Mending the Doctor's Heart

by Sophia Sasson

  “Hey, don’t be jealous just ’cause you can’t have this body. I work hard to keep it in this shape.”

  “I haven’t seen you here in a week,” Nana said to Nico, ignoring the men’s friendly bickering. “I figure you’ll be back in your house in Tumon now that you and Anna are together.”

  She certainly hadn’t bothered easing into the conversation. But it was long overdue. Nobody could keep a secret on Guam, and his reconciliation with Anna was already the talk of half the hospital. Except he wasn’t sure they were truly back together.

  “It’s complicated, Nana.”

  “It always was between you two.”

  “Listen, man, if I were you, I’d hightail it to California. I hear they got houses with swimming pools and hot tubs, just like a resort but in your house. And yo, the hot tubs are, like, my size.”

  He wouldn’t tell Tito that that was exactly what Anna’s house was like. She described her mother as well-to-do, having improved her financial status with each divorce. When he’d gone to find Anna there, he’d had to triple-check the address to make sure he hadn’t pulled up to a hotel. His entire neighborhood was the size of that one house. It had a swimming pool, hot tub and tennis courts. It was any wonder Anna hadn’t fainted and demanded an immediate divorce when she saw the house in Tumon. He’d never known houses like her mother’s. When she showed him into their house, he’d nearly left, figuring Anna was better off without him. Nico would never be able to give her such a luxurious lifestyle.

  “Nico, have you considered your decision? I know you love her, and it’s hard not to get caught up in the emotions of seeing her again.”

  “Nana, I’m not going to be happy without her.”

  “And you’re not going to be happy with her. She doesn’t want what you want from life. You must decide what you’re willing to give up for her. Your home? Me?”

  He sighed wearily. “I’m not going to abandon you, Nana, you know that. But you could be a little less stubborn. What’s wrong with going to the mainland for treatment? Trying to fight this thing rather than admit defeat?”

  “Nico, how many times must we have this conversation? I don’t want to die alone in a strange place. I was born here and I will die here. This is my community, my family. Look at Anna—has she had any peace being by herself all these years? If she’d stayed, you two would have a house full of children by now.”

  He couldn’t disagree with his mother. Just like he couldn’t undo the past. Nana took Nico’s hand in hers. “If you want to go to California with her, I will give you my blessing. I want you to be happy, my child.”

  He buried his face in her hand. “Nana, what am I going to do without you?”

  Tito wrapped his arms around Nico and Nana. “You don’t worry, coz—I’m gonna be here for you and Nana. I’ll take care of her when you’re gone, Nico. Something happens to you, Nana, you’re never gonna be alone.”

  They stayed in the group hug a few moments longer, just like old times. He knew Nana truly meant what she said just as surely as he knew that the island was his soul.

  His life was here.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  THE OPERATION SHOULD have only taken twenty to thirty minutes, but forty-eight minutes later, Dr. Balachandra was still in the OR with Kat. Anna knew there was no point in pacing. She also knew that Nico had been right in not letting her do the procedure. As a physician, it was her job to stay above the fray, to remain unemotional so she could make clear decisions.

  The hospital was eerily quiet. The army engineers recommended waiting another day before letting people into the building, so the tents outside still held all the patients besides Kat and Emma. So much had happened in just a few days.

  “Anna, there you are.” She turned to find Linda Tucker walking purposefully toward her.

  “Linda.” They had dispensed with formalities a few days ago. Something about having to watch a woman perform surgery on an infant after her own had died on the table put things in perspective for the otherwise staunch rear admiral.

  “I want to tell you that I have approval to extend your time here, but there is also an opportunity in Puerto Rico if you’d like to go there instead.”

  Was it written all over her face? The knot in her stomach twisted.

  Linda placed a hand on her arm. “You know, sometimes you need distance from a situation to figure out how you feel about it.”

  Right, that’s what she’d done the last time; put distance between her and Nico, between her and Lucas. And ultimately, she was back where she’d started. With a choice between Nico and her sanity.

  “Do you think I could request personal leave?”

  Linda didn’t look surprised at the request. “Why don’t you contact your supervisor at the surgeon general’s office? From what I understand, you haven’t had a lot of time between deployments. I dare say it might do you some good.”

  Linda turned to leave then stopped. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re one of the finest doctors I’ve had the pleasure of working with. What happened to your son might have happened anywhere in the States. Your skills are better than most of the doctors I’ve met. Sometimes, no matter what you do, a patient can’t be saved.”

  Anna knew Linda was right. She’d lost her fair share of patients in the last few years, a side effect of working in extreme situations, but she hadn’t developed emotional attachments to them.

  The OR door finally opened and a nurse wheeled Kat out. She was unconscious but only had an oxygen mask on her face. She was breathing on her own. Anna nearly collapsed with relief. Kat hadn’t died.

  Dr. Balachandra emerged into the antechamber and took off his gloves, mask and cap. Catching a glimpse of Anna through the glass door, he gave her a thumbs-up. When he came out, Anna accosted him.

  “The procedure went fine. She’s stable, no complications.” Anna exhaled and the doctor continued. “I’m no expert at these things, but for what it’s worth, I think she would’ve lost the baby anyway. The bleeding was coming from the uterus. I think she had a partial placental abruption.”

  Anna thanked Dr. Balachandra and went to see Kat. Vickie was already by her side. “How is she?”

  Vickie shrugged. “I think she’s still groggy. Is she okay?”

  Anna nodded and checked her vitals just to be sure. “She’s just resting.”

  Vickie nodded. “Alex is on his way. He checked in with me a few minutes ago, using an in-flight phone. He’s been delayed a bit.”

  “It takes a while to get here. He must be climbing the walls.”

  “He is. He got rerouted to Osaka. Luke is meeting him there to helicopter him over here. I don’t think I realized just how remote this place is.”

  Caro had once said that. When Lucas was first diagnosed, Anna’s sister had offered to fly over but she was in the middle of college exams and when she realized the flight alone would take twenty-one hours, she’d balked. Anna left Vickie with Kat and found an empty room. One thing she regretted doing the last time she was on Guam was isolating herself from her family.

  “Oh, my God, Anna, I’ve been trying to call you for days. Where in the world are you?” Anna filled her sister in on everything that had happened in the past twelve days. She and Caro were close even though they’d been going in different directions the past five years. While Anna wallowed in her grief, Caro had made sure to call and email every few days to check in, even when Anna didn’t respond.

  Anna hadn’t had a chance to check her email during this deployment, but she knew there would be at least a dozen messages. Caro was now a lawyer but instead of lining her pockets doing corporate law the way their fourth stepfather had, Caro was working for an advocacy organization lobbying for more funding for autism. It had become her calling when her own son was diagnosed with autism. Anna loved her precocious nephew, Etha
n, but knew raising him by herself was hard on Caro. Two years ago, she’d lost her husband in Afghanistan and Anna felt guilty for not being around more to help. Like Anna, Caro put on a brave front but she was still hurting.

  “Are you crazy? What’s gotten into you?” Anna held the phone away from her ear so her sister’s screaming voice wouldn’t blow out her eardrums.

  “I’m not staying, Caro. It’s time to come home.”

  “Anna...where is home?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “My home is in Washington, DC, but it’s not defined by where I live. My home will always be wherever Ethan is. What about you?” Ethan was now a second grader.

  Anna sat on the floor, pondering Caro’s question. Where was her home? Five years ago it was on Tumon Bay. For the past five years, she’d been a nomad.

  “California, I guess.”

  “Mom’s house?”

  The automatic “no” was on her lips. Her mother’s houses had never felt like home. The latest acquisition was a McMansion she’d bought after a substantial divorce settlement. The monstrosity, with its high ceilings and modern decor, felt too impersonal to ever be home. Anna had all of one suitcase that she left in one of the five guest rooms. It wasn’t even home base between deployments. She preferred to go stay in Caro’s two-bedroom Capitol Hill town house and share a bed with Ethan. The house smelled of food, there were toys on the floor, pictures of her and Caro and Ethan on the walls. It felt like home. But it wasn’t exactly Anna’s.

  The only home that had truly been hers was on Tumon Bay. The house that was currently crumbling with an inch of water covering the ground floor. She looked down at the pearl ring on her finger.

  “I guess it’s time to figure out where home is.”

  * * *

  ANNA HAD GOTTEN so exhausted waiting for Alex that she finally went to Nico’s office to catch some sleep. Kat had woken up and Anna had to tell her what had happened. Considering everything, Kat took it well. Anna was the one who barely held it together. She had to call on every ounce of professionalism she had not to cry like a baby while delivering the news.

  Kat wrung her hands and asked how long it would take Alex to get there, then asked to be left alone. Anna knew very well that Kat would grieve in private. She didn’t want to burden Anna with her sorrow. Anna’s only solace was that Vickie assured her she wouldn’t leave Kat’s side until Alex got there.

  She opened the door and stopped short. Maria and the governor were in the office. Anna could’ve slapped herself. Nico had told her he shared the space with Maria.

  “Sorry about that.” She went to close the door, Maria and the governor were in an intense discussion.

  “No, Dr. Atao, please come in, I was just leaving.”

  “Please call me Anna. I think we’re past all formalities, Governor.”

  “Likewise, please call me Tom.”

  As soon as he’d left, Maria sank into her chair.

  “I interrupted something, didn’t I?”

  Maria nodded.

  “Tom wants me to date him. Seeing all this death and suffering, he’s suddenly like, ‘let’s seize the day, who knows what tomorrow might bring.’”

  Anna nodded. It was a normal feeling after a disaster. People who were affected looked at the devastation around them and took stock of all the opportunities they’d wasted. Impulsive decisions were very common. Then it struck her. Nico had almost died after the hurricane. Had she made a hasty call in her emotionally charged state?

  Maria’s face clearly told her she had turned Tom down.

  “Too soon?” Anna asked sympathetically.

  Maria nodded and Anna’s heart crumbled. She’d taken away Maria’s happiness, and for what? She and Nico were in exactly the same place as before.

  “Maria, Nico and I... I’m not sure...”

  Maria’s eyes widened. “You’re going back, aren’t you?” Anna flinched at the judgment in her voice.

  “I know, I’m an awful person, and it doesn’t make a difference that I never meant any of it to hurt you. I’m so sorry. I wish I had never deployed here or that I’d quit before coming back because nothing has changed.”

  “It wasn’t all a waste.”

  “What?”

  “You’ve found peace with what happened here. This time when you leave, don’t slink away. Say goodbye.”

  Goodbye. It hadn’t been easy to sneak away the last time, but it had felt like the clear choice. Her bones ached and she suddenly felt like the weight of the world was on her shoulders.

  Maria stood. “I have to go check on the engineers. Why don’t you get some sleep? You look like you could use it.”

  Anna didn’t need to be told twice. Maria paused at the door before she left. “I also sometimes wish you had never come back. Nico had those divorce papers on his desk ready to go. We would’ve married and I would have lived happily ever after.”

  Anna swallowed. She deserved much worse than that and Maria deserved better.

  “But Nico wouldn’t have been happy, and in time I would’ve noticed. And I wouldn’t have noticed how hot our maga’låhi is.” Maga’låhi was the Chamorro word for governor, but Maria made it sound like a term of endearment.

  Maria had let Anna off the hook, but the only thing Anna could think about was the divorce papers Maria had pointed out. Once Maria was out of sight, she went to Nico’s desk and flipped through the pile of papers, easily finding the ones she wanted. Reading through the text, she noted that there was a blank next to the disposition of the Tumon house. There was a holder with a dozen pens sitting right there on the desk. Since her leave was approved, she could go out on the next flight, perhaps on the same one as Kat. Her deployment was officially over in a few hours.

  Her hand quivered as she held the pen.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  NICO HAD NEVER met a man as intense as Alex Santiago. Physically, Nico and Alex were evenly matched, yet Alex managed to stare him down. “How is my wife?”

  “She’s doing well. She just had breakfast and is sitting with her sister. I’ll take you directly to her.” Nico looked back at Luke Williams, who gave him a wide grin and nodded reassuringly. Nico had met Luke earlier, when he’d piloted Kat onto the island. When they got to Kat’s room, Alex didn’t hesitate; he went right to her and kissed her unabashedly.

  Nico turned to Luke. “Is he always like that?”

  “The first time I met him, the guy wanted to throttle me just for talking to Kat.”

  Nico smiled, imagining the scene. “I never thanked you for bringing the ECMO machine. It meant a lot to Anna to be able to save that baby.”

  Luke pinned him with his startling blue eyes. “No problem, man, I was glad to do it. What you’re doing here is pretty incredible.”

  “That’s high praise coming from someone who is literally putting his life on the line to serve our country.”

  Luke waved his hand. “There are hundreds of thousands like me, but it takes a lot to build something out of nothing. If I could do anything with my life, I’d want to do something like this. To bring medical care to people, to better their lives... That’s the way to live.”

  “You’re pretty young, and healthy,” Nico said pointedly. “You can do anything you want.”

  “If only it were that easy.”

  Somehow, Nico knew what he meant. “Family obligations?”

  Luke nodded. “Following in my father’s footsteps. How about you?”

  “Trying not to follow in my father’s footsteps.”

  The two men watched Alex and Kat break off their impossibly long kiss.

  “Tell you what, I would give up anything to have that kind of love.” Luke gestured to Alex and Kat; despite their tears, they were looking at each other like nothing else mattered.r />
  * * *

  ANNA MADE HER way to Nana’s front door. She’d woken this morning to find that Alex had arrived and Nico had already explained what had happened, taking the brunt of Alex’s anger. Still, she had gone to see Alex and Kat. While he wasn’t happy, he seemed to care more about the fact that Kat was okay. For her part, Kat seemed to accept what had happened. When Anna apologized to her, she’d looked up and said, Sometimes fate deals you a blow and you have to roll with it. Dwelling on it means you can’t move forward.

  She wished she could be as strong as Kat but Anna also didn’t want to repeat her own mistakes.

  Since everything seemed under control at the hospital, she’d decided to come here before her flight off the island later today. Normally the PHS worked at the speed of molasses to get paperwork approved but her leave orders came through in record time. Linda had pulled some strings so Anna could leave with Kat; otherwise, she could be stuck on Guam for days or even weeks.

  Rapping on the door, she stood back and waited. Nana smiled widely when she saw Anna and invited her in. Tito was there, recuperating from his femur fracture.

  “Hey, no offense, Anna, but I still have PTSD from you yanking on my leg that night. Jeez, I thought I was gonna die.”

  “Sorry, Tito, it had to be done to save your leg.”

  “Well, for that I guess I can forgive you. The ladies don’t like one-legged men so much.”

  Anna smiled. She’d forgotten how Tito made her smile. As if sensing a serious conversation brewing, he made an excuse about needing a nap and disappeared into his room.

  Nana made tea while Anna sat at the Formica table. She remembered the first time she’d visited this house. Nico had been a little embarrassed, making a point about how his mother refused to get rid of her old things even though he offered to buy her new stuff. Anna had been charmed. She would’ve given anything to have grown up in a home with so much personal history. Instead, her mother had bought new things every time they moved. At Nana’s house, there were still crayon marks on the table from when Nico was a child.