On the Outside Looking In (Wrong Reasons)

by Paul, JL

  As the hour grew later, the older patrons filtered out while the younger set started coming in. I recognized a few people from campus and was surprised when two girls from my English class sat next to me at the bar, eager to chat.

  “Morgan! I never thought I’d see you here,” said Heidi, a perky girl with hair dyed so many times it was hard to tell what color it actually was.

  “Me, either,” replied Jenn, her heavyset, dour friend. “We thought you were more the studious type.”

  I shrugged. “I like to get out once in a while. Can’t study all the time.”

  “Nope,” said Heidi as Evan appeared to check their IDs and take their order. With heavy eyes, she smiled at him, a sly curl to her lips. “You know we’re old enough, Evan. We’ve been here before.”

  “Company policy,” he said, handing back her license. “What can I get you?”

  “Two Screwdrivers and whatever our buddy, Morgan, wants.” Her long lashes fluttered as she allowed her nails to lightly scrape his hand while she retrieved her ID.

  “I’m fine,” I said, pointing at my glass. “But thanks.”

  “Okay,” Heidi said as Evan turned to the bottles behind him, selecting a bottle of vodka. “He is yummy, isn’t he?”

  “Yep,” Jenn said. “Tiffany used to date him, remember?”

  “Oh, I remember,” Heidi said, slapping a flirtatious smile on her lips as Evan placed their drinks on the bar. Heidi removed a few bills from her purse, placing them in his hand. “Keep the change, sweetie.”

  “Thanks,” Evan said, spinning on his heel to punch something into the register and dropping the cash into the till. He removed the change and tossed it into a large bucket next to the register.

  “So, how’s your semester going?” Heidi asked.

  “Fine, and yours?”

  “It sucks,” Heidi said. “It’s been so boring. No one’s thrown a great party since the end of last semester.”

  “I’m always hearing people talk about parties during class,” I said.

  Heidi snorted and took a huge gulp of her drink. “Yeah, lame parties. I want to go to a kick ass, huge party.”

  “Need anything, Morgan?” Evan asked. When I shook my head, he flashed a smile.

  “I could use a refill,” Jenn said, shaking her glass. “I’m empty.”

  “No problem,” he said as he took Heidi’s glass, too, and made them fresh drinks. Heidi paid again, tipping very well.

  Just as I was wishing that they wouldn’t have taken the stools beside me, Heidi and Jenn put their heads together, watching Evan work behind the bar, and giggling like school girls. In that second I realized that they hadn’t sat at the bar to talk to me – they’d chosen their seats so that they could flirt with and ogle Evan. And he was either stupidly oblivious or playing a nice game of hard to get. I wasn’t sure which, but I was hoping for the former.

  As I was keeping an eye on the little scene beside me, someone settled onto the stools on my other side. Glancing in that direction, my heart fell. Immediately beside me was a girl I recognized from the diner where Irelyn worked and beside her sat Jessica.

  Ugh.

  Snapping my head the other way, I prayed Jessica wouldn’t recognize me while I struggled to come up with an escape plan. I didn’t want to have another ‘enlightening’ discussion with her – especially in Evan’s earshot.

  “So, I spent the morning with Irelyn and Bailey, looking at houses,” Jessica said to her companion. “Bailey’s dad wants to pay for the down payment but Bailey didn’t seem too happy about it.”

  “Shit, I’d be thrilled if my parents gave me a down payment for a house,” Jessica’s companion said. “Did either of them find anything?”

  “Irelyn was looking for a two bedroom house to rent,” Jessica said. “I don’t know why she doesn’t just bite the bullet and buy a house. The guys are about to sign a contract with a record label. They’ll be making fat cash soon enough.”

  “No doubt.”

  “I can’t wait for Spencer to start recording,” Jessica said. “We never do anything, anymore, except come here or hang out at Bailey’s. It’s getting boring.”

  “Why don’t you guys go out?” the companion asked.

  “He’s saving money,” Jessica said, scorn in her tone. “He wants to move out of his apartment.”

  “Did you get a hold of him? Did you find out why he’s not home?”

  “No,” Jessica said. “He hasn’t answered my texts or returned my call yet. He must be busy at work.”

  That explained why they were here, then. They must have been at Spencer’s apartment over the bar and when he wasn’t home, they came down here to wait. Just my luck.

  “Hey, Jessica,” Evan said, not sparing me a glance. “What’s going on?”

  “Not much,” she said. “Give us two drafts, please. Have you seen Spencer?”

  “Not since last night,” he said.

  “Okay,” she said.

  As I had my back turned, I hadn’t a clue what her expression was, but heard her sudden inhalation.

  “Morgan?”

  Curse words that I’d never utter aloud ran through my head. Very much aware of Evan’s eyes on me, I slowly swiveled my stool so that I faced Jessica. “Hi, Jessica.”

  “What are you doing here?” she asked.

  “Having a drink,” I said, although I didn’t think she’d consider a diet soda a real drink.

  “Oh,” she said, her eyes narrowed. “Have you seen Spencer?”

  It wasn’t hard to miss the suspicion in her tone nor in the glint in her eyes. I shook my head, toying with the straw poking out of my glass.

  “I haven’t seen Spencer since last night,” I said.

  “Are you sure?” she asked, practically draping her body on the bar as she leaned past her friend.

  “Absolutely,” I said.

  “Okay,” she said slowly, still fixing me with a hard stare. “Did you go up to his apartment before you came in here?”

  I turned to face her fully, my jaw falling. “No. Why would I?”

  “I don’t know,” she said, waving her arms in the air. “Maybe because you want him or because you’re desperate – who knows?”

  Flabbergasted, I could only gape at her.

  “What the fuck is your problem?” Evan asked, his hands planted on the bar. His dark eyes, usually so sexy and mysterious, blazed as he looked at Jessica.

  “I’m not the one with the problem,” Jessica said, straightening. She arranged her features into an I-don’t-care mask. “But Morgan has a thing for Spencer and can’t get it into her head that he doesn’t want her. She denies it, of course, but she’s practically stalking him. She shows up when he’s playing and here she sits now, in the bar below his apartment, waiting for him to get home.”

  Evan shoved shirt sleeves up to his elbows, revealing bulging veins that matched the one in his forehead. “As a matter of fact, Morgan hung out with me today and she’s here because I invited her. If she’s stalking anyone, it would be me and I’m not complaining.”

  A tiny smile crept to my lips, but I wasn’t amused. I was angry. I was embarrassed. I was also mute, not able to utter a single word in my defense.

  “Really,” Jessica said, shooting another look in my direction. “Well, believe what you want but, since you’re a friend of mine, I’ll warn you that she’s probably just using you in hopes that Spencer will be jealous.”

  “That’s a lie,” I said, finding my voice. “Spencer is my friend.”

  Rolling her eyes, she grabbed her purse off the bar. “Come on, Leanne. Let’s find a table.”

  After she stormed away, Evan transferred his gaze to me. “You all right?”

  “I’m fine,” I sighed. “She’s so full of herself.”

  “She is,” he agreed. “She’s always been that way.”

  “Have you known her long?” I asked, hoping to steer the conversation away from Jessica’s accusations.

  “A couple years,” he said
. “I met her when I came here a few years ago. She used to hang out with my group of friends until she started dating Spencer. Suddenly, she got a big head – like she was some socialite or something.”

  “I don’t care for her much,” I blurted.

  Evan laughed as he took my glass, dumped out the melting ice, and refreshed it. “Yeah, I figured you didn’t like her. I don’t care for her much, either.”

  “Evan, sweetie, we’re moving to a table,” Heidi said, not looking at me. “Check on us once in a while, huh?”

  “I’ll try,” Evan said. “But the waitresses take care of the tables.”

  Huffing, Heidi and Jenn gathered their things and moved to a table near the empty stage.

  “Your fan club isn’t too happy, is it?” I said.

  “I used to date one of their friends,” he said as he wiped down the area where they’d been sitting. “It wasn’t serious but ever since we split up, those two come in here all the time, flirting and stuff.”

  “I see,” I said, trying not to laugh.

  “It’s not funny,” he said, although he couldn’t contain his grin. “The whole bunch is annoying.”

  “Hey, good looking, how about a beer, huh?”

  Startled, we turned our heads to see a pretty blonde, smiling at the bar. Her hair was clipped in a messy bun, her green eyes sparkling with laughter.

  “Ridley Banson,” Evan said, a broad smile lighting his face. He jogged around the bar to tug the girl into a tight hug. “How the hell are you?”

  “Great,” she said, laughing. “You seem to be doing well.”

  “I am,” he said. “When did you get into town?”

  “About two weeks ago,” she said, settling on a stool. “I’m actually enrolled at the community college for next semester.”

  “Wow,” he said. Turning toward me, he tugged me off my stool. “This is my friend, Morgan Taylor. Morgan, Ridley Banson.”

  “Hi,” Ridley said with a warm smile. “Nice to meet you.”

  “You, too,” I said. “You two are old friends, I take it?”

  “Yeah,” Ridley said. “We go way back.”

  “Where are you staying?” Evan asked as he made his way behind the bar and poured her a beer.

  “I have an apartment near the community college,” she said, sipping her beer. “I’m sharing it with a friend.”

  Raising a brow, Evan rested his elbows on the bar, clasping his hands. “Oh? Male friend?”

  “Oh, please,” Ridley said, flashing a grin in my direction. “Listen to this guy.”

  I just nodded, my lips pursed. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. My curiosity grew as I watched the two banter and converse. What, exactly, was their relationship?

  “I’m sharing the apartment with a friend of mine from Chicago,” Ridley said. “We worked together at a club. I heard a rumor that you were down here and decided to leave Chicago. It took me awhile to find a job, though. And a place to live.

  “Cool,” Evan said as he straightened to make drinks for three college guys who’d just entered. Once they had their pitcher of beer, they joined Heidi and Jenn at their table. “I’m glad you’re back in town. Let me give you my cell number.”

  While they exchanged info, I watched their body language. I was no expert by any means, but it didn’t appear as if there was any sexual tension. Not that I was experienced in that sort of thing, either.

  Beer half finished, Ridley stood up with a smile on her face. “I need to run. I just wanted to stop in and let you know I’m around. It was nice meeting you, Morgan. Try to keep him out of trouble, huh?”

  “See you,” Evan said.

  “Bye,” I said, watching as she waltzed out of the bar, drawing male attention. “She’s pretty.”

  “Yeah, she’s a good girl,” Evan said as he washed glasses in the little sink behind the bar. “I’ve known her since we were kids. We kind of grew up together.”

  “Oh,” I said. “Childhood friends, huh?”

  “Yeah,” he said as he finished. He dried his hands on a towel and smiled at me. “Jealous?”

  I snorted. “At what?”

  Laughing, he reached out to caress my cheek. “Don’t worry, Morgan, she’s like a sister to me, that’s it.”

  “I’m not worried,” I said as my cheeks flushed. “I mean, you know…”

  “Gotcha,” he said, positively glee. “So, I’m totally off tomorrow. Do you want to do something?”

  Smiling, I realized that I did.

  ***

  After making arrangements to meet Evan the next day, I went home. Changing into pajamas, I wrapped myself in a throw blanket and turned on the television. I wanted to think only about Evan while watching mindless TV. I didn’t want to think about Jessica and her snide remarks. I especially didn’t want to think about her traipsing around town with Irelyn and Bailey, looking at houses.

  Although I fought it, I couldn’t keep all the doubts and mixed emotions out of my head. It was stupid and childish to get my feelings hurt about not being invited, but I couldn’t help the way I felt. I’d been working hard to get my friendships back on track, but obviously not hard enough.

  Was it possible that the nonsense Jessica had spewed in the bathroom Friday night was right? Were Bailey and Irelyn just being polite? Did they not want me to be part of their little group any longer?

  Shaking my head, I drew the blanket tightly around me. I didn’t need to be with them every single day. I didn’t want to be a shadow, following them around while they lived their lives. But I did miss them. I did miss the closeness.

  I just needed to talk to them. I needed to tell them how I was feeling. We needed to quit skating around the summer incident and put it all out on the table. Maybe, once that happened, then things could become a little more normal.

  Snuggling into the sofa, I smiled. Things would work out – they had to.

  Chapter Ten

  The weeks flew as quickly as leaves whipping in the fall wind. Before I knew it, the Thanksgiving holiday was upon me and I was preparing to go home.

  Evan was disappointed that I wouldn’t be around for the holiday, although he understood that I needed to go home to see my family. Things between us had been going remarkably well and not too fast. We’d spent hours together, hanging out at the mall, going to the movies, or at Rusty’s. We’d shared a few little kisses – nothing too passionate – and I was fairly happy.

  If only things with my friends could be going as well. I was finding it harder and harder to get in touch with Irelyn and Bailey. My plan of sitting down with them and getting everything out hadn’t come to fruition. I ate lunch with Bailey occasionally at school and met up with them at Rusty’s, but we hadn’t had much time to get together to talk.

  I helped Irelyn and Lucas move into a little house close to Dunne-Browling the week before Thanksgiving – and tolerated Jessica’s little taunts. Bailey and Collin hadn’t had as much luck finding a house, though. They were finding time to look increasingly difficult as the guys had started recording with the indie label.

  I packed slowly, dreading the trip back home. I adored my family very much, but couldn’t stand the lectures about my future from my father and the inquisitions about my social life from my mother.

  Just as I stacked my things by the door, my cellphone rang. Locating it on the kitchen table, I smiled as Evan’s name showed on the screen.

  “Hello.”

  “Hey, Morgan. Packed yet?” he asked.

  “Yes, just finished,” I said, eyeing the single suitcase next to the door. “All set.”

  “What time are you leaving?” he asked.

  “Early,” I said. “I promised my mother. It was the only way I could get her off my back for not spending the entire week at home.”

  He laughed. “Apologize to her for me. It’s my fault that you didn’t go sooner.”

  “It’s not your fault,” I said, smiling. “I wasn’t planning on going home until Wednesday, anyway.”

&nb
sp; “Sure,” he said. “Whatever. I know the truth. I know you can’t resist my charms.”

  “Okay, Evan,” I said as I walked to the living, sinking into my chair. “I’ll let you continue to believe that. I’d hate to burst your bubble.”

  “Whatever,” he said. “So, when will you be back?”

  “Not until Saturday,” I said. “I’m hoping, at least. My mother might convince me to stay until Sunday.”

  “Make sure to call me,” he said. “It’s going to be boring around here without you.”

  “Don’t you have plans?” I asked. “With your aunt and uncle?”

  “Yeah,” he said. “Big dinner and all that. That will be fun, but the rest of the time will suck.”

  My heart twittered. “I’ll call you, I promise. I need to get to bed – I’m leaving early, remember?”

  “Yep. Be careful and have fun.”

  Ending the call, I smiled as I took the phone to my bedroom and put it on the charger. Quickly changing, I crawled into bed, my heart happy.

  ***

  “Morgan,” my mother said Thanksgiving Day as I walked into the kitchen. The scent of turkey floated in the air, combined with other pleasant smells from the various dishes on the stove. “Can you check the table? I want it to be perfect.”

  “Sure, Mom,” I said, pecking her cheek. She smiled before opening the oven to check on the bird.

  My mother had a fully staffed house: Gardener, cook, maid. But she insisted on always giving her staff holidays off – wanting to take care of everything herself. She was an amazing cook, just opted to let someone else handle it most of the time.

  I walked into the dining room and checked the table that I’d set earlier. The decorative tablecloth was even, stretched perfectly across the table. Each setting had a linen placemat in which my mother’s best China sat atop. Her family’s silverware, polished to a shine, sat on linen napkins, in perfect order, beside each plate.

  In the center of the beautiful table was a large Thanksgiving bouquet, artfully arranged in a basket. The browns, yellows, and oranges caught the light from the candles shimmering in their crystal holders. The entire room gave off a warm, family feel.