Grail

by Stephen R. Lawhead

  We then told Arthur how it was with us: how we had come upon the chapel and had cleaned away the defiling filth. We told how the Grail Maiden had appeared and returned the Holy Cup, how we had found Caledvwlch in the well and fended off each attack made on the chapel.

  “You have done well,” Myrddin declared. “Heaven has blessed your efforts. Your reward is assured.” Lifting a hand to the chapel, he said, “Come, let us thank God for the victory he has given us.”

  “You are right to remind us of the source of our salvation,” replied Arthur. “But say not that we have won a victory this day; rather, say that God in his mercy has cut short the tribulation and spared our lives.”

  The Wise Emrys motioned to Gereint, who, bearing the Most Holy Grail, entered the chapel. We followed, silently, each wrapped in his separate thoughts, to join the young warrior at the altar. He had replaced the cup and it sat on the stone, glimmering softly in the light of its own gentle radiance. The king gazed long upon the cup, then bowed his head and wept for his lost Cymbrogi. In this he was not alone; I, too, gave myself over to my grief for the dead, as did we all.

  After a time, Myrddin stirred and, in his clear, strong voice, began singing a lament for the dead. He sang The Last Returning, a fine and fitting song for a warrior who has fallen in the fight and will not be going home with his king. Then the Wise Emrys led us in prayers of thanksgiving for our deliverance.

  Our voices filled the chapel and our hearts lifted under the benison of Myrddin’s comforting words. Holding fear at bay for so long is a wearisome labor, and I felt my spirit ease as the prayers did their work. I cannot say how long we stayed in the chapel, but when I rose at last, a massive weight had fallen from my shoulders.

  Myrddin was attracted to the carvings on the walls; while the others talked in low voices at the altar, I joined him to ask what he made of the strange markings. “Do they speak to you?” I asked.

  “They do.” The Bard of Britain ran his strong hands across the etched designs as a mother might trace her fingers over the sleeping face of her much-loved child. Entranced, he walked the walls and embraced the messages in silent wonder.

  “Make no mistake, Gwalchavad,” he said, turning to me at last. “Llyonesse was not always the wasteland it is now, and it will be redeemed. One day Llyonesse will prove a boon of great blessing to all Britain.”

  The others joined us then, and the king, awed by the chapel, remarked on the mystery of the place. “To think,” he mused, “this chapel has been here—here in this blighted realm—from the beginning.”

  “The beginning?” said Myrddin. “Know you, the beginning was long, long ago.”

  “And yet the chapel remains,” Bors pointed out. “It was not destroyed.”

  “Yes, the chapel remains,” agreed the Wise Emrys. “Let all who love the truth think on that and engrave it on their hearts.”

  Turning abruptly, he stepped before the altar and, while we all stood watching, took the edge of his cloak between his hands and tore off a portion. Then, bowing in reverence to the cup, he carefully covered the Grail with the cloth. This done, he took up the cup and addressed us. “The Holy Cup of Christ has been reclaimed. It is time to make our way back to Ynys Avallach.” Cradling the cup, Myrddin stepped from the altar.

  We emerged from the chapel into a cold, gray dawn. The vile yellow had washed from the clouds and the rain pattered steadily around us. We stood for a moment, looking into the sky as the healing rain streamed down our faces. Water dripped from the branches of the trees all around, filling the air with the woodland scent of wet bark and leaf mold. Even in the pale dawnlight, I could see further into the wood than before. Darkness had loosed its hold on the land and shadows no longer reigned in this place.

  Morgaws’ body lay where she had fallen, eyes wide in the shock of her undoing. Llenlleawg sat a little apart, his back to her, his head low, rain beating down on him. Arthur, calm and resolute, strode to where Llenlleawg sat, and stood for a moment looking down at his fallen champion. “Get up,” he commanded after a moment.

  Llenlleawg did not so much as raise his head.

  Summoning Peredur and Gereint, the king indicated that they should raise the Irishman between them. The two pulled Llenlleawg to his feet and remained beside him—more to support him than to prevent him from escaping.

  Llenlleawg stood before the king as if he no longer possessed the use of his limbs, or perhaps lacked the will to stand and did so only by happenchance. Head bowed, shoulders slumped, abject in every line and ligament, he swayed slightly on his feet. Remorse dripped from him like the rain which spattered upon his head and trickled from his sodden hair in rivulets, dribbling off his downcast face. Guilt pressed full on him and he bent under the terrible weight.

  Arthur gazed upon his former champion and friend. I could see the conflict warring in the king’s features: his mouth frowned with repugnance and distaste even while his eyes, soft with sorrow, searched for some redeeming sign. “Do you know what your betrayal has wrought?” asked the king at last, his voice tight, almost breaking.

  Llenlleawg gave not the slightest indication that he had heard, so Arthur repeated the question. Still Llenlleawg made no answer.

  “I take your silence to mean that you own the consequence of your deeds,” said the king. “Do you have anything to say in your defense?”

  Unable to bring himself to look upon the lord he had betrayed, Llenlleawg did not raise his eyes, but muttered something in a voice so low, I could not hear it.

  Gwenhwyvar, stepping close, said something to him, and the Irishman, glancing quickly from under his brow, breathed a quiet reply before lowering his head once more. Gwenhwyvar, grave and sorrowful, relayed his words to the king; her eyes never left her kinsman as she said, “He offers no defense, but begs his lord for the judgment due his crimes. He wishes to be killed now and his body left to the birds and beasts.”

  “So be it,” Arthur concluded. “By reason of your treachery, I condemn you to the death you ordained for your swordbrothers.” With that he took Caledvwlch in both hands and raised the blade.

  “Arthur, no!” called Gwenhwyvar. She stepped boldly between her kinsman and the king’s upraised sword. “Do not kill him.”

  “Step aside, woman,” the king said. “Justice will be served.”

  Gwenhwyvar flared at this. Drawing herself up full height, green eyes ablaze with righteous anger, she glared at her husband. Turning to Myrddin, she demanded, “Am I not a queen? Am I not both daughter to and wife of a king?”

  “You are,” Myrddin replied.

  Facing Arthur once more, she said, “As Queen of Britain, I claim my right to intercede for this man’s life.”

  “He has betrayed his lord, slain men who were under his command, and aided an enemy who schemed to destroy us all,” Arthur replied firmly. “Do you deny that he has done these things?”

  “I do not,” replied Gwenhwyvar smoothly. “Neither do I deny that any one of these crimes is worthy of death.”

  “Then step aside,” said Arthur.

  “I will not, my lord. I speak on behalf of my champion—your champion. He saved our lives. When awakened to the knowledge of his error and Morgaws’ wickedness, he roused himself to our defense and killed the true traitor.”

  “If not for him,” the Pendragon countered, returning his queen’s defiant stare, “such defense would not have been necessary. He knows his crime and accepts his punishment.”

  “Then punish him, by all means,” Gwenhwyvar replied scornfully, “but know you this—hear me, all of you.” She turned and included the rest of us in her appeal. “Llenlleawg was bewitched and he was beguiled. His will was weak and he chose to follow that temptress, yes. But we were all of us deceived by Morgaws, and we all took part in her schemes.”

  Arthur lowered his arms and rested the sword. “All men are responsible for their actions,” he maintained stolidly. “Some gave in to evil and allowed it to overtake them; others did not. I do not make him answ
erable for the evil, but only for his failure to resist it. For this failure, I do condemn him.”

  Queen Gwenhwyvar folded her arms upon her breast and gazed imperiously at the men around her. “It seems to me you condemn him not for his failure, but for his weakness. What is more, it is a weakness all men share.

  “Tell me now,” she demanded, exquisite in her wrath, “who among you has never experienced a moment’s weakness at the sight of a beautiful woman?” When no one answered, she searched the circle of faces and called us by name: “Gwalchavad? Bors? Peredur? If Morgaws had fastened on you, could you have resisted? Rhys. Myrddin? How long before you would have given in? Look into your hearts, all of you, and tell me that you would not have weakened if you were in Llenlleawg’s place. If you had been the prey the huntress stalked, would you have escaped unscathed?”

  I cannot speak for the others, but I was only too painfully aware how very close I had come to giving in to Morgaws’ seduction. I knew full well how weak I was, and I had not experienced even the smallest part of what she had directed at Llenlleawg.

  “He succumbed, and others did not,” Arthur maintained. “Do you think I take pleasure in this judgment? Lady, I do not. But justice must be done.”

  “Is there no place for mercy in your justice, Great King?” Gwenhwyvar stepped close and put her hands over the king’s hands as they rested on the sword. “Please, Arthur,” she said softly, pleading for her kinsman’s life, “we have all been bewitched in one way or another. Let us not presume to judge Llenlleawg more harshly than we judge ourselves.”

  The Pendragon looked to his Wise Counselor for advice, and we all turned to see what Myrddin would say. The Emrys joined Gwenhwyvar, taking his place between Arthur and Llenlleawg. “God knows death is justified nine times over for his crimes,” he said. “Punishment is your right, and justice demands it. But there is much we do not yet know of Morgian’s insidious designs. Therefore, I beg you to withhold judgment until we have penetrated the dark heart of this lamentable affair.”

  The Pendragon regarded his wife and his counselor for a long time, contemplating what he should do. We all waited on his decision. At last, he said, “Very well, let it be as you say. I will make no judgment until our understanding is complete.” He made a motion with his hand. “Now step aside.”

  Gwenhwyvar and Myrddin moved aside and took their places with the rest of us looking on. The king gazed upon his friend sadly and said, “Hear me, Llenlleawg: from this day you are no longer my champion, and your name will never again be spoken in my presence. Further, you will go with us to Caer Melyn, where you will be put on a ship and exiled to Ierna, where your crime will be known to your people. There you will stay until I make my final judgment.” Having delivered his decree, Arthur considered the abject warrior. “Do you understand?”

  A warrior myself, I understood only too well. It occurred to me that Llenlleawg might rather have parted with his head than with his lord and swordbrothers. In Ireland he would be an outcast among his own people—a disgrace to them and to himself. Llenlleawg’s honor, whatever might be left of it, could not long endure…and then what would become of him?

  The Irish champion nodded slowly. “How long must I wait your decision?” he asked, and oh, the defeat in his voice cut me to the heart.

  But Arthur was not moved. “God alone knows,” he replied, then added, “Seek Him—perhaps He will show you the way to your salvation.”

  So saying, the king turned on his heel, leaving his former champion standing lonely and forlorn—bereft of dignity and friendship, yes, but not, I think, without hope of redemption, however remote.

  We followed the king from the chapel yard. Gwenhwyvar waited until Arthur had reached the perimeter of the clearing, then offered a hasty word of farewell to her kinsman. She pressed his hand and, after a last sorrowful look, hurried after the king. Peredur, at Arthur’s nod, resumed the duty of guarding the prisoner and led him away.

  With few weapons and no provisions to carry, we could travel lightly, if hungrily, until we reached the nearest habitation where we could get food; and, as we did not know when we might get good water again, we all took a long drink from the holy well before setting off. I was the last to drink, and after a final lingering look at the Grail Chapel, I turned away and hurried to join my friends.

  Chapter Forty-one

  Thus we began our journey, walking in silent file behind Myrddin along the rain-wet trail. We had not traveled far, however, when the sun burst through the clouds and sent dazzling bright spears of light striking through the trees.

  It had been so long since I had seen the sun, I stopped in my tracks and turned my face to the glorious light as if to drink it deep into my soul. A winter sun, but no less welcome for that, I felt its warmth bathe my features and thanked the Lord who made me that I yet roamed the world of the living.

  We continued on and it was not long before I noticed a very strange thing. All around me, the woodland was steaming as the sunlight penetrated the wet trees and ground. Now, that in itself is not remarkable, but as the misty vapors rose and curled in the sunstruck air, the forest itself seemed to be dissipating, fading away with the mist—as if the very trees themselves were nothing more than a night fog which vanishes when touched by the light of day. The forest was thinning and receding before my eyes.

  We all stopped and gaped at this wondrous sight. And when we turned once more to the path, the woodland had grown thin and the way stretched wide before us. We moved on, and quickly paired with one another—Arthur and Gwenhwyvar walked together, heads bent near in close discussion; Bors began questioning Rhys about what had happened after the Cymbrogi became separated in the forest. Peredur dutifully followed a half step behind his prisoner, who lumbered forward with head and shoulders bent. I found myself walking beside Gereint, amiable enough in his silence, but I had questions that needed answers he could not supply.

  I saw that Myrddin walked alone at the head of the party, and decided to join him. “Here, now,” I told Gereint, “let us hear what Myrddin has to say about all that has taken place.” Adjusting our pace, we soon fell into step beside the Wise Emrys.

  “How long must Llenlleawg remain in exile?” I said, asking the first question that came to mind.

  “Until the penance for his crimes has been fulfilled,” the Wise Emrys declared, then added in a gentler tone: “God alone knows how long that may be, but I believe that either he will die there, or Arthur will one day welcome his champion back into his service.”

  “To think it could happen to the likes of Llenlleawg,” I mused. “I wonder why Morgaws chose him to aid her treachery.”

  Myrddin gave me a sideways glance. “She deceived us all! Gwenhwyvar spoke the truth: Morgaws bewitched and beguiled every last one of us.”

  “We were all deceived, of course, but only Llenlleawg sided with her and carried out her purposes.”

  “Why wonder at that? Great Light! Only by God’s good grace do any of us stand or fall. I think it praise-worthy so many resisted.” He was silent for a moment, meditating on this; when he spoke again, he said, “But you see how it is. Even though she could deceive us, she could not overwhelm us; her powers were not of that kind. She could seduce but she could not subdue, and that is the way of it.”

  Again I confessed I did not understand, so Myrddin explained. “The Enemy’s powers are far less than we imagine. The Evil One cannot overwhelm us by force. Indeed, he can use against us only the weapons we give him.”

  I allowed that this might be so, but it did seem that Morgaws had no trouble getting whatever she wanted.

  “Did she not?” demanded Myrddin. “See here: Morgaws wanted the Grail and she wanted Arthur’s sword. For all her vaunted powers, she could not get these simple things for herself. No, she required someone else—and even then, she could not keep them. Despite her skills and schemes, she could not meet us face-to-face, but required one of our own who could be turned to her purposes.” Myrddin sighed. “Alas, it was
Llenlleawg who succumbed.”

  “I still do not understand why he did it,” Gereint put in. “Betraying the king…” He subsided, shaking his head as if it were a thing that would remain forever beyond his comprehension.

  “Evil ever chooses the weak and willing,” Myrddin replied. “But I think it was really Gwalchavad she wanted.”

  “Me!” He startled me with this unexpected announcement.

  “You were the first to find Morgaws,” he stated simply. “You are Lot’s son, after all, and Morgian knows you. It would have served her purposes well to bend you to her will.”

  The thought made me uneasy. “Then Morgian was behind it after all?” I asked.

  Myrddin pondered this before he answered. “I believe Morgaws was Morgian’s creature from the beginning, and acted on Morgian’s command,” he said, then, in a voice heavy with regret, added, “Would that discernment had come to me sooner—how much suffering might have been saved…the waste…the sad, sad, waste.”

  “What will she do now?”

  “We have removed yet another weapon from the fight,” he answered. “I have no idea what she will do now. But I think it prudent to assume we have not seen the last of Dread Morgian.”

  The threat implicit in this statement hung over me for a long time. I fell silent, thinking about the things Myrddin had said, and was roused some while later when Gereint suddenly cried out, “Riders approaching!”

  The shout startled me like a slap in the face. Deeply immersed in my reverie, I had not been attending to what was happening around me. I looked up to see that the forest had completely disappeared: every tree—root, branch, and twig—had vanished with the mist. There was nothing of the forest to be seen anywhere, and we were once more in the low-hilled barrens of the blighted land.