Mountain Rose

by Cheryl St. John

  “I know.”

  “I regret that I never stood up to your father. I was weak and went along with his whims, and in doing so, I wasn’t a good mother to my children.”

  “You were always a good mother,” he disagreed.

  She shook her head. “I feel responsible for Meriel leaving at such a young age, and for you leaving, too. I can’t ever make it up to her now. Or to you. But I am asking you to forgive me.”

  “You don’t need my forgiveness, Mother. I never held anything against you or blamed you.”

  “But I need your forgiveness, Jules. I need you to acknowledge my regret.”

  “Then I forgive you. Of course, I forgive you.”

  She wept silently into her hankie. Jules hadn’t realized how much she regretted and blamed herself for the life they’d led while she’d been married to his father. Thinking of how long she’d carried this burden, his heart ached for her. He stepped forward to pull her close and comfort her. “You did the best you knew how. That’s all any of us can expect of ourselves.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered.

  “Don’t thank me.”

  A moment later, she inched away and dried her tears with her handkerchief. “I can’t change the past. But I can do everything in my power to give Emily a good life. I want to take responsibility for her. I want to start over and do it right this time, raise her in a stable home and provide for her.”

  Lorena taking Emily was the perfect solution. Even better than a boarding school, because Emily would be with her doting grandmother. Lorena could do everything he couldn’t. She could provide a better education. She could provide constant companionship. And one day Emily would have the opportunity to marry well.

  The child yearned for family and affection, though she hid it well. She and Miss Rose were very much alike in their self-sufficiency. They’d learned to protect themselves from hurt and rejection, and breaking through those walls would never be easy. Lorena had already shown she was going to give it her best, and Emily had responded to her.

  “I can’t fault your reasoning,” he said at last, though his chest ached through and through at the admission.

  “Then you agree she should come home with me?”

  “Yes.” His nose itched and he rubbed it. “It’ll be best for her to go with you.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  In her grief over Jules’s announcement that Emily would be going to Cincinnati with his mother, Olivia’s Saturday engagement slipped her mind. Jules hadn’t forgotten, however, and reminded her as they ate breakfast.

  “Suppose Marcus will be here soon.”

  His remark sunk in, and Olivia remembered the rancher who’d asked to call on her.

  Lorena’s eyebrows shot upward. “A caller, young Olivia? How exciting. We’d better get you ready to receive him.” She turned to her son. “Is he a respectable young man?”

  “Has a respectable spread,” he replied.

  “Is he handsome, Olivia?”

  She hadn’t given the man’s appearance much thought. “I suppose so.”

  Jules stood. “I’ll leave you women to dresses and the like.”

  He strode from the room.

  By the time Marcus arrived, Olivia was dressed in a peach-and-cream organza dress with a gusseted bodice and lace at the neckline and wrists. It was a well-made dress she’d inherited from a teacher who’d resigned and married, and Olivia had altered it and added the lace. The style was a little too fancy for the schoolroom, so she’d only worn the garment once before.

  Lorena had fashioned Olivia’s hair into sleek curls that draped the back of her neck. “Your hair is as fair and shiny as an angel’s. Meriel’s hair was dark and wavy like Emily’s.”

  Emily came to stand and listen.

  “She was beautiful,” Lorena added with a wistful catch in her voice. She turned and caught her granddaughter’s expression. “Just as you are, my darling.”

  Emily smiled, and Lorena gave her a quick squeeze.

  Olivia watched their exchange with a hollow emptiness aching inside. She was delighted for Emily, though, so she smiled.

  The sound of a horse and buggy filtered through the open window. Olivia met Lorena’s smiling gaze. “I won’t know what to say.”

  “Don’t be silly. You’ll talk about the mountains and the sunshine. You will simply enjoy yourself.”

  “I don’t think I will.” Her breakfast had rolled into a knot in her stomach.

  Lorena handed her a gauzy parasol. “Protect your lovely fair skin from the sun, dear. And enjoy yourself.”

  Olivia greeted Marcus with a nervous smile. He swept his hat from his head and ushered her up to a seat before climbing up beside her and urging the single horse forward.

  * * *

  From his position on the roof of the new house, Jules watched Marcus Stone’s sleek black Bavarian warmblood pull the buggy past the corral, then squinted at the trail of dust. He was going to pair his Cleveland mare with Marcus’s stud in the spring and have some fine-looking warmbloods like that, too. Likely even sturdier.

  Marcus didn’t have a barn like Jules’s. None of the other ranchers had a barn that could hold a candle to it, either.

  He hammered a shingle into place with unnecessary force. If his mother hadn’t shown up when she had, he would have asked Olivia to stay and help him take care of Emily. He would’ve needed a teacher for his niece and, in a couple of years, for the Roland children. Having the two of them here would have worked out.

  He didn’t want to think about Emily leaving. And it made his gut ache to think of Olivia marrying Marcus—or anyone else. But he wanted what was best for both of them. Emily would have a better chance for a good life and a future marriage in Cincinnati.

  Still, he wouldn’t be such a bad choice for Olivia. He nearly had a fine house finished. With Tanis nearby, she’d have companionship. And eventually…they’d have children.

  Marcus already had a house, he recalled with a sick feeling. He’d ordered lumber from somewhere up north and built a wood-frame structure with a porch along two sides. At the time, Jules had thought the man should be focusing on his spread and his barns. Their priorities had been different.

  Jules caught himself daydreaming. He hadn’t hammered a nail for ten minutes. He glanced down at the pile of remaining lumber on the ground. Probably enough to make a couple of chairs for the porch. Definitely enough to keep his hands occupied, if not his mind.

  * * *

  Supper was more festive than usual. Lorena used one of her shawls for a tablecloth, and they ate quail with stuffing made from Olivia’s bread. Lorena had managed to talk Wayland out of carrots, which she baked with a maple glaze. Dessert was a golden-crusted pie made from a jar of blackberries Tanis had offered.

  “Emily and I will leave next Monday,” Lorena told them as they ate. “Once we reach Cincinnati, I will take you to my seamstress,” she said to the girl. “We’ll have you fitted for dresses for school and church.”

  “But I have dresses,” Emily told her.

  “I know, dear, but won’t you be excited to have all new?”

  Emily nodded, though her expression showed her uncertainty.

  “We’ll make you something from velvet for the holidays. A deep green perhaps. Have you ever had a velvet dress? There’s nothing like the feel of the luxurious fabric. You will love Christmas in the city. There are holiday parties and Christmas programs. You will likely sing with the children’s choir. We’ll bake pumpkin and mince pies and shop for gifts. We will find a special tree this year. One as high as the ceiling in the parlor, and we’ll decorate it with beads and glass ornaments. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”

  The girl glanced at Olivia, who gave her an encouraging smile. Olivia imagined the holiday the woman described, a holiday unlike any they’d ever celebrated. Everything they’d ever dreamed of would now belong to Emily.

  Lorena had seen the look pass between them. She folded her napkin. “The two of you have been togethe
r for many Christmases, haven’t you?”

  Olivia fought back a flood of emotion to nod. She did feel joy in her heart for the new life and experiences Emily would enjoy. The child’s happiness was all that mattered. “Your plans sound lovely. Emily will enjoy herself.”

  Lorena reached across the table to place her hand over Olivia’s. “Why don’t you come with us?”

  Olivia raised her gaze in surprise. “For Christmas?”

  “No. For good. We have a big home, with plenty of space. You would have your own room. Emily will need a teacher, and who better than the one she already knows and loves?” Lorena’s enthusiasm for the idea snowballed. “The two of you have a special connection and a history. I would feel terrible tearing you apart. When Emily is older, you can remain my companion, if you wish. Or you could be her chaperone at university.”

  Olivia struggled to comprehend the incredibly generous offer. “You want to hire me as Emily’s teacher? Have me come live with you in Ohio?”

  “Yes.” Lorena gave her a broad smile. “What do you say?”

  Olivia glanced at Jules, who stared at his empty plate. “Well, I don’t know,” she said slowly. “You’ve caught me by surprise. It’s a completely generous offer.”

  “You have a week to think it over,” Lorena said. “I hope you know I’m sincere and that I would truly love for you to join us.”

  “Yes. Thank you.”

  Olivia couldn’t even wrap her thoughts around the idea. No searching for a job or a safe place to live? No worry about the future or Emily’s welfare? And she and Emily would be together. Emily beamed and cast her a hopeful glance.

  It all sounded too good to be true.

  Lorena and Emily left together to take the scraps to the compost pile.

  Jules hadn’t touched his coffee. Olivia stood and picked up his cup. “I’ll get you a hot cup. This is cold.”

  She poured a fresh cup and placed the mug in front of him. Their eyes met, and she gazed into the blue depths of his, wondering what he was thinking. “What do you think, Jules?”

  He touched the rim of the cup, but didn’t pick it up. “I think it’s the best opportunity Emily will ever have. She’ll have everything she needs.”

  She’d actually been wondering what he thought about his mother’s offer to give her a home, as well. “Your mother is generous.”

  “She is.” He seemed to think a minute before he spoke. “If you went with her, you’d have a job you love.”

  So he had considered it. “And I’d be near Emily.”

  “There’s that.”

  She’d only known him a few weeks. She couldn’t expect he’d developed any particular fondness for her over that time. He’d kissed her, yes, but kisses weren’t promises or security. She had to go where someone needed her and wanted her. Lorena’s home sounded like that place.

  “What about Marcus?” he asked.

  “We shared a buggy ride,” she answered. “That’s hardly grounds on which to base a future. Your mother’s offer is right here and now—and it’s a choice that involves being with Emily.” She didn’t know if he could understand. “She’s the closest thing I have to family. I feel as though she’s my own.”

  “I believe she is…in all the ways that count,” he said.

  Tears welled in her eyes. She turned away and shaved soap into the dishpan. She may never have another opportunity like this one. She’d been trusting God to provide for both of them, so why not believe this was her answer?

  That night she lay on her pallet on the floor, feeling small and unimportant. Lorena was a warm and kind-hearted woman. She would be a good influence on Emily. She would show Emily how to express love the way Olivia never could. Just thinking of the way Lorena touched Emily, smoothing her hair and holding her close, made Olivia’s throat constrict painfully with inadequacy.

  Emily would learn and respond—and she would transfer her feelings of devotion and trust to the woman whose expressions of love came easily. Olivia’s chest ached with selfish, empty longing. She prayed for the Lord to take away feelings of jealousy that would undermine her ability to appreciate Lorena.

  She cast through her memory for a verse of Scripture to hold on to, and it came to her: “Charity suffers long and is kind,” she whispered. “Charity envieth not. Charity vaunteth not itself.” She’d looked up that word, and it meant lifting up oneself. “Charity doesn’t seek her own, nor is it easily provoked.” She thought ahead. “Charity believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.”

  She already loved Emily with all her heart, and she could love Lorena with Christian love. The Godly kind of love that would never envy what the child and her grandmother shared. Olivia already believed Lorena’s offer was the best for Emily, and she would never give up desiring the best for her. She didn’t want to take away what Emily had discovered. But would God ever give her a chance at a happy, loving home? She didn’t see any way that could happen. She was a grown woman, not a child.

  Olivia wiped tears from her cheek and rolled over. She was nearly asleep when the same words she’d spoken to Emily before their trip West came to her. Even as He cares for and feeds the sparrows, He cares for us even more. We are valuable and special to the Lord.

  She was special to God. She closed her eyes and rested peacefully.

  She woke before the others the following morning and opened her Bible to the Book of Matthew. Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God? But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

  She had no reason to fear. Her Heavenly Father cared about her. She was not forgotten, as it had seemed over the years.

  The rest of the week went too quickly. Since Emily was leaving, Jules suspended work on the house. It looked as though Olivia would be going with them. He’d have plenty of time after they were gone to finish up the details. For now he wanted to spend all the time he could with them.

  He had promised to take Emily fishing, so the women packed a lunch.

  “We’ll need a spade,” Olivia told him. “And several buckets.”

  “How many worms do you think we’ll need?”

  “You’ll see,” she answered mysteriously.

  He grabbed a spade from the barn and laid it in the wagon bed beside a stack of empty pails. They traveled to a stream where Olivia chose to rest in the shade rather than fish. She had something else she wanted to do. After digging for worms, Jules baited Lorena and Emily’s lines and showed them how to cast into the water and wait for a bite.

  Their lunch consisted of Olivia’s mouthwatering bread sliced for ham sandwiches and a watermelon Jules had picked from Wayland’s small garden.

  Jules, his mother and Emily went back to the stream to check their lines. A long time later, they returned, and packed up to head home.

  He stopped and stared into the bed of the wagon.

  All the pails he’d brought along were lined along the side rail and brimming with drooping poppies. The sight gave him a strange feeling. Turning, he sought her out.

  Olivia stood to the side of the wagon. Her face was flushed, her pretty, blue dress damp with perspiration. Her bonnet had fallen back, and tendrils of hair clung to her neck and cheeks. She was the prettiest thing he’d ever seen. And she’d dug up poppies to plant in his front yard.

  He didn’t want to think about the following summer or the ones to come if she was gone and all he had to remember her by were those blooming flowers.

  That night they ate crisp-fried trout for supper, along with fried parsnips and boiled greens.

  Olivia and Lorena shared duties in the compact area, which proved they were compatible and lessened one area of Olivia’s doubts about being in the way if she accompanied her to Ohio. Lorena was nothing but generous and good-hearted.

  Olivia had every confidence in Lorena to be a good mother to Emily. Her own presence, however, would likely add confusion. She would alway
s be a reminder of where Emily had come from. She would be known in Lorena’s social circles as the poor young woman with no family of her own. Her dilemma remained.

  When they arrived at church Sunday morning, the local newspaperman introduced himself. “Will you join me for dinner here in town one night this coming week?” he asked.

  Olivia glanced at Emily, who stood nearby, listening. Olivia hadn’t yet made up her mind about the trip, so she couldn’t answer. “May we speak privately after church?” she asked.

  Mr. Saxton’s toothy grin showed his pleasure with her request.

  Jules gestured for Olivia to lead them to one of the pews. She did so, and he gave her a sidelong glance. She had to make up her mind today and give Lorena time to purchase her ticket if she decided to go.

  After church, she explained to Mr. Saxton that she wasn’t sure if she would still be in town. She assured him she would contact him if she stayed. Jules took them to the café for a meal of sliced beef, creamy potatoes and gravy.

  “Why aren’t there roasts like this on your dinner table?” his mother asked. “We haven’t eaten beef once since I’ve been here.”

  “Beef is my living,” he told her. “Every head I sell buys breeding stock or lumber. Until my herd is established, we only eat a cow if it has to be put down because of an injury.”

  “And when will your herd be established to your satisfaction?” she asked. “I saw a lot of cattle on those hills.”

  He seemed to consider her question, but didn’t give her a reply.

  Emily didn’t finish her meal, and she was especially quiet.

  “Are you feeling well?” Olivia asked her.

  “I feel fine.”

  But she continued to hang back and not participate after Jules drove them home and suggested another fishing expedition that afternoon.

  Lorena sat on the bank, wearing one of her wide-brimmed hats and dangling a line in the water. Jules encouraged Emily to join them, but she said she was tired and laid on the faded blanket in the shade of a rustling cottonwood. She watched the shimmering leaves overhead, her hand tucked under her cheek.