Still the One

by Michelle Major

  As she pulled down the driveway, an ominous feeling settled in her stomach. It was Sunday, but staff from both the clinic and shelter were supposed to be working so they could open on Monday. The parking lot was empty.

  She climbed out of the Land Cruiser, holding the takeout bag high as Pita came bounding around the side of the clinic, Chip in hot pursuit.

  “Hey, you two.” Lainey used her free hand to rub her fingers under Pita’s collar then gave the puppy’s head a soft pat. “Where is everyone?”

  The dogs snuggled together on the dog bed behind the receptionist’s desk and she made her way toward Ethan’s office, breathing a sigh of relief when she saw his dark head bent over his desk. She pressed a hand to her chest where her heart was beating like mad. Why was she so freaked out?

  “This place is like a ghost town,” she said as she stepped into the doorway.

  “I sent everyone to lunch.” He looked up and the anger blazing in his eyes stopped her dead in her tracks.

  “What’s the matter?” She couldn’t imagine anything worse than the fire, but she’d never seen him look that way.

  “Why haven’t you settled down?” His voice was void of emotion.

  She clutched the paper bag tighter against her stomach but kept her gaze level with his. “I told you I don’t want that kind of commitment.” She forced herself to laugh. “Although now I’m officially a doting aunt.”

  “Liar.” Ethan stood abruptly, sending the chair flying as he leaned on the bookshelf behind him. He felt off balance and didn’t know how to right himself. He wanted her to do it for him. Prayed she’d offer a logical explanation. He jabbed one finger at the newspaper spread across his desk. “Tell me the real reason you don’t want a family.”

  She stared at him as if he’d lost his mind. “Ethan...”

  “How could you have written something like that after everything that happened this summer?”

  “Write what?” She leaned over the desk, turning the paper toward herself. Her mouth formed a shocked oh as the color drained from her face and her long fingers—the same ones that she’d run across his back hours earlier—dug into the bag she held against her stomach.

  He snatched up the newspaper and shook it near her face. “Is this what you were doing at lunch with Tim—having him help you create some sort of manifesto? You got the entire town to trust you and then blamed everyone for how you left. This is how I have to find out the truth of that summer—with your open editorial to the community?” He tried to keep hold of his anger. He couldn’t let her see how much she’d hurt him. Again.

  Her head shot up. “I didn’t write this.”

  “Who else would have known these details?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Ethan paced to the corner of the room and back again. “‘Decade-old tragedy shapes photographer’s life and career,’” he quoted from the editorial’s headline. He’d read the piece so many times he had most of it memorized. “That day in the hospital, after the miscarriage, you knew you couldn’t get pregnant again. You knew.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  As Lainey nodded, Ethan felt his stomach hit the ground like a lead balloon. “I told you we could try again and you said nothing.”

  “I couldn’t disappoint you,” she whispered.

  “Disappoint me?” he bellowed. “How much of a jerk was I? I got you pregnant, you end up infertile and you’re worried about my disappointment? You didn’t even cry. I was about to lose my mind, and you were comforting me. All the while knowing you’d never have another chance. Did it ever register that I should have been making you feel better?”

  “That wasn’t how it worked for us.” She gave a strangled laugh. “You wouldn’t have wanted me without the baby involved. You were fulfilling an obligation and we both knew it.”

  Why didn’t anyone in his life think he was capable of handling something difficult? Was he such an emotional screw-up that he couldn’t be trusted with anything serious?

  He’d thought Lainey saw more in him, but apparently he’d been wrong.

  “You were still willing to marry me?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

  “It’s why I left the church. I couldn’t go through with it—like I was tricking you. You had to know, to be able to make the choice of whether you could still be with me. After you got the note, I thought—”

  “Stop talking about the note,” he shouted. “Your note didn’t tell me a thing except that you made a mistake. That being together wasn’t worth the trouble it would cause either of us.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s the same thing now, isn’t it? You don’t think a relationship with me is worth fighting for.”

  “I didn’t say that.” She wiped at her eyes as Pita and the puppy came into the room and crouched at her feet. “And the note...I asked you to meet...you were the one who didn’t want me....” Her voice broke off. “You never came.”

  “Came where? I was at the church for four hours waiting, hoping you’d come back. If I’d meant anything to you, you’d never have left. You’d have stuck it out with me. I didn’t care what anyone said. I wanted you.”

  “But you didn’t love me. You never once said it, and I’m sure you didn’t feel it.”

  “What are you talking about? I was standing at the altar.”

  “Because you felt responsible,” she said on a ragged breath. “I wanted you to love me.” She paused then added softly, “I still do.”

  He wanted to tell her that he did, that sometimes when he saw her it felt like his heart was going to burst from how much he loved her. But he didn’t. He couldn’t say it then, and he wouldn’t now. No matter how he felt, she was leaving. She’d made that clear in her editorial. He wasn’t going to try to stop her just to be kicked in the teeth one more time.

  Pita stretched out her nose and pushed against his hand. His pain was so great he couldn’t even take the comfort she offered and he shooed her away.

  Lainey’s voice cracked. “What if you’d known?” She looked at him, her eyes hollow and desperate. “What if you knew about me then?”

  “You never gave me that chance.”

  “I tried, Ethan.” She hitched her chin a notch, as if daring him to contradict her. “What about now?”

  He forced himself to look at her, to keep his gaze as hard as his heart. “You didn’t trust me, and I can’t trust you.”

  Her shoulders stiffened. “That’s not fair.”

  “Don’t talk to me about fair. You’ve made me a laughingstock in this town for a second time.” He slammed his hand down as anger coursed through him. “You get to waltz in and out of here, but this is my life, Lainey. My home.”

  She swallowed. “What if I want to be a part of it?”

  “It’s too late,” he told her, his voice icy cold. “I don’t want you. We had a good run this summer. I can’t make you happy, and I’m not interested in trying. You did me a favor ten years ago, and I’m returning it now.”

  “That’s why you didn’t come after me, isn’t it? That’s why you’re doing this now. It’s all about you and how much you can’t afford to give.” The dogs circled her legs as her voice rose.

  “Call us even.” He forced his mouth into a smug smile. “I guess we both got lucky to figure it out.”

  She sniffed and rubbed her hands across her cheeks. “Some luck, Ethan.”

  She turned on her heel and stalked out of his office and probably out of his life for good—Pita and the puppy following in her wake.

  After sitting in his office for who knew how long, Ethan heard noise from the hall, but no one came in, probably afraid of being chewed out.

  It had taken him years after Lainey jilted him to walk through Brevia without people looking at him with pity in their eyes. He’d had enough pity to las
t a lifetime when his mother had run off. The second dose of it had about pushed him over the edge. He’d sworn never to open himself up again. Then Lainey had come back and he hadn’t been able to help himself.

  He finally came out to oversee a meeting with the staff. He kept the tone light, making sure no one could see the way the pain burned a hole in his stomach.

  Checking on the animals and arrangements to open the clinic and shelter the next morning took up most of the afternoon. He was on his way to the lake house when an urgent call forced a detour to the hospital.

  He made it to the fourth floor in minutes, taking the stairs three at a time.

  “Shh,” Julia whispered as he came to a screeching halt at the foot of her bed. “Charlie just fell asleep.”

  “What’s going on, Juls? You said it was an emergency.”

  Her smile was slightly abashed. “I didn’t think you’d come otherwise.”

  “You’re right.” Ethan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “And now I’m leaving before—”

  “Don’t worry. Lainey took Mom home. She won’t be back until I’m discharged tomorrow.”

  He straightened and studied Julia. She was propped on a collection of pillows, wearing a pajama top with red lips puckering up all over it. In her arms, she cradled a small bundle wrapped in a blue blanket. Ethan could just make out a tuft of dark hair peeking from the center.

  He took a hesitant step toward the bed. “That’s the baby?”

  Her smile widened. “His name is Charlie.”

  “I know.” He peered closer. “Congratulations.” Ethan studied the wrinkled, red face that looked more like Yoda from Star Wars than an actual human. “He’s...uh...cute.”

  Julia didn’t seem to notice his hesitation. “He’s amazing,” she said on a sigh.

  “Sure.” He was out of his element. Kittens and puppies he could handle, real babies not so much. “Julia, why am I here?”

  She gazed at him. “You read Lainey’s letter in the newspaper?”

  “Didn’t everyone?”

  “What happens now?”

  “Lainey and I are through. I won’t be taken for another ride.” Ethan felt frustration rising inside him and struggled to keep his voice low. “I’m not that much of a fool.” He turned for the door.

  “Wait.”

  Something in Julia’s tone stopped him. “What?”

  “You love her, right?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” he repeated.

  “You two were meant to be together. It’s the same now as it was ten years ago.”

  He turned slowly. “Love isn’t the answer to everything. You of all people should know that.”

  She held out the bundle. “Hold him.”

  His mouth pressed into a thin line. “I don’t think—”

  “Just for a minute, Ethan. He won’t break.”

  Ethan took the baby from her arms. As delicately as he could, he settled Charlie into the crook of his arm. The baby squirmed and one fist shot into the air. Ethan used two fingers to nudge it back down under the blanket. He was amazed at how soft Charlie’s skin felt. At Ethan’s touch, the baby opened his eyes for a second, yawned and worked his jaw before settling back down to sleep.

  Ethan felt his mouth curl into a smile. Charlie still looked like Yoda, but his magical baby charm was having an effect. “I’m happy for you, Julia,” he said without taking his eyes off Charlie.

  “This is what she lost.”

  Ethan’s head shot up.

  “It wasn’t just the miscarriage,” Julia continued, her tone soft. “She not only lost that baby, but she knew she would never have the chance again. She was eighteen, Ethan.”

  “Why didn’t she tell me? I could have...”

  “What? What could anyone have done for her?” Julia looked out the window. “She listened to everyone telling her how it was for the best—you were both too young. I wasn’t the only one who thought she’d trapped you.”

  “I said we could try again.” His eyes drifted shut as he remembered the emptiness in her eyes that day at the hospital.

  “Talk about salt in a wound.”

  “I didn’t know.”

  “Would that have changed things?” Her gaze settled back on him. “Would you have still married her?”

  “I did that to her. I owed her.”

  Julia’s smile was sad. “Not exactly the basis for a happy marriage.”

  “How was I supposed to know if I was in love? It was all so quick and crazy. There wasn’t time to figure anything out.” He sank down on the edge of the bed, the baby tucked in the crook of his arm. “In my experience, love doesn’t count for much. It didn’t make things right for my parents. Or for us.”

  “But what about Lainey?”

  “She made me feel whole, Julia. I know it was wrong. You’d just left and she was your sister,” he said. He turned, willing her to understand.

  “It’s okay,” she prompted.

  “I was happier in those few months with Lainey than I’d ever been before...”

  “Or since?”

  “Until this summer.” He sighed. “It’s too late now.”

  “Come on, Ethan. Hasn’t this summer shown you it’s never too late?”

  Charlie let out a small cry and squirmed. “That’s my cue,” he said and deposited the baby back into Julia’s arms.

  “I’m sorry I lured you here under false pretenses,” Julia said as she settled Charlie on her shoulder.

  “No, you’re not.”

  She grinned. “I don’t want to see you mess up again.”

  “You’re one in a million.”

  “Don’t I know it,” she said with a laugh. Despite Julia rubbing his back, Charlie’s cries got louder. “He needs to eat,” she announced. “So unless you want to see my supersized boob—”

  Ethan gulped and held up his hands. “I’m leaving.” He leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss on the head. “Thanks, Juls.”

  * * *

  Outside the closed door of the hospital room, Lainey pulled back as Ethan bent over her sister. With tears almost blinding her, she stumbled down the stairs to the hospital’s main entrance. She made it outside and around the corner before her legs gave out. She sank to the concrete, her back pressed against the side of the building.

  Her mother had wanted takeout from the Italian deli near the hospital, and Lainey had decided to make a quick stop to see Charlie one more time. She’d peeked into the rectangular window to make sure the new mom and baby weren’t asleep.

  What she’d seen had almost killed her: Ethan snuggling Charlie while Julia looked on, a serene smile plastered on her face. It was the exact scene she’d pictured for herself. At least until that summer when everything had changed.

  So what if Ethan and Julia both told her they didn’t have feelings for each other? Julia needed a daddy for her baby and who better than Ethan to fit the bill?

  Once Lainey was gone, it would be only a matter of time before the two of them came together. They belonged together—beautiful, happy, whole. She couldn’t give Ethan the family he craved.

  She should have never come back to Brevia in the first place. She didn’t belong here and never would.

  With a trembling hand, she balanced on the wall and picked herself up. Taking a tissue out of her purse, she blew her nose hard and started toward the parking lot. She had food to pick up and a life to reclaim.

  A life that didn’t involve Ethan Daniels.

  * * *

  Four days later, Lainey zipped her oversize duffle bag closed.

  “Are you sure about this?” her mother asked from the doorway.

  “I have to go, Mom.” She sank down on the side of the bed. “The Kittlitz’s Murrelet is almost extinct. The fa
ct that they found one with a nest—I can’t miss the opportunity to get the photos.” Pita nudged her head into Lainey’s lap. Her fingers brushed across the dog’s soft fur.

  “You have to confront Tim. If you didn’t write that editorial, who else could it have been? And how did he know about what had happened to you?”

  “I’m not sure—the envelope I gave him that day at the church was sealed. It doesn’t matter anymore. Maybe Ethan showed him my letter. I was mad at first, but now I don’t care.” Lainey sighed. “If it was Tim, he did me a favor. Ethan and I could never have made a future together with the past still between us. He doesn’t trust me and probably never could. I thought he understood what I did, but he was so angry. I just need to get out of Brevia.”

  “But you’ll be back for the event?” Vera prompted.

  “No. I have another assignment.” She met her mother’s worried gaze. “I left detailed instructions for the staff and volunteers, and I’m going to make the final calls from the airport.”

  Vera pursed her lips. “What about Pita?”

  Tears pricked the back of Lainey’s eyes. “It’s probably better if I’m not here when she’s adopted—”

  “Adopted?” Vera’s tone turned harsh. “She is your dog. You can’t desert her.”

  “That wasn’t the deal,” Lainey said quietly, too wrung out to offer much of a fight. Pita glanced up and whined. Lainey felt her heart start to crack open and tried to think rationally about the whole situation. “I can’t keep a dog with all the travel. It’s too much responsibility. I’d only ruin it.”

  “She needs you,” Vera repeated. “And she’s not the only one.”

  “I can’t do this.” Lainey stood, jostling the dog off her lap. She looked at her mother, willing her to understand. “I’m sorry.”

  * * *

  Ethan slammed the door to his office and threw a stack of files onto his desk.

  He whirled around as the door opened again. “What?” he yelled.

  Stephanie Rand ducked as if he’d physically thrown something at her. “What’s wrong with you?”