.

  NO!

  I clasp her face. “Carly! Carly, wake up!” Her skin is cold to the touch, and she isn’t responding. “Car, please! I’m sorry for being a bitch these past couple months! Please wake up!” I lay my head on her chest trying to listen for her heartbeat, but deafening silence surrounds me. “Mom!” I shriek as I collapse on top of my sister.

  It’s my fault.

  I’m so sorry, Carly.

  I’ll never forgive myself.

  I sit down on the grass and pull my knees to my chest, laying my head on the cold stone. “I miss you so much. If you were here, everything would be so different. When you died, a part of me did too. You were my sister, my other half. Nothing has felt right since the day I lost you. I should have been there for you. I saw how depressed you were. I just thought that it was you being moody. I should have forced you to talk to me. I shouldn’t have accepted you telling me it was nothing.” Tears stream down my face. “You deserved better. If I cared more, if I wasn’t so self-centered, I could have stopped you. I could have helped you, and we could have fought your demons together.”

  I wipe my eyes looking up to the sky where I know my sister is an angel. “I can’t let him in, Car. I can’t have someone else depend on me. I can’t let anyone else down the way that I did you. I’ll never forgive myself for losing you.”

  I hear a noise behind me and jump. When I turn around, I gasp.

  Jake.

  Chapter Eight

  Jake

  I stare at the beautiful broken girl in front of me, and all I want to do is take her pain away. I heard her talking to her sister; I didn’t mean to at first. I was visiting Lacey when I saw her walking. I only meant to come say hi, but she was already talking when I reached her.

  “What are you doing? I get that you think this cat and mouse shit is fun, but how dare you follow me here!” She’s crying and her voice trembles as she raises her voice at me.

  “Nina I didn’t—”

  “No! You didn’t! This is private! Get out of here and leave me the hell alone. I mean it this time, stay away from me or I will call the cops!” She turns her back on me, and I want to explain why I was here, and that I wasn’t following her. I know though that if I try to talk to her now it won’t do any good.

  I turn back to my car and pull away from the cemetery. Instead of going home, I go over to Brian’s house. I need some advice at this point because I’m stuck. I kind of hope Jules is home because she knows Nina, maybe she can give me some insight.

  Jules answers the door after a few minutes. “Hey, what’s up?”

  “I need to talk.” She opens the door and invites me in, following me into the living room. “I don’t know what to do, Jules. I like Nina; I’m not sure what it is that’s drawing me to her, but it’s strong. She keeps pushing me away, though. And now I think she might hate me.” My hands rub the back of my neck in frustration.

  “Why would she hate you?”

  I tell Jules about the cemetery and overhearing everything Nina said. I don’t go into detail because it’s not my story to tell. “I don’t know what to do now. I tried to call her and leave her a message, but I think she has me blocked. I was making progress with her. It wasn’t anything big, but it was progress. Now I fucked it all up.”

  “Jake, I think that right now you need to give her some time. One, you have to let her cool down, and, two, you need to let her process everything.”

  “I don’t want her to think I gave up, though.” I know that is what she is expecting me to do. It's what she has expected since the first day.

  “You don’t need to give up on her, just give her space.”

  I nod.

  I’ll give her space but at the same time I’ll make sure she knows I am still here.

  ***

  It’s been a week since I have seen Nina. I haven’t stopped by or tried to call her at all, but I have reminded her that I’m here every day. Every morning at ten a.m. I have had flowers delivered to her work and over the weekend they were sent to her house. Today, I am going to see her. I booked a massage under the name Shawn and I am going to surprise her. I also made sure I was her last appointment since I know what time she gets done each day, and I’m not sure how all of this will turn out.

  I hear her voice. “Shawn?”

  When I stand up and turn toward her, the shock on her face is evident. I can tell she wants to yell at me, but she is at work and has to keep her cool, which is what I was counting on. I follow her back to the room much like I did when we first met.

  As soon as the door closes, she turns to me with a fire in her eyes. “How dare you come here? This is my work, Jake!” she whisper yells at me.

  “I know, but I also know you wouldn’t have given me the time of day outside of here. I need to talk to you.” I sit on the table, but she remains in place with her arms crossed.

  “No, you need to leave.” Her voice is hard, but there is a slight tremble in it.

  “Well, I paid for an hour, so you’re mine until then.” I smile at her in hopes of breaking her anger, no luck.

  She presses buttons on a timer. “Your time is ticking.”

  “I didn’t follow you to the cemetery, Nina, I was visiting a friend we lost a few years ago
. I was just going to say hi, but then I heard you talking. You sounded so sad, all I wanted to do was be there for you.” I pray that she believes me.

  “I don’t need anyone to be there for me, and you had no right to listen to my conversation.” Her eyes are welling up with unshed tears.

  I stand up and walk over to where she is, bracing my hands on the door beside her and resting my forehead on hers. To my surprise, she doesn’t pull back from the contact. “I get why you are pushing me away. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for you. I’ve proven to you that you aren’t getting rid of me. You might think you don’t need anyone, but you do, and that’s okay. We all need someone. Let yourself need me.” I hear the large inhale of breath she takes and how shaky it is. “Don’t be scared to jump, I won’t let you fall.”

  She moves forward a couple inches and touches her lips to mine. I want to react, to deepen the kiss and show her how I feel, but I don’t. I let her move at her own pace. Her arms uncross, and her hands slowly wrap around my neck. I kiss her back but still make no other moves, leaving her in control.

  Her mouth pulls away from me. “I’m scared.” Her eyes are full of fear and uneasiness.

  I take her hand and walk over to the table. “Lie down. I want to hold you.” She is hesitant at first but lies down next to me, facing me. I wrap my arms around her tiny body. “Focus on my arms around you. They’re a shield, stopping anyone and anything from hurting you. Nothing can break through. You’re safe.”

  Her head relaxes against my chest. “Did you hear everything I was saying?”

  Her body goes rigid as she waits for my answer. I did hear everything about her sister, but I want her to tell me when she is ready. “No, I missed most of it. Whenever you’re ready, we can talk about it.”

  I kiss the top of her head as she breathes a sigh of relief and closes her eyes.