Mending the Doctor's Heart

by Sophia Sasson

  “Anna, do you remember where you went when you left the field hospital?”

  Realization dawned and she sprang to her feet. “I went to Lucas’s grave.”

  He nodded. “We tried to reach you on the sat phone but you didn’t answer, so I got worried and came after you. There’s a hurricane going on outside—I needed to get you to safety. You passed out there.”

  “I...” She stopped herself from saying the words that were on her lips.

  Despite everything, he was glad she’d gone to Lucas’s grave. She so desperately needed closure on his death, but it was clear she hadn’t found it. Her eyes still held the haunted look of a woman struggling with ghosts of the past. He fought to squeeze air into his chest. How was he going to help her heal?

  “I must’ve dropped my backpack with the sat phone. Do you have any emergency supplies?” He pointed to his own bag and she rummaged through it, coming up with a handful of pills and a water bottle. “A thousand milligrams of ibuprofen. It’ll take the edge off the pain.”

  He took the pills, grateful he’d had the foresight to bring his waterproof backpack.

  “Hand me the radio.” The battery-operated device turned on fine, but there was no signal.

  “I guess we’re stuck in this dungeon until the storm passes.” Not that it was a horrible prospect. This might be the last time he’d get to have Anna to himself. “Let’s just hope there aren’t any dragons.”

  “Just those we brought with us,” she said wistfully.

  Then the lights went out.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  THERE WAS A time warp in her head that Anna just couldn’t shake. Staring at Nico in the soft glow of firelight took her back to the house in Tumon Bay. Before Lucas was born, around the time she’d gotten pregnant. A storm had raged outside their house and they both anxiously waited to see if the newly installed roof would hold.

  “I bet you two kids that it holds,” Nico said confidently.

  “I see your two kids and raise you one more that there’s at least one leak.”

  He stuck out his hand. “Deal.”

  She gave him her hand and he pulled her onto his lap. They were on their living room couch, firelight playing on the walls. The electricity had gone out hours ago but it didn’t bother them. They were used to it. The old house had exposed power lines. Next on the never-ending home repair list was a generator.

  “I think I’ll miss it being just us. Are you sure you don’t want to wait another year?”

  She shook her head. “I want at least three kids, and it’s medically optimal to have them three years apart. There’s not a lot longer I can wait.”

  A bolt of lightning illuminated the entire house, then a new torrent of rain pounded on the roof. She snuggled into his chest and he wasted no time in taking advantage of the situation. Cupping her face in his hands he kissed her softly on the mouth, then worked his way down her jawline and to her neck. “Just promise me one thing.”

  “Hmm...” She couldn’t think when he nipped her neck like that. Her brain became totally fuzzy. They’d been married for almost two years and yet every time he kissed her, butterflies danced in her stomach the way they had the very first time.

  He lifted his mouth and she opened her eyes to look into his dark brown ones. “Promise me that when we have children, we’ll still be us.”

  “Why wouldn’t we be?”

  “Just promise me that you’ll still love me, no matter what.”

  It was such a silly thing to say. She had always wanted children, but no child would ever take away the love she felt in her heart for Nico. He was her soul mate, her other half. “Of course I will. Nothing will ever take away the love I have for you.”

  He hadn’t changed in the six years since that night. A man used to physical labor, he kept his body in shape. Any other man would’ve passed out from the pain of that gash. She ran her hand gently over his stomach the way she used to, feeling hard muscle beneath her fingertips.

  “Why did you come for me?” Her voice was thick.

  The glow from the fire danced around his face like it had that night in Tumon. Except now his dark eyes stared at her with such intensity, her heart shattered like a fine china glass dropped on the concrete floor.

  He pushed himself up, placed his hand behind her head and brought his mouth down on hers. The moment their lips touched, time melted away. Her arms went around his neck, and she pulled herself closer to him, needing to feel his heartbeat. She felt a small tug of guilt inside her; he was with Maria now. But then every rational thought flew out of her mind and all she wanted, more than anything in the world, was to feel the warm glow of his love in her heart. She needed a salve to bandage the wounds that were killing her from the inside. And that’s exactly what he did. He drew her closer and breathed new life into her. His kiss was so tender and at the same time so intense, she was reminded of the power of his love. How it had once made her feel cherished and whole. When she left Guam, she’d left her soul with Lucas, but she’d left her heart with Nico.

  When their lips disconnected, he kissed her cheeks and then her eyes. She hadn’t realized she was crying but tasted the salty wetness when his lips found hers again. She grazed his back with her fingers and savored the feel of smooth skin over taut muscles. You were always my strength, Nico, the one who propped me up.

  He groaned, then disconnected their lips. He rested his forehead against hers. “Anna.” His voice broke. And that’s when her brain kicked on again and she remembered why they shouldn’t be doing this.

  Pulling her arms back, she moved away from him. “You came for me because you still love me.”

  He nodded, eyes shining.

  “But love isn’t enough, is it?”

  His eyes burned through her soul. She wanted with all her heart for him to show her a way out. But he couldn’t.

  “What happened at Lucas’s grave?”

  “I didn’t find what I was looking for.”

  “Forgiveness?”

  “Release.”

  * * *

  TEARS STREAMED DOWN Anna’s face and Nico wanted nothing more than to pull her back in his arms. It was where she belonged. She held the other half of his heart. Always had. He would never be whole without her. Not once since he’d met her had he doubted that fact. But he couldn’t be both the fire that burned and the balm that soothed. Besides, he’d made a promise to Maria, and to his family.

  “I’ve seen some horrors in the past five years. That’s why I signed up with the commissioned corps, why I only do deployments, and to the worst places on earth. I figure my pain can’t be worse than what others have endured. I’m waiting for that something that’ll make my heart understand that what happened with us is not the end of the world.”

  He ached for her. “It doesn’t work that way, Anna.”

  “How did you do it?”

  “Do what?”

  “Move on with your life? Fall in love with Maria?” There was no malice in her voice, just a genuine question. Still, his breath stuck. It hadn’t been easy for him, and still wasn’t. When Anna left, his entire world had crashed down on him. He hadn’t gotten out of bed for days. Bruno and Tito had to physically remove him from the house. They had taken him to the plot he’d bought in Talofofo and reminded him of what he needed to do. Lucas’s death had to mean something, and he’d thrown all his energy into building the hospital. But he knew what Anna meant. He might have grieved for Lucas, but he’d never found a way to expunge her from his heart.

  Had it not been for his mother’s illness he might never have opened his heart to Maria. She reminded him of the man he hoped to be. Maria had been his high school sweetheart; she’d known the boy who hadn’t yet failed his family, who hadn’t lost his son or his soul mate. She reminded him of the confidence he once had, the dreams h
e’d planned when he was a boy, before fear gripped him. Maria had given him the hope he needed to continue on. For the first time since Anna left, he had felt something other than a bottomless canyon of sorrow.

  “I accept that there are things beyond my control, that I don’t need to forget the old memories in order to make new ones.” He held out his hand and she took it. “Lucas will always be a part of us. You will always be a part of me. I embrace it, I hold you close in my heart. Maria understands that and also accepts it.”

  She lowered her eyes. Wet lashes threw shadows over her cheeks as the fire flickered. His chest snapped and he wanted nothing more than to pull her back into his arms. If he did that, there would be no happiness in his future. As it was, the last soul-searing kiss would burn in his memory for eternity. But that was a kiss of closure, the kiss he hadn’t been able to give her when she’d left the island.

  He should’ve known better than to give her an ultimatum. Now was not the time to push her and yet that’s exactly what he’d done. But what did she expect from him? She’d given him an ultimatum, too.

  “I can’t stay here, Nico. This is not my home. I want to go back to California.” Anna’s voice was cold, matter-of-fact. Her eyes were so distant, he had no idea where she was.

  “We buried Lucas two months ago. Now is not the time to make big decisions.”

  “The strike’s over, and there’s room on a flight leaving in ten days. There are two seats available. All you need to do is tell me if you’re coming with me.”

  He took a step back. “You’d go without me?”

  She didn’t answer, just looked at him with those vacant eyes that didn’t belong to his vibrant Anna. He reached for her but she pushed him away.

  “I need an answer, Nico.”

  “For how long?”

  “One-way ticket. I’m not coming back.”

  “This is my home. Our home.” He gestured to the house they’d built together, the crumbling heap that they had fortified, but she stared past him to a place in the distance where he wasn’t invited.

  There was only one way to reach her. He wrapped his arms around her, but instead of softening like she normally did, she stiffened, her back as hard as a board. Then she wrenched away from him with surprising force.

  “Don’t touch me!”

  He staggered back like he’d been slapped. This was not his Anna. She hadn’t been since Lucas died. His entire family had rallied around them, but Anna wanted no part of it, so he’d let her be, to grieve the way she wanted to. And perhaps that’s what she needed now, to come to terms with things. To be around her own family. For the first time since he’d met her, he didn’t know what to do to make things better.

  “Anna...”

  “You come with me, and we go forever.”

  “You know I can’t.” His mother would never leave the island, so neither would Nico. She knew this. He had made it very clear to her before they married.

  “I can’t stay.”

  “Then you go.” Perhaps a month or two in a different place would be good for her psyche and she’d decide to come back.

  She turned and walked away from him.

  He had spent the next week desperate to come up with a plan to save his marriage. By some miracle, he’d found the land in Talofofo and convinced the owners to sell it to him on a payment plan. The land belonged to a family that had long since moved to the mainland. The parents were dead and the children wanted nothing to do with Guam. He was sure his plan would talk Anna out of getting on that flight. If she left, she was never coming back; some part of him had known that, even then. When he’d told her about the land, she wasn’t interested. Wouldn’t even come see the place where he planned to build the hospital dedicated to their son.

  Days later, he’d come home to take her to the airport only to find that she was already gone. Driving like a madman, he’d arrived to discover that she’d gone through security to the gate. He had stopped at the checkpoint. If he’d wanted, he could have found a way through. Guam was a small enough island that somebody would know somebody who worked in security and would let him past. Usually it took no more than two to three phone calls for a man as well-connected as Nico to find someone in the right job. But he’d just stood there. The way she’d looked at him at the funeral, and then again when she talked about leaving, haunted him. There had been more than just anger in her eyes. There had been blame, and hatred. She needed time to heal. He’d give her that time; he would go get her when he built the hospital.

  In the months that followed, he’d regretted that decision. Not only had she not come back, she’d also refused to talk to him. His grand plan to build a hospital had hit several roadblocks, the primary being that nobody wanted to fund a hospital. There were plenty of investors interested in building hotels and shopping malls, but hospitals were a losing proposition.

  By the time he’d figured out that he’d made a colossal mistake and shown up at her mother’s house in California, Anna was in Africa and wanted nothing to do with him. Her mother had advised him to let her be, that time would heal. But it hadn’t. That had become clear to him the moment he’d seen her at the field hospital. The pain in her heart was clear from the second he held her. She was not his Anna; that Anna had died with Lucas.

  The kiss was for the Anna he’d lost.

  He stacked more wood into the fire with precision. Anna’s soft sobs were a relief after the silence he’d endured. The deafening silence that had greeted him for five years had ripped him into shreds. The Anna he knew was passionate and fiery. She wasn’t numb inside, she wasn’t a woman who went off to hide her pain in the horrors of the world.

  “Why haven’t you given me the divorce papers yet?” The catch in her voice nearly undid him. He squeezed his eyes shut, letting the warmth of the fire fortify him.

  “That’s what I’d come to give you before the storm hit.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  MARIA BLEW OUT a sigh of frustration. “Let’s move up one floor. There’s no way we’re going to control this water.”

  “How can I help?”

  She turned to find the governor behind her. As if she wasn’t stressed enough dealing with the hurricane and the hundreds of people who had shown up to take shelter in the hospital, the governor had also decided it was a good place for him to hunker down.

  Maria knew full well why he was there. He wanted to make sure they were capable of handling the money he planned to give them. Great time for Nico to have disappeared. She knew her anger was irrational; the storm had come suddenly and hit much earlier than predicted. He’d likely gotten caught and had to take cover rather than return. It was the prudent thing to do and had he called her, that’s what she would have told him. But it bothered her that he hadn’t called. They had a new satellite phone and she knew the field hospital had one too because she’d been able to call there and confirm that Nico had indeed shown up. But he wasn’t there anymore, and suspiciously, neither was a certain blonde doctor.

  Control your green-eyed monster, Maria. There was too much to do. Turning to the governor, she put on her best, everything-is-all-right smile. “I don’t think we’re going to be able to keep the water out. The sandbags can only do so much. I’m moving everyone to the higher floors.” What she didn’t say was that there was likely a crack in the foundation, which was causing so much water to seep through. That was a problem for another day.

  “Is there room on the upper floors?”

  Hardly! We’re packed full.

  “We will have to make room.”

  “Leave it with me.”

  He turned and left before she could ask him what he had in mind. She had to return to the problem at hand, getting everyone out. Anyone who could walk was already being ushered out, the problem was the majority of the people on this floor weren’t mobile. The elevators we
ren’t working, so anyone who could climb stairs had already been relocated to higher floors. She directed her able-bodied volunteers to bring every available stretcher and backboard, and assigned patients to each team. Taking the steps two at a time, she broke into the emergency supplies and grabbed the stair chair. It was supposed to be used in case of a fire.

  Directing an elderly woman into the chair, Maria wheeled her to the stairway and began hoisting her up. The woman was two hundred pounds, almost double Maria’s weight, and her arms felt ready to rip out of their sockets. A pair of stronger arms grabbed hold of the handles. “Leave it.”

  She turned to see the governor and stepped aside to let him haul the woman up the stairs. When they were on the second-floor landing, she noted that he had gotten people to squeeze into the nursing station, moved some beds into the hallways and had patients sitting four to a bed. Peeking into the rooms, she saw everyone lined up on the floors, sitting knee to knee.

  “We have ten empty rooms. If we carry the beds up from downstairs, we can fit four beds a room.”

  Maria nodded and they went to work, using the utility stairwells while the volunteers carrying patients used the regular route. It was backbreaking work, but the governor did most of the heavy lifting, letting her push while he pulled the beds up the stairs. The man was strong, like Nico.

  “I guess you find time to work out in your busy schedule.”

  He laughed. “I used to be in the army. Five miles every morning, and I’ve gotten soft in my old age.”

  “Old? What are you thirty-four, thirty-five?”

  Continuing to heave the bed, he smiled. “Forty-two.”

  The man didn’t look it. Dark hair, dark skin, eyes black as night, he was solidly built with not a gray hair in sight. Maria figured he had to keep up appearances, being a politician and all.

  “Must seem ancient to a young one like you.”

  Now it was Maria’s turn to laugh. “How old do you think I am?”