Nic

by J. M. Stewart

  He smiled and leaned down, brushing his mouth over hers. This kiss was different, every bit as heated, but more tender. “You amaze me. I’m a damn lucky man.”

  No, she was the lucky one. “Touch me. Anywhere you want. Just … tell me before you do it?”

  “I can do that.” He sipped at her mouth, then took her hand and led her to the bed. When she lay down, he propped himself on an elbow beside her and brushed his mouth over hers. “In which case, you should know I want to kiss you from here,” he dragged the tip of his index finger down the column of her throat, ending between her breasts, “to here.”

  Her body melted into the bed, a soft sigh leaving her. Her limbs went limp and heavy. Every nerve lit up, waiting for, anticipating, and craving his next touch.

  “And from here”—he bent his head, this time drawing hot little circles around her left nipple with his tongue, a slow line over the curve of her breast and down her stomach and ending with a flick into her belly button—“to here.”

  She gasped as a shudder swept through her. Her fingers curled into the comforter beneath her.

  “And from here … ” This time, his flattened palm slid down her lower belly and inside her panties. He cupped her, and one large finger slid through her curls, finding her swollen and throbbing core. “To here.”

  A needy moan slid out of her, her knees bending and opening. Anna squeezed her eyes shut and arched her hips into his hand. One touch. A single stroke of his finger set every inch of her to combust. “Nic, please.”

  “God, I can’t stand it. Watching you is killing me.” Nic pulled his hand from her panties and pressed his forehead hard against hers, his breaths hot and harsh against her lips. “Do you have any idea how aroused you’ve made me?”

  God, did she ever. She reached for him, arching against him. “Please … ”

  He flicked his tongue over her bottom lip. “No more teasing.”

  She opened her eyes, looking down in time to watch him settle between her thighs. His eyes were heavy-lidded and filled with a potent hunger as he slid his fingers into the waistband of her panties and pulled them down her legs. They went sailing over the side of the bed as he resettled himself.

  Her whole body tensed, poised on the edge. Her heart hammered, her breaths coming harsh and shallow. She was more aroused than she’d ever been and absolutely terrified. What if he hit a trigger again? She’d ruin the moment for both of them.

  Then Nic dipped his head, drawing the heat of his tongue up her folds. Anna gasped as pleasure flooded through her. All sensation pooled in that one, throbbing spot.

  He went in again, this time flicking his tongue with the lightness of butterfly wings. Then he stopped and peered up at her. “You okay?”

  Frustration wound through her, leaving her body taut as a bowstring. Feeling too much like she sat on a precipice, she reached down, threaded her fingers in his hair. “Don’t stop. God, please, Nic, don’t stop.”

  He stared up at her for a second then slid his hands beneath her backside, lifting and angling her. He bent his head and buried his mouth in her heat. With every stroke her blood became molten lava in her veins. Fire flooded the surface of her skin, and pleasure erupted through her.

  She let out a long, low moan and fisted his hair in her hands. Every caress of his tongue sent her careening toward release faster than she ever thought possible, and all she could do was hold on against the onslaught. She wasn’t even sure if she remembered to breathe. There was only him, only the beautiful torture of his hot, probing tongue.

  Her climax struck like a lightning bolt, hot and searing. Her body tensed, muscles tightening and loosening. Pleasure ripped her every last defense to shreds. Her body bowed, straining up to meet his hungry mouth, as she shuddered, gasping and panting beneath him.

  He licked and sucked through every blinding pulse, then slowed his movements, lapping gently at her until she finally collapsed back into the bed, breathless and spent. He kissed her belly and moved up the bed, dropping into the space beside her, and pulled her to him, banding his arms around her. She wrapped her arms around him in return and rested her head beneath his chin. His heart hammered beneath her ear, every bit as erratic as her own.

  “You’re amazing, you know that?” His voice came as a bare murmur against her skin as he planted tender kisses along her bare shoulder and up the side of her neck. “Absolutely incredible.”

  She pulled back enough to see his face. His warm amber eyes held such a tenderness, it made her chest ache. This was her chance to finally rid herself of the awful memories.

  Summoning the last of her courage, she pressed a soft, lingering kiss to his lips, then clutched him tightly and rolled onto her back. Being twice her size, she couldn’t pull him with her, but Nic seemed to understand and rolled with her.

  As he settled over her, she wrapped her legs around his hips, pinning him there. “This way.”

  Like their first kiss, she needed to know what it felt like to have a man on top of her who wouldn’t hurt her. To know the delicious weight of him pressing her into the mattress. All those things a woman ought to know about the man she makes love to, but in a healthy way.

  Nic held himself on his elbows, his brow furrowed. “Are you sure?”

  She nodded, too afraid to let him go, too shaken by her need for him to trust her voice. Instead, she reached between them and undid his jeans. When she slid her hand inside, stroking him, he closed his eyes and let out a quiet, hissing breath.

  He dropped his head into the curve of her shoulder and groaned. “Baby, have mercy. You have me so wound up.”

  She pulled her hand from his pants and shoved them past his hips as best she could. Then she reached down again, guiding him, and arched against him, sliding him inside.

  Nic captured her mouth on a quiet groan and followed her lead, pushing deep into her. He rocked against her, making love to her at a snail’s pace.

  Every single moment with him, every slow thrust, every erratic breath, every kiss, was a feast for her senses. No fear clogged her throat and squeezed at her chest. There was only Nic, only his warm amber eyes and his big, solid body surrounding her, encompassing her. Only the power of his embrace and the intimate connection moving between them. As he rocked against her, filling her, retreating, filling her again, the connection grew and expanded.

  Until she wanted to crawl inside of him.

  Until everything else fell away and all she could see or remember or breathe was this beautiful man.

  Tears rushed to the surface before she could stop them. Nic made love like he treasured the moment as much as she did. His gaze never once left hers.

  Something between them shifted. As if whatever held them apart snapped, their lovemaking took on a frantic, desperate rhythm. Nic groaned and slid a hand beneath her bottom, changing the angle. He increased his tempo, thrusting harder, deeper. Anna matched him thrust for thrust, and the room filled with the sounds of their lovemaking.

  It was glorious and freeing, and again her climax struck out of nowhere, a luscious bubble that burst inside of her, rapturous and luxurious. She gasped, quaking helplessly in his arms, let him take her world and spin it beyond her wildest imagination.

  Nic groaned low in her ear, his movements stiff and jerky as his own climax claimed him. When it was over, he collapsed beside her, pulling her with him, and closed his arms around her, crushing her against his chest. “I love you, Anna.”

  His soft-spoken words went straight to her heart and lodged there. He had to go and say the one thing that would end this beautiful fantasy between them. Tell her that he truly did care for her. Her chest squeezed until she couldn’t draw a breath as the truth settled over her. Deep down, she’d known this moment would come sooner or later. She just hadn’t expected it to arrive so soon.

  It was time to move on. She couldn’t allow herself to get lost in this, whatever it was with him. As much as it killed her to do it, the time had come to put an end to their relationship. Before Ni
c and Ella got hurt.

  • • •

  Anna woke before sunrise. The first rays drifted in through the curtained window, the light chasing the shadows from the room. His body surrounded hers, a cocoon of warm, sleepy, naked male. Nothing lay between them but skin and her heart swelled and ached at the same time.

  She carefully lifted his arm and rolled to face him. Tears welled in her eyes. Heart in her throat, she lifted up onto her elbow and pressed a soft, lingering kiss to his lips. The thought of leaving him left her with a cold, aching emptiness, like someone had reached in and ripped out her heart.

  She’d miss him.

  Anna swallowed down her pain and forced herself to get out of bed. She quietly picked her clothing off the floor and pulled it on, then left the room, forcing herself not to look back.

  She got only as far as the front door. Hand on the knob; she couldn’t force herself to leave. The truth was, she didn’t want to run from whatever happened between her and Nic. It was the first real relationship she’d had in her adult life. He was the first man to make her believe in the possibility of having one.

  To make her dream of having a forever.

  But how could she risk Tony finding her here in this tiny, picturesque little town? For sure he would use Nic against her. She shuddered at what Tony might do to him. Or God forbid, sweet little Ella. Tony didn’t play fair. It wouldn’t be fists and anger with him. It was retribution and torture.

  “Were you even going to say goodbye?”

  Anna’s heart leapt into her throat. She turned slowly to find Nic at the top of the stairs. He stood with his arms folded, as naked as when she left him five minutes ago. Hurt and dejection hung all over him, his normally bright, playful eyes now dull and lifeless, his stance stiff.

  She slumped back against the door, her chest aching until she thought it would crack open from the pressure. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t leave knowing what this moment meant to him. Knowing he’d watched his wife walk out on him. Knowing she herself had done it once before, when she’d assumed he didn’t want her in his life.

  She shook her head, tears welling in her eyes. “Nic … ”

  “You know, I have to hand it to Jen. At least she had the guts to tell me she was leaving.” He started down the stairs, moving step-by-step, his stride loose and casual. As if they were merely having a conversation about the unusual weather. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and dropped his arms to his sides. “That’s all I’ve ever asked from you. Don’t lie to me.”

  Her lower lip wobbled. A tear escaped, rolling hot down her cheek. “I’m afraid.”

  His brow furrowed, anger and hurt warring in his beautiful eyes. “So am I, but I’m here. I’ve been here the whole damn time.”

  She shook her head. “What if he finds me, Nic?”

  “Then you have me. At some point, you have to make the decision to trust me, that I’ll be here for you, fight for you. But you also need to make the decision to stand up and fight for yourself, for the life you want.” He took another couple of steps, now looming over her. His body was a wall, blocking out everything but him. His penetrating gaze bored holes in the last of her defenses. “What’s it going to be, Anna? Are you leaving or staying?”

  She swallowed past the lump in her throat, helpless to stop the need swelling like a tide within her. Good or bad, right or wrong, he was right. It was a decision to trust.

  Unable to find the words, she pushed away from the door and slid her hands around his ribcage, lifted on to her tiptoes and nipped at his bottom lip. He remained stiff, so she pressed her mouth to his, a soft, lingering kiss, and his posture finally softened. With a quiet, relenting groan, his lips moved over hers, light and electrifying.

  Another tear rolled from the corner of her eye as leaned into him, tangling her lips with his. He was forgiving her, and she couldn’t begin to tell him what that meant to her.

  When he finally pulled back, his gaze searched hers for a moment. Hungry. Tender. And full of everything she couldn’t find the words to say.

  “Then you’re not going to need this.” Gaze locked on hers, he took her purse and dropped it to the floor at her feet. “Or this.” Her jacket went next, along with the decorative belt around her hips.

  Slowly, piece by piece, he undressed her, until her clothing lay in a heap at her feet and she was as naked as he was. He pressed his body into hers, then slid his hands to her backside and lifted her, pulling her legs off the floor and settling her back against the cool wood of the front door.

  His erection settled against her core. For a moment, he simply stood there. One hand beneath her backside to hold her up, the other he used to push her hair back off her face, his touch so tender she tipped her head, leaning into his palm.

  His hips rocked against her as he slid into her inch by agonizing inch. He began a slow, deliberate rhythm. All the while his eyes held her prisoner, the intensity within them telling her their exchange wasn’t about sex at all.

  The very fact terrified her, made her heart do double time. A similar look always crossed Tony’s face when he held her down and forced his will on her. Except, once again, Nic was different. Everything about the way he loved her was different. The vulnerability shining from the depths of his eyes set Nic apart from every single bad memory of Tony. What Nic took, he also gave.

  Anna lost herself in the brutal rhythm of their straining bodies, lost in him. Every last wall she had shattered at his feet.

  With a soft cry, she came apart in his arms, a million bone-melting fragments. Nic’s agonized groan followed seconds later.

  When she stopped shaking and the delicious spasms dwindled to aftershocks, she wrapped her arms tightly around him and buried her face in the curve of his shoulder to stem the flow of hot tears. Nic buried his face in her neck in turn and banded his arms around her back, crushing her to him.

  She’d found it. What she’d been searching for since she left Tony, what had drawn her to this tiny, close-knit town. She’d found the place she wanted to call home.

  Yet she couldn’t stop the fear from rising like a typhoon over her head. Nothing good had ever been hers. Some part of her still waited for something to come along and rip it away from her.

  Chapter Twelve

  Anna had become a part of him.

  Nic let the terrifying thought dangle in his mind as his gaze skimmed Anna’s form beside him. She lay on her stomach, eyes closed, her breathing slow and even. He’d been lying there watching her sleep for more than an hour. After carrying her upstairs to his bed last night, he’d made love to her again, tender and slow. He’d needed the connection to her, the intimacy. Now, sleep eluded him.

  He’d been down this road before. Several months after Jen left, he’d realized the warning signs of her imminent departure had all been there. He simply hadn’t wanted to see them.

  Anna had them all.

  Some part of him still waited for the bottom to drop out of his world. If she left, he’d have to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart all over again. He’d have to learn to live without not only her, but Lacey as well. They’d become a part of his life he didn’t know how to do without anymore.

  With the tips of his fingers, he followed a lazy trail along the gentle curve of her spine and over the swell of her small bottom. A shiver moved across the surface of her skin, and her eyelids fluttered open. She blinked at him for a moment, then recognition dawned in her gaze and she smiled. “Hi.”

  He couldn’t help but smile in return. He liked her there beside him. His heart said she belonged there. Her place in his life was like finding that missing piece of the puzzle. She made his world suddenly feel right again. Whole.

  “Hi yourself.” He drew a finger up her arm and over her bare shoulder. She had the most sensitive skin. Everywhere he touched drew a reaction, as if it were the first time anybody had ever touched her, which, he supposed it was. Still, her responses were addicting. “You know, we should talk about something.”


  Her eyelids closed again. “What’s that?”

  He traced the shell of her ear this time, and her lips parted, a shaky, whisper-soft exhalation leaving her. “We haven’t exactly been careful. If you end up pregnant, I hope you know I’ll be there.”

  Anna stilled beside him. Her happy smile faded, worry suddenly creasing her forehead, those beautiful eyes suddenly dancing with fear.

  His chest tightened. Clearly, he’d hit another trigger.

  “I can’t get pregnant.”

  She diverted her gaze, and nausea swirled in his stomach. He reached over, pulled her to lie along his length and hugged her tightly to him. “Please tell me it isn’t because of something he did to you.”

  She tucked her forehead into his neck. Warm tears slid over his shoulder, and Nic’s chest clenched. He tightened his hold on her and simply held her. Waiting about killed him, but like everything else in their relationship, this had to come on her terms. Not his.

  “He was really large and often brutal. I don’t think it was pleasurable for him unless I became afraid. If I screamed or cried, it only seemed to get him more worked up.” She drew in a shuddering breath. More hot tears slid over his shoulder. “A doctor I saw once told me I had a lot of scarring inside, that I probably wouldn’t be able to have kids.”

  Nic clenched his jaw to keep the slew of obscenities from leaving his mouth. If he ever got his hands on that son-of-a-bitch …

  “I hate it when you don’t talk to me. You’re not the only one who needs honesty. I can feel you thinking. You’re really tense …. ” Her voice lowered to a bare, shaky whisper. “It scares me.”

  He drew a deep breath and released it, forcing himself to let go of the pent-up rage along with it. He hugged her impossibly tighter as he planted kisses over her forehead and as much of her face as he could reach. “I’m sorry. I told you, I hesitate to tell you certain things. I’m scared to death it’ll make me like him in your eyes. I hate knowing he hurt you. I imagine the pain he must have caused you, to hurt you to that degree, and I see red.”