Carry My Baby

by Shanade White

  Theo stared at him wondering what he meant, then said, “Just getting to know each other.”

  “Hmm, if you say so,” Seth said, baiting Theo and Theo knew it but couldn’t help but react too strongly.

  “She’s my surrogate, nothing is going to happen.”

  “But you’d like something to happen,” Seth stated.

  Theo sighed, Seth always had a way of figuring out what was really on his mind. “Okay, I admit that I’m feeling something, have been since the moment I met her, but it has to just be a product of the situation. It has to be her hormones or something.”

  “I suppose that’s possible, but what if that’s not it.”

  “It’s impossible, Seth, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, when I’m around her it’s like I have no control over my body, it has to be the pregnancy, there’s no other explanation that makes any sense,” Theo said, trying to sound sure of himself, but not feeling it.

  “But you’re not completely sure.”

  “No, and it’s driving me crazy. If it wasn’t for the baby I could do something about it, but what if it’s only hormones and, when the baby’s born I don’t want anything to do with her. I don’t want to do that to either of us,” Theo said, relieved to have finally put his greatest fear into words.

  “Sounds like a tricky situation, but let me ask you this. Were you feeling this way when you first met her?”

  Theo was saved from answering when Amanda and Lauren came back out on the porch and he breathed a sigh of relief. Once they were settled, Seth leaned over and whispered into Lauren’s ear. She shot him a stern look, then excused them and led Seth into the house.

  “What are you thinking? Why should we move them out of the main house? Seth, are you trying to be a matchmaker again? I hate it when you stick your nose in other people’s business.”

  Seth had the grace to look a little bit guilty, but then he explained. “I was watching them at lunch, they’re good for each other. Have you ever seen Theo more relaxed? I saw him smile at her at least ten times during lunch and he’s taking two months off work. He put his arms around her as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and she leaned into him when he did. They’re in tune with each other, Lauren, I can see it. They just need a little bit of help.”

  “Seth, this isn’t a normal situation. What’s going to happen when she has that baby? Someone is going to get hurt,” Lauren said, shaking her head. “I don’t want to be a part of that. Amanda has a reason for doing what she is, you can’t possibly know what she’s thinking.”

  Seth pulled her into his arms and kissed her softly on the lips then said, “Have I ever been wrong about something like this before? I know what I’m seeing, you just have to trust me.”

  Lauren sighed, he had been right every time so far, but there was always a first time and she didn’t want it to be this time. But she was powerless to change his mind and she knew it, so the best thing to do was play along and hope that things worked out. “Okay, we’ll put them in the cabin down by the east pasture, it has a nice porch and both bedrooms have a bathroom. I hope you know what you’re doing, sweetheart.”

  “I’m never wrong about things like this,” he said, so full of confidence that Lauren couldn’t help but smile.

  “Except when it came to us,” she said, thumping him on the chest.

  “Well, that’s different. Besides I came to my senses eventually, didn’t I? And I’m grateful every day that I did,” he said, kissing her neck and sending waves of desire through her.

  She slapped him and stepped away. “Stop trying to distract me. Let’s go tell Theo that there’s been a change of plans.”

  Theo was a little bit surprised to hear that they were being moved out of the big house to a cabin, but didn’t say anything. Amanda seemed to be okay with the plan and he didn’t want to make a scene, but the very thought of sharing a cabin with her was making his groin tighten. Now she’d be sleeping only a few feet away from him, close enough that he’d probably be able to hear her. The memory of the night they’d slept together had been haunting him, the fact that she’d felt so right in his arms making it even more difficult not to follow his instincts and change their relationship.

  But he believed everything he’d told Seth, that it was simply a reaction to her hormones, and that once the baby was born the effect would fade and he’d hurt her. She didn’t deserve to be treated that way, especially when she’d made it perfectly clear that romance and a family weren’t in her plans for the near future. In fact, she’d made it clear that she never wanted to have any kids, so that made anything lasting between them impossible since right now she was carrying the child he’d always wanted. No matter what he wanted, it wasn’t going to happen and he’d just have to learn to live with that.

  Chapter 6

  It wasn’t going to be as uncomfortable as Amanda had feared sharing the cabin with Theo. They both had their own bedroom with a bathroom attached, and since the nausea had stopped she had no fear that he’d find her retching miserably into the toilet again. After they’d unpacked their things, Theo whisked her off to see the doctor even though she’d been right before they left.

  “You can never be too safe, beside this way we’ll get to meet him,” he’d said, when she protested. “I’ll take you to lunch afterward.”

  “Are you bribing me?” she asked, not able to suppress a smile.

  “Yes, I am bribing you. Is it working?” he asked, winking at her. Amanda’s heart flipped over in her chest when he smiled and winked at her like that, the tingling inside of her a reminder of just how bad her crush on him was.

  To her pleasant surprise, the doctor wasn’t a he, but a she. Heather Snyder had come to Homestead after an impressive internship at one of the busiest hospitals in Seattle, and they hit it off at once. She never questioned Amanda’s decision to become a surrogate, simply got right down to business, shooing Theo out of the room when it was time for the physical exam much to Amanda’s relief.

  “Everything looks good,” Heather said, stripping off the exam gloves.

  “That’s what I told Theo, but he insisted that we see you right away,” Amanda said, rolling her eyes.

  “Well, he’s just being protective,” Heather said, then opened the door and let Theo in. “I won’t need to see you for at least a month, if you have any questions or concerns don’t hesitate to call me.”

  “So, everything is fine?” Theo asked, needing to hear the words.

  “Perfect,” Heather said, then added, “The baby is just the right size and Amanda has clearly been taking care of herself. I don’t anticipate any complications.”

  “Good, then we’ll see you in a month,” Theo said, helping Amanda down from the exam table.

  After two weeks sharing the cabin, Theo and Amanda had fallen into a routine. In the morning, they had breakfast together and he grilled her on how she was feeling, then made her a healthy breakfast. They spent the day pursuing their own entertainment, then met up again for dinner, a routine that seemed to work. At night Theo often found Amanda sitting on the porch looking at the stars and joined her. At first, they’d kept their conversation light, but as the nights passed they began to share more and more about their lives.

  Theo found that it was easy to talk to Amanda, that she really listened to what he said, whether it was about his frustration with the newest fishing regulations or a story about growing up one of the richest children in the Pacific Northwest. She shared stories about growing up with seven brothers and sisters, making him laugh so hard at times that tears streamed down his cheeks. One night after an especially funny story, which he knew that she’d embellished to make him laugh, he couldn’t help but make an observation.

  “You know, Amanda, I’ve been thinking about something. I don’t know what kind of writer you are but you’re a great storyteller. If you write like you tell stories you’re going to be very successful,” Theo said, unconsciously taking her hand in his.

  Amanda didn’t k
now what to say, she wasn’t used to Theo giving her compliments and the one he’d just given her was a big one. “Thank you, Theo, sometimes I wonder if I’m capable of writing a book, but when you put it that way, it doesn’t sound so hard.”

  “I have faith in you, Amanda,” Theo said, and squeezed her hand.

  Amanda could do nothing more than sit and take deep breathes, the tears that were always threatening were close to the surface while at the same time she was consumed by a wave of desire so powerful, it shimmered straight through her making her shiver. Theo, thinking that she was cold, suggested that they go to bed, and it sounded like a good idea to her. She’d go into her room, lock the door, crawl under the covers, and fantasize about Theo like she’d been doing for days.

  As they were walking in the door it occurred to her that Theo might be missing Julien, they’d been gone for two weeks. “I bet you miss Julien,” She said, before she could stop herself.

  They’d made it to the living room and Theo stopped and looked back at her, then asked, “What do you mean?”

  Amanda was instantly sorry that she’d asked the question, it crossed a line that they’d been careful to stay away from. “I, uh, well, it’s just that we’ve been gone for a while.”

  “Julien is perfectly capable of staying alone by himself, he’s a grown man,” Theo said, still not sure what she was getting at.

  “Never mind,” Amanda said, and took a few steps toward her bedroom.

  “Wait, I feel like I’m missing something,” Theo said, narrowing his eyes at her.

  “I shouldn’t have said anything, I just thought you might be missing Julien, it’s none of my business,” she said, heading for her room again.

  “What’s none of your business?” Theo asked, stopping her again.

  Amanda took a deep breath wishing she’d just kept her mouth shut. “I figured it out, I’m sorry, I know you want to keep it a secret.”

  “Figured out what?” Theo was still confused, but then he began to understand what she was getting at.

  “That you and Julien are a couple,” she whispered, knowing that she wasn’t getting away without openly saying it.

  There was a long pause while her words sank in, then he said, “Julien and I are not a couple.” The words coming from between his clenched teeth. “Whatever gave you that idea?”

  Amanda felt like she’d done something wrong but wasn’t going to back down, it was time that it was out in the open. “It was lots of things, the surrogacy, he lives in your house, you’ve know each other for years.” Now that she’d listed the reasons, her theory suddenly didn’t seem quite that strong.

  Theo stood staring at her for a minute, then crossed the room and grabbed her by the arms. “Let’s get one thing straight, Julien and I are not a couple. He works for me and that’s it. I’m not gay, I’m so far from gay that all I want to do right now is kiss you,” he said, shaking her a little, then pulled her to him and did just what he’d said he wanted to do.

  Amanda could do nothing but let him kiss her, her body sagging against his as the pleasure rushed through her making her knees weak. Theo felt the little bump that was the baby and for a moment thought about stopping, but it felt too wonderful to have her in his arms, her lips firm and warm against his. Sweeping her off her feet, he carried her to his bedroom and set her down just inside the door, his mouth never leaving hers.

  When he finally released her mouth, he was panting with desire, but managed to look into her eyes and say, “I know that this isn’t a good idea, but I want you so much I don’t care.”

  Amanda’s heart felt like it was going to burst in her chest, she’d been dreaming of hearing those words from Theo for weeks, and the way he was making her feel was like nothing she’d ever experienced before. There was no way she wanted to stop now, good idea or not, she wanted Theo just as much as he said he wanted her. Giving in to what her body wanted and ignoring what her brain was telling her, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body against his, inhaling a deep breath when she felt his erection pressing up against her belly and desire rushed through her.

  “I don’t care if it’s a bad idea, I want you too,” she whispered into his chest, knowing that she’d just made a decision that would change her life.

  Theo picked her up off her feet again and laid her down on the bed, then joined her. Now that this was actually happening, he was suddenly nervous, not sure what might hurt her. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, searching her face for some sign that she understood that he was talking about more than just physically.

  “I know, we’ll be careful,” she said, her heart warming at his concern.

  Theo slowly undressed her, sliding each piece of clothing off, then kissing the exposed skin. Amanda closed her eyes and closed her mind, simply enjoying the feeling of his lips on her skin, pleasure washing over her until all she was aware of was Theo and way he made her feel. When his mouth found her breasts and began to suckle, her nipples hardened to stiff peaks, so tender that even the barest touch of his lips sent ripples of pleasure washing over her like the waves of a warm ocean.

  Just when she was sure she couldn’t take anymore, his mouth left her breast and traveled back up her chest to capture her mouth in a kiss that burned as hot as the white-hot coals of a fire. He released her mouth and quickly stripped off his clothes, afraid that if he gave her too long to think, she’d stop him. But all Amanda could think of was feeling Theo’s bare skin against hers, his hands on her body, so she reached for him and helped him out of his clothes.

  When they lay entwined on the bed again with Theo’s knee wedged between her legs, he found her mouth again, while his hands roamed. He stroked her hip, then dipped his hand down between her legs and ran one finger through her folds, groaning when he discovered her wet and ready for him. Stroking her clit, he deepened the kiss until Amanda lost in a storm of pleasure pulled her mouth away and cried out his name.

  The sound of his name escaping her lips made his erection throb, and Amanda was suddenly aware of it resting against her leg. Reaching between them, she wrapped one hand around him and rubbed her finger over the tip of his erection, aware that he was groaning with pleasure and thrilled to know she was the reason. She began to stroke him, each stroke making his erection jump in her hand, until all she could think about was having him buried deep inside her.

  She was almost to the point of begging when he slid between her legs and spread them, then poised just outside her throbbing core, he looked into her eyes. They were clouded with passion, but deep in their depths he could swear that he could see more than just passion, but before he could be sure she lifted her hips and he was powerless to stop the thrust of his hips that followed, burying him deeply inside her. It felt so wonderful to be buried in her hot, velvety core that he couldn’t move at first, the pleasure so intense he was sure that he’d lose it before he’d even begun.

  When Amanda shifted her hips under him, he knew that there was no point in trying to slow down what was happening, instead he thrust his hips over and over until Amanda was throwing her head from side to side and whimpering with pleasure. When she reached around and grabbed his butt with both her hands and pulled him deeper inside her, he gritted his teeth and let the pleasure wash over him.

  Amanda felt her orgasm coming, was surprised by the immense pleasure that was making her throb somewhere deep inside her. As he filled her over and over again, she became frantic to find release, to let the pleasure take her where she wasn’t sure she’d ever been before. As the hard core of pleasure burst inside her, she grabbed Theo’s butt and pulled him inside her, crying out when she felt him spasm inside her, the power of her orgasm intensified by the feeling of his.

  Theo wanted to collapse on top of Amanda but didn’t want to hurt the baby, so with great effort he laid down on his back and pulled her into his arms, her head resting in the crook of his arm. She heard him sigh like a man who’d finally been given something he’d wanted for a long time a
nd understood what he was feeling, what they’d just shared had been wonderful, better than any fantasy she’d ever had. But she had no idea where they would go from here, nothing had changed, but everything had because she just couldn’t imagine walking away from what they shared.

  She’d been so sure that she didn’t want kids, but lying there next to Theo, the pleasure still coursing through her body she began to doubt that decision. It confused her to feel that way, and she had no idea for sure what was causing those feelings, the baby inside her and the hormones that flooded her body, or Theo. No man had ever made her feel the way Theo did, and now that she knew that he felt the same way, those feelings had only intensified. Getting to know him hadn’t helped either, now she knew that underneath the tough exterior he presented to the world, there was a kind and caring man, a man who could take her places she’d never been.

  When Theo shifted them so his stomach was pressed up against her back and threw his arm over her and covered her belly with his warm hand she felt a faint stirring in her abdomen. It wasn’t desire this time, but the baby, who had been making its presence known for the last few days. She hadn’t told Theo yet, hadn’t been completely sure that’s what she’d been feeling, but tonight she was sure, the little one was moving around. She thought about telling him just then, but the sound of his even breathing told her that he was asleep, and she decided that it could wait until morning.

  Theo woke just as the sun was coming up, he was wrapped around Amanda, his hand resting on the slight swelling in her abdomen. At first, he just enjoyed the feeling, but then the reality of the situation hit him, he’d done the one thing he’d promised himself he wouldn’t. Now he had no idea what to think about his feelings for Amanda, last night had done nothing but strengthen them, make him start to believe those the feelings were real and not a product of hormones. But if that was true that didn’t leave him any better off than before, Amanda didn’t want a family and he had one on the way, thanks to her.