by Nora Phoenix
“But you love them,” Bray pressed.
“Very, very much.”
“But Dad, how does it feel? How do you know? I have all these emotions inside about Kean and Ruari, but I don’t want to jump the gun and find out I was wrong about it. I’ve never felt like this, but then again, I never felt much before in the first place, because I never allowed myself to feel much.”
Bray’s voice cracked, and it touched Grayson to hear his tough son so vulnerable. “What do you feel, kiddo?” he asked, using an old nickname for him he hadn’t used in a long time.
Bray let out a sigh that seemed to come from his toes. “When I think about them, there’s this deep joy inside me, but at the same time I’m so scared. Scared of losing them, scared of something happening to them…scared they’ll reject me. I want nothing more than to take care of them, to keep them safe, to make them feel good and happy. God, Dad, I sound like such a sap when I say it, but they make me want to be a better man, the perfect man.”
Grayson’s eyes welled up unexpectedly, and he reached for Bray’s hand. “That sounds a hell of a lot like love to me.”
Bray looked stunned. “It does?”
“When you’ve found someone you can be yourself with but who makes you want to be a better person, who inspires you to be the best version of yourself…that’s love, Bray. And that scary feeing? That all-encompassing fear of losing them or fucking it up? Completely normal.”
Bray looked at him, his eyes big. “I thought love was supposed to feel warm and rosy and fluffy.”
Grayson smiled through his tears, his heart full of pride for his son. “Only in the movies. In reality, it’s scary as fuck…but also the best thing you’ll ever experience. Welcome to the club, kiddo.”
As soon as Kean heard his brother was awake, he went over to Jawon’s House. Palani was sitting at the kitchen table—where else—wolfing down a stack of pancakes. He looked a damn sight better than the previous days, when he’d become paler and paler and his fuse had become shorter and shorter.
Vieno gave him a wink when he spotted Kean, and he walked over to kiss the omega on his cheek. “Any chance you have some extra pancakes?” he asked, batting his eyelashes.
Vieno pointed at the pan on the stove. “Dude, I was way ahead of you.”
Kean frowned. “How did you know I would stop by?”
Vieno grinned. “You’ve only been texting me, like, every half hour, wanting to know if he was up yet. You’re not exactly subtle. I figured you’d find your way over here, so I made extra.”
“You’re a good man, Vieno,” Kean sighed, kissing him again. “A good man.”
“I know. Now, sit, before I burn these.”
Kean smiled as he made his way over to his brother, then spontaneously hugged him from behind, pressing their cheeks together. “I’m happy to see you up again, bro.”
Palani leaned into him for a few seconds. “Thank you.”
Kean pulled out a chair and sat down next to him. “How are you feeling?”
“A bit dazed because I slept so damn long, but otherwise good,” Palani said with his mouth full.
Vieno put a plate with pancakes in front of Kean, and he let out an appreciative sigh. “You chose well, bro. Your man can cook.”
Vieno smacked the back of his head. “A little more respect, asshole.”
Palani nodded. “Yeah, bro. He’s got a great ass too.”
That earned him a smack on his head as well, and he and Kean grinned at each other like teens. “The two of you are insufferable together, as usual,” Vieno said, but there was laughter in his voice. “I’ll leave you to it.”
“I love you, baby!” Palani called out after him as he walked out.
“Love you too!”
“You really did choose well,” Kean said, more serious now. “It’s so good to see you two together. Well, the four of you, but you know I’ve always liked Vieno.”
Palani’s eyes went soft. “I never thought we’d get to where we are now, never expected us to have a future.”
They sat for a while, eating. “Grayson plans on apologizing,” Kean then said.
Palani raised an eyebrow. “You his spokesperson now?”
“No, but I figured you’d want to know. Otherwise, you’d worry about it the whole time, wondering if you had to gear up for another confrontation.”
Palani sighed. “You know me well.”
“It’s not hard when it’s what I would do too. Bray talked to him, and he’s truly sorry.”
“Bray talked to him? It feels like I’ve landed in some alternate universe where alphas suddenly apologize and communicate.”
Palani’s tone was only half-joking, and Kean got it. “You were right to call him out.”
Palani lowered his fork, his expression growing serious. “When Lidon took me away, I thought he was gonna ream me out for confronting an alpha like that…in public.”
Kean huffed. “That only shows how tired you were, because you know better than that.”
Palani’s eyes hardened. “I thought Grayson knew better as well, yet he treated me like a nobody.”
“I know,” Kean said.
“I don’t understand, you know? After everything that I’ve done for the pack, he still treated me like he would a random person on the street. How could he have ever thought I would hurt Sven on purpose?”
“He didn’t.”
“You heard what happened, right?” Palani asked, indignant.
“Ruari overheard the whole thing, so yes, I heard. But that’s not what happened. He didn’t think you would ever hurt Sven on purpose. He didn’t think, period. It was an instinctive reaction. A wrong one, but not a rational, deliberate one.”
“I’m so tired of this fight,” Palani said, pushing away his empty plate and leaning back in his chair. “Every time I think we’re making progress, something happens that shows we’re back to square one.”
“That’s your emotions talking and not your head,” Kean said, though he understood. “We are making progress, but it doesn’t happen overnight.”
“I don’t see it anymore,” Palani said, sounding sad.
“Yes, you do,” Kean said. “Look, we’re fighting decades of traditions here, of ingrained behavior. We’re not gonna change that overnight. All we can ask is that they keep trying, and they do. Look at Bray, do you see how much he’s changing? How hard he’s trying to let go of what he thought an alpha should behave like?”
That got a big smile from Palani. “It’s nothing short of amazing,” his brother said. “I never thought he could change this much.”
“But if he can, they all can. Hell, look at Lidon. I think he’s changed just as much as Bray has.”
Palani’s smile widened. “He’s been on this sensitivity tour lately that’s incredible,” he said, dropping his voice. “He talked to Enar about how the two of them need to become closer, he gave Bray advice about your relationship, and the way he took care of me yesterday was just…” He let out a soft sigh, and his eyes went a little dreamy.
“He talked to me the night of the funeral,” Kean said, remembering that conversation. “It was the strangest convo ever, but it really helped me.”
“You’re right. Lidon has changed. Even a year ago, he wouldn’t have been able to have those types of conversations.”
“The alphas are changing, Palani. We’re all changing. Don’t forget that we have our own journey, betas and omegas. It’s an effort for us as well to get used to new dynamics. Ruari told me you asked him for advice on the Sven thing first.”
Palani nodded. “I did. And you’re right, because I considered approaching Grayson first, which would’ve been wrong. I can see that in hindsight, and I was happy Ruari pointed that out.”
“I know incidents like what happened with Grayson are frustrating, but you have to look at the bigger picture. Our strive for true equality and a merit-based society means changing laws, patterns, and behavior that’ve been in place for decades. We’re changi
ng habits, and that takes time. We’ll have more incidents like this where someone falls back into old behavior under stress, because that’s what is was, Palani. Grayson was worried about Sven, and in his stress over him, he resorted back to a familiar pattern, even for him. But it doesn’t mean he hasn’t changed or that he doesn’t want to change. It means we need to be patient and keep fighting.”
Palani stared at him for a few seconds. “You know, it’s times like this that remind me you’re actually older than me.”
Kean grinned. “I know. It’s easy to forget, but I do have a whole year of wisdom on you.”
“I’m so, so glad you joined the pack. I love having you by my side.”
“Same here.”
“Aw, bro love,” Rhene said, walking into the kitchen. He hugged them both from behind, pressing their faces together. “You two are so adorable.”
Kean couldn’t help but laugh at his youngest brother’s antics. “Nice seeing you too. What’s up?”
Rhene plonked down on a chair, making it squeak in protest. He reached for the one pancake on Kean’s plate he hadn’t finished and broke half of it off, cramming it into his mouth. “I looked at some newbies who joined,” he said, chewing rapidly. “But they’re mostly alphas, man. Bro, you have got to find me a sweet omega and some horny beta, because I’m not seeing any options, and every time you guys shift, I get more blisters on my right hand.”
Some things changed, Kean thought as he laughed with his brothers, and some things stayed the same.
20
Bray had swallowed every bit of pride he had and had asked for help from Sven, from Vieno, from Palani, hell, even from Lars. And they had come through, big time. He’d invited Kean and Ruari for dinner, had arranged for a babysitter for Jax, and then worked all afternoon on getting everything in place. One last check revealed that everything looked perfect. Sweat pooled in his hands as he waited for Kean and Ruari to show up.
He heard their voices and mentally braced himself, his heart galloping a hundred miles per hour. When they came around the corner, he stood straight at the entrance to the meeting barn, clasping his hands behind his back to prevent himself from fidgeting. This was it. Moment of truth.
“Hey baby,” Ruari greeted him, and Bray’s heart melted a little. How he loved it when Ruari called him that. The omega rose on his toes to kiss him, and Bray kept it short, not wanting to prolong his big surprise any more.
Kean leaned in for a kiss as well, and then Bray stepped aside to let them into the barn. Ruari gasped, his hand flying to his mouth, as he took it all in.
“This looks amazing,” Kean said slowly, looking around the barn, which had been transformed into a romantic rendezvous.
Bray beamed at their praise. He had to agree it looked spectacular, much better than he’d ever imagined. With help from others, he’d hung Christmas light strings from beam to beam that made the ceiling look like a starry heaven, and he’d set a cozy table with candles and fresh flowers.
Oh, right, the flowers. He reached behind him and grabbed the wild flowers he’d picked for Ruari, which Sven had tied together for him with a pretty bow that made it look all cute and perfect.
“I got you flowers,” he said, handing Ruari the bouquet.
Ruari and Kean shared a look he couldn’t quite interpret, but then Ruari smiled and pressed a soft kiss on his lips. “They’re so pretty. Thank you.”
The next part was harder, and god, he hoped he’d gotten it right and that Kean wouldn’t think it was stupid. “I didn’t want to get you flowers, too, so I got you something else,” he said. He held out the jar to him, holding his breath.
Kean’s smile was broad. “You got me my own jar of pickles.”
“Sven’s recipe,” Bray assured him. Sven had tied a bow around it as he’d done with Ruari’s flowers, which Bray had liked, because it made it look like an actual present.
“I love it,” Kean said, leaning over for a quick kiss.
Bray blew out a breath of relief. So far, so good. “Dinner is waiting for us,” he said, gesturing at the table.
Vieno had cooked for them, a hearty pasta salad he said Kean loved, with Ruari’s favorite banana cream pie for dessert. For starters, they had some fresh-baked bread with something called dips, which everyone liked, or so Vieno had assured him. Bray didn’t care what they ate, as long as his mates were happy. He’d told Vieno he would probably be too nervous to eat anyway, and that had made Vieno hug him, though Bray didn’t understand why.
He held back Ruari’s chair and waited for him to sit down, then was pleased to see Kean had waited for him as well. It was such a small gesture, to be allowed to help him, but it meant a lot to Bray that Kean understood he wanted to.
“You went through a lot of trouble,” Ruari said as they nibbled on their appetizer, which was indeed fantastic. You dipped pieces of bread in olive oil mixed with different herbs, and it was the best thing ever, Bray thought.
“I wanted to do something special,” Bray said, so pleased that his mates were enjoying themselves. His mates. Would he ever get used to that word? Every time he thought it, a little shiver of joy danced down his spine.
“You certainly did,” Kean said, sending him a smile that made Bray think he had a suspicion of what Bray was up to.
Conversation flowed easily between them during dinner. They talked about Jax, who had his first little tooth. About Duer, who seemed to be recovering and was out of bed most days now. There was Naran, whose legs weren’t healing well at all, and the worry Enar had about him. Kean shared that Grayson had not only apologized to Palani, but had done so with heartfelt contrite, earning Palani’s complete forgiveness. They discussed Vieno’s first heat after giving birth, which seemed to be coming, and Servas, who was doing such a great job replacing Jawon, and Melloni and Sando, who were furiously comparing notes.
“It feels like we’re one big family,” Ruari said with a heartfelt, happy sigh during dessert. “I never thought I’d find this, not after the family I grew up in.”
There was his opening, Bray thought, and his heart exploded in his chest with nerves, rivaling his stomach, which was doing somersaults as his anxiety rose sky high. What if they rejected him? What if they didn’t want to belong to him just yet? Maybe it was too soon. But then he pushed it down. No, he was gonna say what he wanted to say, because he had to. This was too big to hold inside. He would trust his dad’s advice, and trust in his mates’ love for him.
He reached for the little box in his pocket and folded his hand around it. Here went nothing.
“I was hoping you’d want to belong to another family as well,” he said, his voice raw and unsteady. “A much smaller one. Just four people, but with the option for more?”
He slid off his chair and dropped to his knees, reaching for both Ruari and Kean. Ruari’s mouth had opened into a little O of surprise, but Kean smiled at him, nodding with a tiny gesture that spurred him on.
“I want us to be a family… The three of us with Jax,” he continued, trying to remember the speech he’d practiced. “I promise I will take care of you and protect you both and do whatever I can to make you happy. If you allow me to alpha-claim you, I promise that I’ll be by your side forever.”
He was forgetting something, he thought, but did it matter? Ruari’s eyes were all misty with tears, and Kean’s grin was the biggest he’d ever seen, the man practically glowing.
Bray opened the little box and held it out to Ruari. “This was my daddy’s ring, and my dad promised it to me when I found my omega. That’s you, Ruari. Will you please marry me and allow me to claim you? And wear my ring?”
“Oh Bray,” Ruari sighed, “I love you so much.”
“You do?” Bray said, his heart bursting with happiness. And then he remembered what he’d omitted from his speech. “I love you,” he told Ruari. “I love you so much it hurts sometimes to think about it, because it makes me feel so small.”
He turned to Kean, anxious to get the words out befor
e he forgot again. “I love you too. I’ll never understand how it’s possible you could love me when you did, the way you did, but I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure I’m worthy of your love.”
“Yes,” Ruari said, dropping to his knees right in front of Bray. “Yes, I’ll marry you, and I’ll wear your ring, and you can claim me. Yes to being a family and to more kids, to all of it.”
He held out his hand, and Bray slipped the ring on, delighted when it fit. He wanted to kiss him to make it official, but he needed Kean’s answer first.
Bray looked at Kean, who slid off his chair and cupped Bray’s cheeks, looking straight into his eyes, his baby blues burning with love. “I was yours before I realized it, and I’ll be yours till the end of time. Yes, we’ll be your family, Bray, just like you’re ours.”
And Bray Whitefield, big, strong, uber-alpha Bray Whitefield, cried like a baby when he realized he had it all.
They held him together, that strong body, as Bray cried. Kean understood these were tears of happiness and relief, and he wiped them tenderly from his eyes. “You happy?” he asked, even though he knew the answer.
Bray let out a shuddering breath, his arms around them both as they still sat on the floor. “Happier than I ever thought I could be.” Then his face sobered a little. “I don’t have a ring for you.”
Kean shook his head. “I don’t need one. I can’t wear them anyway with my job.”
“I want to get you something else then,” Bray said with that stubborn edge in his voice. “Because you deserve something special as well.”
“I don’t need anything, baby,” Kean said, meaning it. “All I need is your mark on me.”
Bray got that big smile again, the one that made Kean want to hug him because he was so damn adorable, like a kid on Christmas morning. “Yeah?”
Kean leaned in again, catching his mouth in a kiss. “Yeah. Sooner rather than later.”
“About that,” Bray said, looking a little embarrassed. “I may have mentioned this to my dad, and he suggested to do it at the next full moon. That’s what the shifters used to do, and it supposedly brings power to the pack as well.”
