This Darkest Man

by West, Sinden

  “Don’t,” I said abruptly, then smiled to soften my tone as I opened the letter. “Don’t feel bad. It’s good that it goes to you. They’re determined to take it from me. They won’t listen to any negotiations, they wanted it paid in full by last month and there was no way that I could come up with the money.” I waved the letter at her, it was an eviction notice just like I had expected. “What will you do with the house?” I hoped that she didn’t hear the crack in my voice as I asked that.

  She shook her head sadly at me. “The offer doesn’t include the house, only the land. I don’t know what they’re doing with this part of it.”

  I shrugged like it didn’t matter. That company had stonewalled me at every turn. They wouldn’t take my calls and the lawyer that I had consulted had told me there was nothing that I could do to fight them. “I guess that I should start packing,” I said listlessly.

  Marie gave me a comforting pat on the hand. “I’ll leave you to it then.” She stood and gathered her things while I made no attempt at moving. I felt her eyes on me and I forced my head up to give her a smile because I wasn’t capable of much else.

  “Look, Matilda,” she said hesitantly. “That man who was with you…is he from around here?”

  “I don’t think so, he never said.” Actually, he hadn’t really spoken about himself much. I had no idea where he was from. “He writes history books. I guess he travels all over. Why?”

  She took a breath, and then settled herself back down in her chair again. “It’s just how he looked; with those black eyes and that black hair…Can I tell you a story?”

  “Okay,” I said warily.

  “When my family came over from Ireland at the turn of the last century with a group of people from their village. There’s a photograph that was taken of them before they boarded the boat. Your man looked remarkably like one of them.”

  I frowned. “Really?”

  “This boy stood out because of his remarkable good looks. Daniel Riordan was his name, and he was a real ladies man. He made a name for himself when they arrived because he went around seducing all the daughters and sometimes the wives in this community.”

  I let out a laugh, even though it was the opposite of how I was feeling. “That must have been very scandalous for the time.”

  “It was,” Marie continued, her brow furrowed. “He was a trouble maker. He may have been out for a harmless bit of fun, but the women who succumbed to his advances were labeled whores and beaten or ostracized by their families. They called him ‘The Dark Man’ because of his dark hair and eyes, and his selfish actions.”

  “What happened to him?” I asked.

  She shrugged. “He disappeared. They say that he ran off with the young wife of Edwin Larsen.”

  I arched an eyebrow, my interest caught. “Really?”

  She nodded. “Believe me; it was hugely scandalous because they both disappeared at the same time. The Larsens weren’t popular back then of course being wealthy landowners. Some say that Old Edwin got what he deserved, but with that skeleton turning up in your house…”

  “You think it’s the wife? What was her name?” I leaned forward, eager to have my mystery solved.

  “I don’t know. I’ll see what I can find out.” She patted my hand again as she stood. “I just thought it ironic that someone who looked like that handsome young man ended up in the Larsen house.” She gave me a knowing smile. “You were obviously very taken with him.”

  I blushed. “I—“

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t say it to embarrass you. You’re a young woman. You should be having fun and living life. I’m just sorry that he’s gone. Do you think that you’ll see him again?”

  I shook my head.

  “Oh, well, there’s plenty more fish in the sea. I’ll call in tomorrow and see if you’re feeling better.” I waited until she left before I went to my aunt’s desk and pulled out the family Bible. The writing in the front was worn but the name Edwin Larsen was clearly written in a flowing script and next to his name where his wife should have been recorded was a mess of ink. Someone’s name had been scratched out as if to void her existence. Next to it was the name Diana and the year of their marriage. This was obviously the second wife who had provided him with children. I ran my hand over the ink blots that were long dried, my own problems forgotten and my mind was transfixed on this woman who had dared to anger her husband for the sake of what was hopefully true love.

  “Were you in love with Daniel?” I asked softly. “Did you leave with him?” There was no response, and I remembered the ring. Putting the book aside I went to the safe and pulled out the box of jewelry and began to rifle through it, searching for the garnet that was dark as a drop of blood to shine through all the sensibility of my ancestors’ pasts.

  But it wasn’t there. It was gone.

  Chapter Eight

  “Why didn’t you get a room with other people? You’ll get lonely in that shoebox all by yourself.” Erin stared out at me from the screen of my laptop, not looking particularly impressed at my new place. I just shrugged at her. She knew what I was like by now, she knew that I would never be comfortable living with a bunch of strangers.

  “It’s close to work.” My new job was the opposite of my new living situation. I worked in a cubicle on a floor filled with a hundred others. It was a fancy corporate law firm and I was just one of many lowly employees. My official title was assistant to the assistant to the assistant of someone important. It was okay. I worked quietly at my desk, obeyed orders that were barked to me, and kept to myself.

  “Well, when I get back we’re going to get a place together and—” Someone to the side of her was rambling in French. “Hey, Matilda. I had better go. My date’s here! Love you. See ya.” And she was gone.

  I stared at the screen before shutting it. At least I had one friend in the world, it was just a shame that she was on the other side of the word. I sighed and looked around my small apartment. I had unpacked nearly everything. There wasn’t much that I had taken from my Aunt’s house. Just the books and the wine. Clay was right about it. Some of it was worth something and the funds from their sale had tided me over until I found a job. The property had sold for an amount that was just enough to cover the debt with nothing left over.

  I sighed as I thought of Clay, or whatever his name was. I’d gotten drunk after he’d disappeared. Horribly, horribly drunk. I’d picked up the book that he’d left behind and ran my finger over his name that was embossed on the cover as I wallowed in my own misery.

  I talked myself into tracking him down, after all, it had to be more than a coincidence that the ring had disappeared when he did. I rang the university that had the skeleton, and spoke to the head of the department. She’d laughed when I casually mentioned Clay.

  “He was a brilliant man, and a brilliant historian. It was such a shame when he died.”

  “What?” I blurted out, clutching the phone. “When?”

  “Um, well I was a post-graduate student at the time so it must have been the early eighties. Of course, he was very old. You must have just met someone with the same name.”

  “Yeah. Of course.” I had ended the call with shaking hands. I’d been played by whoever that person was. For what reason, I had no idea. It was just another episode in my life that I would attempt to block out, because if I thought about it too much then it, like the others, would eat me alive. There was only so much humiliation and pain one could take.

  But why take the ring? It was a trinket and probably worth nothing. The ring bothered me more than anything. I sighed again and grabbed my purse. It was time for me to go to work.

  At least I could walk from my apartment. The mass of people on the streets was still a shock for me after living in isolation for so long, but it was nice being able to grab a coffee on the way. I had to concentrate on the good things, I reminded myself.

  I slipped into my cubicle without being forced to make the idle chit chat that I found so painful. The other girls were p
ainted in make-up and their hair was styled in such ways that they must have risen before dawn to get their looks just right. They didn’t bother with me. They could tell by looking at me that such things didn’t interest me. My hair hung, un-interfered with, down my back. I did wear mascara and lip gloss thanks to Erin’s influence, but that was all.

  I opened my emails and began my tasks for the day. The hours dragged on and I thought of Erin in France, having the time of her life, while I barely existed here. At lunch, I escaped from the office and headed for a nearby park to eat my sandwich. Everyone around me seemed to be sitting in pairs, and I lost my appetite. I ended up throwing my sandwich to the pigeons and heading back to the office early.

  “Matilda!”

  I stopped and turned to see a man in a suit striding toward me. Not just any man. It was Josh. It was odd that he looked so small now compared to how I saw him in my mind. He stopped in front of me, looking me up and down.

  “I barely recognized you. When did you get back to the city?” he asked.

  “Oh, a few weeks ago.” I fidgeted with my bag, knowing full well that he hated that. I tried to stop my nervous gestures but like always, they were worse when he was around.

  But he wasn’t looking at my hands; he was looking straight into my eyes. “It’s good to see you. I’ve got a new job just around the corner. It’s a new company but my future looks pretty secure at the moment. I’m probably going to invest in the software that we’re developing.”

  “Good.” I stood a step back. “I have to go back to work.”

  “Wait.” His hand lightly gripped my wrist. “I know things ended badly but let’s at least talk about it. I’ll take you out to dinner and we’ll—”

  “I have to go.” I pulled free of his grasp, nearly stumbling and he reached out and caught me.

  “Stop acting like you’re scared of me, Matilda,” he said gently. “Although, you’re scared of everything, aren’t you?”

  I wanted to tell him that I wasn’t. That I wasn’t scared of the dark, and that Clay saw that and admired that…Except Clay wasn’t really Clay. Was he even real? My shoulders sagged and I lowered my head, feeling dejected at the memory.

  “Let me walk you back to your office? Are you near here?” He gently took my purse from me. We walked in silence until we reached the impressive glass front of the law firm. He looked up at the name emblazoned across it and let out a whistle. “Very nice, Matilda. I’m proud of you for getting a job here.”

  No you’re not, I wanted to say, but of course I didn’t.

  “I’m going to be late.”

  His eyes flicked back to me and he gave me a brief smile before handing me back my bag. “I’ll meet you after work. We can—”

  “No.” My voice was barely above a whisper. “You took me to that awful party. You would have made me have sex with both you and that other man. If those men hadn’t—”

  “I wouldn’t have made you do anything!” he burst out. “I was just trying to spice things up, for god’s sake. Yeah, I took you to a sex club but I never made you do anything, nor would I have. I thought that you might enjoy it; that it would break you out of your shell. Lots of people do it. Wanting to have a threesome doesn’t make me a bad person, Matilda.”

  “No. But being controlling and abusive does,” I rushed out.

  He looked like I’d slapped him for a moment. “I never hit you.”

  “You didn’t have to. You did with your words and threats instead.” I channeled Erin when I said that, repeating word for word the things she had said to me to make me see sense. “And what we did to Jeremy…”

  His shoulders seemed to sag, and for the first time, he looked defeated. “I know I did some terrible things. I know that I have some issues, but let me make it up to you.”

  “No,” I managed to say, spinning on my heel and hurrying through the glass doors like they were my last line of defense. He didn’t follow me but I didn’t feel safe until I was in the lift and heading skyward.

  “Are you all right?” a woman asked. “You look very pale.”

  “I’m fine.” And I was fine. I had to be. I wouldn’t let him control me anymore.

  Chapter Nine

  I worked late, scared that if I walked out at five that I would see Josh lying in wait for me. It was dark when I left, and I quickly scanned the area before giving a sigh of relief that he wasn’t anywhere to be seen. I smiled and shoved my hands in the pockets of my coat. It was good that it was dark now; I had power in the dark.

  I stopped at a newsagent just as they were closing to buy a newspaper. As I handed over the money, I spied a magazine and my mouth dropped open. “And that. I’ll take that one.” I pointed, waving my finger at it.

  The man gave a knowing smile. “All the young girls who normally buy Cosmo have been grabbing copies. Just goes to show what a good-looking man on the cover can do. Half those girls wouldn’t know anything about the business world in their empty heads.” He fetched a copy for me. “They call him the Snake. The article is a bit of a hatchet job, but no one can deny that he’s made Hellman Corporation one of the big players in the hotel industry.”

  My eyes snapped to him. “What did you say?”

  “He runs Hellman; they own a ton of international hotel chains. Anyway, are you going to buy that or just look at the pretty guy on the cover?” He cackled as I handed over the money and walked away, somewhat shell shocked and clutching the magazine in my hand. I nearly ran home, sure that once I got there and stared at the cover again that the image would have changed. It couldn’t be him. There was no way.

  I sprinted up the stairs, fumbling to get the key in the lock and open the door. When that was finally achieved, I slammed the door shut behind me and flicked on the lights. I threw my bag on the ground and then took a breath before looking at the cover again.

  It was him. His hair was shorter and well-kept, and he wore an expensive suit that was a sharp contrast to the casual jeans and t-shirt that he wore as an academic. Those eyes stared out at me, black and soulless, like they were laughing at me.

  His name was Daniel Hellman, and he had started with a low rent motel and expanded it into a global force in the business world. The journalist accused him of using all sorts of underhanded tactics to destroy his competitors, and revealed that not only did his company run luxury hotels; they also included sex clubs under their umbrella. The sex clubs caught my eye; apparently he frequented them as well. One of them was called The Rubicon, and I cringed as I remembered when Josh had taken me there.

  “The Snake,” I whispered out loud. Clay was the snake. Beautiful, sweet seductive Clay was this man who was, by all accounts, bad. This man had taken my family home from me, left me distraught without any explanations. Was he a sadist? That could be the only explanation. He had cruelly tortured me before taking the only thing that I had left. “You bastard,” I said softly. “You bastard. You bastard, you bastard! You bastard! “ I threw the magazine across the room and it hit the wall with a thud before fluttering to the floor like its pages were a hundred mouths laughing at me.

  I breathed heavily, surprised at my outburst. That wasn’t like me. I was controlled. Fucking Daniel Hellman or whatever his name was had made me lose control.

  I drank and I cried, before sitting numbly in the dark. And when Josh called my cell, I answered.

  “I’m sorry about today. I really am. I’ve changed. Just let me show you, Matilda. I just need another chance…”

  I listened with ice in my heart as he went on and on, blaming his childhood, blaming the stress of his job, and blaming everyone but himself.

  “You were right,” I cut in.

  There was a second of silence. “What?”

  “You were right. I do need to get out of my shell. I want to go to that sex club again and I want you to take me.” I didn’t even have a near stutter when I said that. My words were succinct and clear; they were words that belonged to someone better than me.

  “Uh, okay. T
hat’s great. I’d love to take you. You won’t regret giving me another chance, I promise you.”

  “I’m not giving you another chance. I just want you to take me to the club.” It was easier to speak like this in the dark. That was how I should live my life, I mused, always in the shadows.

  “Matilda…” Josh breathed heavily into the phone, unsure for once. Then he cleared his throat. “I’ll get in touch with my contact and…I’ll pick you up at ten.”

  “I’ll be waiting.” I ended the call, and paused before walking to my closet to select an outfit. When I had gone there with Josh, I had been in awe of the decadence of the place. It reeked of wealth, and later, I realized, debauchery. I pushed aside my everyday clothes and found the gifts from Erin, which had been relegated to a dark corner. I pulled each one out and ran the delicate fabrics through my hands. They felt sensual and sleek…which was exactly what I wanted to be.

  I chose the red. It was strapless and hugged my figure. It was also so sheer that I almost lost my nerve. The dark of my nipples were visible underneath it, and I considered wearing a bra, and then thought better of it.

  “You can do this,” I told myself as I applied make-up. “This is the only way you might come across him so you may as well try and get that prick to explain himself.” When I had finished painting my face, I stood back and surveyed myself. I looked okay. Not as elegant as those other women there, but I was passable I supposed.

  Josh picked me up in a sleek black sports car. I should have laughed at his pretentiousness, but I couldn’t force any laughter to come from me. Everything looked so bleak, maybe I’d get some relief from a confrontation on the slim chance that he would actually even be there. As the city whizzed past us, I felt a cold dread grip my heart. This was a mistake. A huge, huge mistake. I should have asked Josh to turn around and take me home, even if that meant risking his wrath.