Licence to Fish

by Justin Richards

  “Beth fixed it up for him,” Jack explained. “He didn’t want to miss the fun.”

  Beth was close behind Sam—hanging on to the back of the wheelchair by a rope, and skimming over the lake on water-skis. She waved, wobbled, and was gone.

  On the other side of Jack, the Major waded quickly through the water. “Soon be there,” he proclaimed. “Unless there’s any—glug glug.”

  He seemed to vanish from view suddenly, leaving only bubbles bursting on the surface of the lake.

  By the time Alfie and Jack arrived at the SPUDmarine, lots of SPUD agents were leaving it. They were swimming then wading to the edge of the lake. Where a kindly looking old lady was waiting to help them ashore.

  Inside, the SPUDmarine seemed very cramped. It was lit with red emergency lighting and there was a siren going off. Alfie could hear the Chaplain shouting orders somewhere deep inside.

  Harry was standing beside a SPUD agent who was cowering on the floor. Harry was holding a cricket bat. As Alfie watched, Harry turned the cricket bat round and pushed the handle gently towards the SPUD agent.

  “Here you are,” said Harry.

  “What are you doing?” Alfie asked.

  “Oh, hi, Alfie.” Harry held up the cricket bat again. “The Chaplain said to let him have it. But he doesn’t seem to want it.”

  Sam was whizzing down the corridor on his wheelchair. “We got most of them,” he said. “But some SPUD agents have locked themselves in the control room.”

  “Gangway!” a voice shouted from behind them. The Major came barrelling through, dripping wet. “Locked themselves in the control room, eh? I’ll soon sort them out.”

  His shoulder caught on a large valve attached to a pipe near the low ceiling. The valve tore away and water poured out.

  “Sorry!” the Major said as he kept going. His foot snagged on a cable, wrenching it from its socket. Sparks shot across the corridor. The SPUDmarine lurched to one side, sending the Major tumbling through an open hatch.

  “Woah!”

  Alfie ran after the Major. There was a mansized, Major-shaped hole in the wall, and through it, Alfie could see the startled SPUD agents in the main control room. The Major was bouncing off the control panels. He tried to grab things to steady himself, but whatever he touched seemed to fall to bits or explode.

  “Oops…Sorry…” said the Major. A pipe came apart and water sprayed everywhere. “Was that me? Sorry.” The SPUDmarine’s periscope collapsed in a shattering mess of

  metal and glass. “I should get that looked at, if I were you…”

  “Evacuate!” a SPUD agent yelled above the sound of sirens and explosions and the Chaplain’s booming voice.

  The Major was carried along with the flow of SPUD agents as they raced for the exit. Alfie

  leaped to one side to avoid being knocked flying. He saw Chloe, Alice, and Jack run past too. Alfie was about to follow everyone else when he saw a monitor screen nearby.

  On the screen was an image of a large black rat. It was sitting on a desk, and there was a figure seated behind the desk, but Alfie couldn’t see who. A white-gloved hand stroked the rat’s head. Another offered it a bit of carrot.

  “What is going on, there?” said the man stroking the rat. “Captain Dauphinoise—what’s happening?”

  It was a voice that Alfie recognised. It was the Head of SPUD.

  Then the same voice went on, “I’m sorry, sir. It looks like we have lost contact.”

  Sir?! Who did the Head of SPUD call ‘sir’? Was there someone even more important?

  Alfie soon had his answer. He gaped with astonishment as the large black rat said, “So it would seem.” Its voice was shrill and angry. Its dark eyes peered at the monitor screen. Then the rat said, “I’ve seen that boy before. Who are you?” it demanded, staring unmistakably at Alfie.

  The Head of SPUD was a rat!

  Alfie didn’t answer. He backed away. Then the screen blanked out and suddenly everything went pitch black.

  “Ah, sorry,” the Major’s voice echoed round the dark SPUDmarine. “Think that might have been me.”

  The Chaplain’s voice was even louder. “Everyone out! The sub’s sinking!” There was a pause, then, “Yes, Harry I know that’s what submarines do, but this time it’s a bit of a problem. Last one out gets to test the handgrenades.”

  Alfie could hear the sound of rushing water. He could feel his legs getting wet as the water rose. Finally, the red lights came back on, and he saw that water was pouring out of broken pipes all round him. It was now up to his waist.

  At the back of the control room, two SPUD agents were working frantically at the controls. “It’s no good. Abandon ship!” said one.

  “We’ll have to use the camouflaged escape capsules,” said the other.

  The way that Alfie had come in was blocked by a fallen girder. He had no idea how to find the way out, so he followed the SPUD agents—they must know their way round.

  In the corridor ahead of him, Alfie saw the SPUD agents standing by a door. The woman pressed a button and the door opened. They hurried inside.

  Sloshing through the rising water, Alfie followed. He heard a whoosh from behind the door and through a hatch he saw

  something shoot up and away from the SPUDmarine. An escape capsule.

  There was an identical door further along the corridor. Alfie pressed the button, and the door opened. He hurried inside, and the door closed behind him. With a gurgle the water was pumped away down a large plughole.

  There was a seat in the capsule, facing two oval windows. All Alfie could see through them was murky water. There was also a steering wheel and a foot pedal.

  A big red button was flashing in the middle of the steering wheel. Alfie pressed the button. Immediately there was a whoosh, and Alfie felt himself pressed into the seat. The escape capsule broke the surface, and Alfie could see out through the two windows.

  He could see the Chaplain organising the SPUD agents to do press-ups beside the weeping willow tree. He could see Gerald the guard dog and Sergeant Custer keeping careful

  watch. He could see his friends from Class 3D safely ashore. Jack and Alice were helping the Major out of the water.

  And right in front of him, speeding away in the opposite direction, Alfie could see the most enormous bright yellow duck.

  Chapter 10

  On the bank, Harry dived to the ground. Jack shook his head, pointing across the lake. He was pointing at the yellow duck. Then he was pointing at Alfie.

  That was when Alfie realised that he was inside another duck. He leaned forward to peer through the windows, and saw that they were the eyes of the duck. A large red beak jutted out beneath them. The yellow duck streaking away across the lake must be the other escape capsule—and the two SPUD agents were escaping in it.

  Alfie pushed his foot down on the pedal, and felt his duck accelerate across the lake. It took him a while to get the hang of the steering. He whooshed close to the edge of the lake, sending a wave of water splashing across class 3D as he turned.

  They could all see Alfie through the duck’s eyes. He could see Chloe—drenched from head to foot—pointing at the duck. “Alfie!” he could see her mouthing angrily. Beth and Jack were jumping up and down with excitement. Sam gave a dripping thumbs-up. Alice waved.

  Alfie grinned and waved back.

  Then he turned his duck towards the other one and set off in pursuit.

  Alfie’s duck was gaining on the SPUD duck. But he wasn’t going fast enough to catch it before it reached the far side of the lake. Alfie expected the duck to turn or stop. But it didn’t do either. It kept going—skimming up the bank and on to the school playing fields like a hovercraft.

  Bracing himself, Alfie followed. His duck bumped up over the edge of the lake and after the SPUD duck.

  There was a crackling noise from somewhere nearby, and Alfie realised it was a radio. A distorted voice echoed round the inside of the duck: “Beth to Alfie duck, Beth to Alfie duck. Can you h
ear me? Quack once for yes, and twice for no.”

  “Quack,” Alfie shouted.

  “He can hear me!” he heard Beth exclaim. “He’s quacking.”

  “I think you’re great too, Beth,” said Alfie.

  “The duck can speak!” Harry yelled.

  “Of course it can. It’s me, Alfie.”

  “Alfie’s a duck?!” Harry gasped.

  “Escape capsule duck,” Alfie explained. “Must be a disguise, so if anyone saw an escape capsule in the distance, like we did, they’d think it was just a duck.”

  “Big duck,” Sam’s voice crackled. “No, Harry—get up.”

  “You probably couldn’t tell the size if it was a long way away,” Alice said. “I hope it didn’t scare the fish.”

  “Who’s the other duck?” Chloe asked.

  “SPUD agents,” Alfie explained.

  “SPUD’s agents are ducks?”

  “No, Harry,” Alfie said. “But their head is a rat.”

  “A duck with the head of a rat?!”

  “Never mind. I’m gaining on their duck, but what do I do when I catch it?”

  “Help’s on its way,” said Beth. “You should reach her any moment.”

  “Reach who?” Alfie asked.

  But even as he spoke, he saw a little old lady with a walking stick step out from the trees at the edge of the playing field—right in front of the SPUD duck.

  The duck skidded and turned desperately. But it was still heading for the old lady. She threw aside her walking stick and drew herself up to her full, unimpressive, height.

  Then Miss Fortune leaped two metres into the air. Her leg shot out in a perfectly timed roundhouse kick. She seemed to hang in space, leg extended. The kick connected with the duck’s beak. She followed through with the other foot before landing in front of the duck. Clenched fists lashed out.

  The duck’s beak crumpled. It toppled over on its side.

  Alfie brought his own duck to a stop close behind the stricken SPUD duck. He pushed open the hatch in the side and climbed carefully out.

  “It’s all right, it’s me—Alfie.”

  Miss Fortune regarded him through flint-hard narrowed eyes. Then she stooped awkwardly to pick up her walking stick and hobbled away. She paused only to say, “Good afternoon, young man,” in a frail, cracked voice.

  Next day, there was a special assembly. Mr. Trenchard told the whole school about the SPUDmarine and how Class 3D had organised the operation to find and capture it.

  Behind him, the other teachers were all listening carefully. The Chaplain was looking

  very pleased with himself, and the Major had one arm in a sling and a sticking plaster across his forehead. The stage in front of him seemed to have a large crack across it. Next to the Major, at the side of the stage, was the usual empty chair.

  “The SPUDmarine has now been recovered from the lake,” Mr. Trenchard said, “and sent for analysis to the Government Inventing Taskforce.”

  “GIT,” said Mrs Nuffink.

  “Indeed,” Mr. Trenchard agreed. “Thanks to the heroic efforts of Class 3D, we have also captured several SPUD agents, including Rod Boiled and Annette Mash. They are protesting their innocence, of course. Rod says it’s all lies, but we don’t think he’s telling the truth.”

  Mr. Cryption cleared his throat. “Warthog bathtub constellation shed?”

  “Ah yes, I was coming to that. Thank you for reminding me. The captured SPUD agents have been sent for questioning to the Special Place for Interrogating Captives, and their stories will later be passed on to the Special Place for Analysing Narratives.”

  “SPIC and SPAN,” said the Chaplain.

  “Absolutely,” Mr. Trenchard agreed. “And neat and tidy and all sorted out. So it just remains for me to thank Class 3D formerly and present them with their certificate of thanks for Delivering an Underwater Knockout.”

  “DUK,” said the Major.

  “Get up, Harry,” said Alfie. “That isn’t what he meant.”

  “And finally,” Mr. Trenchard went on,” a word of thanks to Mr. Trick for first alerting us to the problems in the school lake.”

  “You’re welcome,” said the empty chair at the side of the stage.

  Become a Secret Agent

  Use this badge to fill in your secret agent details, but remember to keep it somewhere secret (like inside your sock) or other spies might find it. You never know who’s watching you!

  You can copy or trace the badge, or if you have a printer, go to www.harpercollins.co.uk/Contents/ Author/JustinRichards/Pages/secret_Agent.aspx?objId= 40653 to print it out.

  Your secret agent name is the name of the first street you lived on, so if you lived on Greenhill Lane you would be Agent Greenhill. Your agent code is your age, plus your house number, plus how many brothers and sisters you have. So if your house number is three, you are eight years old and you have two brothers, your number would

  be 13.

  TIP! Cover your card in sellotape so it doesn’t get wet when you’re spying in wet conditions.

  MR TRICK’S CAMOUFLAGE HINTS AND TIPS

  IN THIS SPECIAL APPENDIX, MR TRICK SHARES HIS SECRETS OF HOW TO REMAIN UNSEEN AND KEEP WATCH WITHOUT SPUD AGENTS EVER WORKING OUT THAT ALL THE TIME YOU ARE IN FACT, ACTUALLY

  Hedgehog Slab Illusion

  Huh?

  Well, Mr. Cryption might seem to be talking rubbish, but in fact everything he says is in code. Here are some of the code words that Mr. Cryption uses together with what they really mean—provided by the Government Rapid Analysis Decoding and Encryption Section (GRADES). Other words have not yet been deciphered—perhaps you can work them out?

  You can also use the list to say things in code, like Mr. Cryption. But be warned—if you do, no one will know what you are talking about!

  CodewordMeaning

  Alert Letter

  Antelopes Satellite

  Anthology Collection

  Armada Tricky

  Artichoke Watch out

  Bananas Tummy

  Bath Big tub of water

  Bathtub Lake

  Binoculars Colour

  Blue Difficult

  Brackets Hiding place

  Bridges Dangerous

  Butter Damaged

  Cardigans Success

  Carpet Unexpected

  Casement Enclosed frame

  Cashflow Expensive

  Constellation Interrogation

  Crisis Envelope

  Dilemma If

  Doom Clever

  Enormous Worked

  Extraction Code-breaking

  Fester No

  Flammable When

  Flippers Flippers

  Frosting Frosting

  Garden Talking

  Geography Need

  Gherkin Outstanding

  Gold Stay

  Golf Camouflage

  Hamster Teacher

  Hat stand Saucepan

  Heart-shaped Secret

  Hedgehog Quick

  Igloo Completely

  Imposter Blanket

  Identity In

  Illusion Code

  Luggage Responsibility

  Mangle Achievement

  Marbles Brains

  Nightmare Hoorah!

  Office Not good

  Pest Hiding

  Phoenix Again

  Pig Today

  Quibble Better

  Rewind Recover

  Rock Circumstances

  Safety Pink

  Scribble Message Ends

  Shakespeare Muddled

  Shed Facility

  Slab Guide

  Sleepwalker Deception

  Slingshot Hurt

  Submarine After school

  Tailor Lessons

  Talks Delivery

  Tiles Letters

  Under Extremely

  Vikings Fake

  Violin Stringed musical instrument

  Visible Detention

  Window Under

  Wobble Badly
r />   Xylophonics Good morning

  Zebra Black and white striped animal like a horse

  Zero Netting

  Other Books By

  Previously in the Agent Alfie series:

  Thunder Raker

  Sorted!

  Copyright

  First published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s Books

  HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of

  HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd

  77-85 Fulham Palace Road, Hammersmith, London W6 8JB

  The HarperCollins Children’s Books website address is

  www.harpercollinschildrensbooks.co.uk

  FIRST EDITION

  Text copyright © Justin Richards 2009

  Justin Richards asserts the moral right to be identified

  as the author of this work

  EPub Edition © SEPTEMBER 2009 ISBN: 978-0-007-34736-0

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